How do you keep in touch with your friends

How to Keep in Touch with Long-Distance Friends

This article was co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.

There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

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Long distance friendships can be equally demanding and rewarding. Whether you’ve been friends for a long time or have just started communicating with one another, there are many effective ways to keep in touch, stay connected, and develop your friendship.

11 Fun Ways to Keep in Touch with Long-Distance and Overseas Friends

This article was co-authored by John Keegan and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men’s Health.

There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 7,863 times.

When you find yourself miles away from your friends, your relationship might look a little different. Long-distance friendships might take a little more planning and scheduling than in-person ones, but it can be done! Keep reading to learn how you can stay in touch with your friends overseas and maintain your connection across continents.

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Six ways to keep in touch with your friends

Date published

Saturday 09 January 2021

It’s so important to keep in touch with friends and family, especially during a pandemic and lockdowns. Here are 6 easy ways to keep connected.

These are strange times we live in. Everyone has been touched by the COVID-19 pandemic in some way. Students who have left home to go to university are amongst those who have found themselves particularly isolated.

Students moving to a new city to study are usually living away from home, friends and family for the first time. Some move further than others, but in normal circumstances there is nothing stopping you from heading home for the weekend or having visitors. The pandemic has obviously made that much more difficult by not only restricting travel between locations, but also preventing the mingling with other students and reducing the opporunities to make new friends.

So, it’s massively important to stay in touch with friends and family using other, virtual methods.

Here are our top 6 suggestions on how to keep in touch with people.

1. Stay social

The main way a lot of people stay in touch is through social media, and it’s hardly surprising when you think about the sheer number of ways we can communicate using it. Plan your reunions in a Facebook group, tweet from anywhere in the world, or use Instagram to show snapshots of how you see life, and you can stay connected with your friendship groups from across the globe.

Social media is a free and simple way to keep in contact. Even though it can feel a little synthetic at times, if it works for you, it works! Just remember that you only have to go online when you want to, and that the side of people’s lives they’re willing to put out there might not be the whole truth… so don’t worry about comparing yourself all the time.

2. Post

On the other hand, if you like to do things the good ol’ fashioned way, why not try using Royal Mail to keep in touch?

For some reason, letters tend to feel much more personal, perhaps because of the time and energy it takes to put one together. So do try and make the effort, because let’s face it, if nothing else, we all love receiving post.

It’s pretty fun to collect a bunch of items together that you know your friend will enjoy and send them all at once like a care package. Think about their favourite foods or drinks, places they’ve been, inside jokes, and any hobbies or interests they have for inspiration. You’ll definitely earn some friendship points there.

3. Video chats

This is probably the most popular method of keeping in touch with people at the moment. Not only can you read message and hear people’s voices, you can also see their faces. Video calls are being used increasingly by businesses too at the moment, so it’s a good habit to get in to.

There is a requirement around technology but most people have a phone or laptop with apps like Whatsapp, Zoom or Teams on that can host these chats.

Although you do have to put up with the fact that no one in the history of time has ever looked good in that little video window.

4. Calling

However, whether you’re calling your bestie, your parents or that friend you haven’t spoken to since school. as the old saying goes, it’s good to talk.

5. Regular activities

Setting up regular activities with friends and family is a great way to both keep in touch with them and maintain a routine. Select set days, one, twice, however many times a week, to meet with friends virtually to take part in a quiz, record a podcast, watch a movie together or play video games.

The chat aspect and shared experience is a grea way to make things feel a little more normal in very abnormal times. Plus beating your BFF at Mario Kart with a last-lap Blue Shell never gets old.

6. IRL (within current restrictions)

At the time of writing, COVID-19 lockdown restrictions allow one person from one household can meet one person from another household in an outside environment while observing social distancing. In short, you can meet one friend in the park and keep 2 metres apart at all times.

It’s important to take the opportunities when they arise and make the effort to see those you care about. It can be easy to forget how much we need them.

The best part is when you realise that it doesn’t matter how long you go, or how your lives change, you get back together and it’s all the same. You laugh at the same old things, swap new stories and reform that same bond. It’s a truly special part of human nature.

UnCOVer more:

Covid-19 Hub

For more information and answers to your frequently asked questions about COVID-19 and the support available.

7 Ways Technology Helps You Keep In Touch With Friends

I’m not someone who likes to lose things. I probably hold onto things far longer than I should if I’m honest with myself. But this hoarding-type quality has enabled me to be really good at one thing in particular… and that’s staying in touch with friends.

If you’ve meant something to me in the past, then I don’t want to just kick you to the curb because I or you have moved away. Just because our dreams take us in different directions doesn’t mean we can’t be friends any longer. It’s actually more of a reason as to why we should keep in touch.

I’ve been able to travel to 12 different cities this year and only paid for one hotel because I’ve kept in touch with enough people to crash on their couch. I know what most of my friends are doing with their lives; so much so that other people will always come to me to ask “how is X doing?” and I almost always know the answer.

So, how do I do it? There are a great variety of ways that technology today enables us to keep in touch with people we’d otherwise lose to careers, families, relationships, and life in general. Thanks to 7 technologies I’ve been able keep my friends around no matter how far away or busy we are. Here’s how you do it:

Google Chat

This is the number one way I communicate with my best friends, and it completely changed the way I function Monday-Friday. It’s the perfect outlet to blow steam before tasks and chat while you eat lunch at your desk because who really has time to leave the office? This is a game changer.

Text Message

If I didn’t check my phone for a full day I would have at least 100 text messages to read thanks to various group chats and texts. Though we [our generation] may be too glued to our phones, texting is a great and efficient way to quickly catch up with friends while being able to multitask.

Skype

This was one of the greatest communication inventions in the last two years for me personally. Given that my family lives in Europe, this has enabled me to see them before jumping across the pond to visit every other year or so. There’s a different level of emotional connection when you can talk face-to-face, even if it is just digitally. It also requires your full attention, but for all the right reasons.

Phone Call

The best times to call friends and catch up is while running errands, walking somewhere, driving (with Bluetooth – another great invention), or waiting someplace (like the airport). Instead of wasting time on something menial, call the people you’ve been meaning to catch up with every time someone mentions their name.

Airplane

If you really want to re-connect with friends then go ahead and book your next flight to see them. With travel rewards cards, coupon sites, deal sites (like Groupon), and a booming aeronautical industry it’s not hard to find a great deal to visit an old friend to make new memories.

Messaging App

For anyone that lives abroad there are a variety of great apps, like WhatsApp, that can connect you with friends in different countries and time zones. While Viberr is my personal favorite, there are many useful ones.

Social Media

Last but not least, social media has enabled us to stay fully connected into everyone’s life (whether you or they want it to). Browsing through Facebook a few times a week will let you know who’s engaged and who’s having kids. Your daily scroll through Instagram lets you know what people are eating and where they’re traveling. Snapchat shows you what people are doing right this second that isn’t working or schooling (while it’s probably just a selfie). LinkedIn notifies you of people’s new jobs or promotions. And Twitter shows you stuff too, but I personally can’t figure out that platform for the life of me. There are so many others taking the world by storm like Periscope, Google+, Vine, and Tumblr. If you’re lazy, and don’t want to actually communicate with people, this is the way to stalk and stay connected invisibly. Just don’t be so creepy about it.

Although all of the above are really amazing ways to keep in touch with friends from a distance, there’s one important point/disclaimer I’d like to make. Technology has allowed us to stay in touch – yes, but make sure that when you’re actually with your friends you’re not letting this same technology disrupt the friendship.

There’s no point in keeping in touch if you’re checking your phone every minute you’re finally together after X amount of time. Use technology to your benefit but do not let it take away the human aspect of friendship. There are too many times I am with a friend and we both text in the group chat… when we’re next to each other. Some things got to give. So remember, technology can be great just depending on how you use it.

How To Keep In Touch With Friends

“I love spending time with my friends, but I’m not sure how or when to reach out when we’re apart. What’s the best way to keep in touch with your friends without coming off as needy or annoying?”

If you can relate to this quote, this article is for you. We’ll first cover how to keep in touch with friends, and by the end of the guide, talk about what to do if a friend doesn’t reciprocate.

Why is keeping in touch with friends important?

Regular contact and shared activities keep friendships alive. [1] Confiding in one another and making memories strengthens your bond. [2] In addition, good social relationships are linked with better physical and mental health, so it’s in your best interest to stay in touch with your friends. [3]

How often should you keep in touch with friends?

Try to keep in contact once or twice per week with your close friends. For more casual friends, try to reach out once per month. For acquaintances or friends you aren’t particularly close to, reach out at least twice every year.

These guidelines are a useful starting point, but you might need to adjust them to suit your friends’ personalities and communication styles. For example, your introverted friends might prefer occasional in-depth conversations to regular light chats or messages.

You also need to consider what you need from each friendship. For example, if you are happy to keep the relationship casual, reaching out occasionally is fine. But if you want to become closer to someone, you’ll need to get in touch more often.

In this guide, you’ll learn how to stay in contact with your friends, including those who live far away.

1. Feel free to reach out just to catch up

By definition, if you’re friends with someone it means you enjoy talking to each other and hanging out. The fact that you haven’t seen your friend for a while is a good enough reason to get in touch.

2. Get into the habit of reaching out

Set aside some time every week to call, message, or write to your friends. Make it part of your routine. This might sound like a lot of work, especially when you’re an introvert, but your friendships require two-way communication to thrive. It’s like exercising: you might not want to do it all the time, but you’ll probably be glad you make the effort afterwards. Put reminders in your diary or calendar so you know who to contact and when.

If you want to improve your social skills, self-confidence, and ability to connect with someone, you can take our 1-minute quiz.

You’ll get a 100% free custom report with the areas you need to improve.

3. Escape the avoidance cycle

The best solution is to take the initiative and reach out. If you are both introverts, you might end up in a deadlock. Somebody needs to make a move first. Your friend might be wishing that you’d get in touch with them.

When you reach out, apologize for not contacting your friend. Tell them that you’ve missed them, and that you’d like to talk or hang out again. Most people will be willing to give you another chance.

4. Be flexible

5. Nurture your long-distance friendships

“I’m not sure how to stay in touch with long-distance friends. We can’t hang out since they moved away. How can I keep our friendship strong?”

Try to go beyond sharing news. Spend quality time with your friend online. For example, you could:

6. Rekindle past friendships

“How can I get in touch with a friend after a long time? I haven’t seen my old friends who’ve moved abroad for many years. What should I say to them?”

If you’d be pleased to hear from your old friend, there’s a chance they’d be happy to hear from you. However, be prepared for the possibility that they’ve moved on. It might not be personal. For example, perhaps they hated high school and would rather not speak to anyone from that period in their life.

Send them a short, friendly message via email or on social media. Ask them how they are, and give a quick update on your life. If they are pleased to hear from you, suggest catching up via video call or, if they live nearby, meeting up for a coffee.

Bear in mind that if they think you have an ulterior motive for getting touch, they might be reluctant to rekindle your friendship. For example, if you recently split up with your partner, they might assume that you are only getting in touch because you feel lonely. Keep your messages thoughtful and show a genuine interest in what they’ve been doing since you last spoke can reassure them that you are sincere.

7. Keep in touch through social media

You can keep in touch without Facebook and other social media platforms. If you don’t like social networking, you can call, text, use messaging apps, or send letters instead.

However, if you don’t have social media, you might miss out on big updates, such as a friend’s engagement. When you get in touch with your friends, remind them that you don’t use social media and ask them to fill you in on any big changes in their lives.

If you don’t have a phone or computer, check out your local library or community center. They usually have facilities you can use for little or no cost. Or you could ask a friend or family member you see in person if you can borrow theirs.

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Take this quiz and see how you can make new friends

Take this quiz and get a custom report based on your unique personality and goals. Learn how YOU can be better at connecting and turning people into close friends.

8. Keep your conversations positive

The better you make people feel, the more likely they are to stay in touch with you.

9. Understand why someone might not reciprocate

“I can’t help feeling like my friends don’t really want to talk to me. Why am I the only one keeping in touch? Am I doing something wrong?”

Some of your friends might genuinely be too busy to talk or hang out. For example, they may have recently moved home or are preparing for a new baby. Others might be struggling with personal problems like depression, and socializing may not be a priority for them right now.

This article may help you identify the problem: “Why Do People Stop Talking To Me?”

How to have better conversations

What to do if a friend doesn’t reciprocate

Changing your communication style can help you keep friends. But even if you have great social skills, you might find yourself in a one-sided friendship where you have to initiate every conversation and arrange every meetup. In this situation, you have several options.

Option #1: Have a frank discussion and ask them to take a more active role in your friendship

If you know each other well, this may work. Your friend might not have realized that the friendship has become unbalanced. A calm, honest talk may solve the problem. Use “I” rather than “you” statements. Tell them how you feel, and what you would like from them.

“When I have to initiate all our conversations, I feel like our friendship is more important to me than it is to you. Would you be willing to get in touch with me more often?”

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What type of social overthinker are you?

Unfortunately, this approach doesn’t work in most cases. Your friend might become defensive or feel pressured and grow resentful. Plus, you can’t make someone like you or want to spend time with you. You don’t want someone to hang out with you from a sense of obligation.

Option #2: Give them some space and expand your social circle

You may have read or heard that it’s best to cut someone out of your life completely if your friendship becomes unbalanced.

Consider online therapy

Online therapy allows you to speak to a licensed therapist in the comfort of your home.

But if you genuinely like them, there’s no need to write your friend off forever. Some people are likable but unreliable. They might come and go over the years. If you can accept them for who they are, you can enjoy the good times without taking their behavior personally.

Option #3: Focus on other friendships

Instead of cutting people out, focus on growing your social circle. Make new friends instead of worrying about what your old friends are doing. If you reunite later, that’s a bonus. The more friends you have, the less desperate you’ll be to win the attention of any one person.

Read more in our complete guide on how to make friends.

References

Viktor is a Counselor specialized in interpersonal communication and relationships. He manages SocialSelf’s scientific review board. Follow on Twitter or read more.