How not to worry

How to Stop Worrying: 9 Simple Habits

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
Leo Buscaglia

“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.”
Swedish Proverb

It starts with a nagging thought.

That creates another few thoughts.

And before you know it there is a storm brewing in your mind, making you think irrationally and zapping your mental and physical energy.

Your old friend is back, creating chaos within.

I am no stranger to it either and to the powerful negative effects it can have on life and the happiness in it.

But in the last decade I have found several habits that have helped me to greatly decrease my worrying and to more easily handle such thoughts when they pop up.

Bonus: Download a free step-by-step checklist that will show you how to stop worrying so much (it’s easy to save as a PDF or print out for whenever you need it during your day or week).

Update 2016: I have now created a 7-week step-by-step course called Stop Worrying Today. Click here to learn more about it.

1. Most of things you worry about have never happened.

I love this quote by Winston Churchill:

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.”

I have found it to be very true in my own life.

So when you feel worries starting to pop up ask yourself this:

How many of the things I feared would happen in my life did actually happen?

If you are anything like me then the answer will be: very few. And the very few ones that actually happened were mostly not as painful or terrible as I had expected.

Worries are most often just monsters you build in your own mind.

I find that asking myself this question regularly and reminding myself of how little of the worries that actually came to life makes easier and easier to stay calm and to stop a worried thought before it becomes a big snowball of negativity.

2. Avoid getting lost in vague fears.

When fears feel vague in your mind, when you lack clarity then it is very easy to get lost in exaggerated worries and disaster scenarios.

So find clarity in a worry-inducing situation by asking yourself:

Honestly and realistically, what is the worst that could happen?

When I have answered that question then I follow it up with spending a bit of time on figuring out what I can do about it if that pretty unlikely thing happens.

In my experience, the worst that could realistically happens is usually not as scary as what my mind could make up when it is running wild with vague fears.

Spending a few minutes on finding clarity in this way can save you whole lot of time, energy and suffering.

3. Don’t try to guess what is on someone’s mind.

Trying to read someone’s mind usually doesn’t work too well at all. Instead, it can very easily lead to creating an exaggerated and even disastrous scenario in your mind.

So choose a way that is less likely to lead to worries and misunderstandings.

Communicate and ask what you want to ask.

By doing so you’ll promote openness in your relationship and it will likely be happier as you avoid many unnecessary conflicts and negativity.

4. Say stop in a situation where you know you cannot think straight.

From time to time when I am hungry or when I am lying in bed and are about to go to sleep I can become mentally vulnerable. And so worries can more easily start buzzing around in my head.

In the past this often lead to many minutes of time that where no fun.

These days I have become better at catching such thoughts quickly and to say to myself:

No, no, we are not going to think about this now.

I then follow that up with saying this to myself:

I will think this situation or issue through at a time when I know that my mind will work much better.

Like when I have eaten. Or in the morning when I have gotten my sleep.

It takes some practice to apply this one consistently and effectively but it also makes a big difference in my life.

5. Remember, people don’t think about you and what you do as much as you may think.

They have their hands full with thinking about what other people think of them. And with thinking about what is closest to their hearts like their children, pets, a partner or the job or school.

So don’t get lost in worries about what people may think or say if you do something. Don’t let such thoughts hold you back or down in life.

6. Work out.

Few things work so well and consistently as working out to release inner tensions and to move out of a headspace that is extra vulnerable to worries.

I also find that working out – especially with free weights – makes me feel more decisive and focused.

So even though working out helps me to build a stronger body my main motivation to keep doing it is for the wonderful and predictable mental benefits.

7. Let your worry out into the light.

This is one of my favorites. Because it tends to work so well.

By letting your “big” worry out into the light and talking about it with someone close to you it becomes a whole lot easier to see the situation or issue for what it really is.

Just venting for a few minutes can make a big difference and after a while you may start to wonder what you were so worried about in the first place.

Sometimes the other person may only have to listen as you work through the situation yourself out loud.

At other times it can be very helpful to let the other person ground you and help you find a more practical and useful perspective on the situation at hand.

If you do not have anyone to talk to at the moment about the worry bouncing around in your mind then let it out by writing about it.

Just getting it out of your head and reasoning about with yourself either on paper or in a journal on your computer – or even your own blog that’s just for your eyes or anonymous – can help you to calm down and find clarity.

8. Spend more time in the present moment.

When you spend too much time reliving the past in your mind then it easy to start feeding your worries about the future.

When you spend too much time in the future then is also easy to get swept away by disaster scenarios.

So focus on spending more of your time and attention in the present moment.

Two of my favorite ways to reconnect with what is happening right now:

9. Refocus on the small step you can take to move forward.

To move out the worried headspace I find it really, really helpful to just start moving and taking action to start solving or improving whatever I am concerned about.

So I ask myself:

What is one small step I can take right now to start improving this situation I am in?

Then I focus on just taking that small step forward. After that I find another small step and I take that one too.

Here’s the next step…

Now, you may think to yourself:

“This is really helpful information. But what’s the easiest way to put this into practice and actually make a real change with my worrying?”.

Well, I’ve got something special for you…

A free step-by-step checklist that includes all the steps in this article… save it or print it out so you have it for the next time when the worries starts growing again.
Download it now by entering your email below.

Image at the start of the article by Amparo Torres O. (license).

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About the Author

Henrik Edberg is the creator of the Positivity Blog and has written weekly articles here since 2006. He has a bachelor’s degree in journalism from the University of Gothenburg and has been featured on Lifehack, The Huffington Post and Paulo Coelho’s blog. Click here to learn more…

Comments on this entry are closed.

I really love the article, especially 6 through 9. My grandmother always said to worry was to “borrow trouble”. It shows a profound lack of trust and often manifests our fears.

Thank you for sharing a very thoughtful and well written article.

Thank you so much Henrik long live

I read your whole blog and I am very impressed with that.You described good points that are so much interesting. We can really stop worrying by using these points. And positivity in the life can also be the point.

Wonderful and helpful article.

Imagination is limitless, and somehow people over imagine the possibility of what’s gonna happen and starts to worry everything. Stop the worrying and start living. 🙂

What are the most effective steps to how to stop worrying and start living? How not to worry?

Are you worried about various issues like, your job, money, health, children, aged-parents and feel negatively affected? Here, you can find solutions to these problems in a step-by-step manner as detailed below. These steps are practical and simple keys to how to stop worrying and start living.

Sort out your worries

The first step to how to not worry is to sort out your worries just as the post office does. In the post office, they have cubby holes for sorting mail; mail for Nadiad, mail for Surat, mail for the office etc. Likewise, place your worries in appropriate boxes, the box to do with business, the box to do with society, the box to do with the office etc., and then be at ease. When you sort out your worries (preferably by writing them down), things become more tangible. We will come back to these boxes in a bit.

Positive attitude (Count your blessings)

Take one problem at a time. Let us say, you have lost your job. You start worrying and find life to be cumbersome. However, you should look at the positive side of life, because positivity decreases the intensity of the problem at hand. If you lose your job, you should be pleased that you have some savings in the bank, and if you do not have any, then you should be happy that your family is there with you. You have food, clothes, shelter and all the necessities. When you are positive, and take this kind of comfort and support, your mind is more stable and therefore your problem solving capacity enhances.

Erase the negativity

Suppose you lost your job, then you would have various negative thoughts going on in your mind. You may find your boss, colleague, friend or a family member responsible. This negativity can lead to the obstruction of solutions from arising in your mind.

If you find negative aspects of a situation or a person to be the cause of your worries, follow the steps below to erase the negativity and fit in positivity instead:

Now look at both the lists. To your surprise, you will realize that some of the points that you first had on the negative list have in fact turned out to be positive. In the end, your positive list outnumbers the negative one.

Only a few things repeatedly bother us and are the cause of chaos in our mind. This results in small worries feeling as if they are very big. The above steps help to curtail the needless turmoil and therefore we can focus on finding solutions to fix the problem at hand.

Work for the solution

Now, take up each point from the worry boxes in step 1 and try to find solutions. We may need to put in tremendous effort to accomplish the difficult task. Find out what efforts need to be put in from your side, what help you can solicit from outside, what are the things that can be compromised upon to reach a peaceful and successful solution, and so on.

The above steps to how to stop worrying and start living will solve some of the worries you had. However, some anguish may not have direct solutions. For the situations which are not in our control, follow the below steps to be worry-free and to expect the maximum possible positive outcome.

1) Understand the truth

There is no need to worry about anything in this world. Everything will open up to this life as a result of the seeds sown in the past life. For example, does anybody plan or wish to incur a loss in their business? Still, losses occur. Similarly, there is no need to worry about making a profit. It will happen if your merit karmas come into fruition. Nothing in this world can take place unless the timing is right, that is how precise the world is. That is not to say, that you do not make an effort to do anything. You have to put in the effort, but you do not have to worry about the results. If you have an exam you have to study for it the best you can, but you should not lose sleep worrying about the results.

2) Be cheerful

There is nothing to cry over in this world. If your karmic account has a negative balance and if you add more negativity by complaining and non-acceptance, the magnitude of the negative balance increases. But if you add positivity by accepting what has come your way with a cheerful attitude, the negative balance can turn into a positive balance. Wherever you have to suffer pain or grief, instead of multiplying it by worrying, if you divide it with a smile, there will be nothing left over in that account.

3) Observe the thoughts, do not accept them

To think is the nature of the mind. To hear is the nature of the ears. You may decide that you do not want to listen to those who insult you or curse you, but it is the nature of the ears to hear, and so they will not refrain from hearing. Similarly, it is even in the nature of the mind to have thoughts that you do not like. That is the mind’s nature. Thoughts are objects to be known, and You are the Knower. Therefore, you have to keep ‘knowing’ all thoughts that come to you; you have to continue to inspect them. You should not have any opinions about whether they are good or bad. Regardless of the kind of thoughts you have; no matter how bad they are; there is no problem with them. With whatever inner intent they were bound in your past life, is how they will discharge; You simply have to ‘see’ them discharge and ‘know’ the kind of binding that had happened, the discharge of which is taking place now. This is perhaps the most practical step for how to stop worrying and start living.

4) Living in the present is the right thing

When the time is right, all the evidences required for a piece of work to be completed will come together. The past is gone, so why dig into it? The future is yet to happen. So live in the present and attend to the present time.

Living in present means to do the task and concentrate on it. By doing this, worries will not be generated automatically. To be in the present means that when you are writing the accounts, your full concentration is in it and accuracy is maintained. It is when the mind roams into the future that errors will occur in your accounting. Those who live in the present do not make a single mistake, and they have no worries.

The above steps help you to remain in equanimity and be calm. When worries go away, it is called samadhi (One-ness with the Pure-self; Undisturbed by any external non-self reaction). After this, you can do a lot more work efficiently than before because the entanglement is no longer there. As soon as you go to the office, you can start working. There will be no thoughts about home, no external thoughts bothering you. Therefore, you will give your full concentration to the work at hand.

How to stop worrying and start living:

Everyone knows, ‘we are going to die one day’. What do people do when they think of death? They push the thoughts away. ‘What if something happens to me?’ When such a thought enters a person’s mind, he pushes it away. In the same token when worries come to you, you have to say, ‘not here’ and push them away.

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How to Stop Worrying

Are you plagued by constant worries and anxious thoughts? These tips can help calm your worried mind and ease anxiety.

How much worrying is too much?

Worries, doubts, and anxieties are a normal part of life. It’s natural to worry about an unpaid bill, an upcoming job interview, or a first date. But “normal” worry becomes excessive when it’s persistent and uncontrollable. You worry every day about “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios, you can’t get anxious thoughts out of your head, and it interferes with your daily life.

Constant worrying, negative thinking, and always expecting the worst can take a toll on your emotional and physical health. It can sap your emotional strength, leave you feeling restless and jumpy, cause insomnia, headaches, stomach problems, and muscle tension, and make it difficult to concentrate at work or school. You may take your negative feelings out on the people closest to you, self-medicate with alcohol or drugs, or try to distract yourself by zoning out in front of screens. Chronic worrying can also be a major symptom of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), a common anxiety disorder that involves tension, nervousness, and a general feeling of unease that colors your whole life.

If you’re plagued by exaggerated worry and tension, there are steps you can take to turn off anxious thoughts. Chronic worrying is a mental habit that can be broken. You can train your brain to stay calm and look at life from a more balanced, less fearful perspective.

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Why is it so hard to stop worrying?

Constant worrying can take a heavy toll. It can keep you up at night and make you tense and edgy during the day. And even though you hate feeling like a nervous wreck, it can still be so difficult to stop. For most chronic worriers, the anxious thoughts are fueled by the beliefs—both negative and positive—that you hold about worrying:

Negative beliefs about worry. You may believe that your constant worrying is harmful, that it’s going to drive you crazy or affect your physical health. Or you may worry that you’re going to lose all control over your worrying—that it will take over and never stop. While negative beliefs, or worrying about worrying, adds to your anxiety and keeps worry going, positive beliefs about worrying can be just as damaging.

Positive beliefs about worry. You may believe that your worrying helps you avoid bad things, prevents problems, prepares you for the worst, or leads to solutions. Maybe you tell yourself that if you keep worrying about a problem long enough, you’ll eventually be able to figure it out? Or perhaps you’re convinced that worrying is a responsible thing to do or the only way to ensure you don’t overlook something? It’s tough to break the worry habit if you believe that your worrying serves a positive purpose. Once you realize that worrying is the problem, not the solution, you can regain control of your worried mind.

How to stop worrying tip 1: Create a daily “worry” period

It’s tough to be productive in your daily activities when anxiety and worry are dominating your thoughts and distracting you from work, school, or your home life. This is where the strategy of postponing worrying can help. Rather than trying to stop or get rid of an anxious thought, give yourself permission to have it, but put off dwelling on it until later.

Tip 2: Challenge anxious thoughts

If you suffer from chronic anxiety and worry, chances are you look at the world in ways that make it seem more threatening than it really is. For example, you may overestimate the possibility that things will turn out badly, jump immediately to worst-case scenarios, or treat every anxious thought as if it were fact. You may also discredit your own ability to handle life’s problems, assuming you’ll fall apart at the first sign of trouble. These types of thoughts, known as cognitive distortions, include:

How to challenge these thoughts

During your worry period, challenge your negative thoughts by asking yourself:

Tip 3: Distinguish between solvable and unsolvable worries

Research shows that while you’re worrying, you temporarily feel less anxious. Running over the problem in your head distracts you from your emotions and makes you feel like you’re getting something accomplished. But worrying and problem solving are two very different things.

Problem solving involves evaluating a situation, coming up with concrete steps for dealing with it, and then putting the plan into action. Worrying, on the other hand, rarely leads to solutions. No matter how much time you spend dwelling on worst-case scenarios, you’re no more prepared to deal with them should they actually happen.

Is your worry solvable?

Productive, solvable worries are those you can take action on right away. For example, if you’re worried about your bills, you could call your creditors to see about flexible payment options. Unproductive, unsolvable worries are those for which there is no corresponding action. “What if I get cancer someday?” or “What if my kid gets into an accident?”

If the worry is solvable, start brainstorming. Make a list of all the possible solutions you can think of. Try not to get too hung up on finding the perfect solution. Focus on the things you have the power to change, rather than the circumstances or realities beyond your control. After you’ve evaluated your options, make a plan of action. Once you have a plan and start doing something about the problem, you’ll feel much less anxious.

If the worry is not solvable, accept the uncertainty. If you’re a chronic worrier, the vast majority of your anxious thoughts probably fall in this camp. Worrying is often a way we try to predict what the future has in store-a way to prevent unpleasant surprises and control the outcome. The problem is, it doesn’t work. Thinking about all the things that could go wrong doesn’t make life any more predictable. Focusing on worst-case scenarios will only keep you from enjoying the good things you have in the present. To stop worrying, tackle your need for certainty and immediate answers.

Tip 4: Interrupt the worry cycle

If you worry excessively, it can seem like negative thoughts are running through your head on endless repeat. You may feel like you’re spiraling out of control, going crazy, or about to burn out under the weight of all this anxiety. But there are steps you can take right now to interrupt all those anxious thoughts and give yourself a time out from relentless worrying.

Get up and get moving. Exercise is a natural and effective anti-anxiety treatment because it releases endorphins which relieve tension and stress, boost energy, and enhance your sense of well-being. Even more importantly, by really focusing on how your body feels as you move, you can interrupt the constant flow of worries running through your head. Pay attention to the sensation of your feet hitting the ground as you walk, run, or dance, for example, or the rhythm of your breathing, or the feeling of the sun or wind on your skin.

Take a yoga or tai chi class. By focusing your mind on your movements and breathing, practicing yoga or tai chi keeps your attention on the present, helping to clear your mind and lead to a relaxed state.

Meditate. Meditation works by switching your focus from worrying about the future or dwelling on the past to what’s happening right now. By being fully engaged in the present moment, you can interrupt the endless loop of negative thoughts and worries. And you don’t need to sit cross-legged, light candles or incense, or chant. Simply find a quiet, comfortable place and choose one of the many free or inexpensive smartphone apps that can guide you through the meditation process.

Practice progressive muscle relaxation. This can help you break the endless loop of worrying by focusing your mind on your body instead of your thoughts. By alternately tensing and then releasing different muscle groups in your body, you release muscle tension in your body. And as your body relaxes, your mind will follow.

Try deep breathing. When you worry, you become anxious and breathe faster, often leading to further anxiety. But by practicing deep breathing exercises, you can calm your mind and quiet negative thoughts.

Relaxation techniques can change the brain

While the above relaxation techniques can provide some immediate respite from worry and anxiety, practicing them regularly can also change your brain. Research has shown that regular meditation, for example, can boost activity on the left side of the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for feelings of serenity and joy. The more you practice, the greater the anxiety relief you’ll experience and the more control you’ll start to feel over your anxious thoughts and worries.

Tip 5: Talk about your worries

It may seem like a simplistic solution, but talking face to face with a trusted friend or family member—someone who will listen to you without judging, criticizing, or continually being distracted—is one of the most effective ways to calm your nervous system and diffuse anxiety. When your worries start spiraling, talking them over can make them seem far less threatening.

Keeping worries to yourself only causes them to build up until they seem overwhelming. But saying them out loud can often help you to make sense of what you’re feeling and put things in perspective. If your fears are unwarranted, verbalizing them can expose them for what they are—needless worries. And if your fears are justified, sharing them with someone else can produce solutions that you may not have thought of alone.

Build a strong support system. Human beings are social creatures. We’re not meant to live in isolation. But a strong support system doesn’t necessarily mean a vast network of friends. Don’t underestimate the benefit of a few people you can trust and count on to be there for you. And if you don’t feel that you have anyone to confide in, it’s never too late to build new friendships.

Know who to avoid when you’re feeling anxious. Your anxious take on life may be something you learned when you were growing up. If your mother is a chronic worrier, she is not the best person to call when you’re feeling anxious—no matter how close you are. When considering who to turn to, ask yourself whether you tend to feel better or worse after talking to that person about a problem.

Tip 6: Practice mindfulness

Worrying is usually focused on the future—on what might happen and what you’ll do about it—or on the past, rehashing the things you’ve said or done. The centuries-old practice of mindfulness can help you break free of your worries by bringing your attention back to the present. This strategy is based on observing your worries and then letting them go, helping you identify where your thinking is causing problems and getting in touch with your emotions.

Acknowledge and observe your worries. Don’t try to ignore, fight, or control them like you usually would. Instead, simply observe them as if from an outsider’s perspective, without reacting or judging.

Let your worries go. Notice that when you don’t try to control the anxious thoughts that pop up, they soon pass, like clouds moving across the sky. It’s only when you engage your worries that you get stuck.

Stay focused on the present. Pay attention to the way your body feels, the rhythm of your breathing, your ever-changing emotions, and the thoughts that drift across your mind. If you find yourself getting stuck on a particular thought, bring your attention back to the present moment.

Repeat daily. Using mindfulness to stay focused on the present is a simple concept, but it takes time and regular practice to reap the benefits. At first, you’ll probably find that your mind keeps wandering back to your worries. Try not to get frustrated. Each time you draw your focus back to the present, you’re reinforcing a new mental habit that will help you break free of the negative worry cycle.

Basic mindfulness meditation

Click here for a free mindful breathing meditation.

Authors: Lawrence Robinson, Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.

Last updated: October 2021

References

Grupe, D. W., & Nitschke, J. B. (2013). Uncertainty and Anticipation in Anxiety. Nature Reviews. Neuroscience, 14(7), 488–501. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn3524

Stubbs, B., Vancampfort, D., Rosenbaum, S., Firth, J., Cosco, T., Veronese, N., Salum, G. A., & Schuch, F. B. (2017). An examination of the anxiolytic effects of exercise for people with anxiety and stress-related disorders: A meta-analysis. Psychiatry Research, 249, 102–108. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychres.2016.12.020

Newman, M. G., Llera, S. J., Erickson, T. M., Przeworski, A., & Castonguay, L. G. (2013). Worry and Generalized Anxiety Disorder: A Review and Theoretical Synthesis of Evidence on Nature, Etiology, Mechanisms, and Treatment. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 9, 275–297. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-050212-185544

Kircanski, K., Thompson, R. J., Sorenson, J., Sherdell, L., & Gotlib, I. H. (2015). Rumination and Worry in Daily Life: Examining the Naturalistic Validity of Theoretical Constructs. Clinical Psychological Science : A Journal of the Association for Psychological Science, 3(6), 926–939. https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702614566603

Wells, A. (2005). The Metacognitive Model of GAD: Assessment of Meta-Worry and Relationship With DSM-IV Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 29(1), 107–121. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10608-005-1652-0

Aylett, E., Small, N., & Bower, P. (2018). Exercise in the treatment of clinical anxiety in general practice – a systematic review and meta-analysis. BMC Health Services Research, 18(1), 559. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12913-018-3313-5

Get more help

Anxiety – Worksheet to help you cope with anxiety and worry. (Centre for Clinical Interventions)

Anxiety and Stress Disorders – Special health report from Harvard Medical School. (Harvard Health Publishing)

Support resources

Support in the U.S.

NAMI Helpline – Trained volunteers can provide information, referrals, and support for those suffering from anxiety disorders in the U.S. Call 1-800-950-6264. (National Alliance on Mental Illness)

Find a Therapist – Search for anxiety disorder treatment providers in the U.S. (Anxiety Disorders Association of America)

Support in other countries

Support Groups – List of support groups in the U.S., Canada, Australia, and South Africa. (Anxiety and Depression Association of America)

Support Groups – List of support groups in the U.S., Canada, Australia, and South Africa. (Anxiety and Depression Association of America)

Anxiety UK – Information, support, and a dedicated helpline for UK sufferers and their families. Call: 03444 775 774. (Anxiety UK)

Anxiety Canada – Provides links to services in different Canadian provinces. (Anxiety Disorders Association of Canada)

SANE Help Centre – Provides information about symptoms, treatments, medications, and where to go for support in Australia. Call: 1800 18 7263. (SANE Australia).

Helpline (India) – Provides information and support to those with mental health concerns in India. Call: 1860 2662 345 or 1800 2333 330.

Not to Worry: 10 Things to Stop Worrying About

Everywhere I turn these days, people are urging me to worry. “Restaurants are swarming with bacteria!” shouts a local news promo. “We’ll tell you what to beware of!” From the computer in my lap, a parenting blog warns, “There’s plenty to be anxious about.” Noting the pallor of my furrowed brow, a neighbor clucks, “I think you should be more concerned about your health.”

Friends, there are many areas in which I need encouragement, but worrying is not one of them. I worry the way Renée Fleming sings high Cs: Effortlessly. Loudly. At length. You may be similarly gifted, because worrying comes easily to a certain subpopulation of humans, namely those of us with pulses. We’re constantly creating new, worry-based strategies for living.

But worrying is worrisome: It’s stressful, and as we all know, stress will kill you. I worry about that a lot. So today I’m striking a tiny blow for sanity with my list of 10 things you can officially stop worrying about.

1. What’s on Your Plate

“If I can just finish this project,” says my ultra-busy friend Nancy, “I can stop worrying.” She’s said this every time I’ve ever spoken to her. No matter how much work Nancy finishes, by the time it’s done she’s fixating on a whole new crop of chores. In our achievement-obsessed society, this is “normal.” But I realized just how insane it is when a friend was dying of cancer. On her deathbed she managed to joke with me, “Hey, at least I only have one more thing on my to-do list.”

Instead of fretting about getting everything done, why not simply accept that being alive means having things to do? Then drop into full engagement with whatever you’re doing, and let the worry go.

“But,” you may be thinking, “I can’t just cut my anxiety loose! It isn’t under my control!” I empathize with this argument. I also know it’s bunk. To stop worrying about something, simply direct your attention toward something else. Personally, I like to interrupt my flow of worry by imagining—vividly—what I’d do if an elk walked into the room. See? Distraction works.

2. Needing Help

I used to be one of those people who spurned assistance—from other people, from God, from chemicals. Not anymore! These days—whether I’m begging for divine intervention, enlisting a fellow coach to help me overcome my aversion to email, or refilling the awesome prescription that helps me sleep no matter how disruptive my schedule—I pretty much walk around hollering, “Help wanted!”

Are my helpers crutches? You betcha. Mama needs crutches, and she doesn’t worry one little bit about using them. If you worry about needing what you need—a shoulder to cry on, a standing date with a shrink, whatever the shrink prescribes—come to Mama, and she’ll smack you upside the head with her crutches until that worry flies right out of your mind.

3. Your Children

There was a time when I spent many hours worrying about my kids. In fact, I was so worried my firstborn would feel unloved that I “soothed” her constantly, blasting the poor child with a fire hose of anxious energy. It’s a wonder she survived.

My second child, who arrived with an extra 21st chromosome, eventually led me to a shocking conclusion: We don’t actually have much control over the way our kids turn out. Genes do a lot of the deciding, and the owner of those genes does most of the rest. Some kids let parents have a great deal of influence; others don’t. Either way, people blossom when we love them, not when we worry about them. Worry just teaches worry. Let it go.

4. Your Face (and Hips, and Butt…)

As long as we’re on the subject of DNA, let’s take on the big kahuna of worries: our appearance. Ten bajillion product ads notwithstanding, your looks are another thing that’s basically genetic. Stressing about them only deepens the facial creases that make everyone in your family resemble perturbed bulldog puppies. Key phrase: everyone in your family.

Instead of obsessing over your own appearance, try noticing—and mentioning—beautiful things about everyone else. This will make people adore you, which, last time I checked, is what most of us are hoping to achieve by worrying about our looks in the first place.

5. What You Own

The trick here is learning to reframe your perspective. For example, my friend Kathy always lays a colorful towel over her expensive tablecloth before serving her twin 7-year-old granddaughters a snack. One of the twins recently said, “Grandma, you don’t need to worry about us spilling. Spills are just memories.” If you’d rather live surrounded by pristine objects than by the traces of happy memories, stay focused on tangible things. Otherwise, stop fixating on stuff you can touch and start caring about stuff that touches you.

6. Everything You’re Doing Wrong

I don’t know any perfect people, but I know many who worry about being perfect. They exercise religiously and serve their families home-cooked, organic free-range Tofurky recipes. They are unbearable.

I love the Buddhist concept of enlightenment as living without anxiety over imperfection. You can strain every fiber of your being trying to be flawless, only to face inevitable failure—or you can stop worrying about perfection, which instantly makes everything feel great. Save time and tofu: Choose option two.

7. The Past

I agree that your divorce settlement was a travesty of justice on par with the sack of Troy, that your last boss was abusive, and that you shouldn’t have calmed yourself with so many Cosmopolitans prior to testifying before Congress. I do not agree that worrying about it now will do any good.

The word worry comes from the Old English word wyrgan, meaning “to strangle.” When we fixate on something in the past, we grab our own histories by the throat, cutting off the flow of physical and emotional energy that keeps us fully alive. To start the flow again, look forward. Think how you can apply what you’ve learned. Let your divorce teach you to negotiate assertively, your horrible boss help you spot and avoid other creeps. Let the debacle at Congress send you to a 12-step meeting. Embracing the lesson always loosens the stranglehold of worry.

8. What People Are Saying About You Right This Very Second

People are always telling me elaborate stories about the elaborate stories other people are supposedly telling about them. “I know people mock my pain,” growls one client. “Everyone expects me to be strong,” says another. “You think I’m expendable,” sobs a wife, while her husband protests, “You think I’m a robot.” All of these people are wrong, but they’ve got company. We all worry what people think about us—until we decide not to waste the energy.

When I first started coaching, I noticed that I never worried what my clients thought of me. Why not? All my attention was focused on understanding them. I watched like a Martian observer, not a vulnerable peer. This took me out of worry mode, and it helped clients feel seen. By not worrying about what they thought of me, I accidentally ensured that they thought well of me.

Today, pretend you’re a Martian gathering data on humans. As you notice what they do and say without focusing on your fear of their opinions, you’ll feel less self-conscious, and they’ll feel the nonjudgmental attention they’ve always wanted from you. Win-win.

9. Your Account Balance

I have nothing against the globally sacred rite of worrying about money. Except this: People, it has no payoff.

I stopped worrying about money when I was unemployed and living on credit card debt. It wasn’t that my ship came in. It was just that I’d decided to try writing for a living, yet I was too worried to write. So I proactively pushed aside worry as I worked. Did I make money that day? No. Did I make money sooner because I stopped worrying? I think so. Did I enjoy my life more from that moment on, regardless of how much I had in the bank? Abso-freaking-lutely. Go about your business, whatever it is, with full energy. And drop the worry. Watch how much stronger your moneymaking skills become when you’re not dragging around a hefty load of anxiety.

10. Worrying

If your Spanx are now totally knotted from trying to stop worrying, it’s time to take a nice, cleansing breath. Aaahhhh. Remember point number six: We’re not after perfection here. If you’ve felt even a tiny release from worry while reading this list, you’re succeeding. That slight lessening of anxiety is all you need.

Wiggle your worries a little each day, and they’ll gradually lose their hold on you. Trust that you’re already counteracting the barrage of messages that tell us, every day, to worry, worry, and worry some more. Enjoy the liberating sense of bucking the cultural tide. And speaking of bucks, if you have further questions, please feel free to direct them to my elk.

How Not to Worry: The Remarkable Truth of How a Small Change Can Help You Stress Less and Enjoy Life More

How to defeat stress, worry, and anxiety to achieve more in business and life. From the international bestselling author of Self-Confidence.

Are You A Worrier?

Do you seem to worry more than most? Do you find that insignificant things stress you out? Do you sweat the small stuff and the big stuff too? Well, now’s the time to stop worrying and start living.

Worry, stress, anxi How to defeat stress, worry, and anxiety to achieve more in business and life. From the international bestselling author of Self-Confidence.

Are You A Worrier?

Do you seem to worry more than most? Do you find that insignificant things stress you out? Do you sweat the small stuff and the big stuff too? Well, now’s the time to stop worrying and start living.

But relax. There is a way forward.

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Quick guide to understand your worry (and master it)

A very good read to the ones that worry a lot. I wish some of my family members would actually read this book but there are some hopeless cases in the world and I happen to know a few. Back to the book. Paul’s writing style is on the easy side. I love that. Loved the humor and the use of his personal life/journey /imaginary friends/daughter examples. Quick guide to understand your worry (and master it)

Overall this was an insightful yet rather simple read. McGee lays out all the possible reasons we feel worry, stress and anxiety. Reading this was like finally remembering that word on the tip of your tongue; I knew these reasons but I couldn’t quite access them before. So this book is great if you need to remind yourself of how you cope and the reasons why you worry, as well as putting your biggest challenges into perspective for you. At the end of each chapter there is a set of questions that Overall this was an insightful yet rather simple read. McGee lays out all the possible reasons we feel worry, stress and anxiety. Reading this was like finally remembering that word on the tip of your tongue; I knew these reasons but I couldn’t quite access them before. So this book is great if you need to remind yourself of how you cope and the reasons why you worry, as well as putting your biggest challenges into perspective for you. At the end of each chapter there is a set of questions that allow you to pause and reflect.

On the other hand, the grammar was terrible at points (as in a first draft, never been proofread kind of way). I also found that some of the most insightful comments and memorable phrases were quotes he has taken from other therapists and notable experts on the topic. A lot of the stuff McGee said himself in between his explanations was just waffle in the guise of supposedly humorous anecdotes. It would have read better as a completely factual text on the origin of worries. However, it’s worth noting that anecdotal stories do help apply the topic to real life situations, which some readers may find more relatable (particularly if they are suffering alone).