How to be charismatic

How to Be Charismatic? Skills and Tips for Charisma

July 11, 2020 By Hitesh Bhasin Tagged With: Management

Do you want to come out of your introvert, shy and reserve life-style? Do you crave to be confident and creative to say things with flair? Then you need to understand that some people are born with natural charisma while others learn how to be charismatic.

Charismatic personalities can pull in, transfix, and convince others through their appearance, twinkling of the eyes, verbal abilities, and engaging flow of the words, body postures, smiles, and so forth.

The best part amongst all is that each of us comprises such abilities. We need to cultivate our life skills by emulating characteristics of charismatic leaders. Being aware of your uniqueness, polishing that and explaining your thoughts in a unique yet understandable manner will enable you to get liked by others straight away. Hence, you will become the leader you crave to be.

So, if you have been in the quest to know how to be charismatic, then this article talks about necessary concepts and tips towards improving your charismatic features-

Table of Contents

Introduction to Being Charismatic

Ever wondered why most of us get attracted to charismatic people?

Why they seem to be controlling the positive environment so effortlessly?

Well, this is because people like their charm, energy, and of course their great vibrant personalities. In other words, they are simply very charming, and that is why people like them.

But if you think you become charismatic since your birth itself, you’re wrong here. Like other skills that are developed with time, charisma is also designed like that only. It doesn’t matter from which personality type you belong to, you can become charismatic and attract more people towards you.

To become Charismatic, you need to have patience and practice your skills in real-life situations to apply the skills on your behaviour that will make you appear more trustworthy, magnetic and charming.

After doing a lot of research regarding the topic, here we are ready with all the solutions to your expected doubts regarding the question ‘How to be Charismatic’.

The Real Meaning of Charisma

The word charisma has got its origin from the Greek whose meaning is “gift of grace” or “favour given”.

In simple words, charisma can be understood as the power to pull in others and gain their admiration.

Charisma is simply the ability to attract, influence and charm people around you.

Charisma makes you more likeable and trustworthy. Though, there is no defined set of skills that represents charisma or charismatic people.

If we talk about charismatic people, these people represent charm, positivity, and optimistic confidence. They do not have any self-centred behaviour, but full of positivity only. These people have excellent skills in influencing and charming the people towards themselves.

There are many types of charismatic people.

Some are introverts, extroverts, and quieter, passionate communicators, full of enthusiasm where every one of them has different charming personalities to influence and attract other people in their ways.

Charisma is the result of excellent interpersonal and communication skills. You can develop charismatic skills quickly with pure dedication, patience, and efforts.

Charismatic people represent three essential qualities: those are:

Such skills show confidence, optimism, and belief in themselves. Having a commanding presence is undoubtedly the most challenging trait of charismatic people.

Let us have a detailed look upon some other critical skills of charismatic people-

Charisma Skills

One of the essential aspects of becoming successful is the person’s charismatic personality. Charismatic personality makes you more attractive, charming, and likeable. Undoubtedly, if you’re a charismatic personality, you can influence people, command people without offending them.

A charismatic personality makes you the best leader and influencer in the field. Charismatic people are powerful, confident, charming, irresistible, and posses the combination of many other skills that are necessary for success.

Though many skills can make your personality charismatic, we’ve got some of the essential skills that are required to become a charismatic person, a person who represents affability and influencing skills.

These skills are purely based on real-life instances; hence they are very much practical.

1. Charismatic people have supreme confidence.

Having high confidence helps you to cross many obstacles while interacting with different types of people every day. Confidence helps people to communicate smoothly and provide accurate and reliable solutions to all the critical problems.

A charismatic person shows a high level of confidence while interacting with people. These people create a positive environment around themselves. They find the best potential in others and lift their confidence levels as well. Charismatic people can quickly motivate people to do the best of their potential.

2. They have excellent leadership skills.

Charismatic people are the best leaders in the field. They know how to motivate people so that production can increase quickly.

They know how to deal with people and solve conflicts without affecting the performance of the organization. Their communication skills are excellent, that knows how to lead people in the right direction.

3. Charismatic people have excellent influencing and persuasion skills.

They can influence people to get what they want. They change and encourage other people to do those things that seem impossible.

Charismatic people can influence people to go for hardworking jobs. It helps them to gain respect, care, and trust of other people though they can use this trait for both cases – good or bad.

4. They are good at building relationships with people.

Charming people have an excellent quality of building relationships with others. They can quickly motivate people to present their best skills and value relationship.

They can attract people through their confidence, direct eye-contact, positivity, and politeness.

5. They listen to others patiently and show their interest in others.

Charismatic people pay attention to what others say, and they seem interested in them. They ask queries to understand the points, views, and opinions more clearly.

These people are full of empathy; they keep all the details of their previous conversations carefully in mind. This quality of them helps to gain trust from others. Also, they try to understand the body language and gestures of the people providing feedback.

How to be Charismatic?

Charismatic skills are something that is developed with time and practice.

You cannot become charismatic overnight; it takes time. Developing charisma takes excellent efforts, patience, and confidence to apply those practices to others.

There are some tips to develop charisma in your personality and behaviour. These tips are provided by young entrepreneurs that are based on real examples; hence they can easily apply in real-life situations.

1. Boost up your confidence

If you are confident enough, you can interact smoothly with people. Confidence allows you to attract people towards yourself and get your work done efficiently. Though developing confidence takes time, a charismatic person is never rude or arrogant to others. Trust is certainly how you feel about the real you. You build confidence by working hard to become the best version of yourself.

2. Show Interest in others

Charismatic people show genuine interest in others. They ask them questions to understand the points correctly. They listen to them patiently and care about others’ feedback, opinions, and views. Charismatic people show enthusiasm and interest in others while interacting with them. Listen to them carefully to understand them in more depth.

3. Know how to get along with others quickly

You should know how to be adaptive. Charismatic people easily get along with others while communicating with them. Confidence and adaptive nature are the essential aspects of developing charisma in you.

4. Practice direct eye-contact

Many studies have shown that having direct eye contact with other people represents honesty, warmth, competency, sincerity, emotional skills, and high levels of confidence. Thus, creating eye contact is one of the essential skills of charismatic people. It attracts the people and also improves the understanding ability between the people.

5. You should have a great sense of humour

A great sense of humour attracts people towards you. If you know how to make people laugh at your jokes, then there are chances you can become a charismatic person. Charisma and humour go hand in hand since the start.

6. Talk more about your goals and passion

Talk about something that shows your confidence. Talk about your passion and goals. When you are stuck with topics while interacting, this one becomes a more exciting topic. Tell people how you want to contribute to a better world. It will boost up your confidence and remove all your fears.

7. Learn the basic etiquettes of a conversation

A charismatic person knows well how to talk with other people, how to keep the other person engaged in the conversation. Conversational skills take time in developing; all you need is practice and patience. But make sure you are not making the other person uncomfortable by interfering in their personal space.

8. Practice the Art of Presence

Undoubtedly, presence is the essential point of developing charisma in you. Presence is how you are engaged with others. Show empathy, care, and trust towards the other person. Presence, along with confidence, makes you appear interested in others.

9. Work upon your smile

Having an appealing and infectious smile is one of the essential strides of having a charismatic personality. With a pleasant smile, you will be able to get individuals to get used to you and feel warm in your care.

When you conduct yourself with the right kind of smile, you become more receptive. Rehearsing many grins before the mirror to see which one looks best on you will help you in finding out the best smile that is natural and best-suited to your individuality.

Your smile should let others feel they are unique, and you are approachable.

10. Incorporate Genuineness

Here, you need to understand that to be charismatic; you need not put on a show. When you do not act naturally, then it may even lead individuals to question what your internal intentions may be.

For instance, if you analyze the personalities of some of the charismatic leaders or celebrities around the world, you can’t resist the urge to be attracted to how genuine they appear to be. They have all the earmarks of being extremely natural with themselves, plus they also treat others how they enjoy being dealt with.

So, to be charismatic, you need not opt for any showy behaviour and a wide range of underhanded plans. You just need to peer inside yourself and connect with impressive aspects of your natural personality.

11. Straighten your Posture

Being aware of your stances or posture is also very important to be charismatic. You need to understand that it is distinctive when you’re taking a gander at yourself intentionally in a mirror and when you’re participating in a session or interacting with others or even speaking publically.

When you have the right posture, it gives others the feeling that you’re sure, confident, independent, and credible. This way, your audience will feel more engaged with you. How you conduct yourself can be more appealing than your original physical appearance.

Carrying yourself with lots of confidence and certainty radiates charisma in the most appealing manner.

Final Thoughts about being Charismatic!

Becoming a charismatic person is not a difficult task. You just need to develop your communication, influencing skills, and boost up your confidence and enthusiasm.

It includes learning body language and gestures of people. Charismatic people have optimistic thoughts and high confidence that make them appear charming and likeable. These people gain the respect and trust of people very quickly.

Though even if you become a charismatic person, you cannot make everyone happy around you neither you should try this. Charisma is not something with which people are born.

This quality develops with time and effort. Charisma is a nonverbal behaviour that is developed over time with great practice and some fundamental skills. Also, not everyone can become charismatic.

If you have ever met a person whom you like, but do not know the specific reason for the liking, then it is undoubtedly due to their charisma. You can develop charisma in your personality, too, with some alterations in your behaviour.

Charismatic personality represents excellent communication, leadership, and influencing skills, and the positive vibes that you spread around everyone to attract more people.

What according to are the most charismatic leaders or celebrities around the world? Share your list of best charismatic personalities in the comment section below.

How To Be More Charismatic

Charisma is the most appealing quality an individual can have.

(Above: this article is also available as an animated video.)

You probably don’t need to be sold on the value of charisma. However, the obtainability of the quality is a different story. Charisma is elusive. Generally, it is considered be something that you either have or you don’t.

Charisma can be developed, but it requires an unconventional approach. There’s a catch-22 involved in any attempt to develop your personal magnetism; the harder you try to be charismatic, the less charismatic you will be.

How To Be More Charismatic Pt. 2:

The Charisma Trap

I’ve read dozens of books and watched hundreds of videos purportedly teaching how to become more charismatic, magnetic, and confident. I’ve tried everything from visualization techniques, to hypnosis, to NLP in my (desperate) attempts to become more socially appealing.

None of these methods worked. Pithy self-improvement advice that teaches you what to do, what to say, or how to say it is (unintentionally) missing the point of what charisma is and how it functions.

The charisma trap arises from the fact that the more effort you put into coming across as charismatic, the less charismatic you become.

It is true that being a better listener will make you more charismatic, but trying to force yourself to be a good listener will make you less charismatic. The act of putting conscious effort into making a good impression is itself bringing attention to the self-evaluation that you’re not good enough as it is.

Trying to be charismatic is in itself an insecure thing to do. If you were already charismatic, you wouldn’t feel any need to judge whether your tone of voice is silky enough or whether you’re being positive enough or whether your eye contact is strong enough.

Why? Charisma results from not being self-conscious, from not using your attention to monitor yourself. Someone who is charismatic is by definition, not worrying about the impression they are making. This is a lesson that has been difficult for me to learn. In fact, it’s taken years.

And there’s a reason why it’s taken me years. The part of my mind that wants to be more charismatic is not the same part of my mind that is capable of being charismatic. Your interest in improving yourself is a logical, self-aware desire. Yet, the logical, self-aware part of your brain literally shuts off when you are at your most charismatic. How’s that for a catch-22?

Charisma is strongly related to what’s known as social flow. If you’ve ever lost track of time because you were enjoying a social interaction so much, you’ve experienced this state. When you were in this state, you were charismatic, confident, charming, etc. Unfortunately, this state is elusive to most people.

Flow states are a scientifically well-documented experience in which you feel your best and perform your best. In this state your sense of time dissipates and you are totally immersed in whatever you’re doing (in this case, social interaction).

Most importantly, in a social flow state, the part of your brain that flow researcher Jamie Wheal refers to as your, “Inner Woody Allen” goes silent (the scientific term for this is transient hypofrontality: meaning the prefrontal cortex shuts down).

Your “Inner Woody Allen” is the self-critical part of your brain, the part that is monitoring how people are reacting to you. It is the part of your brain that triggers insecurity and defensiveness.

When you’re in a social flow state, this part of your brain (the prefrontal cortex) goes silent. This just so happens to be the same part of your brain that exerts conscious effort into becoming more charismatic, i.e. part of your brain that thinks, “Did I say that a little awkwardly? I should speak with a more assertive tone to be more charismatic.”

When you’re in a social flow state you won’t judge yourself, you’ll feel like everything you say and do is the best option, and because you feel so confident in your actions and words, those actions and words will come across more charismatically.

A certain tone of voice or choice of words might be more charismatic than another, but these details are insignificant when compared to the underlying fundamental of being in a charismatic state versus a self-critical, defensive state.

There’s a concept in psychology called emotional contagion. It means that emotional states are contagious the same way that yawning is contagious: if you feel good interacting with someone, they will feel good interacting with you. When you are in a social flow state, you will feel your best, and so you will come across as highly charismatic.

Details like eye contact, vocal tonality, and body language are insignificant when compared to the power of your emotional state. Even if focusing on those things didn’t trigger insecurity, it would be still be far more effective to learn to enter social flow states because that’s the primary source of charisma, that’s the ‘it factor’ that charismatic people effectively tap into.

How To Be More Charismatic Part 3:

States Become Traits

We tend to make a fundamental assumption about charisma that makes our efforts to build it unnecessarily difficult. We think charisma is a trait, but it is in fact, a state. Those who are generally charismatic are very skilled at accessing this state (of social flow) whereas for others it is a very rare occurrence.

This understanding completely alters the approach you should take to becoming more charismatic. Your goal changes from altering your traits like the type of body language you use or the tone of voice you speak in, to learning to effectively enter a social flow state.

You’ve almost certainly been in social flow states before, even if only very rarely. In his best-selling book, The Art of Seduction, Robert Greene Writes, “We may also experience this in a social or work setting — one day we are in an elevated mood and people seem more responsive, more charmed by us. These moments of power are fleeting, but they resonate in the memory with great intensity. We want them back.”

Of course, once we experience this, we develop a sense of frustration because we cannot normally access this state. We then try to replicate the experience without knowing that the effort we’re exerting (like trying to force humor) is a doomed strategy.

There are effective methods to building charisma, but they have nothing to do with thinking about your eye contact or your body language.

How To Become More Charismatic Pt. 4:

An Outward Gaze

The less you focus on yourself, the more charismatic you will become. People in a charismatic state are not in their own heads during a social interaction. They are focusing their gaze outwards, on the people they are interacting with. Most people have a habit of relating everything that happens in a social interaction back to themselves. This is a form of defensiveness that kills charisma.

When in a social interaction, change the focus of your thoughts to the other people you are interacting with. Instead of thinking about what their actions and words are saying about you, think about what they’re saying about them. There’s an important nuance here, you’re not judging others, you’re curious about them.

Wonder why people are saying what they’re saying, wonder why their body language is the way it is, wonder why they do what they do. The trick to leverage this technique so that it brings you into a social flow state (and therefore triggers charisma), is that you aren’t consciously trying to answer these questions, you’re only asking them.

If you try to answer the question, you are accessing the judgmental part of your brain that easily becomes insecure and defensive. If you are only curious about what people’s actions might mean, you will trigger a flow state. You will be shutting of your self-consciousness and changing your focus outward. This outward focus is a fundamental element of charisma.

How To Be More Charismatic Pt. 5:

Take Social Risks

The more socially confident you become, the easier it will be to access a social flow state. It’s much easier to feel positive and confident in social interactions when you know that nothing bad can happen. To prove this to yourself, the most effective strategy is to take social actions that you’re afraid will lead to negative consequences. This practice will powerfully develop your social confidence.

What is Confidence, Really?

Confidence is simply a self-evaluation of your ability to successfully engage in a particular activity. Take driving, for example:

Hopefully, you are fairly confident driving your car at this point in your life. When you first started, however, you were anything but. Your first attempts at driving can be exceptionally nerve wracking, there’s 2000 pound machines only a few feet away from you and if you make one wrong move, YOU DIE.

Fortunately, each time you drove and you came out of the

ordeal okay, your confidence in your abilities increased. What was initially terrifying eventually became totally mundane. In fact, most drivers build so much confidence in their abilities that they believe it’s safe to text while driving, even though statistically it’s as dangerous as driving drunk. They’ve accumulated so much evidence that nothing bad will happen when they drive, that they start to neglect even real dangers inherent to the task.

“But driving’s not the same as social confidence!” Of course not, but social confidence is built through the same process as any other type of confidence. When you are in a social situation, there are a variety of options of what you can do or say at any given moment. Similar to how in chess you have a variety of potential moves.

If you are not confident, many of these options will seem dangerous. For example, you might imagine that leaning in to kiss the girl will result in a humiliating rejection or that saying the joke that came to your mind will make you look stupid.

When you are socially confident, social risks will seem unimportant. You’ve already faced these risks enough that they no longer provoke much anxiety or trepidation. This is just like the fact that once you’ve driven enough hours the inherent risks to the task no longer have an emotional effect on you.

To become more charismatic, you must build you social confidence because if you are worried about the negative consequences of your actions it will be nearly impossible to enter social flow.

How to Build Your Social Confidence

To build your social confidence you must go out into the real world and face your insecurities. Fear of social tension, rejection, and awkwardness are almost universal (although many individuals wouldn’t admit they have them). The following exercises will force you to face and overcome these fears.

Get A Free Item

To overcome your fears of social tension and rejection, go to a store and pick out any item. Bring that item to the cashier, and try to convince them to let you have it for free. You can use whatever strategy you want, what matters is that you ask to for a freebie. For most people, this is rather uncomfortable because it can create social tension, something almost everyone avoids.

When you try this, you will find that nothing bad happens. At worst, you’ll have a slightly tense interaction. At best, you’ll get the item for free. Facing the perceived risk of social tension and rejection will build your confidence. You will learn that the actual experience of rejection wasn’t nearly as bad as the negative emotions you felt anticipating that rejection.

To get the maximum effect, do this every day for at least a week. The more stores you attempt this with each day, the more confidence you will build. I recommend doing this until you are totally comfortable with it and it is no longer a source of social unease.

If you get upset when you are rejected, you are taking yourself too seriously. You should be able to laugh at yourself immediately after this exercise. Until you get to a point where you have a lighthearted attitude towards it, you still have much to gain from this practice.

Ask a stranger on a date

Asking a stranger on a date has a similar purpose as the previous exercise, but is particularly valuable if you don’t have the kind of romantic relationships that you want in your life.

The purpose of this exercise isn’t to successfully get dates, it’s simply to face your fear of romantic rejection. Whether or not you get rejected is irrelevant. You’re going to be so direct that there is a very good chance you will be rejected. (However, you might be surprised and end up with a date or two.)

Walk up to strangers at a mall, a bar, or your college campus and simply say, “Hi, I thought you were cute and I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date sometime.”

Doing this may be extremely anxiety provoking. Don’t set yourself unrealistic expectations. If you go out and are unable to approach a stranger because you’re too anxious, that’s okay, just stay out for at least 30 minutes and try again the next day.

The first time I successfully approached a stranger like this it took me over two weeks to do so. I walked around (without approaching anyone) feeling like an idiot again and again. Eventually, the frustration of not approaching a stranger become more painful than my anxiety of being rejected: and I stepped up and did it.

It might take a while for this shift to take place, but it’s worth it. You must force yourself to leave your house and enter a venue with people to approach every day until you just can’t take the frustration anymore and you actually approach a stranger. After this, don’t ‘stop. Keep going until you are comfortable meeting people. This is a process that may take weeks, but you will get a drastic increase in self-confidence from doing so, and you might even get a date.

Awkwardness

With the following exercises, you will intentionally risk being perceived as awkward. The nearly universal fear of being embarrassed, humiliated, or laughed at is a major source of our insecurities and defensiveness.

When we overcome our fear being judged by other people for our awkwardness, we free ourselves to take off our social masks and to interact with people in a more genuine, charismatic way.

Your first challenge is to lie on a busy sidewalk for a minute. Simply lay down as strangers pass by. You may get a couple of looks, and it’s even possible someone will ask if you’re okay, but that’s all that will happen. You might feel like people will judge you and laugh at you, but you’ll find that nothing of the sort happens. No one cares. This exercise will experientially show you this nearly universal truth. People are far too interested in themselves to care about someone lying on the sidewalk; noticing that people don’t care is very freeing.

Practice this daily until you are comfortable with the exercise.

Dance in Public

This is using the same concept, but it takes it up a notch. Dance in public, you can dance in whatever way you want, the key is to let loose. The more flamboyant your dance, the better. It may seem like dancing in public would be social suicide. You might think your reputation will be ruined. Your mind will likely come up with a litany of excuses to avoid doing this exercise; but once you do this, you will find (again) that no one cares much. At most, people will find it funny or give you a bit of an awkward look: but nothing damning or noteworthy will happen.

Your goal should be to do this for at least a minute every day until you’re comfortable with the exercise.

If you do the exercises above until you are comfortable with them, you will notice that you will become much more at ease in social situations. You will have faced your insecurities head on, and your social confidence will greatly increase as a result.

The point isn’t to learn how to be awkward, it’s to learn to be comfortable with awkwardness and social-pressure. Facing these uncomfortable emotions head on will force you to let go of your defensiveness and increase your confidence. As a result, it will be much easier for you to access a social flow state and therefore, you will be perceived as charismatic.

Wrapping Up How To Be More Charismatic

With what you’ve learned in article, you will be able to enter a social flow state more easily, and therefore you will have more access to your most charismatic self. Learning to focus your attention outward and making a habit of facing your insecurities head on will notably change how you relate to others; and therefore, how they respond to you.

As with anything worthwhile, this is not an easy process. These exercises won’t work miracles. To get the results you want, you must practice them repeatedly until they become comfortable for you.

How to become charismatic and learn how to attract people: 5 steps

“I heard that people often see in their dreams their disgrace in the classroom or something like that, but on the contrary, I dream that I go into the office and everyone looks at me. I start talking – and everyone listens. I propose ideas – and everyone enthusiastically agrees. Well, right, I’m such a star, and my fans are around. But in my life am I modest and inconspicuous. Sometimes I have to repeat several times to just get heard! But more often, I just don’t repeat because I don’t believe that I can attract people. A colleague after a meeting said that I didn’t have enough charisma, and since I don’t have it, it won’t be, it’s not developing, they say, and in general it’s a masculine quality. But still, what if? Is it possible to somehow develop a girl’s charisma, become more confident and courageous? I am tired of being ignored”.

So, does it develop or not? Charisma, translated from Greek, is “a gift from God”. Some people really believe that this is an innate quality and it is impossible to develop it. Especially convincing are those who have already developed charisma. And really, why do they need competition? But a lark’s a lark, and there are many supporters of the opinion that there are some special talents that are not accessible to mere mortals. Let’s try to figure out what charisma is, why everyone can become charismatic and, most importantly, how can you develop your charisma.

What is charisma

Charisma is a special talent in a spiritual, intellectual or any other way. This is what the dictionary says, and we decided not to dwell on this definition – it is too vague and indefinite. In the understanding of ordinary people who do not compose dictionaries, charisma is the ability to arouse sympathy among others, a sense of trust, admiration, the ability to convince and lead. There is a feeling that a charismatic person almost hypnotizes others. It sounds like magic, although in fact charisma consists of familiar character traits: charm, oratory, the ability to understand the emotions and feelings of others, self-confidence, goodwill, the ability to hold attention and convince.

Let’s teach you to be charismatic!

But sometimes it seems that charismatic people were born such! They do not wonder how to become more charismatic, they are already like that. Why so? Why is everything so easy for them?

Everything is simple. They are used to behaving this way. For some reason, because of their upbringing or social circle, they learned to be open, sociable, and developed charm from childhood. Such a person enters the office in the morning – and habitually breaks into a smile. Confidently and actively defends his/her opinion at a meeting. Freely and benevolently smiles at a new friend, finds the right words. All this is familiar behavior, brought to automatism, so it seems so easy and simple.

And the other person habitually slouches his shoulders, grumbles “hello” under his/her breath, stays silent in the boss’s room and lowers eyes when someone tries to talk to him/her. As a result, the first is considered charismatic and charming, and the second – closed and non-communicative.

Another argument that charisma can be learned is its inconstancy. Even the most charismatic people cannot be like this 24/7, 365 days a year. They are tired, upset, sleepy, confused – and not charismatic at these moments. Or they may simply not use their charisma if this is not necessary. For example, Marilyn Monroe could easily ride the subway, “turning off” her charisma – and no one recognized her. [1]

Most likely, almost any person who considers himself/herself not very charismatic happens to be in high snuff. He/she draws attention to himself/herself, jokes funny, charmingly and naturally leads a conversation. Much depends not only on character traits, but also on the situation in which we find ourselves, so behavior can change. Moreover, a person can consciously change his/her behavior.

So, charisma can be developed. But how to become a charismatic person and attract people to yourself? Where to begin?

Ways to develop charisma

As a rule, both men and girls want to become charismatic, so we offer ways that suit everyone.

Step 1. Believe that you can develop this quality

Often people are hindered by their own beliefs. [2] A person who considers charisma to be an exclusively inborn quality will not do anything to develop it – why try if it is not given anyway? And this applies not only to charisma. I want to draw, but I can’t? I want to run, but for the first time it is hard? Done, this is not mine, I will not try. But in fact, you can learn almost anything. Of course, there are innate inclinations, but it depends only on how easily some or other activity will be given to you. At the same time, history knows many examples when gifted people ruined their talent because they did not develop it. Whereas the insufficiency of this potential is compensated by an individually selected training technique. Here, for example, 7Spsy behavior modification technology can help. And if you add purposefulness to this, you can become, though not like Steve Jobs, but a confident, charming and attractive guy or girl.

Step 2. Identify why you need charisma

Everyone has different goals and objectives, although, of course, our readers are unlikely to develop charisma in order to take over the world. Identify why you want to become more charismatic. What is your goal? Being a leader respected and listened to? Easily make friends? Or getting attention of the opposite gender, like in the movie “Girls”: “Here I am walking beautiful along the street, and all the oncoming guys get stiff, but those who are weaker fall and fall, fall, fall and stack themselves in stacks!” The style of charisma that you decide to develop will also depend on the goal.

Step 3. Choose you style of charisma

Also, the styles are different?! Of course. You may have noticed that different people are charismatic in their own way. The Dalai Lama and Steve Jobs are not alike. They have different goals, lifestyle, character. But both of them are and will be followed by people.

Conventionally, 4 styles of charisma can be distinguished, based on 3 qualities: presence, power and warmth. [1]

“We somehow very quickly dealt with the new leader. It was important for me to be listened to, and I could talk to her. She brought her ideas, even the craziest ones, and always got a response. Because of this, she and the team were respected, recognized as a leader, because she always, always listened to us, we were important – and that meant a lot to us”.

“What he says is trite and well-worn. At the core is self-acceptance, believe in self and self-existence, self-confidence. The whole seminar is about relationships with oneself. But the seminars of Tony Robbins blow people off. He makes us believe in ourselves and shows that we already have the energy for all this, and that we can get it inside ourselves at any moment”.

Step 4. Qualities of a charismatic person. Which ones exactly do you need?

From the definition of charisma, it is clear that this is a multi-component quality. Think and decide what exactly you are missing. You may already be friendly, but you feel insecure when dealing with strangers. In this case, it is worth training the skill of communicating with strangers and think about how to develop the skill of charm. Or you can listen carefully, but you don’t have enough self-confidence – then it’s worth developing confidence. Write down the qualities you have that you would like to develop. You can take the qualities from our list or come up with your own.

Qualities of a charismatic person

Step 5. Identify how you can develop the required qualities

Lack of speaking skills to hold attention? Find a textbook or an oratory skills course. Lacking self-confidence when communicating with colleagues? Write down how you would like to behave – and follow your instructions, fix the desired behavior.

Exercises to develop charisma

Of course, the exercises may differ depending on what specific qualities you decide to develop, but there are universal exercises that will be useful in most cases. How much time does it take to become a charming and charismatic girl or guy? It all depends on how often you behave in a new way.

1. Self-esteem exercise, “Chapters of Life” technique

Choose 4 events from your life that are meaningful to you and limited in time. [3] For example, studying at school, first job and so on. Then you need to describe these events in the most detail – facts, emotions, thoughts, experiences – as if you were writing your memoirs, and the chapter would be called “The Event That Turned My Life Upside Down”. Spend at least 10-15 minutes on the description, and in the end answer 2 questions:

You can describe not only chapters, but also individual short events. For persistence of the effect, it is better to practice this exercise regularly or on the eve of important events.

2. Communication skills exercise

You can train your speech in any way:

3. Behavior modification exercise

Sometimes we are too immersed in our emotions, and this prevents us from acting. For example, we want to ask for an extraordinary vacation, but we postpone the visit to the boss. The reasons may be different: we are scared, we are afraid of failure, we do not want to look annoying, it seems to us that the boss will get angry and so on. You can endlessly chew on your emotions and experiences without taking the necessary step. Therefore, in many situations it is important to overpower yourself and act. Most often, it turns out that the consequences are completely out of line with our expectations. They were afraid that the boss would yell, and he only grunted, but put his/her signature. 2 minutes of fear instead of a week of worries – and the cherished result is yours.

The same rule applies to the development of charisma. If you want to be charismatic, act like you already are. Analyze the behavior of your “reference charismatic person”, highlight the features and features that make him/her special and copy them. First, you can practice in front of a mirror, and then in communication with other people. After some time, the new behavior will become familiar and natural for you.

Let’s teach you to be charismatic!

The same principle of retraining is at the heart of 7Spsy behavior modification technique. This is a patented method based on scientifically based areas – behavioral psychology. With the help of psychologists, you can change the beliefs that prevent you from being charismatic. You will master new communication strategies and consolidate effective habits. Work in remote mode, psychologists will always be in touch – e-mail, chat, phone – you choose the method of communication.

This format for changing behavior and developing charisma is more effective than meeting a psychologist once every 1-2 weeks, so after 2-6 weeks you will become more self-confident, learn how to communicate, charm and convince.

4. Exercise for developing body language

In addition to speech and inner confidence, it is important to teach your body to work properly. In addition to general physical exercises for developing strength and flexibility, try:

And finally, we briefly indicate what prevents the development of charisma.

What prevents the development of charisma

And, most importantly, when you become a confident, charming and charismatic person – use your new skills for the benefit of yourself and other people.

8 Ways To Be More Charismatic (But Still Be Yourself)

“The reason we’re successful, darling? My overall charisma, of course.” — Freddie Mercury

Y ou want to be more charismatic — but how?

You’re terrified any attempt you make to draw people in may come across like the snake oil charm of a shiny-suited salesperson. And that’s a good thing — because it will.

So how do you do it? How do you become the kind of person others want to be around? How do you light up a room — even a little bit — and still hold onto the qualities that make you, well, YOU.

There’s no doubt having charisma can help you move mountains — or at least nudge them in your preferred direction. And there’s nothing wrong with trying to be more likeable because, if done right, it will also reflect positively on the lives of people around you.

But there’s a difference between developing authentic charisma and that you display purely for your own ends.

Here are some tips for getting it right.

8 Ways To Be More Charismatic (But Still Be Yourself)

1. Avoid fake like a snake.

Fake charisma is a terrible thing. You’ll come across like you’re trying too hard sell a vacuum cleaner or anything — and, if you are, your cover will be blown. Instead of drawing people in, they’ll back away — permanently. So don’t go in with all lights blazing: begin with a low-key, curious approach to your interactions with others.

2. Let your eyes do the work.

Legend has it that the truly charismatic person walks and talks and gestures wildly— and every eye in the room follows them. That’s only true if you’re Tony Robbins. Most of us have greater presence when we’re standing still. Looking like you’re not in a hurry is the sign of a master.

When talking to someone don’t glare or stare, just keep your eyes lightly on theirs. Don’t glance over their shoulders even if you spot a more interesting target across the room and — definitely — do not be distracted by your phone. Answer your texts in the bathroom.

3. The art of listening isn’t listening.

Contrary to what you may have heard, the art of listening isn’t listening. It is conveying that you’ve heard what the other person is saying. So smile, nod, frown (if appropriate), affirm, reflect, summarise and ask good questions. Note: if you want to do those things well, you will actually have had to have listened.

4. Don’t talk about yourself.

Truly. Be engaged in what you do. Or stand for something — but don’t shove your opinions on others. When asked a question (about yourself), don’t leap on the stage: it’s not an audition. Answer briefly and humbly. People will be far more attracted by your ability to listen to them — than your ability to talk about yourself. Even if it’s REALLY witty.

5. Convey to someone that you like them.

The tale as old as time (or at least as old as Dale Carnegie) is that people want to be liked. Me, you, that blustery drunk holding forth, that shy person in the corner, everyone. So focus less about whether you are being liked and more on whether the person in front of you knows you like them. If another person walks away from you feeling good or even a tiny bit better than they did earlier, you have done your best work.

6. Dress up (a bit).

Clothes don’t make a person. And charisma comes from within — not without. But don’t dress like a bum, neglect your personal hygiene, and expect to draw the crowds. You’re asking (way) too much.

7. Don’t put others down — even if they’re not there.

It’s uncool to up your own stakes by putting someone else down. You’ll just come across mean. Or you’ll be remembered for mean remarks. And that’s not what you want or need. So aim to build people up. And if you can’t do that about a particular person, say nothing.

8. Know the best of yourself.

This is the secret sauce. Know your top three positive qualities. Kindness. Relatability. Curiosity. Creativity. Empathy. Serenity. Whatever. Aim to convey these qualities in every situation — work, with your partner, kids or sister, in phone calls, in the street, with the young guy serving you at the supermarket checkout.

It’s not about being so nice that you’re a sucker for other people’s demands or even nastiness; it’s not about being passive when you need to be assertive. Charisma is about consistently revealing who you are — sometimes confidently, sometimes quietly. And, sometimes, just by showing up.

The 22 Rules of Charisma – How To Be More Charismatic

You may think you can’t actually learn how to be more charismatic because it’s an inborn quality. Nothing further from the truth.

Numerous studies, including one conducted by Harvard Business Review and one included in the recent book The Charisma Myth, indicate that you can practice and learn charismatic behavior just like any other skill.

Talent plays a role here, of course, but even the most charismatic people continuously learn about effective communication, building presence, leadership, and persuasion.

By paying close attention to, say, Tony Robbins you immediately notice that nothing in his presentations is left to chance. There’s a purpose behind every gesture and voice inflection. Read on so you too can learn how to master these behaviors and become more charismatic.

What is charisma?

In the modern lexicon, the word charisma signifies: “a gift of leadership, power of authority” or “compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others.”

The word is actually derived from Greek where it means something like a “favor” or “a divine gift”. Charis was also the name of one of the three “Graces” of Aphrodite – the spellbinding goddesses of beauty and charm.

The benefits of charisma

According to the HBR Study:

“After executives were trained in these [charismatic] tactics, the leadership ratings observers gave them rose by about 60%.”

Just think what it could mean for your business and personal life. And never forget that whatever you do, it’s important to keep others’ interests at heart.

Pick one of the rules and resolve to practice it for the whole day. Let your social interactions be a playground for charisma enhancement. Soon enough, you will master all of them.

The 22 Rules of Charisma

1. Pay full attention to your interlocutor

This tip alone can boost your influence incredibly.

In today’s world, most people are distracted and looking at their phones even while talking to others. You have to break that pattern.

When someone approaches you, stop whatever you’re doing and give them your full attention. Look them in the eye and listen intently, like they’re the most important person in the world. You’ll be amazed by the results.

2. Build a reputation for integrity and character

Influential people’s reputation precedes them. That’s invaluable because it allows you to be persuasive even before you step into the conversation.

If you’re known for high achievement and keeping your word, people will respect you from the get-go. If you’re in a position of power that’s even better because people have an innate respect for authority.

3. Assume charismatic body language

Body language plays a huge role in creating the right impression. In fact, it’s more important than words.

Charismatic body moves include:

4. Create a charismatic mental state

Getting into the right state before a meeting or presentation gives you a tremendous edge. The key here is visualization. Just before stepping in, imagine the situation turning out really well. Imagine yourself as a highly confident and charismatic person.

Moreover, if the meeting is really important, play your favorite power song and just feel good about yourself. This is a technique used by Jeffrey Gitomer, one of the top sales trainers in the world.

5. Have an intention before any human interaction

Before any call, conversation or presentation, ask:

What’s my true purpose here? How do I want this situation to play out? How can I help the other person?

This will set your mind on the desired outcome. It’s much more productive than rambling about whatever comes to mind.

6. Mitigate the negative thought patterns

Negativity is a habit, which you can change with practice. I recommend you go on a 21-day positive mental diet which will change your life and make you more influential.

In the short video below, Tony Robbins explains how being happy affects others around you (in psychology it’s called the ripple effect).

7. Dress and groom for success

It’s easy to overlook this one on your way to becoming the charisma-ninja. Your appearance is crucial when it comes to building authority and making a great first impression. It’s been proven that besides making an effect on others, classy clothing improves your own self-confidence as well.

Just think about Don Draper from Mad Man. His perfectly cut suit, clean shave, and slick hair were some of the keys to his success.

8. Have a firm handshake

Stretch your hand and open your palm widely. Aim for a full grip. It needs to be firm but not a bone crusher.

Then look them in the eye and smile confidently.

Did you know that a decision about the majority of job candidates is taken before the interview even starts? Again, appearance, body language, and a handshake are your tools here.

9. Speak louder and clearer

Charismatic people express themselves clearly and with conviction. Mumbling is not going to get you anywhere.

If people often ask you to repeat things, it’s a bad sign. To solve this, try speaking from your abdomen rather than from your chest. It will deepen your voice and make it louder – which is a clear sign of authority.

Also, be brief and concise. No one pays attention to a person who’s harping on a subject for hours.

10. Gesticulate more

In the beginning, it might feel awkward, but gesticulation will make your communication so much more impactful.

Just look at the top speakers and persuaders in the world – they constantly move around and wave their hands.

Remember: people will forget what you said but they’ll remember how you made them feel. Gesticulation is a part of that.

11. Warm-up before going into important meetings

Just as athletes need a physical warm-up before a competition, you need one before an important meeting. In his book, The Corporate Athlete, Jack Groppel explains that achieving top performance in the business world often requires more rigor than preparing for a sports championship.

Before the meeting, you can visualize the positive outcome, play your favorite “power” music, drink some coffee (not too much), take a few deep breaths, and say to yourself: “I can do it” at least a couple of times.

12. Practice conversation and talking to strangers

Just like with character, building charisma requires going out into the world and interacting with people.

Make use of one of the most powerful tools for socializing – Meetup.com. If you live in a medium or big city, there should be dozens of meetings available to you. Sign up and use these interactions as your charisma playground.

13. Care for other people (be compassionate)

Dalai Lama has a tremendous influence, and that’s mostly due to his infinite compassion. In his presence, even the hardest of hearts melt because he actually cares.

To develop more compassion, you can practice Metta Bhavana the meditation of loving-kindness. During your session, you’ll wish love and compassion to all beings. According to S.N. Goenka, pure love is one-way traffic. You just give.

14. Use the rule of reciprocity

Have you ever wondered why vendors in exotic countries invite you for tea? It’s because after drinking it your psyche will force you to buy something – even if you don’t want it. That’s how powerful the rule of reciprocity is.

Charismatic people know this well. The Godfather, for example, gave favors to many people and because of that was able to make offers that couldn’t be refused.

15. Look into their eyes

Firm eye contact is one of the hallmarks of self-confident people. The eyes are a window of the soul and as the rapper, Big Pun said: “It’s all in the eyes chico!”

So maintain eye contact, especially when shaking hands. I’m not a fan of Bill Clinton, but his eye contact is impeccable:

16. Smile with your whole face

Be more authentic in your signs of affection. Everyone can spot a fake smile.

Smile when you feel like it but do it with your whole being and use all the muscles of your face – especially around the eyes.

Jimmy Fallon and Tom Cruise smile and laugh all the time. That’s why they’re so charming.

17. Really listen to what other person has to say (be interested)

That’s the number one rule from the all-time communication classic, How To Win Friends and Influence People.

It’s all about the other person. “Talk about them and they’ll listen for hours,” said Benjamin Disraeli. Ask questions, be interested rather than interesting. This will get you far.

18. Establish rapport (acknowledge the similarities)

When meeting someone for the first time, try to find some similarities. Let’s say you’re both dog owners – this alone creates an instant connection and builds trust.

I saw that technique taken to extremes by some of the Moroccan vendors I encountered during my travels. I’m from Poland, and astonishingly, many of them claimed to have traveled there or studied there. They could even speak a few words in Polish! This was all devised to build rapport.

19. Walk and talk slower

Just imagine Frank Underwood from House of Cards or James Bond. They almost always take their time with things. They are men of gravitas and charisma – there’s a certain dignity about them.

You can attain this quality by moving and talking more slowly, pausing before answering, and especially by pausing when you speak.

20. Describe the future (leaders have vision)

Charismatic leaders have a vision. The best example here is the “I have a dream” speech by Martin Luther King. The reason it changed the world was that it was intensely focused on the future.

Inspire people by your vision. And use the words “we” and “let’s”. Not “you go do it”, but “let’s do it, just imagine what we can accomplish in the future”.

One of the most inspiring leaders of all time was Steve Jobs. He had a vision:

21. Read out loud

To build charisma, you need to be great at expressing your thoughts. One of the best methods to improve this ability is reading out loud. This will give you a better sense of the language and its rhythms.

In the course of the day, we usually communicate through half-baked sentences and little grunts and mouth noises. But what if you practiced reciting some of the greatest literature and poetry on a regular basis? Do you think it would help you bring some of this magic into your daily life?

22. Practice mirroring

During the neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) courses you can learn about mirroring. By mirroring the body posture of another person (for example, sitting in the same way) you can influence them more easily. When you watch great communicators, you’ll easily notice they use this technique.

Get more ideas on how to be charismatic from Brian Tracy:

Recommended books about charisma and persuasion:

I hope you enjoyed this article about building charisma. Please leave a comment below and tell me about your own tips and experiences in this field.

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