How to fight loneliness how to fight loneliness

Why loneliness is increasing, and how to fight back

Overcoming America’s invisible health crisis.

By Morgan Sweeney | Published Sep 1, 2021 2:10 PM

You’re lying in bed, your room dark around you. Blue light shines on your fingertips as you scroll through your phone, words and images flashing by your eyes. You’re waiting, watching other people live their lives. A sinking feeling gnaws at your stomach as you yearn for something—anything—to make you feel less alone.

While it’s not something people talk about much, loneliness is a common feeling, with three out of every five people reporting they felt lonely in 2019. The COVID-19 pandemic only worsened this crisis: a Harvard University survey taken in October 2020 found 73 percent of respondents felt at least occasionally lonely. Slightly more than one-third felt alone “frequently,” “almost all the time,” or “all the time.”

Loneliness is more devastating than many of us realize—it has a profound impact on a person’s mental and physical health, and has even been found to be an accurate predictor of early mortality. For those of us who have been suffering from loneliness, it can help to understand what it is, why it makes us feel the way we do, and how, exactly, we can overcome it.

What is loneliness?

Loneliness is not just being alone; it’s feeling alone in a way that causes you distress.

The feeling of loneliness stems from the mental gap between what you want from your relationships and what you actually have. While this can be a difference in quantity (e.g. not having as many friends as you want), this feeling usually stems from the quality of relationships you have.

The effects of loneliness

Most people can recognize the gnawing, painful longing that accompanies loneliness. But beyond feelings of sadness and depression, loneliness has been shown to affect the way our minds perceive social situations.

“[Lonely people] don’t expect the other person to like them, and then it becomes kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy,” says Dan Perlman, emeritus professor of human development and family studies at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro.

People who feel lonely tend to think they’re unlikeable, expect more negative social reactions, remember these negative interactions, and build an overall negative picture of their social experiences, Perlman says. This, he explains, can make them want to withdraw from social interactions altogether.

People who feel lonely also don’t sleep as well, which has myriad effects: decreased immune response, less mental alertness and focus, and increased stress and anxiety. This likely contributes to the long-term consequences of loneliness, which can damage multiple bodily systems and eventually lead to death.

Loneliness has been linked to earlier cognitive decline, as well as cardiovascular events including heart attacks, congestive heart failures, and strokes. Louise Hawkley, a senior research scientist studying loneliness and social isolation at the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, says that loneliness can also change hormonal regulation, increasing inflammatory responses associated with chronic diseases such as diabetes and high blood pressure. Loneliness can even affect the body at the genetic level, where genes that promote inflammation are expressed more and genes that decrease inflammation are expressed less.

Why do we feel lonely?

For such an unpleasant emotion that affects so much of the body, there must be a powerful evolutionary motive for loneliness. The prevailing theory is that this feeling is our cue to seek out social relationships.

“[Loneliness] is like hunger or thirst or pain: it’s either pushing us away from or drawing us to social relationships. Because our social networks are as important to us as food, or water, or avoiding pain,” Hawkley says.

How to cope

If loneliness is a discrepancy between the relationships you want and the relationships you have, there are two ways to shrink that gap: either change the expectations you have for your relationships, or change the relationships you have.

Identify your needs

Moe Brown, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Atlanta, recommends starting by checking in with yourself.

“If we only focus on external people and we haven’t worked on ourselves, we haven’t opened up our source for connection. It’s like pouring into a bottomless pit,” he says.

Brown encourages his clients to connect with themselves through self-care practices, which he defines as “anything that grows your practice of compassion, gratitude, kindness, and self love.” He suggests endeavors such as journaling, gardening, crafting, running, meditating, or cooking—or any solitary activity that leads to your spiritual and personal growth.

Brown also recommends distinguishing if your loneliness is a result of comparison—if you feel like your relationships aren’t measuring up to the ones you’ve come to expect from media—or if you have genuine emotional or social needs that aren’t being fulfilled by your current relationships.

Deepen your relationships

The easiest way to develop meaningful social relationships is to deepen your current relationships so that they become more emotionally fulfilling. While this can take many forms, you may want to consider reaching out in vulnerable situations, like when you’re feeling sad or lonely. Doing so might seem scary, but it can strengthen these relationships in profound ways.

Making new friends is another way to find that social fulfillment. Spending time with hobbies or in environments you enjoy can bring you into contact with like-minded people and build new relationships—whether you’re at your favorite bookstore, a pottery class, or a rock climbing gym.

Find connection via the internet

As with many social issues plaguing the US, the same groups that have been historically oppressed—including communities of color, women, and LGBTQ+ communities—are also uniquely vulnerable to loneliness.

This was especially challenging during the pandemic. Jor-El Caraballo, a therapist in New York City, says police brutality, job instability, and conflicting messages of social value placed additional burdens on many people of color, piling on top of the disconnection and loneliness everyone was feeling from COVID.

“I think that one way that people really tried to manage that was everyone was getting online. The internet was really a safe haven for people to explore their identities and connect with people and find safety and family,” Caraballo says.

Living in the land of the lonely

A compelling misconception is the idea that if you feel lonely, it’s because you are not good at relationships. This is not necessarily true.

“I think of loneliness as a social failure, not as an individual failure. And when you see that large numbers of people are lonely, I think it’s a sign that communities aren’t functioning well, that we don’t have a social infrastructure that really functions very well,” says Richard Weissbourd, co-director of Harvard’s human development and psychology master’s program.

Weissbourd explains that many people feel like it’s their own fault if they’re lonely, but this isn’t the case—our societal priorities often revolve around achievement and work, instead of social fulfillment. As a result, it’s hard to find spaces where social relationships are the priority, and loneliness often ensues as a result.

Ultimately, getting to know and respect your own social needs in the same way you acknowledge your physical needs is one powerful way to improve your health, productivity, and happiness.

“Because you’re not ever alone,” Brown says. “You are with yourself.”

Morgan Sweeney is a multimedia science communicator with a bachelor’s degree in cognitive science from McGill University. She’s previously written about the psychology of human experience through psychological fantasy and machine learning podcasts. When she’s not asking questions about the nature of human existence, she’s outside swimming in the closest watering hole or playing with her cats. You can read more of her work here.

Перевод песни How to fight loneliness (Girl, interrupted)

How to fight loneliness

Как справиться с одиночеством?

How to fight loneliness
Smile all the time
Shine you teeth til meaningless
Sharpen them with lies 1

And whatever’s going down
Will follow you around
Thats how you fight loneliness
You laugh at every joke
Drag your blanket blindly
Fill your heart with smoke
And the first thing that you want
Will be the last thing you ever need
Thats how you fight it

Just smile all the time
Just smile all the time
Just smile all the time
Just smile all the time

Как справиться с одиночеством?
Улыбаться всё время,
Сверкать зубами до неприличия, когда уже не смешно,
Заострить их ложью.

И, что бы ни случилось,
Следуй за улыбкой повсюду.
Вот так ты справишься с одиночеством,
Если будешь смеяться над каждой шуткой,
Тянуть своё одеяло вслепую,
Заполнять сердце дымом,
И первая вещь, которую хочешь,
Будет последняя вещь, в которой нуждаешься,
Вот так ты справишься с ним.

Только улыбайся все время
Только улыбайся все время
Только улыбайся все время
Только улыбайся все время

1) Sharpen them with lies – (досл) — Заострить их ложью. Каждый поймет, как хочет сам, но я думаю, что смысл таков — упражняться, поднатореть в искусстве лести и лжи.

How to Fight Loneliness

Short answer: Don’t bother.

The word “lonely” sounds so melancholy. It has a lethargic, ho-hum feel to it. Despite the word’s onomatopoetic implications, loneliness doesn’t feel ho-hum or lethargic to me at all. It feels fearful, urgent, and compulsive — an itch I have to scratch. Loneliness feels much more like fire ants in the belly than molasses on the tongue.

But what to do? How do we humanely slaughter all those belly-ants? How do we fight the loneliness?

“You just need to put yourself out there!” they say, or, “Fake it ’til you make it. That’s what I do!”

Well I say that’s crap.

Putting yourself out there when you’re a needy, desperate mess tends to result in disaster. And you never really make it if you fake it. You just keep faking it, or faking it gets so easy you forget yourself. At best, you sometimes end up finding moments that feel like making it. But those moments of making it aren’t due to the faking it — they’re just your not-fake self shining through like it would have anyway even if you hadn’t been faking it in the first place.

I say, let’s not fight the loneliness at all.

Let’s wait until the feelings pass, and then go from there. Because the feelings do pass, like storm clouds over the sun. All feelings do. And, of course, at our core, we are made of love. Our love-center is the sun, and the loneliness is the storm. So there’s no sense throwing lightning at people in the meantime.

Yes, while we wait for the storm to clear, let us refrain from trying to connect to anyone from our low place. Not a text, not an email, not signing up for a Meetup, not going to the nearest cafe with a plan to play it cool but friendly with the regulars. Nada. Lest we wind up coming home feeling even worse than we did when we were watching Castaway alone on the couch.

At my most lonely (read: desperate), I’ve been the most off-putting. When I’ve felt I’ve needed people the least, I’ve been the most awesome (if I do say so myself). The people I love most seem to have come my way when I’ve been at my best.

This is a typical platitude spouted at us when we’re single, isn’t it — the idea that love will come your way when you’re no longer looking for it? Before I met my current partner, I would always think, “Well how the hell do I stop looking for it?”

The truth is that you don’t need to look for love, and simply knowing that can make all the difference. And also, it’s valid and real that from time to time it feels like you need love from others in order to live. Fine — feel that. Just don’t act on it.

“But what if I feel lonely for a really long time and I don’t do anything about it? Won’t I just keep feeling lonely forever?”

This is what I used to ask myself on the regular. What I’ve discovered is that a) no single feeling lasts for a really long time, b) if you don’t obsess over what to do about it, the feeling tends to go away faster, and c) you will definitely continue feeling lonely if you make decisions from that insecure place.

We all intuitively know that the only way to connect to others is when it comes from a place of feeling connected. The fantastic thing is that you’re always connected, even if you may not feel the connection to that connectedness.

In other words, you actually are okay. Really.

The real you exists underneath the fear, tension, anxiety, and awkwardness you feel. All the time. Moreover, you don’t need to DO anything with that information, because if you know — if you truly know — that you are you, all the time, underneath all the muck … if you truly know that the most you part of you is always secure, connected, loved, and loving — no matter what … then even if you have no friends — even if you have no healthy familial relationships to speak of — even if your partner just broke up with you — you will feel secure, connected, loved, and loving again very soon.

Your feelings of loneliness will pass, because they are neither all of you, nor are they a call to action. They are just feelings — shadows of thoughts and opinions and anxiety about past events or future fears — and they pass, the storm clears, and the sun shines.

And then — THEN, by all means go and find some friends. Because friends are fun.

Brooke is a mentor, writer, and facilitator. She teaches clarity to creatives, activists, and educators: helping you gain greater access to your own best ideas so you can start doing all the awesome sh*t you were born to do.

How to Fight Loneliness

Find a Therapist

© Copyright 2010 by By John Smith. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org.

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

Please fill out all required fields to submit your message.

Invalid Email Address.

Please confirm that you are human.

Kevin

If you don’t exude desperation, you increase your chances of not being lonely. When you latch on to a person too quick, it’s anything from startling to downright creepy. Don’t be overpowering in your rush to be friendly. Take it slow and let them take the lead on occasion. Calling every day when you have just met this person is too pushy.

Marcia

It’s the internet. Nobody commits the time to make deep lasting offline friendships anymore. Shallowness is the new norm, mediocrity the name of the game. They all just want to meet up with their little groups of an evening and not interact with real people. That’s too much like hard work when you can end online friendships or romances with the click of an ignore button. They are lonely because they never experience proper flesh and blood relationships. This generation doesn’t know how to make real friends.

Isabel

Its the activities in my belief…the kind of things a person does creates positive or negative energy in him and if it is negative energy that is created it leads to a lot of problems,including feelings of loneliness.

SALLY

How to fight loneliness you ask…
Well the solution is to first seek out. There are a lot of people out there who would be nice friends with you and who are lonely themselves. Its like symbiosis-mutual benefit. Go out and make a friend,guys 🙂

marlon

I think I have been lonely all my life. Nothing that seems to have caused this, it is who I am.

sammy

^^marlon:please try and mingle with people around you.you do not have to suffer loneliness by telling that that is how you are born.nobody is a born loner.its all acquired.learn to make friends and you will see how beautiful life is.all the very best 🙂

Marlon

It’s like I was never given the skills that I need to make friends or to mingle in social situations with other people. I have always felt uncomfortable in those kinds of settings even when I was a kid. It’s like I missed the course on making small talk and making friends, you know? And then I often wonder how all of that skipped me by because it looks so easy for other people but for me it makes me feel like I am going to drown if I have to commit to hour after hour of that kind of idle chatter. I know that I would lead a much fuller life if I got out and did more but honestly the thought is kind of terrifying.

Being online is not getting rid of loneliness but it certainly CAN be a tool.You can use the various networking sites available to find people of similar interests and you may just end up making new friends!

When I find that all my friends are busy or are not free I get bugged.I tried pets a few months ago but that proved to be a dampner because I could not spend enough time taking care of them.

So now when I am alone,all my soft toys are friends and I play with them for even over an hour sometimes.I just turn into a kid,going back a couple of decades,I guess.

Audrey

Isolation makes it a real challenge to build your self-confidence. It’s a vicious circle where the more isolated you are, the less opportunities arise to do so. The less confident you feel, the less easy it is for you to be in a social circle, and the more isolated you become. The more isolated you become, the easier it is to convince yourself that you’re no great shakes anyway. Without friends or family to buoy you up again when you’re feeling low, your isolation continues. You have to break the cycle!

Pauline

Fighting loneliness? Join a book club, get involved at your church, do some volunteer work. There are numerous way to meet new people and to become a part of something very rewarding. To say that you do not know how is just a cop out.

It’s not a cop out, Pauline. We can’t all walk into a room of strangers and not sweat it. Lucky you if you can.

When I moved to New York six years ago I was extremely lonely. It’s ironic how you can be surrounded by so many yet feel so alone. I’m not an outgoing person and it took me a long time to see I was my own worst enemy. Neighbors invited me to parties and offered to show me around. They had came over and welcomed me from day one. I didn’t respond well because I’m shy and turned down the invitations. The offers from various well meaning people in my apartment building and at work soon dried up. In hindsight I should have made an effort to join in more and be friendly right from the start.

Eventually I got up the nerve to start being the one that made the first move. I invited them over for dinner and to go to movies or lunch, and gradually we became friends.

If you don’t want to be lonely a moment longer you need to be willing to extend yourself beyond your comfort zone and not let shyness stand in your way. More people are friendly than unfriendly and would enjoy your company. You need to give them a chance, especially if they already extended a hand of friendship. Ask one person to do one thing with you and go from there. I now have a small group of friends and am content with that.

ASmom

Marlon, have you ever been tested or read up upon Aspergers Syndrome? You sound very like my son and he has that. Having difficulty socializing is a key indicator of this. Many AS people go undiagnosed for a very long time. These are very intelligent adults that through no fault of their own do not have the same inherent understanding that others do about nonverbal communication and social skills. Your brain is just wired differently.

AS falls into the high functioning end of the autistic spectrum. The good news is you can learn how to make that side of your life easier and be more comfortable in social situations.There are many treatment options including cognitive behavioral therapy.

You can find information and resources at ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/detail_asperger.htm

Shelley

I have always spent quality time alone, even growing up. My sister was away at college and brother was much older then I. During the week I send 16 hours aday alone. And from Fridays 5pm to Mondays morning 8am I am alone. At age 45 itss really kind of hard to meet friends. I’m use to it.

Elle G

I admit I am lonely. Why? Because I always have put myself ‘out there’ and have no issue being outside my comfort zone. My problem? No on reciprocates anything with me. I have had to literally do ALL the initiating and sustaining with ALL my friendships for the last 32 years. If I don’t do the inviting I NEVER receive an invite. I cannot tell you how many times over the DECADES I have invited friends over for anything from casual dinners, family dinners, bithday (for my friends) dinners, my college graduation party, wedding… pretty much name the event I’ve done the inviting and yet I NEVER get so much as an invite to go to someone’s home for effing take out food. I can’t sort it out. I am genuinely interested in other people without being a pest, clingy or nosey. I am very kind, compassionate, perceptive and attractive. I’m someone no one would be embarrassed to be seen with, yet, no matter, I never get invites. I understand people have time constraints, demanding jobs, family obligations and money issues BUT there are many low cost and even free things I’d enjoy doing with other people yet my phone never rings. BUT, if I am having a dinner party or some other gathering where good food and fine wine is served then everyone is able to come over. WTF? So, I have decided to simply not call, txt or contact any of my friends I’ve known for years. It’s all up to them. If they want my friendship they will have to get out of their comfort zone to be my friend. I believe the root of all this misery is the complete failure so many people have to commit. They take the easy way out with passive aggressive texting and no one is actually intimately communicating. I am grateful I have a wonderful understanding husband who has advised me to step back and let others come to me. If they don’t then so what. Modern society has bred and is continuing to breed legions of emotionally disconnected and damaged people who if they don’t have Asperger’s Syndrome sure do a great job of pretending they do. I am learning to embrace my spiritual lonliness and with the money I’m saving by not socializing I’m able to invest for a really delightful future when I’m old. Blessings.

Heather

Elle G–
I find it very funny that we are having the EXACT same thoughts on the same day–especially given that the comment previous to yours is from last year! At any rate, I feel your pain and frustration. I too have friendships that I have been sustaining for years, and I am getting to the point in my life where I just don’t want to be the one making all of the effort anymore–it feels desperate and I am tired of feeling like this. I honestly think that a big part of not getting invites to things or having the phone ring is that we probably have people in our circles of friends who aren’t generally as social as we are. I mean, I know that we know that our friends do make plans and do things with other people, but I bet that you’d be surprised how different your socializing barometre is compared to some of your friends. You also might be the ‘glue’ of a lot of your social relationships in groups of friends? You also may have a need to have relationships with friends fill unmet needs within yourself that some other people don’t have (e.g some more distant family relationships, abandonment fears from the past, etc). I apologize if I am way off base here–maybe I am just trying to make us feel better! lol.

I do hear what you are saying though and sister, we are in exactly the same fed-up headspace right now! I don’t want to constantly be the ‘inviter’ and the ‘caller’ but now I’m thinking, ‘Wow. This really is going to be lonely and boring!’ I have a terrific husband and kids, but I definitely feel like RECIPROCATED ‘best friend’ relationships are missing in my life and it sucks. Arg!

Heather

p.s.–Sorry, that was phrased kind of weird–by “socializing barometre” I just meant that we might crave social contact more strongly and often than other people in our lives.

Elle G

excuse me for barging in on your elaborations, but I feel I must ask you a question.

I’m in my early 20’s and have been facing a similar scenario throughout my life: ALWAYS having to be the initiator etc. I am self-employed in a somewhat historical artistic profession and have been ever since leaving school, which doesn’t exactly make it easy to make friends: for one, there are no co-workers; then, most people seem to find my job daunting or obscure; and I, on the other hand, completely lack interest in most of the things my generation enjoys, i.e. Facebook, clubbing, shopping et al. The only company I find truly rewarding is people who’re truly passionate about their particular subject, be it music, history or physics; but since most of those people are older men with “a man’s mind”, a proper intimate-yet-platonic friendship is out of the question.

My question to you: should I go out and mingle with other people my age (although I tend to feel even lonelier in the company of the average age peer than I do alone) – and if so, how; or should I just leave it, spending my time reading Goethe, making music and channeling the frustration through my art, for artistic solitude with all its agony is still better than perpetual societal shallowness?

– Either way, I feel with you.

Louise

Dear Rose,
I just read your post and a thing that never happened to me before is the desire to answer.
I am made the experience and mistake of giving up on myself, meaning on my love to be passionate and interested to what I loved. By mistake I had put myself in an situation where I lived in a place where there were no match for my brain. But I didn’t realised that it would be a great deal. But the forced loneliness, and the need to share made me capitulated to the general lower standard. Because mediocrity is the main normality in the country I moved in. Well deep is my sorrow. It is not worth it.
I will say for my part very painful! But hey, it is good that once in a while you do a nice childish evening with some friends and it does not necessarily mean that it has to be stupid. It is as important as having meaningful time with connected friends. An other thing is that there is lots of meaningful young 20age, and most of the time there are quiet in theirs corners!! So don’t spend to much time wondering about it and let your mind being free and open. And really fast you’ll find each other.

Idlan

I always feel alone and lonely.It just make me feel like I should just die rather than living like this.I really need cure for this feeling.Would anyone bother to help me?

Angela

I just came on here by chance when I was googling ‘how to combat loneliness’. It’s been very interesting reading everyone’s comments – and to realise that I am less of a loner than I thought I might be!! Perhaps we should make a club of ‘happier loners’ lol. I often feel as if I am excluded from life, living outside a bubble which everyone else is happily enjoying their lives in, none of them loners! I just look in from the outside.

preet

hey angela..wud love to b a member of happy loners (kiddin). Plz do reply. Liked ur comments.

I’d like to join, too! I’m not from the western countries and I think a happyloners club from different nations does sound interesting.

Elle G

Angela,
I wouldn’t necessarily classify loners as being lonely. Some people just don’t need to belong or be part of a larger collective as much as some other people do. I look inward all the time as I don’t like much of what I see on the outside world. That said, speaking for myself from experience only, many seemingly happy people I personally know who are always beaming in photos and tweeting how uber great their lives are are often trying to convince themselves and those around them that all is blissful in their world when it is often not. Keep looking in ward but don’t forget to look out often, too.

jonathan

i always find myself anywhere i go to work….it’s like i cannot finish the contract that has given to me i end up unhappy of what i am doing please tell me what to do…….or what i need to do

shasta mcnasty

I thought I was supposed to be a partier/preacher as I enjoy people. Reason: I don’t let them get to deep into me. I like people. I like people watching. However, some car and phone problems and fear of the internet made me a loner. I don’t know what this means but two pro type men I know hate strangers unless they’re on the take. I’m here due to the shooting that happen everywhere. I guess its time for a no loner usa – batman for the most part doesn’t exist.

shasta mcnasty

I don’t agree to terms and consitions if they hurt me. I just saw that after posting. I’m interested in you and your background. That always helped me date foreign girls but not USA girls. I don’t know if they felt I was alpha or I felt I was alpha or I was also curious a great deal about them.

katie

First thing, check to make sure the people’s around you aren’t negative “fake” people-real life or media. If they tell you they’ve never had a bad day, it’s flat out blarney. Second if it is you, relax breathe, look at yourself. Are you a nerd that no one understands? living in the wrong city? pessimism personality? disabled, not sure of social cues? whatever it is,you’re not a victim and it’s not the end of the world. One day at a time and if something’s not working- change it until it does work for you. =) PS. Totally in the same situation as Rose, I feel you.

katie

Adding: If it makes anyone feel better, In truth all humans are social creatures but most of the extroverts I’ve come across are the loneliest people in the world because most are afraid of themselves while dependent on superficial things (people, media etc)-Surrounded by lies. What’s more, when they come into contact with us “nerds” or disabled persons we unconsciously put them in a bad light and they react with terror management problems ( aka try to sabotage you in anyway possible for self preservation.)

Being lonely is hurtful.
I would suggest that you first spend time getting to know yourself once again. Look at yourself as not who you were but who you could and want to be.. If you are healthy enough to go to a fitness class that you like then do so. Martial Arts, Yoga, or any type of Mind and body activity will get your confidence up.
Remember, you are a combination of this universe. You are God’s miracle.
Positive thinking heals. That is a proven fact.

I suggest you pray each day at least 3 times and ask for help.

Also I want you to try this.
Say to yourself: I am Strong and I will stay positive. I am God’s child and I have a purpose in this life. Say this out loud evryday.

Be light hearted and smile. Soon, life will be wonderful.
Ron

Laura

Ron,
How could you make it sound so easy. For those of us who struggle with (social-isms)it is not. But thank you for the positive reinforcement, now give us something we could chew on. Sorry, jus sayin.

10 ways to fight loneliness

Twitter LinkedIn icon The word «in».

LinkedIn Fliboard icon A stylized letter F.

Flipboard Facebook Icon The letter F.

Email Link icon An image of a chain link. It symobilizes a website link url.

Though it can be good song material, feeling lonely can be detrimental to your health, research shows.

According to research by AARP, 35 percent of survey respondents age 45 and up were lonely.

1. Understand what loneliness is

“Both mean a person is alone; however, the mindset is different,” she says. “It’s a typical feeling someone has when they believe the validation of others [and their company] is needed to feel worthy and at ease. Solitude is rooted in choice and peace. When someone revels in their solitude, they appreciate their connection to themselves first. They may enjoy time spent with others but don’t need it.”

2. Start with small steps

It’s important to keep moving and take small steps toward engaging with others in whatever form works for you, Jain says.

3. Meet people IRL (in real life)

Looking at Facebook and Instagram photos of the amazing vacations your friends are taking – or studying their social media updates on personal and professional successes – can promote feelings of loneliness.

“It’s counterintuitive, but increased use of social media may exaggerate feelings of loneliness,” Caudle says. “While social networks can offer real connections, remember that curated platforms often over-emphasize the success of others.”

Instead of spending too much time reading about people in cyberspace, close your laptop, put down your phone and spend more time with people you know in real life. “There’s no substitute for face-to-face interaction,” Caudle says.

4. Smile and say nice things

Smiling and doling out compliments like “Your dog is adorable!” or “I love your sweater!” initiates the connection.

“Then engage in small talk by asking a question: ‘What kind of dog is that? Where did you get your sweater?’” Masini advises. “These are simple rules of engagement: Smile, compliment, ask. If you drum up a conversation, follow the fourth step: invite.”

Examples include “Would you like to take a walk?” and “Can we have lunch this weekend?”