How to get to orgasm

Edging Exercises for Men to Achieve Better Climax Control

This is beneficial for men who experience premature ejaculation. You will have better control over your orgasms and be able to stop yourself from climaxing in certain cases.

The name edging was given because you are taking yourself to the very edge, and then stopping all stimulation so that the orgasm is never reached.

This method is more effective with men due to their longer refractory period. Women can try this too, but it will not be as beneficial.

Benefits

Men’s Level of Arousal

Before starting, one must learn about the different stages of arousal in order to know the best time to pull back.

For beginners, it is recommended to pull back at level 7. However, the goal of edging is to be able to pull back at level 9. After about 6 months of edging correctly, you will be able to skip PONR and experience dry orgasms.

Steps for Proper Edging

Before you begin edging, you will need a quiet place, lubricant, and a timer. This can also be performed during masturbation or foreplay.

Step 1. Edging is best done while lying down with your eyes closed. Stimulate yourself until your penis is hard. Make sure to focus on how you feel so you are aware when you reach a certain level of arousal.

Step 2. Stroke your penis similar to masturbation. You may use a lubricant to do this. In this step, avoid touching the penile frenulum (the skin located under the center of the head) and the entire head. It is important not to stimulate them too soon as they are the most sensitive parts of the penis.

Step 3. For beginners, you may stop stimulating yourself when you reach level 4. This is when you start to feel really aroused but still feel it is easy to hold back your orgasm. On your next sessions, your goal is to stop yourself beyond level 4, gradually reach level 9, and still be able to stop and hold back your orgasm.

Step 4. If it becomes too difficult to hold back, stop completely and think of something different. It is helpful to inhale and exhale a few times to help yourself cool down. Make sure you are feeling all the sensation and not ignoring them (unless you are at your edge avoiding an orgasm). This is the key to becoming better at edging.

Step 5. When you start to feel that you are no longer going to orgasm, you can start stimulating yourself again. Some men are more sensitive, and will need to take a longer break. Repeat these steps for at least 20 minutes in every session. In some steps, you will be closer to orgasm than in others.

Step 6. It is up to you if you want to let yourself ejaculate. When you are ready to ejaculate, it is ok to stimulate the frenulum and head. Your orgasm will be much stronger and longer than usual. You will also more force when ejaculating (be careful not to take anyone’s eye out 🙂 ). This can lead to cramps, so make sure to eat something and drink water before hand.

Every session, keep in mind that the goal is to be able to reach a higher level of arousal before stopping yourself.

It is okay not to reach level 8 or 9 in your first few weeks. Edging at a higher level may take more time for some, and becoming better comes with a regular practice.

When you feel that you have mastered edging, you may start doing the exercise by stroking the head as well.

Half Orgasms

When stopping right before an orgasm, you may experience strange orgasm variations. You may ejaculate without feeling the orgasm or you may feel the orgasm without ejaculating.

Those are normal and will allow you to learn more about yourself throughout the process.

Important Terminologies to Remember

Edging with Kegels

Kegel is a pelvic floor muscle exercise that is very helpful when holding back your orgasm. This exercise involves flexing your pelvic floor muscles as if you are holding back your urine.

This article discusses the steps on how to perform Kegels properly.

The difference of Edging and Ballooning

Ballooning is a more complicated exercise where you stimulate yourself without ejaculating. It is also helpful with premature ejaculation.

With ballooning, you are supposed to stroke a specific part of your penis while doing reverse Kegels, then do some Kegels when you feel like you are about to orgasm.

This exercise must be done for 30 minutes to one hour. Not allowing yourself to ejaculate will result in a bigger flaccid penis and a much harder erection.

How to make a woman orgasm with your fingers.

The golden rules are to be gentle and make sure that your fingers are wet before inserting them. Once your fingers are inside her do not presume that just because you want to use them hard and fast that she will like this because she won’t. A woman likes you to show consideration and take it easy, don’t forget how delicate her vagina is. Keep your fingers inside and use them as if you were beckoning someone to come to you, you will soon notice that she is getting wetter with every movement and this is when you should speed up.

As she gets more into into it you will be able to push deeper and will feel a firm piece of tissue that feels like an inverted finger tip (when you feel it you will know what I mean). Stop with the beckoning now and rub this in a circular motion until you make your woman orgasm with your fingers. The great thing about doing this is that she will most likely pleasure you with her hands at the same time.

How to make a woman orgasm with your tongue.

As above you need to take your time and lick her very slowly at first, it takes a little longer to make your woman orgasm by licking her vagina but her climax will be ten times more powerful than the ones given with your fingers. Women love oral but only when it is given properly and with skill and consideration. The best way is to start licking and kissing her outer lips first to get get them wet, then slowly put your tongue inside and alternate between licking and putting your tongue in. It will not take long before she is unable to keep still, such is the pleasure that she is getting.

Keep the licks slow until she is wriggling about and the start to turn up the heat a bit at a time until she is getting loud. By now her clitoris should have taken it’s hood off ready for you to apply the finishing touches. It is crucial that you stimulate this gently or you will have her pushing you away. Just a few nice flicks of your tongue will suffice and she will be having an orgasm like no other.

So next time your girlfriend feels horny but wants an orgasm without intercourse you can make your woman orgasm with your fingers or your tongue.

How To Have Multiple Orgasms

Q: “For years, I thought I was never going to be able to have an orgasm. My 2016 resolution was to learn how to orgasm on my own. After a lot of practice and experimentation, I finally did it! I’m super excited about my newfound orgasmic possibilities. Now I’m interested in taking it a step further and trying to have multiple orgasms (I know, I’m greedy, haha!). Any techniques for having more than one orgasm?»

A: Thanks for the question, and congrats on learning how to have your first orgasm! Now that you’ve had a taste of what orgasms can be like, I don’t blame you for wanting to have even more. (Of course, you have to also be wary of not putting any performance pressure on yourself.)

Just like the path to orgasm varies greatly from woman to woman, the path to multiple orgasms is also different. Some women can have a second orgasm by doing the exact same thing they did to have their first orgasm. Other women need modifications to their approach. Plus, the experience of multiple orgasms can feel different, depending on the woman and the session. Here are eight tips for finding the right strategy to have multiple orgasms.

1. Give Yourself A Quick Break

One of the first things to figure out is what your body needs immediately after your first orgasm — mainly, whether or not you need to give yourself a brief cooling-off period. The clitoris can be really sensitive after an orgasm. Sometimes the clitoris even feels painful if you try to touch it right after you’ve climaxed.

You may or may not already have a sense of how your body responds post-orgasm. If you’re not sure, the next time you have an orgasm, try to very gently touch your clitoris. If it feels uncomfortable or painful, give yourself about a minute, then try again. If it’s still sensitive, give yourself another minute. Keep repeating until you get a sense of how long of a break your clitoris needs post-orgasm.

On the other hand, your clitoris may not need any rest. If your clitoris doesn’t feel that sensitive after an orgasm, you may find it useful to try to stay in contact with it. If you enjoy direct stimulation, stroke your clitoris slowly and gently, maintaining a consistent pace and pressure. You’re not trying to make yourself orgasm right away; think of this more as a holding pattern.

If the direct contact is too much, you can try indirect touch instead. Try holding your labia together and exerting a small amount of pressure against your clitoris. You’re not touching the clitoris directly, but still stimulating it. Or try holding your entire hand over your vulva and maintaining some pressure.

3. Warm Yourself Up Again

Your arousal levels naturally fall after an orgasm. The body is meant to go through a recovery phase. Fortunately, unlike men, who need anywhere from 15 minutes to many hours to get hard again, we women can be ready to go in just a few minutes. After you’ve taken a break or spent some time with gentle touch or pressure, you can start trying to work yourself back up to your second orgasm. Keep taking your time though. Spend a few minutes stroking your labia, playing with your vaginal opening, or circling around your clitoral hood.

4. Try Your Usual Routine

The next factor to determine is whether or not your usual technique is going to work to help you reach orgasm again. Some women can do exactly what they did the first time, while other women need to change their approach.

As your first experiment, try to use the same combination of fingers, stroke, and pressure that you usually do when you’re masturbating. See how your body responds. If this feels pleasurable, keep going for as long as it feels good. You may have to try several times before having a second orgasm. I’m sure that when you were trying to learn how to orgasm the first time around, you had many practice sessions that didn’t result in an orgasm. Try to have the same level of patience here.

If doing the same thing doesn’t feel pleasurable or doesn’t seem to be working, you may need to alter your technique. What your body may have liked pre-orgasm may not be the same as what your body likes post-orgasm.

For example, some women are really sensitive after an orgasm, and can only stand the lightest of touches. Other women require even more pressure than before to push themselves close to the edge again. Experiment with different strokes, different levels of pressure, and different numbers of fingers. Try direct clitoral contact and indirect. Let what feels pleasurable serve as your guide. Again, recall what it was like to experiment when you were first learning how to orgasm. This exploration can require some patience on your behalf, but if you’re at least experiencing pleasure, it shouldn’t feel like a chore!

6. Consider A Vibrator

Some women find that they require a lot more stimulation after having their first orgasms. If this feels like it might be the case for you, you may want to consider using a vibrator to have your second orgasm. It can help give you an intensity that your fingers aren’t capable of. Vibrators can also be nice if you’re in a post-orgasm haze and can’t muster up the energy to keep your hands moving!

7. Know That Not All Orgasms Are Created Equal

Try not to have any expectations of what your second orgasm will be like. Multiple orgasms, just like regular orgasms, can vary from woman to woman. Some women report feeling many small, rolling waves of pleasure that just keep going. Other women report feeling separate and distinct orgasms, each with their own warming up and cooling down period. It may take much longer to get to your second peak. Or it may be much shorter than the first one. The second orgasm can feel much more intense than the first. Or it can feel kind of disappointing — or your orgasms may be almost identical each time. The point is that there’s no way to know until you’ve had one, so try to keep an open mind.

8. Don’t Pressure Yourself

It’s awesome that you’ve learned how to orgasm in the first place. Seriously, congrats! Like I mentioned above, I don’t blame you for wanting to have even more orgasms. At the same time, I’ve worked with some women who have put a lot of pressure on themselves to have multiple orgasms. As you probably know, orgasms do not respond well to pressure. I’ve also worked with some women who were so focused on the second orgasm that they didn’t even enjoy the first one all that much. Don’t let your goal of having multiple orgasms take away from all of the amazing progress you’ve made thus far. If you are able to have them, that’s great! If not, you still have the first orgasm to look forward to.

Prostate Milking: The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Orgasms

So you’ve done your research. You’ve found your prostate gland. You’ve learned how to massage it properly and what sort of feeling you might have. The problem is, you just can’t seem to bring yourself to orgasm.

Don’t panic! You aren’t broken or incompetent. Prostate orgasms are quite difficult to have. Some men massage and milk their prostates for years without ever having an orgasm. While it would be nice as an end goal, you have to remember that you’re still doing something that is great for your health, even if you aren’t having orgasms.

If you’re determined to go to the next level though, good for you! It can take some dedication to actually reach the big O, but most men who have experienced prostate orgasm find that after you’ve done it once, it becomes a lot easier. This is because on your subsequent attempts, you know exactly what you did before, so it’s easier to replicate.

Just to make sure you’ve got the process completely down, I’m going to run through the entire experience, start to finish. Along the way I’ll also try to add in notes from across the internet. These might not be necessary for some people, but for others they can make the difference between a simple prostate massage, and a mind blowing orgasm.

What Is the Prostate Gland?

The prostate gland (sometimes referred to as the p-spot or male g-spot) is a small walnut shaped gland located in a man’s lower regions, roughly between the inner end of the penis and the rectum. Its primary function is to produce liquid which helps men have healthy sperm, and contains some muscles which help with ejaculation. Due to its role in ejaculation, stimulating the prostate can be quite a pleasurable experience for some men. When stimulating your prostate for sexual pleasure, you can produce some of the most intense and body shaking orgasms that a man can possibly have, as well as some pretty impressive ejaculations.

How Do You Find Your Prostate Gland?

The first part of any prostate stimulation is needing to simply find where the gland is in your body. The prostate is around two to four inches inside the male rectum, and sits just below the bladder. All men are different, so how far inside you it is will be very personal to you.

The easiest way to find it is internally, which means putting a finger in your butt. It’s best to start with a finger as it’s quite small and you can flex your joints quite easily to help you search. You usually will only need to put the first two joints inside to reach your prostate.

It is incredibly important to stay relaxed while exploring any kind of anal activity. Not only does it help you to enjoy the process more, it will make it a lot easier. When you are tenser, the muscles in the area also become tenser, so it will be more difficult to insert anything.

Some people like to use music, candles and specific lighting, breathing exercises, or just simply making sure that they are home alone and able to focus fully on the process with no distractions. It’s up to you to find out what works for you, and it may take some experimentation. A good place to start is to simply be in a quiet place, where you aren’t likely to be disrupted.

When you’re ready to start, you’ll need lube. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not self-lubricate. As it is designed to send things out of your body, rather than into it, you need to use a lot of lube to make sure that you don’t hurt yourself or damage any of the sensitive tissue in the area.

Begin by applying lube to the area around your anus and on your finger. You can start to relax your anus by giving it a small massage. It can feel quite nice to treat it a little like a doorbell. Gently press on the anus with the pad of your finger and then release the pressure. After a little while, the muscles should begin to open, and allow your finger to move inside the opening.

Don’t rush now, as it can take your body a little while to adjust to the feeling of having something inside your butt. It might feel like you are having, or need to have a poo. This is totally normal and should pass after a while. You’ve spent your entire life using these muscles to poo, so it can take a little time for your brain to get used to them being used for another purpose.

When you feel comfortable enough to continue, it is a good idea to use more lube. Usually when you insert things into your anus, the muscles stop the lube from actually getting inside. You want to make sure that the internal part of your anus is also well lubricated. If you find yourself having difficulty actually getting lube into your butt, there are many syringes on the market which are specifically designed to help with this.

With everything lubed up and relaxed, it’s time to start searching for the magic prostate. It is usually walnut shaped, and should feel different on your fingers to the other areas of your butt. Most people will need to have the first two joints of their fingers inside them before they’ll be able to reach their prostate.

It might not feel nice as soon as you find it. Some people might not even be able to feel any difference at all. While a lot of sources will tell you that “you’ll know when you find it”, this isn’t always true for everyone. Don’t worry too much about it, as with some practise you should get there eventually.

Another tip when searching for your prostate is to try to arouse yourself before you begin, and during the process. Much like areas of the female vagina, the prostate grows from increased blood flow during arousal. The more aroused you are the larger and harder it gets, making it much easier to find.

Now there IS a chance that even following all of this advice, you STILL can’t find your prostate gland. Unfortunately for some of us, our fingers just aren’t long enough to effectively reach the right area. If this is the case for you, the best thing you can do is look into getting a prostate massage toy, or asking someone else for help.

I’m Not Comfortable With Anal Yet, Can I Still Stimulate My Prostate?

Yes! While it might be a little more difficult to achieve the same feelings externally, it is possible to give your prostate some love by stimulating your perineum. This is the fleshy area between your testicles and your anus. By simply giving a massage to the area, the internal tissue around the area which is attached to your prostate will help stimulate the gland. Combine these massages with some stroking of the penis and you’ll already be feeling something new and different.

I’ve Found It, Now What?

Once you manage to locate your prostate gland, it’s up to you to figure out the best way to stimulate it. Some people like to feel constant pressure on it, leading to very strong erections and ejaculations. Others prefer a gentle stroking or massage action, or maybe even some vibration. The most important part of stimulating your prostate is to try and stay as relaxed as you can. Anal play can sometimes be uncomfortable and it definitely takes some getting used to the new feelings, but if you aren’t relaxed, you probably aren’t going to have a great time. You also need to make sure you’re being gentle, as sudden strong touches can cause your rectum to contract which makes it much more difficult to stay relaxed. There are many different positions you can adopt while stimulating your prostate so feel free to experiment! Ultimately this is a highly personal thing and you’ll have to figure out what works best for you.

Preparation

The first phase of your prostate massage, is arguably the most important if you wish to achieve orgasm. Going into it with the wrong mindset is pretty much a guarantee that you won’t make it to orgasm.

Some men like to follow a specific ritual or guideline while preparing for their session. This is most often just the order you do things in, but can involve things like long baths, lighting scented candles and maybe even massaging themselves with some relaxing oils before they start.

There are a few common things that all men should do before they start a session of prostate play though. A bowel movement is going to be needed to make sure that you don’t start poking at any stored up feces.

Different men will say different things, but the average seems to be a trip to the toilet around an hour before you begin.

The next step all men tend to take is taking a shower. You want to pay extra attention to your anus and make sure it is sparkling clean. Depending on your experience with anal activity, you might also want to begin gently inserting your finger into your anus.

Not only will this make sure the immediate area inside is clean, but you can start to get yourself a little turned on with some gentle massaging of the area.

Getting Aroused

Whether or not you choose to get yourself started off while showering, nearly all men who’ve had a prostate orgasm will agree that being aroused is step number one in reaching orgasm.

When you get in the mood, blood flow to the area increases and the prostate begins to swell up. This makes it easier to find, but also much more pleasurable.

Tools for Prostate Massage

Fingers are the go to tool for many men wanting to stimulate their prostate. They’re definitely the easiest option, but not without their own drawbacks.

The prostate gland is located around two to four inches inside the anus. For most men this will mean they need to insert their finger around two joints inside to reach their prostate.

For some men it can be further up, so more of a finger is needed. In others, their fingers just aren’t long enough, so they stand no chance of stimulating their prostate using fingers alone.

To know whether or not you can reach far enough, a good technique is to start by putting your finger just inside your anus.

Place a small amount of pressure on the front wall of the anus (the side towards your belly). If you don’t feel anything, then insert the finger a little further, and try a small amount of pressure again.

You keep moving up and pressuring until you find your prostate. You should be able to tell when you do, as you should feel a sudden urge to urinate. This is totally normal and fine, and you aren’t at risk of wetting yourself.

If you are able to find it and reach it effectively, great! You’ve made it past the first hurdle. If not, head on down to the prostate massagers section and see what other options are available to you.

The second hurdle when using the fingers to massage your own prostate is that they’re fingers. Stick with me here. When you use any part of your body for an extended period of time, what is the feeling you end up with? Tiredness. The same is true for your fingers.

In some men it can take several hours to reach a successful prostate orgasm, so using your fingers for that length of time can be quite difficult. Even if you can maintain some level of controlled movement for an extended period without hand or arm aches/cramps, you are also contending with a rather limited range of movement.

Keeping your finger in, and staying comfortable gives you a small amount of space to work with, and depending on the angle you need to use to reach your prostate, it might not be feasible to effectively massage the area.

This whole to-do with finding your prostate can be a bit of a turn off sometimes, so it may be worth spending some time on a seperate day exploring the area and identifying the right places to touch.

On another day, armed with your new knowledge get yourself prepared and aroused and start your session proper.

Again this is individual to each man, and if you find something that works for you then you’re all set to get started properly. If not, then it’s time to try some extra tools.

Prostate Massagers

Where something cannot be done, man will find a way. This is never truer than with prostate massage.

Even in an area that has been surrounded by taboo and controversy over the years, those that were keen to explore have been able to find their own methods for stimulating their prostate where their fingers have failed. These methods take the form of prostate massagers.

Essentially a butt plug, but with a curve or angle, prostate massagers are specifically designed tools aimed at aiding you hit the orgasm you want.

They come in all kinds of shapes and styles, so you might need to spend a bit of time finding exactly what you’re looking for, but when you do they can make the entire process a whole lot easier.

If you choose to use a prostate massager over your fingers, you have a few added bonuses. The first is just a whole range of extra movement. You can hold onto the plug by the base, and angle it any way you want.

You have almost complete control over the movements and pressure you put on the prostate and it’s so much easier. Any time you feel your arms beginning to tire or ache, you can take a break and let them rest.

But even then you can continue stimulating your prostate with some simple Kegel exercises.

The clenching and releasing actions of an effective Kegel will move the plug up and down your prostate in a stroking action.

Your other bonus is vibration! A completely different feeling that no matter how dexterous you are, you won’t be able to truly recreate with your fingers. A vibrating plug can really change what you experience while prostate massaging, allowing you to fully let go and relax into the feelings without needing to touch anything.

If you’ve tried various things but found yourself unable to truly relax and focus on your feeling, a vibrating prostate massager can be the way to go.

I know we’ve talked a lot about getting started with a prostate massage session, and not talked much about actually reaching orgasm, but we’re nearly done with prep work. I promise!

The final area of prep to cover is lube. I maybe shouldn’t have left it till last, as it is undoubtedly the most important part.

Your butt doesn’t produce any lubrication! Without lube, any attempts at prostate massage will feel like rubbing your insides along sandpaper. To put it another way, unpleasant and painful.

Both silicone-based lubes and oil-based lubes are much longer lasting than water-based lubes. While the latter is totally acceptable for anal play, you will have to reapply it more often during a longer session.

Silicone-based lubes should be approached with caution, as using them on a silicone toy can break down the surface material, and contaminate your anus and rectum.

Oil-based lubes are the clear favorite here, and there are many kinds to choose from. I’ll leave it up to you, but be sure to do your research and know exactly what the lube you’re going to use contains. You don’t want any nasty surprises.

Due to the length of time you may need to be inside yourself, having a high quality lube is key. The longer it lasts the better! While you can reapply it as you go along, if you end up getting yourself close to orgasm and find that you need to stop and apply more lube, it’s really going to kill the mood.

You’re also going to need lots of it. Whatever you think is enough, double it. You need to make sure it gets everywhere, so really baste yourself in it.

The most important part is to get it up and inside your anus. This part is where a lot of people will fall short with anal play. Just because it’s on a finger, prostate massager, dildo, butt plug, or anything else, it doesn’t mean it’s automatically going to make it into your butt.

If you find yourself having trouble with this, look into picking up a lube syringe. These are usually made to medical grade standards, and inserting the tip into your anus allows you to directly feed the lube into it.

Internal Prostate Stimulation

If you’ve found your prostate, great! You might be wondering what to do now. This is a very personal part of the process. Different men enjoy different things, and it’s up to you to find what aspects of prostate stimulation you enjoy. In any case, there are a few different movements you can try:

If you find something that works for you, try to remember it. For a lot of people, it will be a very pleasurable, but somewhat weird feeling. For some though, when they first find and try to stimulate their prostate internally, they won’t find any enjoyment from the process. Try not to be put off by this. A lot of people will give up at this point and miss out on the great pleasure you could get from prostate stimulation.

At any point during this process you feel pain, you should stop immediately. The muscles and nerve endings inside the anus are incredibly sensitive, and tearing them is something you definitely want to avoid. Small amounts of stinging or burning, while not as much of a bad thing as pain, should tip you off that something in your process isn’t right. A lot of the time this will be the lube you are using, as some are nowhere near as well suited to anal use. Make sure you research lube properly and pick an appropriate one for your session.

External Prostate Stimulation

If you don’t feel ready or interested in exploring your anus to find your prostate internally, don’t despair! You still have another option to stimulate your prostate. This is done through stimulation of the perineum.

The perineum is the area located between your scrotum and your anus. A lot of people refer to it (somewhat crudely) as the “taint”. This area covers the entire bottom part of your body in a kind of diamond shape, and with correct stimulation you can also stimulate your prostate too.

The most important thing to bear in mind when stimulating the prostate through the perineum is the penile bulb. This is the area which forms the base of the penis, and is contained within your body just above the perineum. If you rub the area of the perineum which is below the penile bulb, rather than stimulating the prostate you’ll just be stimulating the penis instead.

This means you need to focus more on the area closer to your anus. This area should feel a little softer and tender when you press on it. Again, you need to try to find something that works for you. Everybody’s different! Try circular movements, vibration like movements, pressure, anything you can think of.

Much like internal stimulation, it helps a lot to be aroused during an external massage too. As the prostate grows and becomes firmer, the skin you are massaging should also feel firmer.

A lot of men will not experience particular pleasure from this kind of prostate stimulation. This is unfortunately just because you aren’t stimulating the prostate directly. If you find this is you, I’d highly recommend trying internal stimulation as you are depriving yourself of a world of pleasure.

Using a Plug for Prostate Stimulation

Butt plugs give you a great tool to use when stimulating your prostate. Not only can they be larger than your fingers, which means more surface to work with at once, they can also be specifically designed to help with prostate stimulation. Prostate stimulation butt plugs usually come with a slight curve near the end, which presses on your gland while they are inserted. If vibration is your thing, you can achieve this feeling very easily with a vibrating plug rather that finding random household objects to put up there. Perhaps the best part about using a butt plug though, is the base of the plug allows you to easily adjust and reposition it, making it much easier for you to find the kind of feeling you like best.

Stage One: Finding Your Groove

So if you’re nice and turned on, have everything lubed up, and chosen your method of massage, then it’s time to begin.

If it’s your very first time, you’re going to want to take it very slowly. While this is always good advice for any anal activity, it is especially true if you aren’t used to it.

The sphincter muscles of the anus are extremely elastic, but if you’ve never used them for anything other than toilet trips they aren’t going to be used to opening up at other times.

The more you perform prostate massage the more these muscles will adapt and eventually you should be able to slide things in with very little feeling of discomfort.

Once you’ve got your implement in, stop and have a little rest.

Remember you need to try and stay as relaxed and aroused as possible, and constantly thinking things like “my butt feels weird” isn’t going to help. You need to adjust, and get used to the feelings. It might not happen in your first session, but before long you’ll be totally used to it.

If you’re at the point where something is in your butt, and it doesn’t feel totally alien and weird. AND you’ve managed to keep your arousal and relaxation high, then you’re probably in the best state possible for a prostate orgasm. Now it’s the simple matter of stimulating it.

There are literally tons of different motions and movements you can try. Everyone likes different things, so rather than trying to tell you which one is “best” or “most effective”, I’ll try to just list all of the ones I’ve come across and you can try them until you find your favorites.

With Fingers:

With a Prostate Massager:

The options here are a little different, so I’m not going to make a list giving you techniques. Instead I’ll just give you some ideas of what kinds of things you can do with a massager.

Depth: Prostate massagers come in many different sizes. Some of the longer ones are able to go deeper into your butt while still hitting the spots of the prostate you need it to.

Others will literally just reach the prostate and go no further. Depending on how comfortable you are, and the enjoyment you get from anal play, you can try out different kinds of massagers until you find the one that’s ideal for you.

Cock Ring: There are also varieties of prostate massager that come with a cock ring built onto the outside. These can be great if you struggle to maintain arousal during a prostate massage.

Some men have the unfortunate problem that the second something enters their anus their erections will instantly drop. Maintaining a solid erection throughout can do wonders for keeping yourself aroused.

If you’re thinking about going with a prostate massager over your finger, we’ve done an in depth look at both the designs and use of them which you should definitely take a look at.

Stage Two: Pre-Cum/Milking

At some point during the process, you might notice some white fluid leaking out of your penis. You shouldn’t be alarmed, as this is part of the prostate massage and is totally normal. What you’ll be noticing is basically ejaculation, only without the sperm.

The fluid is mostly made up of the liquids that are stored and produced in the prostate, and should be roughly milk-like in color and consistency, hence the term prostate milking.

You can choose to milk the prostate for as long as you like, and by varying speed or pressure you can spend a lot of time to make sure that everything is cleared out properly. If your main goal is prostate orgasm though, this won’t be your primary concern. It is though, a sign that you are on the right track.

Sometimes you might spend quite a long time massaging, but have no pre-cum leakage at all. It’s likely in this case that you just aren’t hitting quite the right spot.

Everyone’s body is different, and just because you’ve read it should be done one way it doesn’t mean it’s going to work for you. If this happens to you it might be worth trying something different.

Techniques That Might Help

Different Positions

There are a great range of positions you can use if your first choice isn’t working for you. The most popular and simple one will be simply lying on your back, reaching down past your stomach. If this isn’t doing it for you, or if you just fancy different, here are some options:

Face Down: Not the most adventurous change of position, but still an effective one. Flipping over to your stomach can help you have a bit more access to your anus, and you can rest your arms on your back while you massage so they don’t get as tired.

One downside to this one is that your hand will be the opposite way up, so things like the come-hither motion will no longer work. If you’re dexterous though, you should still be able to effectively reach your prostate.

Switch to External

Most people are going to recommend using internal massage techniques when you are trying to achieve a prostate orgasm. If you aren’t yet comfortable with something entering your anus though, you aren’t completely out of luck.

While externally stimulated prostate orgasms aren’t as common, some men have perfected the art, and can summon some truly magical feelings without even touching their insides.

Even if you’re perfectly happy entering your anus, external massage can have it’s role in your prostate massage sessions. It can be a useful warm-up during your initial phases of arousal and prep.

Or you can use it as a little halfway break if your arm or anal muscles start to feel a little tired. So don’t be afraid to mix it up, and try a little external massage on your journey to prostate heaven!

Use the Penis Too

All men will know what penis orgasms are like. Pretty much any penile touches while slightly aroused will really help get you going. As we discussed earlier, maintaining your arousal during your session can be a big help due to the increased prostate size, so making sure you’re nice and hard can make a big difference.

Another option is to wear a cock ring. For most men this will be enough to maintain a constant erection, with the bonus that you don’t need to touch your penis at all during your massage.

If you feel the arousal leaving, and the enjoyment dropping during your massages, a short play with your penis can help top you back up and keep you going.

You should be careful though, as for most men reaching a regular penile orgasm will put a swift end to any enjoyment you were receiving from your prostate massages.

Getting Someone to Help

Your quest for prostate orgasms doesn’t have to be a solo one! While most men will prefer their first few attempts at prostate massage to be done privately, allowing someone else to get involved can enhance the experience a huge amount.

Not only will it be easier for them to reach your prostate without you having to fold yourself up, letting someone else take care of the actual massage means that you can relax fully. Being able to focus entirely on the feelings you have rather than the physical act of performing massage, can make it easier to reach orgasm.

Talk to the Doc

While most men are able to find their own prostates, for some it might feel like you just aren’t hitting the right spot. This is probably more relevant if you’ve tried massaging a lot, but still not had any pre-cum during the stimulation.

It is possible that your prostate is just in a slightly different position to normal, so a conversation with a doctor (and maybe a short rectal exam) will help to clear things up. An added bonus is that if they do need to touch your prostate themselves, you’ll know exactly what it’ll feel like for your next attempt.

Stage Three: Reaching Climax

Now let’s assume that everything is going great. You’re able to find your prostate and enjoy stimulating it. You’ve got pre-cum dripping out of your penis. But you just can’t reach orgasm. What’s a man to do?

Unfortunately, there really isn’t an easy answer for this. Some men will reach the goal quickly, others might take many attempts. The main thing is to focus on enjoying the process. Kind of annoying really, isn’t it?

Luckily for you I’ve scoured the internet, and I’ve found a couple of last tidbits of wisdom that just might help.

An intense need to urinate is often a feeling that will cause some men to slow down or stop their massage. For most though, pushing through this feeling and continuing with the massage is the final barrier.

So next time you feel like you’re going to wet yourself, remember that you definitely wont, and keep pushing yourself that little bit further.

Now that really was a bit of an epic. I’ve spent a lot of time reading about many men’s different experience and tried to give you as many tools as possible for your journey to prostate orgasm.

The rest is up to you! Get yourself into the habit of regularly massaging your prostate, find the things you like, and hopefully before long you’ll be feeling the best orgasms of your life!

Do Women Have One Too?

Unfortunately, as the prostate is a gland designed for sperm related purposes, women don’t carry one. But don’t let that put you off, I’m sure your men will love it if you want to get involved and find better ways to pleasure them! You can combine penis stroking and playing with a butt plug for prostate stimulation. If you’re feeling particularly adventurous, you could combine prostate massage with roleplay and tie your man down while you pleasure him. Once you’ve had enough practise, you can work on giving your partner the most intense and exciting orgasm they’ve ever had. As you can see, there’s a lot to explore when it comes to male prostate stimulation.

» So, whether you’re a guy or a girl looking to please her man, be sure to check out our butt plugs and start exploring your prostates today!»

Interesting info in regards a pretty private and not as to insight for those of us that cannot explain to others…. Although I’m all in.. That is pretty much a very private ‘my’ domain.

How to Have a ‘Brain Orgasm’

Intimate videos of whispering and tapping fingernails cause pleasurable tingles, or ASMR, for some.

I am sitting at my desk in a nearly empty office on a December evening, feeling the sort of directionless melancholy that tends to take hold as the holiday season sets in, listening to a video of a gentle Russian woman whispering in my ear about how much she cares about my relaxation.

“You are appreciated,” she says, making scratching noises into a microphone so it sounds like she’s scratching my head. “I would like to protect you, to comfort you, to help you relax and forget about your trouble, whatever it is.”

I’ve got to be honest, it feels like a pretty weird and lonely thing to do.

But the video doesn’t work on me the way it’s supposed to. For many of her fans, Maria’s voice causes a sensation the Internet has dubbed ASMR—autonomous sensory meridian response. Those who get ASMR describe the experience as a tingling inside their heads, or a head rush. Sometimes the sensation extends down their backs or limbs. It’s often referred to as a brain-gasm, but counterintuitively, it’s also supposed to be relaxing, a mellow feeling. Some people watch the videos to help them sleep at night. And even without the tingles, it is sort of relaxing, if you can get past the dissonance of someone whispering in your ear while you scroll through Twitter in your cubicle, or whatever.

Aside from whispering, some of the other things that can trigger the sensation include tapping or scratching sounds, the sound of rain, or white noise. And it’s not just sounds: People report getting ASMR when getting a haircut, or an ear exam—any kind of close, personal attention.

“Whenever they had lice checks in elementary school, I would feel very relaxed, and would have the tingling sensation run from my head and down my back,” Lee, who works for an advertising agency in New York City, says of her first ASMR experience.

For John Skinner, a 23-year-old tutor in Chicago, his introduction to ASMR came from famously-fro’d TV painter Bob Ross.

“Every time I watched it, I would just completely zone out… I guess I wouldn’t really call it sleepy, more just like very, very mellow,” he says. And he’s not the only one—the subreddit for ASMR lists Bob Ross under “Common Triggers.”

Some people prefer accented voices—Maria is Russian, and moved to the U.S. in 2006. When she heard I was interviewing Maria (YouTube name “GentleWhispering”), Lee got excited. “She’s my favorite,” Lee said. “It’s something about the way she pronounces consonants. Her P’s are like cushiony pillows.”

Maria says that as soon as she got to the U.S., she began searching for things that triggered her online. The videos she would find then were often not intended to trigger ASMR—it might just be a video of someone explaining something softly.

Then, “in 2009, I was going through a depression and I had a lot of problems with anxiety,” Maria says. “I needed something to relax. On YouTube I was watching hypnosis videos, some massage videos as well…then I saw a link that said ‘whisper video.’”

For around a year after that, she was just a viewer, watching the whisper videos every day for hours. “I liked them so much and was so happy that I found my people,” she says. “My depression totally disappeared.” Then she started making videos herself.

People like Maria, who make YouTube videos for ASMR (they call themselves ASMRtists), shape them around different triggers, to try to appeal to different people. Maria has a video in which she plays with a friend’s hair. Other “role-play” videos have a person pretending to do your makeup, or give you an eye exam.

According to Maria, the way ASMR manifests is different for everybody. First, there are two types, Type A and Type B. Those with Type A are said to be able to cause ASMR through meditation, or just thinking about a trigger, while Type Bs need to actually experience the trigger. Maria also says that the tingles vary in strength.

“The strongest type of tingle…feels like sparkles or little fireworks going off,” she says. “The strongest one would give you the feeling of being exhausted, pleasantly tired, satisfied almost you want to say. Then there are much less strong tingles, and they feel just pleasant. Almost like sand is being poured down your spine. [Or] like when you get the funny elbow, when you hit it and it feels like it just goes off everywhere.”

Searches for «ASMR» over time. Google

Neither Lee nor Skinner had a name for this sensation until recently. “I just thought it was a thing that everybody had,” Skinner says. The community that has sprung up around this specific physical sensation is, perhaps unsurprisingly, Internet-born and bred. It’s also sometimes called “Attention-Induced Euphoria,” though ASMR is the term that has caught on. According to Google, the term first showed up in 2011, increased in search popularity in 2012, and really took off this year.

This is just nomenclature, not science. There is currently no published research on ASMR, though that may change soon. At Dartmouth College, Bryson Lochte did an fMRI study on ASMR, which started as his senior honors thesis.

«Even though I’ve never experienced ASMR, I had a gut feeling that [these videos] were doing something unique in the brain,» Lochte says. «I became more fascinated by ASMR when I started visiting the forums where posters were reporting euphoric effects, and even therapeutic effects for symptoms of insomnia and anxiety.»

He posted earlier this year on the ASMR subreddit, calling for volunteers, and completed the study in May. First, he looked at how ASMR videos affected «normal people»—18 Dartmouth undergrads. «In the second study we selected only people we knew could reliably experience and report ASMR,» he says. «For this we used 10 subjects, most of whom were people from the subreddit who could commute to Hanover, New Hampshire. In this second study we asked the participants to bring in videos that they knew would trigger their ASMR. They then watched the videos in an MRI, while indicating periods of ASMR with a button press.»

Lochte is currently seeking publication, and says he can’t discuss his results until the study is published in a journal.

In 2012, Steven Novella, a neurologist at the Yale University School of Medicine wrote a blog post about ASMR, asking “the most basic question—is it real? In this case I don’t think there is a definitive answer, but I am inclined to believe that it is… It’s similar to migraine headaches—we know they exist as a syndrome primarily because many different people report the same constellation of symptoms and natural history.” He goes on to speculate as to what ASMR could be—possibly small seizures, or “just a way of activating the pleasure response.”

Scientists have studied a different type of tingle—the chills that go up and down your spine, often caused by listening to music. Though both sensations can be triggered by sound, the ASMR subreddit is quick to point out that ASMR is “NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH MUSIC BASED TINGLES/SHIVERS. Those are called frisson and can be discussed in /r/frisson.”

David Huron, a professor at Ohio State University, has studied music-induced frisson and offered me some “informal impressions” on ASMR after watching a few videos.

“Physiological arousal (heart rate, respiration, etc.) increases under a number of circumstances,” he wrote in an email. “One of these is proximity. We are highly sensitive to close stimuli. When someone whispers in your ear, that will certainly quicken your heart rate and grab your attention.”

Even so, “frankly, calling it ‘autonomous sensory meridian response’ sounds like a bunch of pseudo-science to me,” he says.

The breathiness of Maria’s voice may also have something to do with her popularity (she has more than 43 million YouTube views and makes a small amount of income from her videos). “To the auditory system, breathiness is a proximity cue, so high breathiness is heard as symptomatic of intimacy,” Huron says.

There is something about the closeness of a sound. Several people have told me that the videos work better if you watch them with headphones in. And many ASMRtists, including Maria, use 3D, or binaural, microphones, which create a stereo recording that makes the listener feel like they’re in the same room as the speaker.

“I definitely think it has something to do with proximity,” Maria says. “When you watch ASMR videos, you’re completely vulnerable, the viewer is. It’s almost uncomfortable for you to be that close to another person, but if you feel how much they care about you at that moment, it just puts you in that state of euphoria.”

Maria says some of her fans use the videos to feel like they have company—“engineers, or architects, or people that work on the computer all the time and are lonely.”

«I imagine that the effect may be especially profound for people who otherwise experience little intimacy in their lives,» Huron says.