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How to Write a Love Letter

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You’re in love and you want to know how to write a love letter. With modern technology, sometimes it’s hard to sit down and pen a handwritten letter, but few things make more of a statement than beautifully crafted words on paper to the love of your life.

More men seem to be love letter scribes than women.That’s not to say women don’t write them, but have you ever noticed that a man who might not be able to express himself that well verbally, finds his voice and clarity in writing?

It’s not that easy to write a letter expressing your deepest romantic feelings, though. It takes time, practice and patience to get it just right. A few pointers will help you in your quest to shower your romantic love with words that will melt the heart.

The Letter Opening

When you start your letter, say why you’re writing it in the first place. Is it a special occasion? Is it her birthday? Has he been feeling under the weather? Use those prompts to get you started.

When I saw your hair blowing in the wind, as you walked through the park on that July 4th afternoon, my heart just melted. I needed to express my feelings for you with pomp and circumstance with the fireworks of a hand-written letter.

Talk About How You Met in the Letter

In the next paragraph, talk about what you have in common that brought you together. Did you meet while skiing? Do you attend church together? Do you have pets that allowed you to meet? This brings back a good memory that will give your significant other a sense of nostalgia and mutual understanding.

I will never forget that day when I went to the dog park and my pooch stole your dog treats. I couldn’t believe he tore into the whole bag and you just laughed. My breath caught right there. Your smile lifted my mood. I’ll never forget that look of appreciation you had when I brought some homemade doggie snacks to make up for it. That was when I knew I couldn’t wait to take you on a proper date.

You may not need to do this in subsequent love letters, but for the first one or two, recounting how you met is sure to bring a smile to his or her face.

Talk About What You Love About Him or Her

What is it exactly that made you fall in love? Was it her eyes? His confidence? Does she “have it together”? Tell about all the things that made you go wild for your love.

After I met you, I found out that you had a great career, a house, and you’re just brilliant! You’re a teacher and you work with children – what a wonderful calling. Your patience, gentleness and beauty just attract people toward you. Your eyes are the deepest blue I’ve ever seen. They’re like the crystalline waters of the Caribbean Sea, reminding me that one day, I want to go there with you.

Next, Write About How You’ve Changed Since Meeting Your Love

Do you notice that you’re a better person since meeting him or her? Do you get butterflies in your stomach when you think of him? Does a smile come to your face at the mention of his name? Talk about that. This lets your love know that your life has changed for the better – always a good thing.

This morning, I was getting coffee before work. I kept picturing you standing next to me, with the scent of your hair making my senses go wild. Just thinking of you made me grin widely. The person behind the counter kept wondering just what was making me smile so big and even asked me, ‘Why the big smile?’ I just answered, ‘I’ve met the love of my life and I’m complete now.’

Close the Letter

After you have expressed everything you want, close the letter. Affirm your commitment to the relationship. Talk about how you’re moving forward as a couple.

My love for you grows daily. My heart is full of wonder and excitement at the relationship we share. I want to be by your side through this life: through the ups and downs, the triumphs and defeats. You’re my partner and together we’re unstoppable.

Some Writing Tips

At first, writing a letter can be daunting. Don’t let that stop you. Just go for it: getting something on paper will release the creative juices you need to continue writing. It’s all a matter of getting started. That’s the hardest part. From there:

With these guidelines and tips, you’re well on your way to crafting a perfect letter that will capture the heart of the one you love.

How to Write a Love Letter

Editor’s note: This article was originally published in 2009. We’ve updated it.

We’ve previously discussed the idea that every man should strive to be a romantic lover, and how the date is one of a man’s best tools for wooing a lady. A man’s other major tool in the romance department is the love letter. As long as love (and writing utensils) has existed, so has the love letter. It has been the go-to way for millions of men throughout history to confess or reiterate their feelings of love for another.

It’s not always easy to express our feelings to our significant others. We’d rather show our love through actions. We feel that our love for someone is manifestly obvious, because after all, don’t we vacuum the house, and mow the lawn, and make them their favorite pancakes every Sunday morning? Our actions show that we’re faithful and true, and to us it feels like this should be enough.

But it’s not quite that way for a woman. Women definitely appreciate our acts of love, but their brains are also quite a bit more language oriented than ours. They want to hear the words behind the actions. They want to know exactly what’s in our hearts.

But it’s hard to not only find the right words to express how we feel about someone, but to also make it flow and sound real purty. It’s especially difficult when you’re sitting down with someone and trying to remember exactly what you wanted to say. Enter the love letter.

Why Write a Love Letter

Love letters were definitely more popular in the past when soldiers were off fighting the Big One and men left on trips that took them away from their love for months or even years at a time. With the rise of modern means of communication, love letters, and letters generally, have fallen into disfavor.

But as we talked about in our letter writing post, letters have special properties that no modern form of communication can duplicate. A handwritten letter is something tangible that we touch and hold and then pass to another to touch and hold. And they are preserved and cherished in a way that text messages or email never will be.

The love letters you give your wife or girlfriend are testaments in the history of your love. They constitute a record of your relationship that she’ll hold onto for the rest of her life (unless of course you break her heart and then the letters will give her the satisfaction of having something to burn or line the bird cage with).

Your love doesn’t have to be far away for you to write a letter to her. A love letter is appropriate even when you’re sleeping alongside your special someone every night. It’s a chance to express your feelings in a more ardent way than you do on a day-to-day basis.

A woman cannot hear too many times that’s she beautiful and that you love her. They’ll never get sick of it. They want to know that you still feel the same way as you did when you first met, heck, the same way you felt last Monday. When high-profile cases of infidelity are so often in the news, a lady can be forgiven for wanting regular reassurance that she’s still the only one for you.

How to Write a Love Letter

If you’re particularly in touch with your feelings and a great writer, then love letters may come easily to you. In that case, just sit down with pen and paper and let it rip. If you’re someone who has problems formulating a romantic love letter, we offer the following tips to guide the process.

1. Start off by stating the purpose of your letter. You want your love to know right away that this is a love letter and not a note to give her the brush off or to voice some kind of displeasure with the relationship. Begin with something like, “I was thinking today about how very much I love you, and how I really don’t tell you that enough. So I wanted to sit down and let you know how truly in love with you I really am.”

2. Recall a romantic memory. What’s special about couplehood is that the two of you have a shared history, a history that is unique to you and your love. Thus the best way to start a love letter is to refer to a shared memory; this conjures up feelings of your history together and scores you points for remembering details of your past. For example, begin by saying, “I still remember clearly the moment when you walked into Rob’s party, wearing that stunning red dress. You were smiling ear-to-ear and absolutely lit up the room. I knew immediately that I had to meet you. I went to the bathroom to try to summon up my courage and think of what to say. But it was no use; I was totally tongue tied when I approached you. I was smitten from the very start.”

3. Now transition to a section about the things you love about her. Move from your memory to the present with a line like, “And here we are more than a decade later, and you still leave me weak in the knees.”

4. Tell her all the things you love about her. Before you write this section, make a list on a separate sheet of paper of all the things you that you love about your significant other. Think about her physical characteristics, her personality, her character, and all the wonderful things she does for you. Then, turn the things you listed into sentences. “I truly think you are the most beautiful women in the world. I love the feeling of your legs intertwined with mine and the smell of your hair and skin. Your smile lifts my spirits on even my worst days. I love your laugh and your ability to find humor in every situation. I’m so grateful for everything you do for me, from your delicious dinners to your magnificent backrubs.”

5. Tell her how your life has changed since meeting her. “You truly complete me. These last few years have been the happiest of my life. I can’t tell you how lucky I feel to always have my best friend by my side.”

6. Reaffirm your love and commitment. “I will always love you, no matter what happens, through thick and thin. I will be absolutely true and faithful to you forever.”

7. End with a line that sums up your love. “I can’t wait to grow old with you.” “My love for you will never end.” “You are my best friend and soul mate and I will love you until the end of our lives.”

It’s okay to err on the side of cheesiness. The most important rule is to be completely authentic. Write only those things that you truly feel. This will prevent the letter from seeming over the top or incongruous with your personality and relationship.

If you need some inspiration before you start writing, read this letter and watch this video that we originally posted in our article about “How to Write a Love Letter Like a Soldier.” The letter was written in 1861 by Sullivan Ballou to his wife Sarah, a week before the Battle of Bull Run. The clip gives a shortened verison of the letter which appeared in Ken Burn’s Civil War documentary. It is set to the achingly beautiful “Ashokan Farewell” and definitely worth a listen.

My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days-perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure-and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine O God, be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing-perfectly willing-to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows-when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children-is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?

I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death-and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.

I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of the principles have often advocated before the people and “the name of honor that I love more than I fear death” have called upon me, and I have obeyed.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me-perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar-that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night-amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours-always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.

As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father’s love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God’s blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.

Hopefully, you are now fully inspired to write your lady a romantic love letter. One need not wait until they are nigh unto death to make their feelings known. Each day could be your last; tell her how you feel right now.

And if you are single, write a love poem to hone your romantic writing skills.

Writing a Love Letter: Ideas, Tips, and Inspiration

Format and process for a romantic note

The Spruce / Margot Cavin

Writing a love letter has always been a romantic gesture, but in this day of email, social media, and other impersonal communication, they are even more special. But there is an art to writing a great love letter; here are tips and ideas on how.

The Basics of a Love Letter

Follow these guidelines to format your letter so that everything is included:

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The Spruce / Emilie Dunphy

Find Love Letter Inspiration

If you need a little extra help to get started, you might want to look at books like «Love Letters of Great Men» or «Other People’s Love Letters.»

Write a Rough Draft

If you’ve selected a lovely piece of stationery for your letter, don’t start right there. Every great writer knows the value of editing. You will want to compose your note first, either on scratch paper or electronically. Start off by writing a rough draft. Find places where you can be more clear, or more expressive. And most importantly, make sure your spelling is correct. Use a spellchecker. Misspelled words might convey an entirely opposite meaning. Only when you’ve given it a good edit, then put it on the good stationery.

Take Your Time

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither should your love letter be. It takes time to get clarity about how you feel for a person, and time to figure out how to write it down. Similarly, you can take your time in the letter, too. Instead of just saying how you feel, add in a short anecdote of a memory you share, or the moment that you were sure.

Just Do It

Your love letter may not be the most perfect one ever written. But as long as it comes from you, and is sincere, it will be perfect in the eyes of the person who receives it. And in affairs of the heart, that’s all that matters.

How to Write a Love Letter to a Girl You Do Not Know

This article was co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.

This article has been viewed 422,810 times.

If you admire someone from afar, you may want to write them a love letter. An anonymous love letter can be a way to express your feelings without the stress of face-to-face contact. However, it can be tricky to write and deliver a letter to someone you do not know. There are some ways you can make this process easier. Spend some time pre-writing, focus on any specifics you have, and express where you want to go from here.

How to Write a Love Letter to Your Partner

PHOTO BY JOEY WILLIS

Can you remember the last time you sat down with a pen and paper to handwrite a letter to your significant other? If the answer is no, you’re definitely not alone. Living in the era of DMs and heart emojis, it’s easy to forget how one of the most treasured ways to say «I love you» is still a good old-fashioned letter. Whether you’re dating, engaged, or have been together forever, letting your partner know how much they mean to you with a tangible note is always a swoon-worthy move.

“The vulnerable authenticity of a love letter is what will take [your partner’s] breath away,” explains couples counselor and writer Donna Keehn. We caught up with her to learn how to write a love letter from the heart and find inspiration.

Meet the Expert

Donna Keehn is a marriage and family therapist and author based in San Diego, California.

What to Include in Your Love Letter

1. Start With a Meaningful Greeting

“With a love letter, the greeting can immediately reflect the depth of your connection and love,” Keehn shares. “But just because you’re being vulnerable and romantic doesn’t mean your tone has to be strictly formal.” Addressing your partner with a cherished nickname like ‘Sweetie Pie,’ ‘Love Nugget,’ or ‘Buttercup’ can be just as touching as something like ‘My Love.’ Also, when in doubt, simply starting with your partner’s first name is intimate in its own way.

2. Recall Romantic Moments

Reflecting on and sharing specific moments when you “knew” you loved someone is a beautiful start to the heart of the letter. Keehn suggests asking yourself, “Did you experience a moment where you realized all of the ways having this human being in your life has changed you [and] your life for the better? Think about these shared moments in a timeline fashion and capture the experiences and emotions in free-flow writing.”

3. Write Out the “Why’s”

Instead of going vague with statements such as “I love your personality,” Keehn encourages digging deeper and exploring the “why” behind what it is you love about someone. Without filtering yourself, try to articulate “why you love their personality, their character, their kindness, their generosity, their touch. ” Capture that magic!

4. Close With Candor

This is the time to express how it really feels now that this person is in your life. “Don’t be shy!” Keehn laughs, “Put yourself fully out there at the end and toss insecurities to the wind.” As for the final line itself, you can of course never go wrong in baring it all through a simple, powerful ‘I love you.’

Tips for Getting Started (and Finishing Strong!)

Just Relax

Don’t know where to start, or having trouble finding a creative flow? “Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and think about your partner,” Keehn says, “[and] let your heart and head fill up with their presence.” By creating a safe space for yourself, thoughts, feelings, and words will start to bubble up without judgment. When they do, just write without worrying about how it sounds. Poetic phrases, concrete statements, and sweet nothings are all perfect. “If you’re feeling stuck,” she adds, “turn to outside inspiration, such as existing love letters, marriage vows, and, of course, Shakespeare, to guide the way.”

Take Your Time

For a love letter that doesn’t feel trivial or forced, Keehn suggests going slow and piecing it together a bit at a time. “The vast majority of us want to rush through something when it feels awkward or outside of our comfort zone,” she says, “but when you think about it, just about everything we do, even really big things, are done in small steps…”

Pick a Personalized Medium

Yay, you’ve written the content of your letter! A fun and, often overlooked, component of the letter itself, is what you write it on. “Let yourself have fun!” Keehn says, “The love letter doesn’t have to be on a fancy piece of stationary to be special.”

If your partner is a teacher, consider writing the letter on notebook paper and hiding it in their binder. Or maybe a chef? Create a “menu” front page that opens up to the letter inside. The possibilities are, truly, endless.

Iconic Love Letter Examples

To leave you feeling inspired, we’ve rounded up some of the most iconic love letters of all time.

Johnny Cash to his wife June:

“Happy Birthday Princess,

We get old and get used to each other. We think alike. We read each other’s minds. We know what the other wants without asking. Sometimes we irritate each other a little bit. Maybe sometimes we take each other for granted.

Composer John Cage to Merce Cunningham:

“Today is beautiful and I am dreaming of you and enigma and how we are together today: your words in my ears making [me] limp and taut by turns with delight. Oh, I am sure we could use each other today.

I like to believe that you are writing my music now: God knows I’m not doing it, because it simply seems to happen. The pretissimo is incredible the way you are and is perhaps a song and description about you … Pardon the intrusion, but when in September will you be back? I would like to measure my breath in relation to the air between us.”

Frida Kahlo to Diego Rivera:

Nothing compares to your hands, nothing like the green-gold of your eyes. My body is filled with you for days and days. You are the mirror of the night. The violent flash of lightning. The dampness of the earth. The hollow of your armpits is my shelter. My fingers touch your blood.

All my joy is to feel life spring from your flower-fountain that mine keeps to fill all the paths of my nerves which are yours.”