Double crossed legs how

Crossed Legs Etiquettes

Legs are far from our eyes and hence, there are high chances that they get ignored by us during our conversations. However, they do convey a lot of information about our emotions and feelings all the time.

The movement of hands and head certainly contributes to the art of positive body language. However, legs do have their own importance and must be maintained in proper positions. Let’s take a look at what different types of leg crosses imply.

The Standing Leg Cross

The standing leg cross is a body gesture of defiance, defensiveness and submission. This is the posture that is mostly adopted by people when they meet others who are complete strangers.

The standing leg cross symbolizes denial to access to the genitals. This is the reason why this posture is considered to be defensive in nature. Hence, such a gesture shows that the person is not confident of oneself, or in other words, lacks self-confidence.

For women, it shows that she wants to stay in the conversation but access to her is denied. In the case of men, it again signifies that the man wants to stay in the conversation but he also wants to ensure that he is not open to everybody’s access.

Hence, the next time, even if someone looks to be friendly in conversation and having relaxed facial expressions along with proper hand movements, but crossed leg position, please note that the person is not as confident or relaxed as he or she is trying to appear.

Always remember the following mantra −

Open legs − Confidence

Closed or crossed legs − Reticence

If a person in front of you is talking to you candidly and yet has this posture, it is better to leave and put the person at ease. This is because the person is actually not that comfortable talking to you as he/she is portraying.

The Double Cross

The double cross happens when the person concerned crosses both the legs and arms. This shows that the person is totally uninterested in speaking to you. Such people are not receptive to communication and hence, it is better either to create a quick rapport with them or leave.

Figure Four Leg Clamp

In this posture, the person locks his one leg over the other and places both his hands on to the raised leg. This gesture shows that the person is totally disinterested in us and is stubborn in attitude. This gesture also signifies that the person is tough minded and does not respect others’ opinion. He is just concerned about his own opinions.

The Ankle Lock

In this posture, the person locks the ankles together. The palms may be clenched in a fist or may be placed on the legs or may be even clutching a chair. This gesture shows that the person is hiding some negative emotion, like anxiety or fear or doubt.

Such type of body language is usually seen with people who are being charged for some crime or being produced in a court for hearing. This is one posture that should be avoided as well.

The Leg Twine

In this posture, one of the legs is raised and is locked around the other leg. This is a gesture of shyness and timidity. This one gesture is exclusive to women and is symbolic of insecurity.

Parallel Legs

This is one leg posture that should be adopted by women. It is hardly ever seen being reproduced by any male. This posture gives women a healthier and more attractive look and projects a powerful signal of feminity. This leg posture accounts for a positive body language, confidence and attractiveness and is considered to be the best leg posture for women. It also gives a youthful look to the ladies.

Dominant Stand

This is one posture that is commonly seen with men and women in the military. In this position, the person spreads the legs apart and the feet is placed firmly on the ground. This is a posture of dominance. This posture may look good and dignified in the armed forces, but sometimes it can also look intimidating to other people, because the person taking a dominant stand may appear to be authoritative.

Attention Position

This posture is generally suited for situations when a person who is junior in rank is meeting a person senior in rank. This posture conveys no commitment to stay or leave. This posture, therefore, shows that the person is neutral towards the situation and that they have no closed or negative opinions.

Basic Do’s and Don’ts

Care must also be taken while sitting. Many people sit by turning the chair around and sitting on it by placing the chest on the chair’s frame. This is done mainly to show that the person is occupying space and is trying to be assertive, yet it gives away an altogether opposite message. This posture shows that the person is not confident and is trying to protect himself or herself by creating a barrier between him or her and the other person.

Tapping of foot is also a big problem with many people that needs to be worked on. The habit of repeated foot tapping on the floor is symbolic of anxiety and impatience. When people wait to receive exam results or medical reports or anything that has a lot of uncertainty associated with it, they begin to tap their foot repeatedly.

For job interviews or group discussions, the legs must be uncrossed and parallel and the feet must be placed firmly on the ground. Women can cross their legs in the form of European leg cross, when they are in group discussions but it is a big ‘No’ for men to do so. Placement of legs and feet play a pivotal role in conveyance of messages of the mind and in getting selected at job interviews and group discussions.

Westside Toastmasters is located in Los Angeles and Santa Monica, California

Chapter 10

LEG POSTURE REVEALS OUR MIND’S INTENT

We have less awareness of what a particular body zone is doing physically the further away it is from our head. If we pay limited attention most of us will be aware of our facial expressions and gestures. Even those less adept can readily simulate a staged smile or frown on command to evoke an emotion for someone else though other subtle gestural clues in conflict might give you away. We remain less conscious of what our arms and hands are doing most times, and even more so with our chest and stomach. Lastly, we remain the least aware of what our legs and feet are doing at any given point in time.

This means that the legs and feet are an important source of information about someone’s intrinsic attitude because most people are unaware of what they are doing with them and rarely consider faking gestures with them in the way that they would with their face. A person can look composed and in control while a restless foot is making repetitive punctuated motions, revealing an evolutionary base frustration at not being able to escape a situation.

Jiggling the feet is like the brain’s attempt to run away from what is being experienced.

Everybody’s Talking About a New Way of Walking

Legs Can Reveal The Truth

Video recordings of people lying were shown to other people who were asked to determine if the people on the video were lying, or telling the truth. The evaluators answered more correctly when they were able to see the lower part of the body. The findings showed that liars pay more attention to what their hands, arms, and faces are doing because they know that’s where people look. Since their lower extremities are out of the way, liars forget about them and are betrayed by micro-muscular movements in their legs and feet. Glass-topped tables cause us more stress than solid tables, as our legs are in full view and so we don’t feel as if we are in full control.

If you’re not sure whether you’re being lied to or not, look under their desk.

The Four Main Standing Positions

1. The Parallel Stance

The parallel stance is a subordinate position where the legs are straight and the feet are placed closely together. It’s a formal position that shows a neutral attitude and is taken by schoolchildren talking to a teacher, or if you are reporting to your commanding officer, or standing in front of a judge, awaiting sentencing.

Feet placed closely together reduce the foundation for standing and make the stance more precarious. You can easily push someone over from this position if you were to catch him off guard. People who aren’t sure about their position on a subject adopt the parallel stance. Standing with their legs closely placed together they’re indicating that they feel hesitant or tentative. A wider stance provides a broader and firmer foundation. It is much harder to unbalance a person who’s standing with his legs separated.

2. Legs Apart

The legs apart stance, predominantly a male gesture, is a resolutely stable immovable posture. It tells you tells you that a person is standing his ground and is favored by those who wish to show their dominance. It requires that your legs are straight, and that your feet are placed wide apart with your weight equally distributed between them.

With their higher center of gravity, men adopt the legs apart stance more frequently than women. Their height notwithstanding, men also adopt this position more frequently in the company of other people when using their posture as a means of communication. It is used as a dominance signal by men because it highlights the genitals, giving them a virile look. Male participants at sports contests can be seen standing around with each other in this position at half time, scratching or giving their crotch an adjustment. This allows males to highlight their masculinity and show solidarity as a team by performing the same actions.

The expressions ‘Having your feet on the ground’ and ‘Standing on your own two feet’ refer to the ancient Chinese custom of binding women’s feet. This custom was mostly reserved for royalty and meant that the women whose feet had been bound were unable to stand on their own two feet without causing pain.

If you’re feeling defeated and want to change your mood, adopt the legs apart stance, with your head held high, and your shoulders back. By adopting this powerful position, you can create the matching feeling.

3. Posing, A Foot Forward

This a valuable clue to a person’s immediate intentions, because we point our lead foot in the direction our mind would like to go and this stance looks as if the person is beginning to walk. In a group situation, we point our lead foot at the most interesting or attractive person but when we want to leave, we point our feet at the nearest exit.

4. Standing Crossed Legs

The next time you attend a meeting with men and women you will notice some groups of people standing with their arms and legs crossed. Look more closely and you’ll also see that they are standing at a greater distance from each other than the customary social distance.

This is how many people stand when they are among people whom they don’t know well. If you interact with them you would find that one or all of them are unfamiliar with others in the group.

While open legs can show openness or dominance, crossed legs shows a more closed, submissive or defensive attitude as they symbolically deny any access to the genitals.

For a woman, positions like the scissors stance and the single leg crossed stance send two messages: one, that she intends to stay, not leave; and two, that access is denied. When a man does it, it also shows he’ll stay but wants to be sure you don’t ‘kick him where it hurts’. Open legs display masculinity; closed legs protect masculinity. If he’s with men he feels are inferior to him, the genial display feels right; if he’s with superior males, however, this gesture makes him look competitive and he feels vulnerable. Studies show that people who lack confidence also take leg crossed positions.

Open legs show male confidence; dosed legs show male reticence.

Imagine now that you notice another group of people standing with arms unfolded, palms visible, relaxed appearance and leaning back on one leg with the other pointing towards others in the group. All are gesturing with their hands and moving in and out of each other’s personal space. Closer investigation would reveal that these people are friends or are known personally to each other. The first group of people with the closed arms and legs may have relaxed facial expressions and conversation that sounds free and easy, but the folded arms and legs tell us that they are not as relaxed or confident with each other as they are trying to appear.

Try this: join a group where you know no one and stand with your arms and legs tightly crossed and wear a serious expression. One by one the other group members will cross their arms and legs and remain in that position until you, the stranger, leave. Walk away and watch how, one by one, the members of the group assume their original open poses once again.

Crossing the legs not only reveals negative or defensive emotions, it makes a person appear insecure and causes others to react accordingly.

Defensive Or Cold?

Some people will claim that they are not defensive or feeling insecure when they cross their arms or legs, but do it because they’re cold. When someone wants to warm his hands he’ll thrust them under his armpits rather than tucking them under the elbows, as is the case with a defensive arm-cross. Second, when a person feels cold he may use a type of body hug and when the legs are crossed they are usually straight, stiff and pressed hard against each other as opposed to the more relaxed leg posture of the defensive stance or position.

How We Move from Closed to Open

As people begin to feel more comfortable in a group and get to know others, they move through a series of movements taking them from the defensive crossed arms and legs position to the relaxed open position. This standing ‘opening-up’ procedure tends to follow the same sequence everywhere.

It begins with the closed position, arms and legs crossed (image 1). As they begin to feel comfortable with each other and rapport builds, their legs uncross first and their feet are placed together in the parallel stance. Next, the arm folded on top in the arm-cross comes out and the palm is occasionally flashed when speaking but is eventually not used as a barrier. Instead, it may hold the outside of the other arm in a single arm barrier. Both arms unfold next, and one arm gestures or may be placed on the hip or in the pocket. Finally, one person takes the foot forward position, showing acceptance of the other person (image 2).

The Leg Cross

One leg is crossed neatly over the other, with 70% of people crossing left over right. This is the normal crossed leg position used by most European and Asian cultures.

When a person crosses both legs and arms they have emotionally withdrawn from the conversation and it can be futile to try to be convincing when they sit like this.

In business contexts, we have observed that people sitting like this talk in shorter sentences, reject more proposals and can recall less detail of what was discussed than those who sit with their arms and legs in an open position.

Figure Four Crossed Legs

The figure four leg position (resembling the number four as viewed from above) is used often by American men and increasingly by younger men within cultures that have been exposed to American entertainment and news media. It can reflect competitive or an argumentative attitude. This genital display arises also in the primate world, negating the damage that might be inflicted in a physical fight as male chimps or monkeys constantly reorder group hierarchy. The Nazis kept a lookout for the figure four posture during World War II, as anyone using it was clearly not German or had spent time in the US.

While less common in Europe it is arising diverse cultures around the world. Men sitting in this posture are perceived as being more dominant, relaxed, and youthful. On the downside this posture is interpreted as an insult in parts of the Middle East and Asia because it shows the sole of the shoe which is culturally associated with filth.

Women wearing pants of any sort progressively can also be seen sitting in the figure four position. They tend to do it only around other women though, not men, as they don’t want to appear too masculine.

When the mind closes, the body follows.

The Leg Clamp

Not only does this person have a competitive attitude, they lock the figure four crossed leg into a permanent position using one or both hands as a clamp. This may be a sign of the tough-minded, stubborn individual who rejects any opinion other than their own.

Locked Ankles

In work with law enforcement and governmental agencies, such as the police, customs, and tax offices, most people who were being interviewed locked their ankles at the beginning of the interviews, but this was just as likely to be from fear as out of guilt.

Research with human resources professionals has uncovered that most interviewees lock their ankles at some point during an interview, indicating that they were holding back an emotion or attitude. Nierenberg and Calero found that when one party locked his ankles during a negotiation it often meant that he was holding back a valuable concession. They found that by using questioning techniques they could often encourage him to unlock his ankles and reveal the concession.

—> Asking positive questions about their feelings can often get others to unlock their ankles.

In the initial stages of studying the Ankle Lock, it was found that asking questions was reasonably successful in getting interviewees to relax and unlock their ankles. We discovered, however, that if an interviewer walks around to the interviewee’s side of the desk and sits beside him, removing the desk as a barrier, the interviewee would often relax and unlock his ankles and the conversation would take on an open, more personal tone.

Studies of body language by Gerard Nierenberg and Henry Calero, in which they paid particular attention to the participant’s ankles, has shown a high rate of individuals locking their ankles when holding back information.

In-flight airline personnel are trained to spot passengers who would like service and who are too shy to ask for it. Apprehensive travellers sit with their ankles locked, especially during take-off. When being offered refreshments from the cabin staff, these same individuals tend to unlock their ankles and move toward the edge of their seats. If, however, the ankles remain in the locked position, the crew are alerted to the fact that the person may really want something, even though he or she may be saying ‘No’. The crew member responds by asking if the passenger is sure that he doesn’t want something. Asking the passenger in this manner has an opening-up effect on that person.

Further studies into patients in a dental surgery showed that, of 150 male patients observed, 128 immediately locked their ankles when they sat in the dentist’s chair. These men tended to grip the chair’s armrests or clench their hands together around their groin area. Of the 150 women analyzed, only 90 initially sat with their ankles crossed. Women, too, clench their hands, but they tend to rest them on their midsection.

If a person sits in the waiting room with his ankles uncrossed he’s probably there for a routine dental check-up that he knows won’t take too long and won’t be particularly painful. If, due to extensive dental work, the patient has to make a number of visits to the dentist, that person becomes more comfortable in the dentist’s chair after four or five visits, and doesn’t lock his ankles.

Research with law enforcement and government bodies revealed that most people being interviewed knot their ankles at the start of the interview. The reason for this is as likely to be based on fear as on guilt.

Defendants sitting outside a courtroom waiting for their hearing are three times more likely than the plaintiffs to have their ankles tightly crossed and tucked under their chairs in an attempt to control their emotions.

Nierenberg’s and Calero’s research into the human resources profession revealed that most interviewees lock their ankles at some point during an interview, indicating that the person being interviewed is holding back an emotion or attitude. Using appropriate questioning techniques during a negotiation, in which one party locks his ankles, the questioner can get the other to open up and reveal valuable information.

Finally, Nierenberg’s and Calero’s research showed that patients who were being wheeled into an operating room with their ankles crossed and their hands clenched, tend not to have reconciled themselves to the unavoidable.

In the women’s variant of locking ankles the knees are held together, the feet may be to one side and the hands rest side by side or one on top of the other resting on the upper legs. This is partly a product of physiology and also of the practical matter in what women may wear. The male version of locking ankles can reflect anxiety or a certain amount of relaxation. As a demonstration of anxiety it is often combined with clenched fists resting on the knees or with the hands tightly gripping the arms of the chair and a seated pelvic display.

Short Skirts

Women wearing mini-skirts cross their legs and ankles for obvious reasons. Many older women by habit will still sit in this position even though they no longer wear short skirts. This can subconsciously make them feel and act restrained. Others may read this as a reserved attitude and react accordingly.

Mini-skirts can give a woman the appearance that she’s not approachable.

A trap is that restrained or defensive gestures can feed back into and reinforce a reserved or negative attitude. Practice using positive and open gestures. This will improve your self-confidence and others will perceive you in a more positive way and more fully engage you.

Entwining Your Legs

Some gestures are particular to men and others are particular to women. The leg twine in which the top of one foot locks itself around the other leg is used almost exclusively by women. This position highlights insecurity, despite how relaxed a woman’s upper body may appear. If you want to unwind a woman from the entwined leg position take a friendly and low-key approach to encourage her to open up.

Jessica was asked by her university history professor to stand in front of the lecture hall and discuss the latest assignment. Being uncertain of what was expected of her, she stood in front of the class of 120 students, with one foot drawn up behind her supporting leg and pressed against her calf. Although she was confident about her knowledge of the material, she felt shy and timid speaking in front of such a large group of people, many of whom she didn’t know. When she realized how she was standing, she placed both feet firmly under her and found that she felt more confident and secure, and was able to speak with authority and assurance.

Studies show that people meeting in a group for the first time usually stand with their arms and legs in the crossed position. As rapport develops and they become more comfortable with one another they release the closed pose, and open up their bodies. The procedure follows a predictable pattern that entails uncrossing their legs first and placing their feet in the parallel pose. The arms and hands unfold, and become animated. When the people feel comfortable and at ease they move from the parallel stance to an open position in which the feet are slightly apart and facing the other person. Conversely, indicators of someone who is withdrawing from the conversation are the crossing of arms and legs. A person sitting in this position is unlikely to be convinced by anything you may say or do.

Seated Parallel Legs

Women’s legs and hips have bone structure enabling them to sit in this manner, projecting strong feminine signals. This sitting position cannot be comfortably replicated by most men. The great majority of men rate this sitting position for women as their absolute favorite when questioned in surveys.

One leg presses against the other and gives the legs a healthier, more youthful look, which instinctively appeals to men from a reproductive standpoint. Modelling classes commonly teach this posture to women. Do not confuse this in the woman who constantly crosses and uncrosses her legs when she’s with a man she desires; in that case the leg shifts are a means of drawing attention to her legs.

The High Heels Effect

High heels also make a woman’s feet appear smaller, which while not a biological driver of attractiveness, is common to many cultures.

Putting Your Foot Forward

When we’re interested in either a conversation or a person, we put one foot forward to shorten the distance between us and that person. If we are reticent or not interested, we put our feet back, usually under a chair if seated.

Say that a man is speaking to a woman he finds particularly attractive as in the image above. Using typical male courtship body language he’s likely to stand with one foot pointing toward her with his legs apart exposing his groin area, and holding his arms in a splayed position to make himself look larger and fill more space. This tactic of trying to appear larger in perceived size is found in many forms throughout the animal kingdom by males courting females.

If the woman doesn’t find him attractive and wants to give him the brush-off, she holds her legs together, faces her body away from him, folds her arms, and makes herself appear as small as possible. No one says a word, yet the visual messages tell the story. He’s probably wasting his time.

Fidgeting Feet

Fidgeting feet are a good indicator of someone’s impatience threshold. The feet say they want to flee and so are forced to fidget until the time comes to walk or run. If you’re standing, you may repeatedly tap your foot to indicate your impatience. If you’re sitting with your legs crossed, you may twitch the hanging foot up and down, or back and forth.

To appear calm on the outside when everything inside’s in a panic, breathe from your abdomen, adjust your stance, and let your feet take root.

Summary

How to Sit Like a Lady

This article was co-authored by Tami Claytor. Tami Claytor is an Etiquette Coach, Image Consultant, and the Owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in teaching etiquette classes to individuals, students, companies, and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying cultures through her extensive travels across five continents and has created cultural diversity workshops to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a BA in Economics with a concentration in International Relations from Clark University. Tami studied at the Ophelia DeVore School of Charm and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her Image Consultant Certification.

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Traditional etiquette dictates that women sit with an erect posture and both legs together, keeping the skirt’s hem low and undergarments out of sight. Maintaining this posture when in trousers also adds elegance. Additionally, there are ways of crossing your legs, appropriate for formal occasions, which effectively prevent wardrobe malfunctions. Practicing these postures will add an element of class while becoming seated at formal affairs and in day-to-day life.

Why everyone needs to stop freaking out over this photo of a woman’s crossed legs

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If you’ve been anywhere near the internet this week, you’ve probably seen it: a photo of a woman sitting on the subway with her legs crossed, then crossed again, with one ankle neatly tucked under the other.

It started on Imgur, where someone shared the image with the caption: ‘Excuse me would you mind not sitting like that please? Thank you.’

Then news sites started covering it (including metro.co.uk, where we asked: ‘why on Earth would anyone sit like this?’). Writers overwhelmingly expressed confusion over how and why the anonymous woman would choose to sit like this. Buzzfeed asked where her bones are and questioned whether she was ‘possessed’.

Then the Twitter memes started.

And now, personally, I’d quite like all the memes and piss-taking to stop now.

Firstly because I’m not a fan of uploading photos of people in public places on the internet without their permission – especially when you’re planning to say unpleasant things about what they’re doing or how they look.

Just imagine being this woman, popping on to Twitter, and seeing a load of people questioning how you sit on public transport. It wouldn’t feel great.

But the bigger issue here is that the entirety of the internet are talking about this woman’s legs as if they’re a bizarre, ‘disgusting’ anomaly. Which, erm, they’re not.

Let me uncross my legs and stand up, loud and proud, to declare this on the internet: I sit like this, with my legs double or triple crossed, all the time. It feels significantly more comfortable than sitting with my feet flat on the floor and my legs straight.

And it’s not particularly nice to pop on to the internet and see my preferred sitting position described as ‘freaky’, or posts declaring that how I sit at work (yep, I’m doing it under my desk right now) makes people uncomfortable.

The good news? I’m not alone. There are other double or triple leg crossers among us. And there’s a reason some of us find this position so damn comfy.

We spoke to postural alignment specialist Ameet Bhakta, who told metro.co.uk that while most people may find it uncomfortable to tuck their ankles the way the woman has in the photo, it’s nothing to worry about if you’re one of the few who find it super comfy – it just means that you have some degree of hypermobility, also known as hyperflexibility.

Being hypermobile or hyperflexible simply means that you’re more flexible in some areas (or all over the body). This means you’ll be able to arrange your body in positions that are impossible or very difficult for others. You may also be double-jointed, you lucky duck.

Hypermobility can – in rare cases – be a sign of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome or Marfan Syndrome.

But don’t let alarmist comments fill you with terror (which is exactly what happened to me this week). Being hypermobile does not automatically mean you have these syndromes – they’re only present in a small number of people.

What hypermobile people do need to consider, however, are the potential health-related effects of hyperflexibility.

People with hypermobile joints can experience issues like joint and muscle pain, and a higher likelihood of injuries and dislocation.

While hypermobility may give you an advantage in activities like yoga and gymnastics, it’s even more important for hypermobile people to make sure they do exercises to strengthen and stabilise the body to reduce the risk of injury.

Ameet also notes that constantly sitting in this position can throw off the alignment of the body.

‘In general, when sitting we don’t want to cross our legs, as this puts the pelvis into an unbalanced, asymmetrical position, which makes the lower back and rest of the body have to work harder,’ he told metro.co.uk.

‘Over the long-term continually crossing the same leg over the other can lead to imbalances within the pelvis which can increase the risk of future pain in the hips, lower back and other parts of the body.’

Our recommendation? Make sure to swap which leg is balanced on top, and couple this with strengthening exercises. If you’re experiencing any pain, speak to your GP and mention that you believe you’re hypermobile.

And anyone taking the p*ss or getting freaked out by our sitting positions: back off. It’s not our fault our legs are magically bendy (and it’s actually pretty cool).

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