How are you holding up
How are you holding up
How are you holding up
How are you holding up? – When to ask and how to answer
Posted On: April 11, 2020
When times are stressful or life is challenging, especially during our #stayathome and lockdown times, people may ask each other “How are you holding up?” to start a conversation. Learn more about this question, how it compares to the small talk opener “How are you?” and how to answer it. [Transcript of the video follows.]
How are you holding up? – When to ask and how to answer (Video Transcript)
[00:00:02] Hello, everyone. I’m Jennifer Kumar from Authentic Journeys. I want to share with you about a question that people in English can use to start a conversation with each other during difficult times and when they want to empathize with another person and when they’re going through some difficult thing. And I’m also going to compare this question to another very common small talk question. So the question in question is, “How are you holding up?”
[00:00:34] How are you holding up?
[00:00:38] So this question might sound a little familiar to another very common American small talk question. How are you? “How are you?” is part of both of these questions. But there’s a big difference between these two questions and when they are asked and the response that is supposed to be given.
So when someone just asks, how are you, whether it’s by chat or casually passing you by on the street or in the office, we can answer with, “Oh, yeah, I’m OK. How are you?” We don’t have to give a long answer. It’s not expected of us to give a long answer. It’s not expected of us to tell a story about our day or exactly how we’re feeling if we’re not feeling good. We don’t say, “I’m not feeling good.” We could just say, “Oh, it could be better.”
But however, alternatively, with the question, how are you holding up? The asker tends to want to know about the other person and probably expects to hear a couple sentences as an answer. So this question, “How are you holding up?” it’s not used in a general small talk scenario. It’s asked when the person asking it understands already that the person that they’re asking it to, too is going through a very difficult time. They’re facing a lot of stress, maybe a lot of different stressful things are happening at one time. And they know that the person, you know is not having the best time right now. So, for instance, it’s March twenty seventh, twenty twenty.
[00:02:20] Many of us in the world are locked down or shut in our house under quarantine. So if someone were to ask me, “Jennifer, how are you holding up?” This could be an answer, I could say.
[00:02:33] “Well, you know, I wish it was different, but it’s kind of stressful because we can’t really go out and do the normal things we want to do, even grocery shopping, we can only do it like once a week. The other thing that’s been kind of bothering me is that we had an earthquake in Salt Lake City last week and there’s been aftershocks almost every single day, multiple aftershocks for about the last eight, eight or nine days. And I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep because of that. And also, you know, worrying about my friends and family in other places that maybe have limited mobility now just like me.”
[00:03:11] So you can see the answer is long-ger definitely. And it’s more descriptive. It talks more about what I might be experiencing, what I might be feeling, what I might be thinking, whereas the answer to “How are you?” doesn’t and shouldn’t have any of those details typically. Now, let’s say you’re asking me, “How am I holding up?” I give that answer to you or whoever you’re talking to. Gives you a longer answer.
[00:03:39] How do you respond to that?
[00:03:41] Pick something in their answer and ask a question about it or share a similar experience so you can empathize with that person based on what they said in their answer. So, for example, a question could be..
[00:03:55] “Oh, you had an earthquake. What was that like? I’ve never experienced an earthquake.”
[00:03:59] Or.. So that’s the question you could ask. That’s one alternative. The other is to make a statement, kind of and then based on what the person said, and then they will continue the conversation.
[00:04:13] “Yeah, I know what you mean. Even I can’t go grocery shopping. And you know, I didn’t really stock up before we were asked to stay inside. So I’m a little bit concerned about when I’m going to go out to get my groceries.”
[00:04:27] And then the conversation will continue. So this is a very, you know, important question that you could ask somebody in times of stress or they’re not feeling good. A lot of not so good things are happening to them at the moment. You can ask “How are you holding up?” Do not ask, “How are you?” that’s for everyday, ordinary small talk conversations in a work environment, casual environment, etc..
[00:04:57] So, I’m Jennifer Kumar from Authentic Journeys. I help you build your virtual teams. I help you build relationships on your virtual teams. Even in tough times like this, when you are definitely trying to be holding up and keeping your team together. I can help you improve that team bonding through some really good coaching and activity building. So get in touch with me at authentic journeys dot info or info at authentic journeys dot info. Thanks for listening. See you again. Bye.
Jennifer Kumar, creator of the training program, Building Trust and Good Relationships with US Americans is a perfect program that can be delivered in 3-8 hours (seminar up to interactive practicum) for teams outside of the US working with US Americans.
11 Better Ways to Say “How Are You Holding Up?”
“How are you holding up?” is a great question to find out how someone is really doing. It is most commonly used after someone has gone through heartbreak, tragedy, or suffering. This article will explore some great synonyms you can use to replace the question.
Other ways to say “how are you holding up” are “how are you feeling,” “how are things going after everything,” and “is there anything I can do?” These questions are great choices to show that you care about someone and want to do whatever you can to help.
Table of Contents
1. How Are You Feeling?
“How are you feeling?” is a simple question showing that you sympathize with someone’s difficult situation. You should use this question when you want to find out more about someone’s feelings.
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2. How Are Things Going After Everything?
“How are things going after everything?” is a great question to use. It shows that you appreciate someone who has had a rough time “after everything,” and you want to find out how their life is.
If they are struggling, this question is a chance for them to tell you about it. You should use it if you want to find out how someone is holding up.
3. Is There Anything I Can Do?
“Is there anything I can do?” is a helpful question you can use to find out how someone is. If someone is struggling, they will usually ask for help, so asking if you “can do” anything is a good way to encourage them to do so.
It gives them a chance to ask you for something without feeling guilty for doing so. The last thing you want is to make the other person feel like a burden.
4. Seriously. How Are You?
“Seriously. How are you?” seems like a simple question, but it’s very good if you want to find out how someone is doing. Including “seriously” shows that you want the truth. You want the answer to be as honest as possible and won’t settle for less.
5. How Do You Feel?
“How do you feel?” is a simple question used to find out how someone is feeling about a tough situation. It’s a great way to show that you’re trying to help someone but need to know how they feel before you attempt that.
6. Are You Coping Well?
“Are you coping well?” is a great choice after someone has experienced loss. It shows that you’re thinking about them and trying to figure out how well they’re “coping” based on the difficulties they’ve had.
7. Are You Managing Fine?
“Are you managing fine?” is a more informal question showing that you are looking out for someone’s well-being and trying to find out if they are “managing.” In this case, “managing” is synonymous with “coping,” and “fine” replaces “well.”
8. Is There Anything You Need?
“Is there anything you need?” is a great question to check with someone to see if you can do anything to help. You can use “need” here to make sure that someone doesn’t require anything that might help them.
If you can get the thing that someone “needs,” you might help them feel a little better about their situation.
9. I Wish There Were More I Could Do
“I wish there were more I could do” is a good sympathetic synonym. It shows that you’re trying to do everything in your power to help someone, even if you don’t know what the best thing to do is.
It’s a great phrase to let someone know how much you care.
10. I Wish I Could Take Your Pain Away
“I wish I could take your pain away” shows that you empathize with someone and want them to stop hurting. It’s a good choice if you really care about someone and want them to feel as comfortable as possible about something.
While it might not be possible to take their pain away, you can at least use this phrase as an offer. It implies that you’ll do anything to help.
11. I Wish There Was Something I Could Say
“I wish there were something I could say” is a great phrase you can use. It shows that you’re trying to come up with the right words but might not have a good way of doing that.
It can be tricky to know the best things to say to someone who is grieving or hurting.
What Does “How Are You Holding Up?” Mean?
“How are you holding up?” means that someone has gone through a rough patch and might be struggling. It’s used similarly to “how are you?” to find out how someone is feeling.
“How are you holding up?” is a little more specific, though. It works best when you know someone has received bad news and might need some help coming to terms with it.
It’s a caring phrase that should allow you to find out more about the person’s well-being.
Martin is the founder of Grammarhow.com. With top grades in English and teaching experience at university level, he is on a mission to share all of his knowledge about the English language. Having written thousands of articles, he is an expert at explaining difficult topics in a simple language.
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how are you holding up?
Midland
Senior Member
I sometimes hear in movies the question «How are you holding up?»
is used to a person who has just lost his or her beloved one.
Is this an encouraging question to such a person?
Or is it merely a polite question to ask how they are in such a sad situation?
nmuscatine
Senior Member
Midland
Senior Member
Let me make sure. Is this question always or usually asked to a person who just lost his or her beloved one? Or can you also use it to persons who are very sad not because of loss of their beloved ones but because of, say, the failure in the exam etc.?
panjandrum
Lapsed Moderator
Bill has just discovered that his wife has run off with his lover.
Mavis and Julie are talking about poor old Bill.
Mavis might ask Julie, «How’s he holding up?»
Midland
Senior Member
Panjandrum, thank you.
How do you use it? Do you often use it in such a situation? Is it the right question you would often ask when you are suspecting the sad person might kill himself or do something bad or unusual out of desperation?
Or is it a polite way of asking «Are you okay» to a saddened person?
Sorry if my question is too much in detail, but as you know this kind of situation requires a very subtle treatment.
Thank you in advance.
panjandrum
Lapsed Moderator
How do you use it? Do you often use it in such a situation? Is it the right question you would often ask when you are suspecting the sad person might kill himself or do something bad or unusual out of desperation?
Or is it a polite way of asking «Are you okay» to a saddened person?
This is very much a matter of personal choice of vocabulary.
I wouldn’t use «holding up» much, if at all, and I certainly wouldn’t use it in the extreme situation you describe. In fact, the more I think about it, the more certain I am that I wouldn’t use it directly to anyone. I would only use it in the context I set out in my previous post.
Midland
Senior Member
Thanks you, panjandrum.
Then, what else would you say in such a situation?
And, what is it about this question that holds you back using it? Directness?
And is it purely a matter of personal choice or related to the difference between British English and American English?
The two movies that I saw and hear the question are both American.
panjandrum
Lapsed Moderator
How have you been?
How have you been keeping?
These are more genuine enquiries about you health from someone who knows you’ve not been well or things have been difficult for you.
What’s holding me back from asking how are you holding up is simply convention. It’s not part of my own normal vocabulary. I don’t think it’s AE/BE, but it could be.
How are you holding up
Usually this is asked to someone who has been going through a difficulty, such as sickness, the death of a loved one, etc. It’s another way to say «how are you?» and/or «are you ok?»
@pontaku You’re welcome. One more thought. this can also be asked when you and someone else is trying to get something done. If they seem like they’re struggling you can ask them this. 🙂
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How are you holding up
Whats up is a simple/slang term. How are you holding up sounds unatural. You would say How have you been holding up?
What’s up could be used as a greeting such as «hey! What’s up?», it could be used to express concern as «You seem sad, what’s up?»
How are you holding up is a question of concern when someone is going through a hard time. «I heard your cat died, how are you holding up?»
what’s up is a friendly way of saying hello. How are you holding up is a way of asking someone how they are doing emotional or personally.
Example sentence(s):
Me: “What’s up man?”
Friend: “Oh nothing much, about to go out to eat.”
Me: “Oh cool. How are you holding up?”
Friend: “I’ve been doing good thanks”
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