How birth order influences your personality

Does birth order affect personality?

Amy Vowles

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We have all heard of “middle child syndrome,” and maybe you have made note of the personality differences between the oldest and youngest in the family, but it turns out that there is more science behind birth order than you may have suspected.

Have you ever considered how your birth order within your family has impacted your personality?

Psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are, says that your position in your family has tremendous impact on who you are, who you marry, and even what career you choose. Because the family dynamic changes with the addition of each new member, every child is essentially born into a different version of the same family. Your personality and behavior are determined by the unique interaction that takes place between parent and child and among siblings.

First born achievers

First born children enjoy a very special relationship with their parents. They get to receive undivided attention and every accomplishment is treated like a big deal. First time parents often try very hard to make sure that everything is perfect for their first born son or daughter. Because of this special dynamic, first born children tend to be perfectionists and over-achievers. Leman says, “first borns are our nation’s presidents, our mayors and our PTA presidents. If there is a position of authority, you can bet that it’s a first born personality.”

The middle child

Whatever personality trait has been adopted by the first born child, the second child will become the opposite. “The first two kids in any family are night-and-day different,” Leman says. The middle child will often excel at something that the first born child is not as good at. For example, a first born may be very good in school, while the second child is gifted in athletics. Middle children often play the role of peacekeeper in the family, mediating between the older and younger siblings. The practice that middle children get negotiating their place in the family typically means they have strong social skills and get along well with others.

How to understand the mysterious middle child >>

The baby in the family

The youngest born in the family grows up with experienced, more laid back parents, which in turn makes them more laid back as individuals. Leman describes last born children as being the comedians of the family that are social, outgoing and engaging. They typically have fewer responsibilities and have more freedom to do things their own way, which makes the baby of the family free-spirited and creative.

How your line-up influences marriage and career

Your place in your family can have impact on what career suits you best. First born children seek out positions of high achievement. “Engineers, accountants, pilots and astronauts are all common first born careers,” Leman says. Middle children tend to fill entrepreneurial roles; Bill Gates, Donald Trump and Steve Forbes are all highly successful middle child entrepreneurs. The babies in the family make excellent performers and tend to be natural salespeople; they will seek out roles that involve engaging and interacting with people.

Certain birth order pairings form stronger marriages than others. According to Leman, the strongest pairing is one between a first born and the baby, while two strong first born personalities are not an ideal match.

Check out the top four things that will make your marriage work >>

Exceptions to the rule

Any time human nature is involved there are variables at play that can create exceptions to the rule. Leman says that child spacing can create more than one family within a family. For example, if there is a significant age gap between children, there can be two first born personalities within one family. A dividing line is created because of the large age gap that starts the birth order over again.

Gender can also play a role in disrupting the typical birth order pattern. The first son born in a family may be treated by the parents as a first born, even if he has older sisters.

Leman also points out that overbearing parents can cause a switch in birth order. If an overbearing parent is in the mix, the first born child can respond with a pendulum swing from over-achieving to under-achieving. Because the first and second child adopt opposite personality types, the second born child would likely take on the role of first born.

Understanding birth order can help us to better understand ourselves and the people we interact with. As parents, being aware of the ways that birth order influences our children’s personalities can help us relate to our children and build stronger relationships with them.

How Birth Order Affects Personality

Scientists the world over have spent countless words and oceans of ink debating the issue of nature versus nurture. But how your child develops might have as much to do with the order in which they were born, as it does with their genes or environment.

Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Freud and Jung, first put forth the idea, claiming that when a child is born deeply impacts their personality. According to Adler, eldest children are socially dominant, highly intellectual, and extremely conscientious. Unfortunately, they’re also less open to new ideas, and prone to perfectionism and people pleasing – the result of losing both parents’ undivided attention at an early age, and working throughout their lives to get it back.

Middle children, sandwiched between older and younger siblings, often develop a competitive nature – making them natural entrepreneurs later in life. They tend to be the most diplomatic and flexible members of the family and often, eager for parental praise, develop musical or academic gifts.

Youngest children, according to birth order theory, tend to be dependent and selfish – as they’re used to others providing for them. But despite the negatives, they’re also quite often the life of the party – fun, confident, and comfortable entertaining others.

And only children? Like last borns, they are regularly spoiled, according to Adler, and have a hard time when they don’t get their own way. School can be a particularly difficult transition, as they’re used to being the center of the familial universe. But all that parental focus pays off. Only children are often mature for their age. They wow people with their vocabularies, and their comfort in adult circles. Plus, all that self-entertaining fosters creativity.

Adler’s theories have been debated for generations. Whether they’re scientifically sound or not much more than hogwash, muse about them as you raise your children. And regardless of when they were born, help each of your kids recognize what makes them unique and resist the urge to compare them to their siblings. That’s sure to make every member of your family thrive.

What Your Birth Order Says About Your Personality

Did you know that your birth order in your family can directly influence your personality, and even shapes it to a large extent?

You’re going on a family road trip with your adult siblings. Which of these three scenarios sounds most like you?

1. You’ve been planning it for weeks, secured the hotel rooms, made restaurant reservations, had the car’s oil changed, and have a tank full of gas — and you’ve mapped out rest stops along the way.

2. You’ve been rushing all morning trying to get things together, eventually throwing snacks and clothes haphazardly into your bags at the last minute. If you’re the one driving, you hope you can find a gas station and fill up your half-empty tank on the road.

3. Family trip? Sounds like fun! You’re just along for the ride with no pre-planned contributions except your entertaining funny stories and jokes. You enjoy the snacks your older siblings have packed in the car, and you realize you might need to buy a weather-appropriate coat when you arrive at your destination.

If the first scenario sounds familiar, you are likely the eldest child.

If the second scenario describes you well, you are probably the middle child.

If you relate the most to the third scenario, then you are most likely the baby of the family.

Birth Order Does Matter

Some researchers believe birth order is as important as gender and almost as important as genetics. It gets back to the old nurture vs. nature business. In my experience as an educator and a researcher, I know that no two children have the same set of parents, even though they live in the same family. Why? Because parents are different with each of their children, and no two children ever take the same role. For example, if you are the caretaking child, then that role is taken and your sibling will pick another role in the family, perhaps that of the achiever.

We Are Different Parents With Each Child

As the parent, you remember your first child well: They were the ones you watched to make sure they were breathing in their crib, the baby you breastfed and/or sterilized bottles for and carried most of the time. That child is the only child that will ever have his or her parents completely to his/her self; all other children have to share.

If you think about it, firstborn children enter a family of adults who are proud of their every progress and frightened by every potential injury. The child caught in the middle is often dominated by the firstborn, who is older, wiser, and more competent.

By the time the baby arrives, parents are usually worn down, worn out, and less likely to micro-manage. By now, you know your baby is not going break, and therefore, you can be more flexible in both attention and discipline. As a result, your baby learns early on to seduce and entertain.

Birth Order Personality: The Achiever, The Peacemaker, and The Life of The Party

While the eldest child is programmed for excellence and achievement, the middle child is raised to be understanding and conciliatory and the baby seeks attention.

As a result, birth order is a powerful variable in the unfolding of your personality.

The Firstborn Child: The Achiever

Key personality traits: Responsible, leader, perfectionist, a strong need for approval from people in charge, highly motivated to succeed.

The eldest child will probably have more in common with other firstborns than their own brothers and sisters. Because they have had so much control and attention from their first-time parents, they are over-responsible, reliable, well-behaved, careful, and smaller versions of their own parents.

If you are a firstborn, you are probably a high achiever who seeks approval, dominates, and is that perfectionist who uses up all of the oxygen in the room. You can be found in a leadership career such as law, medicine, or as a CEO.

As a mini-parent, you try to dominate your sibs. The problem is that when baby number two arrives, you will also experience a sense of loss. By losing your seat on the familial throne, you also lose the special place that singularity holds. All of the attention that was exclusively yours must now be shared by you and your sibling.

The Middle Child: The Peacemaker

Key personality traits: Secretive, insecure, resourceful, independent, chooses compromise over conflict, mediators, adaptable, rebellious.

If you are a middle child, you are probably understanding, cooperative, and flexible, yet competitive. You are concerned with fairness. In fact, as a middle child, you are likely to pick an intimate circle of friends to represent your extended family. It is here that you will find the attention likely lacking in your family of origin.

As a middle child, you receive the least amount of attention from family and as a result, this family of your choice is your compensation.

As a middle child, you’re in very good company with notable U.S. Presidents and celebrities such as Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Winston Churchill, Bill Gates, Donald Trump, and Steve Forbes. Though often a late bloomer, you find yourself in power careers that allow you to use your negotiating skills… and get that all too-needed attention.

You and your older sibling will never excel at the same thing. The personality trait that defines you as a middle child will be the opposite of that of your eldest and youngest sibling. But those wonderful social skills that you have learned as the middle child — negotiating and navigating within your family structure — can prepare you for an entrepreneurial role on a large scene.

The Youngest Child: The Life of the Party

Key personality traits: Spoilt, protected to the point of helplessness, manipulative, financially irresponsible, outgoing, extrovert, social.

If you’re the baby, your parents are already confident in their role as caregivers, and therefore are more lenient and don’t necessarily pay attention to your every move or milestone as they did with your older siblings. Thus, you’ve learned how to seduce the crowd with charm and likability.

Does Birth Order Affect Personality?

Researchers examine the old adage that birth order plays a significant role in shaping who we are

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In spite of sharing genes and environments, siblings are often not as similar in nature as one might think. But where do the supposed differences come from? Alfred Adler, a 19th- and early 20th-century Austrian psychotherapist and founder of individual psychology, suspected that birth order leads to differences in siblings.

Adler considered firstborns to be neurotic, because they don’t have to share their parents for years and are essentially dethroned once a sibling comes along. He also considered oldest children dutiful and sometimes conservative. According to Adler, the youngest children are ambitious, while middle children are optimally positioned in the family and are characterized by emotional stability. Adler himself was the second of seven children.

American psychologist Frank J. Sulloway, who, in the mid-1990s, combed history books for leading figures who were firstborns and rebellious ones who were born later, saw a similar trend. Among the later borns, he found lateral thinkers and revolutionaries, such as Charles Darwin, Karl Marx and Mahatma Gandhi. Among firstborns, he discovered leaders such as Joseph Stalin and Benito Mussolini. His explanation? Every child occupies a certain niche within the family and then uses his or her own strategies to master life. Firstborn and single children had less reason to quarrel with the status quo and identify more strongly with the worldview of their fathers and mothers. Younger siblings are less sure of their parents’ view and therefore more often choose alternative paths in life.

Such categorizations are popular because they’re rather intuitive, and one can always find an example of the sensible big sister or the rebellious young brother in their circle of acquaintances. As such, Adler’s words still appear regularly in educational guides and continue to reverberate in the minds of parents.

Furthermore, some studies confirmed the idea that sibling position can shape personality. For example, a 1968 study showed that, compared with later borns, first borns are less likely to participate in dangerous sports because of fears of physical injury. And a 1980 study of 170 female and 142 male undergraduates showed lower anxiety and higher ego in firstborns, as measured by the Howarth Personality Questionnaire. At times, however, these investigations used questionable methods. For example, members of the same family were often asked to assess themselves in terms of extraversion, openness to experiences, conscientiousness, tolerance and neuroticism. The catch is these surveys were conducted at only one point in time. The older siblings were therefore not only born first but also simply older. It has long been known that adolescents become more conscientious as they age. This trend could account for a large part of the results. Another methodological flaw was that only one person judged his or her own personality and that of his or her siblings. This detail is important because self-perception and the perception of others can sometimes differ considerably. In addition, the test subjects may have subconsciously incorporated the cliché of dutiful older siblings and cosmopolitan later borns into their evaluation and could have thus brought about the expected result themselves.

Meanwhile scientists who analyzed large, transnational data and compared different families with each other have found the effect of sibling succession on personality disappears almost completely. Researchers led by psychologist Julia Rohrer of the University of Leipzig in Germany evaluated data from more than 20,000 interviewees from Germany, the U.K. and the U.S. They compared the personality profiles of siblings but also of people with different birth orders who had never met. The Leipzig psychologists did not discover any systematic differences in personality.

In such studies, researchers must be particularly cautious because, in addition to age, the size of one’s family is another factor that’s intertwined with sibling position. A child from a family of four has a 50 percent chance of being a firstborn; the more siblings, the lower the probability. For example, the fact that many astronauts are firstborns does not necessarily speak to the special qualities of those born first. It’s likely that many astronauts come from smaller families. To better understand these influences, Rohrer and her team controlled forthe number of siblings. That’s because when there are more of them, there are more later borns. So the researchers hypothesized later borns may more often appear in families of lower socioeconomic classes—which could account for differences between children of different-sized families.

The larger the sample, the more likely even very small effects will be detected. For example, in a 2015 study, which included 377,000 high school students, psychologist Rodica Damian and her colleague Brent W. Roberts, both then at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign discovered that firstborns tended to be more conscientious, extraverted and willing to lead. Contrary to expectations, they were also more tolerant and emotionally stable than adolescents with older siblings. Yet the differences were very small, and the researchers concluded that the importance that is generally attached to sibling position in shaping one’s character is exaggerated.

“It is quite possible that the position in the sibling sequence shapes the personality—but not in every family in the same way,” says Frank Spinath, a psychologist at Saarland University in Germany. “In other words, there may be an influence but not a systematic one. Nevertheless, other influences weigh more heavily when it comes to the differences in character of siblings. In addition to genes, the so-called undivided environment also plays a role. For siblings who grow up in the same family, this includes the respective circle of friends, for example.” Further, parents do not treat their children the same regardless of their birth rank. Studies show that parents react sensitively to the innate temperament of their offspring and adapt their upbringing accordingly.

Damian’s study also found that on average, firstborns enjoy a small IQ advantage over their younger siblings. Those born first also tend to complete their education with a higher degree and opt for traditionally prestigious careers, such as medicine or engineering.

How does this intellectual advantage come about? Adler may be right that the undivided attention given to the first child in early life promotes cognitive abilities. This advantage is already apparent by the age of two. Norwegian researchers Petter Kristensen and Tor Bjerkedal cleverly showed that the difference in intelligence is not linked to biological factors (some had suspected it might be related to physical conditions during pregnancy). They tested children whose older siblings had died early. The researchers’ assumption was that although these children were biologically younger siblings, they assumed the role of the firstborn in the family. Compared with other younger siblings, they achieved better results in intelligence tests.

Birth order: How your position in the family can influence your personality

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Are you the firstborn, a middle child or youngest in your family?

Are you a high achiever, a peacemaker or the life of the party?

Your position in the family can affect your personality, behaviour and view of the world, according to the experts.

Birth order is considered by some researchers and psychologists to be one of the most powerful influences on personality, along with genetics, gender, temperament and parenting styles.

The firstborn child: The high achiever

Eldest children tend to be high achievers and leaders who may be controlling and bossy and likely to take on responsibility.

They seek approval, are usually perfectionists, and tend to have more in common with other firstborns than their own siblings.

First-borns tend to be:

The second and middle child: The peacemaker

Second and middle children are more likely to be the peacemaker of the family, are good at negotiating and are more willing to go with the flow.

They seek attention and often have more friends than the firstborn children to compensate for a lack of family attention.

Seconds and middles tend to be:

The youngest child: The outgoing charmer

Youngest children tend to be more outgoing and charming to get attention, yet have a greater sense of independence.

They tend to have more freedom and are subsequently more likely to try new things and do what they want to do.

Youngest children tend to be:

«Birth order accounts for the differences between kids within families,» parenting expert and author Michael Grose said.

«Most parents sometimes throw their hands up in the air wondering why their first and their second are so different.

«They may be the same gender, born two years apart, have the same educational experience yet they’re as different as chalk and cheese.

«That’s where birth order comes in.»

Taking up family roles

Mr Grose said no two children ever take on the same role within a family.

«It’s that notion of taking up roles — we all take up roles within a group, and of course the first group we’re in is our family,» Mr Grose said.

«So kids take up different roles and personality styles and because it happens so young — at a time when we’re forming all our habits, characteristics and personality — it tends to stick.»

Each child in the same family is also subject to different parenting.

«Parents will raise their firstborns quite differently to a later born child, that’s largely due to focus and experience,» Mr Grose said.

«Also when you’re firstborn, for a while you’re on your own; if you’re the last one born of four kids you’re surrounded by a group and the expectations are different as well.»

Gender and age gap also play a part when it comes to birth order influences.

«When you have a gap of five to six years your family starts again,» Mr Grose said.

Birth order and your parenting style

Mr Grose said your own birth order and your partner’s birth order can impact how you parent.

«When two firstborns are married to each other, now that’s an organised family,» Mr Grose joked.

«When two youngest are married, the garbage is lucky to be put out, it’s a bit more of a laidback place.»

Mr Grose said birth order knowledge can help parents better understand the drivers behind their children, and why they themselves parent the way they do.

«It should be considered when looking for ways to raise happy, well adjusted children,» he said.

Tips for raising children in each birth order position

Mr Grose recommended throwing birth order knowledge «into the mix» when raising your kids.

He suggested parents release the pressure on firstborns and only children. Eldest children tend to put a great deal of pressure on themselves as it is.

Help second-born and middle children feel special, give them some one-on-one time.

Save some responsibilities for the youngest child and ensure that they make their own decisions and speak for themselves.

‘Bossy’, organised eldest child

Evie Cuthbertson is the eldest of three and said she liked being the firstborn in her family.

«Apparently I’m bossy,» she said.

«I have a tendency to take charge; I like to organise things.»

It is no surprise then that Ms Cuthbertson works as a management consultant.

Middle child invisibility

Jenny Blake was one of five children and is now the mother of five, as well as two step-children.

She said as a middle child, she had to learn to «argue and fight for everything».

«I can communicate very well, and I’m a very good negotiator because I had to negotiate up and I had to negotiate down,» she said.

Ms Blake said at times she felt invisible.

«There was a lot of attention given to the oldest and the youngest,» she said.

«I look back and think it was really quite good, I could disappear and do my own thing without anyone noticing.

«So much so that I got left at home alone. When they packed up the car one day and went off to mass as they did every Sunday, I came out of the toilet and no-one was home.»

Ms Blake, who works in communications, said she has seen the same scenario play out with her own children.

«My middle son is also very good at language and trying to decipher what needs to be said,» she said.

Youngest child left with hand-me-downs

Older children usually get the new clothes, new bikes and new toys, while youngest children often receive a lot of hand-me-downs.

«I remember when I was 14 I got my first pair of new school pants,» youngest child and ACT Menslink CEO Martin Fisk said.

«With an oldest brother who was 11 years older than me I was wearing 1960s pants.

«They were all moth-bally, and I used to dread the change of season.»