How can you help your parents

How to Help Your Financially Struggling Parents

There’s more than one way to support your parents in times of need

Miriam Caldwell has been writing about budgeting and personal finance basics since 2005. She teaches writing as an online instructor with Brigham Young University-Idaho, and is also a teacher for public school students in Cary, North Carolina.

Watching your parents age can be a scary prospect, especially as they approach the point when they need more help from you. If your parents have money troubles, they may come to you for financial help. It can be difficult to help them financially if you’re struggling with student loans or credit card debt, or providing for your own family. However, it is possible to assist your parents without going broke if you make a plan that factors in what they need and your capacity to help.

Evaluate the Financial Help Your Parents Need

Before your parents retire or face serious financial hardship, have an honest discussion with them about the challenges they’re having or expect to have and the type of and extent of help they need. You can either help your parents with money or through non-monetary support like financial advice. The right approach will depend on where your parents are financially now, where they want to be, and how you can help fill the gap. A financial advisor can help facilitate a conversation about these delicate topics. 

If your parents have diligently saved, budgeted well, and are on track to cover their day-to-day expenses in the near future and their living and travel expenses in retirement, their challenge might be an increasingly unaffordable living situation or an inability to save. Non-monetary help might be sufficient for their needs, but it’s still important to discuss the specific type of assistance that would best serve them, and if it’s for ongoing help, how long they might need you to provide it.

However, if your parents are struggling financially, whether because they have unpaid debts, were laid off right before retiring, or had to take an early retirement, they may not be able to make ends meet now let alone achieve a comfortable retirement. They might prefer monetary support in this scenario, in which case it’s useful to inquire about the amount they need.

Once you understand your parents’ current situation and retirement plans, you begin making plans for what you can do to help them.

Help Your Parents Financially Without Money

There are several ways to support your parents without opening up your wallet:

Help Your Struggling Parents With Money

If your parents are past the point when non-monetary support can help, you may need to contribute real dollars to improve their financial situation. If you go this route, consider their needs alongside your own needs and financial constraints.

Make a Budget

It’s important to create a monthly spending plan for yourself to determine how much, if any, you can reasonably allocate each month to your struggling parents and still cover your own expenses and contributions for retirement or long-term savings goals like your child’s education.   Rather than adding a single expense labeled «parents» to your budget, budget for individual expenditures you plan to cover for your them, such as:

Set Limits

With individual expenses listed in your budget, you’ll be better poised to stick to your budget for your parents. However, you’ll still have to establish a time frame for how long the payments will last (indefinitely or for a fixed period of weeks, months, or years). You’ll also need to ensure that your parents prudently spend any money that you give them during that time. If they can’t responsibly manage the money, make it clear that you won’t be able to offer more, or offer to pay their bills for them.

As a couple, the amount you each set aside to help your parents financially should be agreed on between the two of you. Don’t promise money to your parents without your spouse’s or partner’s knowledge.

Set Aside Money Now

You may be young now, but it’s never too early to start saving, especially if your parents have no money for their current needs or have a financially insecure future. This is an important step to take when helping parents who are struggling financially because medical emergencies can happen suddenly and without warning. Having money set aside to help you cover some of these costs can make a last-minute situation less stressful.

You can allocate money for your parents’ needs through an emergency fund, which you can draw on to pay for unplanned expenses, and sinking funds, which you can use to cover planned expenses like repairs for your parents’ home. Keeping these funds in an interest-bearing account like a savings account or money-market account allows you to earn money on your deposits without any effort.

Experts recommend that you build an emergency fund amounting to three to six months’ worth of living expenses.

Make a Long-Term Plan

Even if your parents are years away from retirement, it’s a good idea to put a plan in place now for how to help them financially later so that you will not be scrambling to get power of attorney to manage their finances on their behalf or find the correct account information should your parents experience serious illness, such as dementia.

Avoid the Pitfalls of Helping Your Parents Financially

While you may want to do everything in your power to help your parents succeed financially, there are some financial decisions relating to your parents that you should think twice about:

The Bottom Line

If your parents are struggling financially, you can provide monetary or non-monetary support to improve their situation. Before you write them a check or offer your advice, evaluate their needs and your capacity to meet them so that you can arrive at an approach that works for all of you. This way, your parents can live in comfort and you don’t have to compromise on the life you planned for yourself.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Can I help my parents through Medicaid spenddown?

The spenddown period allows individuals whose incomes are too high to qualify for Medicaid to subtract the costs of their copays and uncovered medical expenses from their incomes to reduce their remaining incomes to an acceptable range. Your parents might not have enough income left over to meet all of their living expenses if they do that and if their expenses and copays are particularly significant. You could help out by buying groceries or taking care of other expenses that they can’t cover.

How many adult children support or assist their parents financially?

AARP reported in 2020 that 32% of adults ages 40 through 64 provided financial assistance to their parents and that 42% anticipated that they would be doing so in future years.

How to Make Your Parents Proud Again After Disappointing Them as a Student

wikiHow is a “wiki,” similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are co-written by multiple authors. To create this article, 17 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time.

There are 9 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 32,461 times.

Few things hurt more than parental disappointment. You may already be stressed about your struggles at school, and it’s not easy to know your parents aren’t happy with how you’re doing. Evaluating the problem and taking action can help make things better.

Tip: If your parents start thinking that you’re trying to make excuses, stop them. Say «I know my grades are disappointing. I’m telling you why this is happening in the hopes that we can fix this problem. Can you help me fix it?»

Tip: If your parents scream at you and/or call you names, or if you’re afraid of them, try talking to your school counselor for advice.

How to Prove You’re Responsible to Your Parents

This article was co-authored by Kirsten Parker, MFA and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure. Kirsten Parker is a Mindset and Action Coach based in her hometown of Los Angeles, California. She helps high achievers overcome stress and self-doubt. She specializes in increasing one’s confidence and clarity by incorporating tools from positive psychology, mindful habit change, and self-regulation into her coaching. She is a Certified HeartMath Practitioner trained in Stress, Anxiety, and Intelligent Energy Management along with Emotional Intelligence and the Science of Self-Acceptance. She also holds an MFA from Yale University School of Drama in Stage Management.

There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article received 17 testimonials and 95% of readers who voted found it helpful, earning it our reader-approved status.

This article has been viewed 242,437 times.

Whether you’re trying to convince your parents that you can take care of a dog or get back on their good side after getting in trouble at school, being able to prove that you are responsible to your parents can seem tough. The good news is, there are a few tips and tricks to make showing your parents you’re responsible super easy. To prove that you’re responsible, you’ll show them you’re trustworthy, thoughtful, and mature, and that you have a plan in place when asking your parents for big things like a car, phone, or pet.

How to Deal With Your Parents Fighting

This article was co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.

There are 11 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article received 32 testimonials and 80% of readers who voted found it helpful, earning it our reader-approved status.

This article has been viewed 268,115 times.

Seeing your parents argue is a hard experience to deal with, but there are steps you can take to protect yourself from the conflict. Dealing with your parents fighting may also include talking to them directly or with a professional counselor to help them understand how their fighting affects you. You also can take steps to begin coping with going through this. In any case, it’s important to remember that even though you may feel helpless, you are able to do something, but it’s also not your responsibility to keep the peace and their fights aren’t your fault either.

Do your parents fight a lot? Does their fighting get really intense? Seeing your parents argue is a hard experience to deal with, but there are steps you can take to protect yourself from the conflict, help them understand how they are affecting you, and cope with the aftermath of an argument.

How to Make Your Parents Understand You

This article was co-authored by Seth Hall and by wikiHow staff writer, Megaera Lorenz, PhD. Seth Hall is a Life Coach and the Founder of Transformational Solutions, a Los-Angeles based life-coaching company. He specializes in working with groups and individuals to build healthy habits and behaviors that lead to a prosperous lifestyle. He is also the co-author of The Mountain Method and The Mountain Method: Children’s Edition. Seth is a Certified Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through the iNLP Center.

This article has been viewed 149,834 times.

No matter how close you are with your parents, you may not always see eye-to-eye with them. At times, it may seem like they don’t understand you at all. While you can’t necessarily make your parents understand you, you can help them by communicating clearly and respectfully. Being misunderstood is frustrating, so take time to cool down and deal with your feelings if you find yourself getting upset. If your parents just can’t or won’t understand you no matter what you do, talk to another trusted adult or a counselor if you can.

\u00a9 2022 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n

\u00a9 2022 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n

Tip: Try writing down a list of things you’d like to say before having a tough conversation. You can even have the list with you if you’re afraid you’ll forget something or get off track.

\u00a9 2022 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n

\u00a9 2022 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n

\u00a9 2022 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n

\u00a9 2022 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n

\u00a9 2022 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n

\u00a9 2022 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n

\u00a9 2022 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n

Tip: If you’re feeling really upset and overwhelmed, it can help to focus on something in your environment. Pick up an object and pay attention to how it feels in your hand, or look around the room and try to spot several items that are blue. [13] X Research source

\u00a9 2022 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n

\u00a9 2022 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n

\u00a9 2022 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n

\u00a9 2022 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n

Tip: Many schools have social workers or counselors on staff who can help you if you’re having problems at home. If you’re not sure who to talk to, ask one of your teachers or a school staff member to help you.