How to become an alpha
How to become an alpha
How to Become an Alpha Male
This article was co-authored by Lisa Shield. Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.
This article has been viewed 1,496,152 times.
Alpha males are the embodiment of confidence. They’re respectful, but still good leaders. If you want to be seen as an alpha male, try emulating the qualities you see in other natural leaders, like their posture and mannerisms, and make sure not to take complete control of something in attempt to be an alpha male.
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Definitive Guide: How To Become An Alpha Male
I went out with one of the few guys at my office that are naturally good with women. I got to our meeting place and saw him standing outside, and I thought: “Man, this guy looks like James Dean”. His posture was upright, but relaxed, he was wearing a badass fitted black jacket with pockets and zippers, his hair loosely dangling over his forehead, and a cigarette casually stuck in the corner of his mouth.
If I was searching for how to become an alpha male over again, I’d probably model myself on that dude. Here’s why – and what you can learn from it.
Complete authenticity As a Man
The funny thing is, you wouldn’t immediately consider my colleague the most effective chick magnet. He is introverted and his voice is hard to perceive, especially with his Dutch accent. But once he talks to the ladies, they fall for his charm. That’s largely because he doesn’t make even the slightest effort to be something he’s not. Many would consider a quiet voice and an introverted, monosyllabic nature as a shortcoming they’d have to “fix” to get better with women. Not him.
What he does instead is amplify his personality to the fullest. He has figured himself out long ago, and he has learned to fully BE that person. If you learn one thing about being an alpha male, then make it this: never pretend.
Take Control Of Your Life
Get one thing down: my friend, this is your life. To go anywhere, you have to LEAD. (Read how to be the man women desire for more about leading)
Make conscious and deliberate decisions about all your actions. You know that everything you do or think will have an impact. Reaching for the carrots and hummus instead of the chips in the supermarket is a conscious decision, so is taking a boat trip with your friends, trying a new bar, hosting a house party, or talking to a woman you fancy. On the street corner. In broad daylight.
Leading means making decisions. You can steer your own life with deliberation, but your leadership becomes most evident in your social circle. If you set up a house party and invite all your friends over, it will have an immense impact on the way they perceive you: you are the host, the organizer, the social hub. The leader of the party.
Get some cool music, drinks, set up a flirty, fun vibe, and get everybody to bring their own friends. And make sure there are girls in the mix.
Appearance of an alpha male
The classic “alpha male” exudes physical and mental dominance. A technique like teasing (and I will give you another one in a minute) will often suffice to establish a fully “alpha” aura. Yet, by tweaking your looks, you can amp up the effect a lot.
Go to the gym and shape up. The shape you’re in makes an immense difference for your whole personality. A well-shaped body will not only look better, but automatically have a better tenure just by its tension. We have written so much about this in our other articles, I won’t go into more detail here.
Get the best clothes and accessories you can. If you don’t have a friend with good fashion sense, start reading magazines for inspiration, and to find a look that suits you. There are a lot of great clothes out there, but you have to decide what you, as an individual like. Three pointers:
– Put special effort into your shoes, they’re the first thing many women look at! They should be polished and pointy.
– Clothes should be fitted to flatter your body. Don’t just buy random shapeless shirts and jeans.
– DO NOT wear shirts with jokes and funny lines on them. Believe me. Don’t.
Stand Up For Yourself
Stop accepting when others walk all over or abuse you. Figure out your values and ideals, and then make friends with the idea that they’re actually worth a damn (I have to admit, that was a tough one for me).
Look, whatever you consider important for yourself, and right, IS actually right within your reality. If somebody steps on your boundaries and principles, don’t let them do it. Refuse to comply. Again: this is your life. You run it. Why?
Because alpha males do.
The above advice is to get you started on your path to becoming an alpha male. Find yourself, define your principles, values and boundaries, and then start BEING that person and LIVING that life. There’s a lot more for you to discover, but if you start adapting these skills and features, you are well on your way, and you will see from other people’s reactions how your assertiveness is working. From there, you can figure out how to be an alpha male on your own by listening, judging results and tweaking.
How to become more of an alpha male when it comes to dating?
How about you stop being a wolf and start acting like a human?
Your Transformation To An Alpha Male Starts Here
Want to become an alpha male but do not know where to start? Keep calm, we got your back. To succeed in earning the alpha title, you need to possess a combination of mental and physical qualities. So, what are the signs of an alpha male? A real alpha male is an unquestioned leader of any social group he is in. He respects and values himself while acting authentically and purposefully. Thus, a lot of people admit being dependable on and inspired by him. He likes to compete and has the courage to break the rules.
Yet, he always remains optimistic and stress-resistant. Finally, he has a unique style that allows him to easily stand out in the crowd sounds like a lot of effort for you? No worries. So that the process would go smoothly and effortlessly on your side, we have put together the best tips that will certainly help you to become an alpha. Just stick to them and you will lead the pride in a blink of an eye.
What Is An Alpha Male: The Real Alpha Male Definition
Still not sure what does it mean to be an alpha male? While this question may seem pretty simple, it often raises heated debate. To help you sort things out, let’s start from the very beginning: the definition. The modern meaning of an alpha male has shifted from what it was considered in the past. Today, an alpha male personality type is a man who equally and effectively balances his energy of masculine and feminine sides. He has strength paired with kindness. Regardless of his confidence, he remains humble. His power does not interfere with composure. He is in harmony with himself and the world.
So, simply put, what is an alpha male personality? A true alpha has persistence and grit. He is able to protect both his family and him personally. He has the courage to admit his fears and face them as well as laugh at himself. Thus, he is a very people person with a great sense of humor, kind heart and friendly personality. He can keep any conversation going, as he is intelligent and educated. He also has vast life experience, which is an endless source of gripping stories. He treats other people with respect, both men and women. Finally, a real alpha does not make an effort to be one, he acts naturally and sincerely.
Alpha Male Traits : How You Can Become An Alpha Male
“Wow! What a guy! Loved and respected by one and all, men and women alike.”
We all are quite guilty of saying such statements (maybe not so vocally, but still!). So, what are these qualities of an alpha male that make him seem apart from other men?
How about we quickly list out everything that’ll lay down a roadmap on how to become an alpha male? We’ll let you in on some of the most common alpha male characteristics which will help you gain a more respected and more commanding stance in society.
If you are new to the concept, don’t fret! Before delving into these alpha male traits, let’s take a stroll to learn who is an alpha male and how alpha male characteristics differ from other male groups.
Being an alpha male isn’t about imposing your beliefs onto others but it is about becoming a positive force to be reckoned with. When you identify as an alpha male you become a positive force, one whom others would want to be associated with. An alpha male is rational and doesn’t take decisions in a fit of emotions.
Having said that, your average alpha male lives life to the fullest, and most importantly, he can live a life that he always wanted to.
Read on to know things like-
Who Is An Alpha Male?
As defined by the socio-sexual hierarchy, an alpha male is a man wanting to have a more controlling role in various situations of life. But, it won’t be wrong to say that the definition of an alpha male is quite subjective. Some might even go as far as saying that alpha males don’t care about others.
Here’s the truth. Yes! They are commanding, they are authoritative, they can impose their will, they carry their physical appearance well, but that’s because they are positive, compassionate, caring, charismatic, know how to take charge of things, and they lead by example.
Alpha males rank at the top of the socio-sexual hierarchy and while Sigma males share the top rank with Alphas, they choose to sit outside the hierarchy. Alphas are followed by Beta males, Delta males, Gamma males, and Omega males, respectively.
Traits Of An Alpha Male
There are some distinguishing alpha male qualities that we are going to share with you guys. We know that it won’t happen in a day but with perseverance and a positive frame of mind, you will be able to incorporate the below-mentioned alpha male traits.
1. Alphas Are Positive
One of the important alpha male personality traits is that he is extremely positive. He carries that positive vibe that cheers everybody around him. And, who wouldn’t want to be with a guy like that? An alpha looks for the solution of problems and not the other way round. Bottomline – alpha males are extremely positive and extremely likable.
2. They Are Confident
Alpha males don’t second guess their decisions and neither are they much bothered about what others would think or if they’ll laugh at their decisions. The reason being, their decisions are well thought of. The intent behind their decisions is positive and it certainly is not meant to harm others.
And, even if they’ve made a mistake, big deal! They’ll own it, learn from it and not make the same mistake ever again. Alpha males don’t cry over spilled milk.
3. Alpha Males Aren’t Passive
One of the very common alpha male personality traits is that they are assertive and know how to speak their mind. When they speak their mind, they don’t just talk in the air. Like, as mentioned above, alphas are confident and know what they are doing. Therefore, they own their desires and know how to assert them on others.
For instance, if a group of friends decide to hangout at a cafe’, the alpha would assert his choice of cafe’ most probably because he knows that his choice of cafe’ will have the best food and will be in the budget.
4. For An Alpha Male Comfort Zone Doesn’t Exist
Alpha males love challenges even if it means pushing themselves out of their cushion zone. Which is why, nothing comes across as undoable for them. The other side of this aspect is that, they come across as the leader of the pack; they know how to mitigate any risks before letting the whole pack into danger.
5. They Are Nice But Not Overly Nice
Being nice is good, it’s human. But let’s face it there are times when you have to assert yourself, sometimes you got to put your will before anyone else. You don’t have to be nice every time even if it means coming across as the bad guy.
And, since an alpha male isn’t always nice, he isn’t even considered as a pushover, someone who people can take for granted. But this alpha male quality is the one that makes their presence more commanding.
How To Become An Alpha Male?
This is kind of an extension to the traits we have mentioned above. Start by doing the things the likes of which are mentioned below and see yourself being viewed as an alpha –
1. Start Having Your Own Viewpoint
Listen to others but do what you think is right. You could maybe start listening to your conscience better.
2. Do Good But Only If It’s Required
Let’s take it this way; you don’t have to show off your good deeds every single time. Let your goodness flow naturally, as a habit and not as an act.
On a side note, I read this wonderful quote some time ago; “Always remember the good others do for you but never the good you do for others” You don’t have to always remember the good you did for others but never fail to remember the good others have done for you. And what better motto to live by than this for an alpha male?
3. Adhere To A Good Lifestyle
Do we mean a ripped muscular body? No! Do we mean a hefty bank balance? No! We are not against these things. But, what you should expect is a good quality of life. Something that leaves you satisfied at the end of the day.
4. Challenge Yourself
In connection with the point above, let’s say you wish to have a better body. Great! Challenge yourself to do a certain amount of workout every single day. If you wish to have the car of your dreams, work hard and save smart so that soon you will be able to park that shiny ride in your garage.
5. Be Discreet In Showing Appreciation
Again if someone has shown some improvement, acknowledge it but, be very discrete in showing appreciation. If you just throw away appreciating remarks on every situation, your appreciation won’t matter to people.
Bottom-line: Appreciate it when you really mean it! This way, people will believe that you only appreciate when something remarkable is done, instead of pointless flattery.
Quick Difference Between Alpha And A Beta Male:
Alpha Male Qualities
Beta Male Traits
We Want You To Be Happier Than Ever
At The End Of The Day – An Alpha Male Quality Is The Happiest Soul
Frequently Asked Questions:
1. Do Alpha Males Get Angry?
Just like any other individual even Alphas get angry but they are not moved by impulse, they know how to channelize their anger. They know how to mitigate any damage that their anger could possibly lead to. In a situation when an alpha gets angry, he would first cool down his mind, analyze the situation and then act.
2. Can Anyone Become An Alpha Male?
Immaterial of your size or stature, the fact is you can become an alpha male. We have already mentioned some of the most common alpha male personality traits and other characteristics. So, do give this blog a good read and work your way up to become an alpha male.
3. How Do You Deal With An Alpha Person?
This question is quite subjective and may be taken in many lights. For instance, maybe it is a good friend of yours who is liked by all and listened to by all. And, you probably want to move ahead following his footsteps. Here are a few small things you can do to deal with an alpha male so things are smooth.For instance, give them space but if he’s overdoing it, as a friend you could probably explain his traits in a very calm manner.
3. Is It Good To Be An Alpha Male?
If you are looking for an answer to how to become an alpha male, you probably might be thinking, if becoming one is a good decision. We’d like to say, off course yes! If you aim at taking up all the alpha male traits that are mentioned above, you will surely walk on the path of success.
Writer’s Thoughts
As we said, “what it takes and what it doesn’t to be an alpha male” is quite subjective. So, if we have missed any alpha male qualities which you think should be there in an alpha man, do drop them in the comments section below.
Also, if there is a habit that a man needs to build to become an alpha male, share it with us in the comments section below.
I hope this quick guide on how to be an alpha male and the quick rundown of alpha male personality traits helped you! For more, you can connect with us on our social media or drop us an email at info@calmsage.com.
Live life on your terms!
More Interesting Articles to “Be Better You Every Day” :
The 21 Steps to Becoming an Alpha Male
The Alpha, is the ideal, the elite. It’s the beginning, the first, the original. The alpha male – in the context we’ll discuss in this article – isn’t merely a social alpha, or a leader of a social group. He’s the leader of his own life in a very powerful way. He’s the leader of his friends and family, and someone who you can’t avoid respecting, even admiring, for the kind of man he is in every facet of life.
He’s a man of honor, integrity, and strength.
21 Steps You Need to Take to Become an Alpha Male
1. Be Real With Yourself.
Self awareness is a quality held by few – very few. There aren’t many who can see their deepest failures and weaknesses, and have the courage to work on them. There are even fewer that have the courage not to cover them up, or to fill the voids in their lives with quick fixes.
Be real with yourself. What are your insecurities? Make them known. Say them out loud. That’s the first step in becoming a strong, courageous alpha male.
2. Do Your Thing.
The more I read about great leaders, and by correlation, great alpha males, I realize that they marched to the beat of their own drum. They had their own agenda in life. They had their own principles, passions, and they wouldn’t let others pull them from their mission.
This is not only a defining quality of a great leader, and a great man, but of an alpha male. A true alpha male doesn’t need a crowd to boost his ego. He’s self aware to the point that he knows his weaknesses, his misgivings, and he doesn’t need others to fill voids in his life.
Create your own path in life. Find what you’re passionate about, make sure it benefits others, and don’t let any barrier stand in your way. It’s when w have the internal strength to do our own thing, we can become a leader, and an alpha.
3. Seek to Do That Which You Fear.
I never get into arguments on Facebook, or Youtube, or the blog. To me, it’s just a waste of time. But the other day I did get in an argument with someone who scolded me for encouraging a young guy in a fight he said he had to go through with the following day.
Fact: the only way to defeat a bully is to stand strong, firm, and fight him. Avoiding him, her, it, will lead you to a life of weakness. Sometimes we have to walk into a battle knowing that we’re probably going to get our ass kicked, and take that beating like a man to earn the respect of not only our peers, but ourselves.
If my son is being bullied, I’ll tell him to stand and fight, just like my Old Man told me when I was younger. And guess what, I fought a bully once, and never had to fight anyone bullying me again.
Don’t merely do the things you’re afraid of, get in touch with your soul, and seek out that which you fear, then conquer it head on. For some, that might be fighting a bully, for others, that may mean quitting your job and starting your company. Others might have to travel.
You know what you’re afraid of. An alpha male doesn’t merely wait for an opportunity to face his fear; he understands that it’s the fight, the battle, that strengthens him, and times of calm, of peace, that weaken him.
4. Live a Life of a Warrior.
A warrior without a battle is akin to a man without a purpose; without a soul. As men, we need adventure, we need a battle, and I’m convinced that we need to look at our lives as if they’re one big war.
What are we fighting?
There’s a strong part of our hearts – the warrior in us – and a weak part: the coward. The coward wants to take the easy road, the path of least resistance. The warrior wants what our true heart and soul yearns for: action, the object of our ambition, a family, real relationships.
One is evil, one is good. The battle between the two is very real. An alpha male recognizes the battle, and he fights it every minute of every day. One of the reasons why alpha males are so few, is that the vast majority of the men in this world are cowards. They give in to the path of least resistance. They follow the crowds that lead to an empty life.
At every opportunity, live life like a warrior. This means treating life as a war, but also living a life of discipline and courage. Be the shoulder and the soldier for those who need one. Be the Alpha.
5. Have the Courage to Fail Gloriously
The average person lives in fear of failure. It’s one of the most debilitating forces on the planet. It’s what holds back potentially great men from greatness, and it’s what makes an alpha male, an alpha.
Failing at the small, inconsequential things in life is easy. It doesn’t take much courage, and it’s not even worth mentioning. It’s when you follow your heart, your ambition, and work your ass off, that the possibility of failure becomes real, engulfing, and even crushing. This is when a real man rises, fights, forges on, and fights on.
An alpha male has the courage to go against the grain, and to attempt to accomplish what has never been done. Thomas Edison was an alpha male, as was Napoleon, and Teddy Roosevelt. Each of them did more in their years than many could in 100 life times. Don’t attempt small, insignificance, attempt and fail gloriously.
6. Become Self-Reliant.
An alpha male doesn’t have to rely on others to succeed in life. He doesn’t have to rely on others to pay his bills, to make his meals, for emotional support, for strength. His strength is internal, it’s developed. You may not have that kind of strength yet, but you’ll get there, as will I.
Please come to the fundamental understanding that in life no one owes you a single thing. Everything you want in life – be they relationships, money, fame, happiness, self-worth, a place in the world where you feel that you matter – you have to create, cultivate, and forge.
As Mr. Balboa so elloquently stated to his son, “The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place… and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently, if you let it.” It’s only through becoming self reliant that you can ensure that you can take care of yourself and those around you.
Now, being self-reliant can take many on meanings, shapes, and forms. Emerson’s Self Reliance was one that each of us as men, need to possess. In becoming self reliant in the way that we are self reliant physically, to take care of ourselves, where we don’t need someone to build our house, hunt for our food, fix our car, write our report, we can take care of ourselves and truly forge our own path in life.
This is the way of the alpha male. If there’s an area of your life where you need assistance, learn how to assist yourself. I just travelled to Mexico for a week, and completely depended on others knowing English for my survival; never again. Being able to not only survive in a hard world, but thrive in one, is something a modern alpha male must do.
Make a list of areas in which you aren’t self reliant, and get working bit by bit.
7. Build The Body of an Alpha Male.
Growing up, Teddy Roosevelt was a weak and sickly boy, something his father would have nothing of. His dad was a strong, strapping man who took pride in his appearance, and what he could do physically. Having a son that would grow up to be a weak man was something he just wasn’t prepared to accept. So he didn’t.
At a young age Roosevelt Sr. put Teddy on a weight lifting routine to build his body, and taught him how to box. Teddy was a true alpha male, and his physical transformation – along with his embracing of the strenuous life – was a large reason for that.
8. Get in a Fist Fight.
Growing up in a Christian home, I always heard the term “turn the other cheek” in Sunday school, but when I faced my first bully, my Dad told me to stand and fight. He knew that you can’t avoid or back down from a fight unless you first posses the courage and the power to fight.
And so I fought. I beat the bully, and the bully stopped being a bully, and instead became a friend. That’s the way of the warrior. A warrior doesn’t need to fight at every opportunity, actually, he rarely does, but when the time comes where it’s a matter of honor, or of defending another, he has the power to destroy whatever enemy stands in his way.
If you let the bully win as a kid, he’ll win as a teen, and again as an adult, and that bully doesn’t get weaker, he gets more cunning, more evil, and more relentless.
Great men have known battle. They’ve fought. They’ve been beat physically, and have beaten others physically. They know that the world literally does knock you down, and it’s how many times you get back up that really matters. A real man, and an alpha male, has taken his lumps, and given many to boot.
This isn’t metaphorical: You need to get hit in the face to be an alpha male. You need to see what you’re really made of. You need to get your ass handed to you in the ring, get laid out on the football field, get blindsided on the ice. Physical violence isn’t a nice thing, but it’s a part of who we are. It has been a part of who we are for a long, long time.
Only recently have we been able to avoid confrontation and physical violence and still get through life. We find our confrontation in a false reality, and so we create false men (enter the world of video games). When physical violence and even hard tribulation and competition make an appearance in our lives, we’re ill-equipped to deal with them.
When living without honor becomes easier than living with it, we give in to the easy road because we so deathly fear violence, struggle, and competition. That’s not the way of a real man, nor is it the way of an alpha male. Join a sport, put on some gloves and get in the boxing ring, and enter the ring of life.
Too much comfort has weakened our society – it’s killed our masculinity. There is no evolution within our species without physical violence. It makes a wimp into a warrior when he stands and fights.
9. At Some Point, Stop Asking for Help
This is in line with self-reliance, but it comes from a more social and financial angle. An alpha male sometimes needs to go off on his own, to become a better leader. He needs to break free from his parents, to become a man. Human relationships are a large part of our happiness on this planet. They’re what give our lives meaning and purpose. But they can also be debilitating for our development if all we do is rely on others for support – support that can come in many forms.
One of the toughest things for me to do when I was younger, was to move out of my parents house and start a business at the same time. I’m not suggesting that everyone do this, but I am suggesting that if the time is right – even wrong – you make your life just a bit harder on yourself.
Don’t underestimate your internal strength and power.
What often holds us back from becoming real men and alpha males is the lack of faith we have in ourselves. We don’t think we have what it takes to cut it in the real world, or we’re afraid to do the work. If you’re at a point where you don’t feel that you can live without the support of your family, friends, cushy job, then break free of these things that keep you safe.
Read, and read a lot. Find strength internally, from books, and from the power you have within. It’s there. Make life harder on yourself, or you’ll never experience the power you have within.
10. Become a Voracious Reader.
An alpha male strengthens his mind as well as his body and spirit. Remember, we’re not merely talking about a social alpha, or the leader of a pack. An alpha male doesn’t have to be the biggest guy in the world. If you’ve met any bodybuilders before, you’ll know that they’re often the most insecure guys in the room.
They’re not alphas, but they’re huge. The true alpha male is the guy who’s strengthened his mind, which helps him become more self-aware, self-reliant, and confident in a quiet sense.
Try not watching any TV for a week, and instead read. Read anything by Stephen Pressfield, Robin Sharma, or Emerson. Read anything on or about Teddy Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln, or Napoleon Bonaparte. If there’s one commonality between all great men in history, and all great leaders and alpha males, it’s that they had a lust for books. This is no coincidence. 
Read Steps 11-21 >>>
About Chad Howse
chadhowse Chad’s mission is to get you in the arena, ‘marred by the dust and sweat and blood’, to help you set and achieve audacious goals in the face of fear, and not only build your ideal body, but the life you were meant to live. He’s a former 9-5er turned entrepreneur, a former scrawny amateur boxer turned muscular published fitness author. He’ll give you the kick in the ass needed to help you live a big, ambitious life.