How to become self confident

How to become self confident

How to Be More Confident: 9 Tips That Work

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Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She’s also a psychotherapist, the author of the bestselling book «13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,» and the host of The Verywell Mind Podcast.

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Rachel Goldman, PhD FTOS, is a licensed psychologist, clinical assistant professor, speaker, wellness expert specializing in eating behaviors, stress management, and health behavior change.

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Verywell / Jiaqi Zhou

Self-confidence is a feeling of trust in your abilities, qualities, and judgment. Research suggests that confidence is important to health and psychological well-being. Learn how to be more confident and reap the benefits of increasing your trust and belief in yourself.

What Is Self-Confidence?

Self-confidence can refer to a general sense of trust in your ability to control your life, or it might be more situation specific. For example, you might have high self-confidence in a particular area of expertise but feel less confident in other areas.

Self-Confidence Definition

The American Psychological Association defines self-confidence as «a belief that one is capable of successfully meeting the demands of a task.»

Having a healthy level of self-confidence can help you become more successful in your personal and professional life. Research has found, for example, that people who are more confident tend to achieve more academically.

Confidence can also play a role in the motivation to pursue your goals, with studies linking higher levels of self-confidence in athletes with increased motivation to practice their sport of choice. Your level of confidence even affects how you present yourself to others.

How to Be More Confident

Fortunately, there are several ways you can increase your self-confidence. Whether you lack confidence in one specific area or struggle to feel confident about anything, these nine confidence boosters can help.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Do you compare how you look to people you follow on Instagram? Or maybe you compare your salary to what your friend earns. Social comparison theory explains that making comparisons is natural. But it isn’t likely to help boost your self-confidence. It may even have the opposite effect.

A 2018 study published in Personality and Individual Differences found a direct link between envy and the way we feel about ourselves. Specifically, researchers noted that when people compare themselves to others, they experience envy. And the more envy they have, the worse they feel about themselves.

How do you build self-confidence when you notice that you are drawing comparisons? First, remind yourself that doing so isn’t helpful. Everyone is running their own race and life isn’t a competition.

If you’re feeling envious of someone else’s life, it’s also helpful to remember your own strengths and successes. Keep a gratitude journal to better recall the areas in life where you are blessed. This can help you focus on your own life versus focusing on the lives of others.

Surround Yourself With Positive People

Take a moment and think about how your friends make you feel. Do they lift you up, or do they bring you down? Are they constantly judging you, or do they accept you for who you are?

The people you spend time with can influence your thoughts and attitudes about yourself, perhaps more than you realize. So, pay attention to how others make you feel. If you feel bad about yourself after hanging out with a particular person, it may be time to say goodbye.

Instead, surround yourself with people who love you and want the best for you. Seek out others who are positive and can help build your confidence. Self-confidence and a positive attitude go hand-in-hand.

Take Care of Your Body

This tip for how to be more confident is based on the idea that it’s hard to feel good about yourself if you’re abusing your body. When you practice self-care, you know you’re doing something positive for your mind, body, and spirit—and you’ll naturally feel more confident as a result.

Here are a few self-care practices linked to higher levels of self-confidence:

Caring for yourself is important to self-confidence. Make sure you are getting what you need to feel good about yourself and your abilities.

Be Kind to Yourself

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness when you make a mistake, fail, or experience a setback. It allows you to become more emotionally flexible and helps you better navigate challenging emotions, enhancing your connection to yourself and others.

A 2015 study connects self-compassion with self-confidence. So the next time you’re in a challenging situation, recognize that being imperfect or falling short at times is a part of being human. Do your best to navigate these experiences with compassion toward yourself.

Practice Positive Self-Talk

Negative self-talk can limit your abilities and lessen your self-confidence by convincing your subconscious that you «can’t handle» something or that it is «too hard» and you «shouldn’t even try.» Self-talk that is optimistic, on the other hand, can foster self-compassion and help you overcome self-doubt and take on new challenges.

The next time you begin to think that you have no business speaking up in a meeting or that you are too out of shape to work out, remind yourself that your thoughts aren’t always accurate. Then find a way to turn those thoughts around into more positive self-talk.

Here are a few examples of ways to challenge pessimistic self-talk and reframe your thoughts into a more positive way of thinking, increasing your self-confidence along the way:

Face Your Fears

Stop putting things off until you feel more self-confident—like asking someone on a date or applying for a promotion. One of the best ways to build your confidence in these situations is by facing your fears head-on.

Practice facing some of your fears that stem from a lack of self-confidence. If you’re afraid you’ll embarrass yourself or think that you’re going to mess up, try anyway. A little self-doubt can even help improve performance. Tell yourself it’s just an experiment and see what happens.

You might learn that being a little anxious or making a few mistakes isn’t as bad as you thought. And each time you move forward, you gain more confidence in yourself. In the end, this can help prevent you from taking risks that will result in major negative consequences.

Do Things You’re Good At

What happens when you do things that you are good at? Your self-confidence starts to soar. Your strengths become even stronger, which helps improve your belief in yourself. Taking this approach also has another benefit: it can increase how satisfied you are with your life.

One study found that believing in your ability to build on your personal strengths is moderately related to life satisfaction levels. This starts with identifying what those strengths are. Then, work to make them stronger by engaging with them regularly.

If you’re good at a certain sport, for instance, make it a point to train or play at least once a week. If you’re good at a particular task at work, try to do that task more often. Building on your strengths can also help you build your self-confidence.

Know When to Say No

While doing things you’re good at can give your self-confidence a boost, it’s equally important to recognize situations that can cause your confidence to plummet. Maybe you find that every time you participate in a certain activity, you feel worse about yourself instead of better.

Saying no to activities that tend to zap your self-confidence is okay. Certainly, you don’t want to avoid doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable because discomfort is often part of the personal growth process. At the same time, there’s nothing wrong with knowing your boundaries and sticking to them.

Setting social and emotional boundaries enables you to feel safer psychologically. It can also help you feel more in control. Self-confidence is, in part, feeling like you have control over your life. Boundaries help establish this feeling of control.

The next time someone suggests doing something that you know will lower your self-confidence, respectfully decline. You don’t have to avoid that activity forever either. Once you learn how to be more confident, you may feel strong enough to try it again—without hurting the confidence you have in yourself.

Set Realistic Goals

Pursuing your goals often involves failing several times until you figure out what works. This can make you wonder if you have what it takes to succeed. It can also leave you questioning how to be more confident while still achieving your dreams. The answer lies in setting realistic goals.

Setting high-reaching goals and failing to achieve them has been found to damage confidence levels. Conversely, realistic goals are achievable. And the more you achieve your goals, the greater your confidence in yourself and your abilities.

To set realistic goals, write down what you want to achieve. Next, ask yourself what chance you have of attaining it. (Be honest!) If the answer is slim to none, the goal may be a bit too lofty. Dial it back so it is more realistic and more achievable.

This may require doing a bit of research on your part. For instance, if you have a goal to lose weight, experts recommend losing one to two pounds per week for healthy, long-term weight loss. Knowing this helps you set a goal in line with this guideline, boosting your self-confidence when you hit it.

Press Play for Advice on Confidence

Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares strategies that can help you learn to truly believe in yourself, featuring IT Cosmetics founder Jamie Kern Lima. Click below to listen now.

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Self-Confidence vs. Insecurity

When learning how to be more confident, it can be helpful to understand how someone with self-confidence is different from someone who is more insecure. Here are just some of the differences between the two.

Celebrate other people’s success

Willing to take risks

Laugh at themselves

Always learning and growing

Judge and are jealous of others

Afraid of change

Act like a know-it-all

Benefits of Self-Confidence

Being confident in yourself just feels good. That said, having self-confidence can also bring many additional benefits at home, at work, and within your relationships. Here’s a look at a few of the positive effects of learning how to be confident:

Recap

Learning how to be more confident can have a range of positive effects on your life. In addition to helping you feel better about yourself and your abilities, self-confidence can make your relationships stronger and make you more resilient to stress.

A Word From Verywell

Everyone struggles with confidence issues at one time or another. Fortunately, there are several things that you can do to boost self-confidence. In many cases, learning how to act confident can actually help you feel more confident.

Sometimes low self-confidence is a sign of a mental health condition such as depression or anxiety. If your self-confidence interferes with your work, social life, or education, consider talking to a mental health professional. A therapist can help you better understand the issue, recommend treatment, and work with you to develop skills to build your self-confidence.

Frequently Asked Questions

If your confidence tends to lag in social situations, try to change your perspective. Instead of looking at group interactions as a stressor, view them as an opportunity to work on building your self-confidence. Taking someone with you who makes you feel confident can also give you the self-belief needed to feel more comfortable around groups of people.

Creating the social event yourself may help as well because you will know what to expect and have some level of control. If social situations cause you great anxiety along with reduced self-confidence, talking to a mental health professional can help.

One way to develop self-confidence in a relationship is to recognize your worth. When you know the value you bring to others, it helps you feel more confident in yourself. It can also be helpful to stay in the present and not worry about the past or the future.

If your lack of confidence in relationships is due to a fear of being rejected, remember that not everyone is compatible. Just as you might not be for them, they might also not be for you—it’s nothing personal.

If your lack of confidence in the workplace is tied to concerns about your performance, check in regularly with a superior to see how you’re doing. Ask for feedback about areas where you can improve, then work on them to feel more confident in your duties.

It can also be helpful to consider where you excel at work and perform these activities as often as possible. If you do make a mistake, admit it, learn from it, and move on. No one is perfect, so you shouldn’t expect yourself to be either.

If your self-confidence is tied to your physical appearance, developing a more positive body image can help. Instead of focusing on areas of your body that you dislike, spend more time appreciating the areas you feel good about.

Another tip for how to become more confident is to not compare your body to anyone else’s. No two bodies are the same and each has its own strengths. Remember that there is room in this world for people of all shapes and sizes.

How to Be Self Confident

This article was co-authored by Leah Morris. Leah Morris is a Life and Relationship Transition coach and the owner of Life Remade, a holistic personal coaching service. With over three years as a professional coach, she specializes in guiding people as they move through both short-term and long-term life transitions. Leah holds a BA in Organizational Communication from California State University, Chico and is a certified Transformational Life Coach through the Southwest Institute for Healing Arts.

There are 18 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 47,878 times.

You may think that having self-confidence is like having blue eyes. Either you’re born with it or you’re not. Well, if you have that kind of mindset and you lack self-confidence, then you’re bound to accept failure. It’s time to shed the idea that not just anyone can develop confidence and to work on changing your mindset, as well as your actions, to be on the way to developing the faith and trust in yourself that you have been lacking. If you want to know how to be more self-confident, see Step 1 to get started.

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How to Be Confident: 51 Proven Ways to Build Self-Confidence

Steve is a confidence coach who helps leaders build confidence. Read full profile

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When you learn how to be confident, you can use it in your everyday life to tackle all of your goals and challenges. However, not many people realize that learning how to gain self-confidence is like building a muscle—it grows in response to the level of performance required of it.

Here I will give you 51 proven ways to overcome a lack of self-confidence and achieve more.

1. Learn Something New

Sign up for that evening class and enjoy it. Alternatively, read a book (or take an online course) on a topic you’ve always wanted to learn more about.

Learning new things stretches your abilities, keeps your mind active, and most definitely improves your confidence in your ability to do new things.

2. Ask Your Partner or a Friend What You Can Do For Them

This can be something as easy as helping them with a chore they don’t like or have little time for. Through helping them, you’ll find that you feel better about yourself.

3. Hit the Gym

The physiological effects of going to the gym will leave you feeling great.

4. Go to a Networking Event

Rather than being nervous about your own stuff, focus on how to help others. Instead of going along with the aim of trying to sell yourself to others, why not change your approach and simply go along to see how you can help the people you meet?

By doing this, you’ll come across as calm, confident, and someone that people will want to turn to again and again.

5. Get Clear on the Things That Matter to You

If these things are not in your life, you’ll need to bring them in.

For example, if your daily work routine is currently as dull as dishwater—but you’d like it to be fun—then do something about it. Turn data entry into personal speed contests, paper filing into “screen-free” time, and interactions with your colleagues into enjoyable conversations.

6. Remove Negativity From Your Life

Write a list of the things you’re tolerating and putting up with in your life, then write down how you can remove, minimize, or diminish each one.

I personally like to do this with pen and paper as it feels just a little more real and definite than on screen. It’s also a good idea to put the priority items at the top of your list, so you can begin resolving these first.

7. Celebrate Your Big and Small Wins

Look at the big or small goals you’ve completed, and give yourself credit for your part in it.

Recognizing your achievements is not egotistical, it’s healthy.

8. Converse With New People

Go and have a conversation with someone you don’t know. By doing this, you may be pleasantly surprised by what—or who—you’ll discover.

You can also extend this trait by breaking outside of your normal social situations at your workplace. This will do wonders when learning how to be confident.

9. Do Something You Would Normally Say No to

Next time you talk yourself out of doing something (a party invite, a challenging project, etc.), go and do it anyway. This is a great way to boost personal development.

10. Do One Thing Each Day That Makes You Smile

This could be something as simple as sending a thank you email to a colleague that has been helpful to you, or leaving a surprise present for your partner that they’ll discover when they wake up.

Life shouldn’t be drudgery, and we all need to make the effort to keep it light, loving, and fun.

11. Give Yourself Good Advice

Look for the patterns of thought that take you to a place where you start second-guessing or overthinking.

Now imagine that your best friend went through exactly the same thought process and ended up holding themselves back—what would you want to say to them?

12. Ask Someone on a Date

If you’re single and have met someone that you’re definitely attracted to—go ahead and ask them out.

Even if they turn you down, it will help you learn how to be confident through the fact that you were decisive and made an effort. What’s the best thing that could happen? They might just say yes!

13. Write Down 20 Things That Make You Feel Good

Think of this as a gratitude list. Typical things you might include are: your partner, your kids, your parents, your pets, etc.

I recommend writing this list at least once a month. And most importantly—make sure you’re giving the 20 things plenty of room in your life.

14. Stop Playing Different Roles

Stop playing different roles and squeezing yourself into boxes based on what you think people expect of you.

Be your authentic self, the one who knows what to do and loves what they do. It’s easy to find this part of yourself as it’s inherent in your hobbies and your close friendships.

If you can bring this authenticity into your work life, you’ll be surprised at how positively others will react to you.

15. Cultivate a Positive Mindset

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Instead, tell yourself that you can have, will get, and are good enough to get what you want. Mindset is everything. Make sure yours is positive and dynamic.

16. Take Yourself off Auto-Pilot

Make deliberate decisions on what really matters to you.

For instance, if you normally work 9 to 5 but find yourself spending hours getting to and from work, why not negotiate with your boss to mix your hours up a bit?

You might also suggest a day or two working from home. Sell this to your boss by reminding them that the time and stress lost to commuting can be neatly transferred to productive work hours.

17. Listen Carefully to What You Tell Yourself

Next time you come up against a risk or a challenge, listen to what you tell yourself, and look for a way to improve your inner dialogue.

If you normally find that your inner dialogue is negative, then break out of this by asking yourself questions such as:

18. Laugh at Yourself

Scared of looking silly? It’s no biggie, so don’t let it stop you.

Whenever we try something new, there’s a fair chance that we’ll make fools of ourselves. But you’d be a bigger fool to let that stop you. Instead, laugh at your baby steps and watch your confidence soar as you begin to master your chosen activity.

19. Listen to Your Doubts

Sometimes your doubts are there to let you know what you need to prepare for, so you can use them to your benefit as you move forwards. Other times, they are just doubts.

The trick is to quickly determine if your doubts have validity. If they do, use them to shape your decisions.

To illustrate this, imagine that you’ve had an enticing job offer, but you doubt whether you’re capable of doing the job. Spend a little time analyzing your doubts to see whether they reflect reality, or whether they are just negative thoughts that are trying to hold you back.

20. Recall a Time When You Did a Great Job

Think of a time when it felt like a whole bank of switches in your head flicked to the on position, and you were firing on all cylinders. What were you doing, and what’s the reason it felt so great? Can you emulate that passion and drive that you had?

21. Tear up Your Rule Book

You may not know it, but you’ve almost certainly got a whole bunch of outdated rules that determine what you do and don’t do. These rules limit your thinking and your behavior.

It’s time to change them. Tear up this subconscious rule book and toss it in the fire. Once you’ve done this, you’ll immediately notice how free you feel to make challenging and exciting decisions.

22. Ask Yourself What You Have Gained When You Lose

Do you get annoyed with yourself because you didn’t make the most of something or stepped back from an opportunity?

Firstly, don’t beat yourself up because that’s just going to make you feel worse. Instead, be brutally honest and ask yourself what you gained from the situation and what you lost out on.

Based on this win/lose balance, what’s a different choice you can make next time?

23. Don’t Let People Put You Down

If there’s someone in your life who puts you down or makes you feel small, you owe it to yourself to let them know that you expect something different from now on.

Trust me, once you’ve told them, they’ll change, and you will, too. Inevitably, you’ll boost both your confidence and happiness by taking control of your life in this way.

Learn how to get out of toxic relationships in this article.

24. Reveal a Little Bit of the Real You

Relationships can be difficult. They can also lose their zest and become stale. If this happens in your relationship, then it’s time to add some magic to the mix.

Try revealing something interesting about yourself or your past that your partner doesn’t currently know when learning how to be confident. Perhaps you never mentioned to them that you used to play in a rock band—and you still have the recordings to prove it!

By adding new things to your relationship, you’ll deepen the bond and keep the spark alive.

25. Be Your Own Hero

Recognize that you’re more than a match for any situation you might find yourself in—no matter how tough the going gets.

We all love movies like Die Hard where ordinary people are driven to super-ordinary feats. But here’s the rub: you can be your own action hero.

Whatever the situation, meet it head on and overcome it. Keep in mind the classic phrase: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

26. Don’t Give in to the Instant Pay-off

27. Instead of Yelling “I Deserve Better,” Say “I Can Be Better”

Too often I hear people complaining about their personal circumstances but refusing to do anything about it. Don’t be like them.

If things aren’t going your way, find solutions and implement them. Your boldness and decisiveness will boost your confidence and help you rapidly climb the ladder of success.

28. Admit You’re Wrong

It may not be easy, but you should always be prepared to hold your hands up and change your mind if things are going south. Not every idea you have will be a winning one. The trick is to know when things are clearly not working out.

You can either attempt to get them back on track or kill them off completely (sometimes that’s the best way).

29. Trust Your Instincts

We all have our gut feelings and intuitions, but many people choose to ignore them and rely only on facts, facts, and more facts! While this may work for many scenarios, there will be other times when you’ll need to rely on your instincts.

30. Imagine Your Confident Future Self

Imagine you’re visited by a successful, confident, attractive, and vibrant version of you from the future, a version of you who’s everything you hope to be. What do they want to tell you?

They might praise your efforts, but they may also criticize your lack of planning and weak goals.

Luckily, if you listen closely to what they tell you, you’ll be able to rapidly shift gears in your life and become the you of the future!

31. Ask for Help

This is a common issue. We take on way too many responsibilities and end up either burning ourselves out or just doing a bad job!

The secret is to put the vast majority of your energy and efforts into what you do well. Give the stuff you don’t do well to others who have a gift for it. Sometimes the most confident and effective thing to do is ask for help.

32. Be Around People Who Make You Feel Like You

Do this by spending more time with the people who support and encourage you and less time with those who undermine you.

At work, don’t be ruined by negative, petty people. Instead, make sure you surround yourself with colleagues who make you laugh and feel good about yourself.

33. Participate in the World Around You

Ask yourself this question: “What can I participate in that’s important to me?”

Typically, this could be your church, a sports club, or even just a weekly get together with your best friend.

34. Develop Skills to Work on Things That Matter to You

What can you practice that would radically improve your chances of winning?

If you want to climb the corporate ladder, for example, then develop the skills needed to do this. These might include: effective project management skills, powerful presentation abilities, and superb goal setting skills.

Of course, don’t forget that emulating those who have already achieved your goal is one of the quickest and most reliable ways for you to achieve your aims, too.

35. Act Until You Make It

The body is a mirror for the mind, so shifting your body language into a confident state can have surprising results.

This is all about acting. If you want to come across as tough, act tough. If you want to come across as successful, act successful. And if you want to come across as confident, act confident.

Try doing these things, and you’ll be amazed by the results.

36. Push Through When You Want to Give up

Don’t get disheartened or demotivated when you get to 90% with something you’re working on. Push through, and you’ll see that the last 10% is where the magic happens.

37. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Keep comparing yourself to others? Stop it. If you want to learn how to be confident, don’t try to validate yourself through comparison—you’re just peachy as you are.

Social media often makes this difficult. Try stepping away from your Facebook page for a few days and reconnect with the great things in your own life.

You can get started with this guide.

38. Speak up When You Can Make a Difference

Speak up if there’s something you think could be improved or if you have an idea you think has legs.

Have you noticed that quiet people at work rarely get the promotions? It’s not that they are incapable or lacking talent, but their abilities are usually overlooked as they don’t know how to engage with others or how to sell themselves.

Step out of your comfort zone and be sure that you’re an active player. Speak up in meetings by suggesting ideas and offering constructive criticism.

39. Stop Struggling and Start Accepting

If there’s something you’ve been struggling to understand for a while, stop trying to understand it. Accept it just as it is, fully and wholly.

Life offers endless mysteries. If you try to resolve them all you’ll drive yourself insane. Instead, let some mysteries remain, and keep your mind focused on your goals and dreams.

40. It’s Okay to Be Shy

There’s nothing wrong with being shy, and it doesn’t mean you’re not a confident person.

41. Clean up Your Environment

Your environment directly impacts your self-perception. So, if you’re surrounded by clutter, paperwork, and rubbish, put a morning aside to clean up your stuff and get organized.

42. Write a List of Things You Would Love to Do

Write yourself a list of the amazing things you’d love to do in your life, and make a start by simply looking into the first one or two things that leap out at you. This will help you get started as you learn how to be confident

Even if you don’t currently have the means to live your dreams, you can, at the very least, make a start. The best way to do this is to write out the things you’d love to do. These may include cool stuff, such as travelling the world, learning a new language, or climbing a mountain.

Once you’ve added the items to your list, don’t stop there. Begin researching and preparing ways to turn your dreams into realities.

43. Make Your Self-Worth Independent From Others’ Validation

Don’t make your happiness or self-worth dependent on being in a relationship or being validated by someone else.

While it’s difficult to admit it, we often find ourselves rating our self-esteem by the value other people put on us.

For instance, you may have a super-positive boss who is always encouraging and supportive. They make you feel upbeat and confident at all times.

However, imagine if they left and your new boss was the complete opposite. They constantly look for faults in your work and regularly criticize you. Would you still feel confident in those circumstances?

If you’ve answered no, then you need to reappraise your self-worth, as it shouldn’t be dependent on the validation of others.

44. Use Your Strengths

We all have our weaknesses, but they only undermine your confidence if you let them.

45. Complete a To-Do List

The longer you leave that big thing on your to-do list, the more it’ll drain you, and the bigger it’ll seem. Get it done and free yourself up.

46. Treat Your Body Well

When learning how to be confident, our body image does matter, because if you have a bad relationship with your body, you won’t feel confident in yourself.

What’s one of the first things most of us do when we get up in the morning? We look in the mirror. If we don’t like what we see there, then our day starts off with negative self-talk. If, on the other hand, we look in the mirror and feel proud of our appearance, then we start the day off in an upbeat, positive way.

If you’re unhappy with your body and looks, do something to improve them. Exercise, diet, and styling are common ways of improving your body image—and your confidence.

47. Learn to Say No

Don’t say yes to taking on a task simply because you don’t want to rock the boat. You can politely decline requests you can’t meet without needing to create excuses.

While saying yes to everything that comes your way might feel like you’re being helpful and in demand, in the long run, you’ll burn yourself out.

48. Learn From Confident People

Look at the people you respect who seem confident. Don’t copy them, but identify what it is they do differently that conveys confidence and what you can learn from it.

People-watching is not only fun, but it can be informative, too. Look closely at successful people you know, or those being interviewed on TV, and over time you’ll begin to notice common traits, beliefs, and behaviors that they exhibit.

49. Follow Through on Your Plans

Most people find it easy to write plans. The hard part, of course, is seeing them through. To stand out from the crowd, make sure that you know exactly how to complete your plans.

If you need to, write down a step-by-step guide and begin following it. Not only will this drive you towards the completion of your plans—but experiencing the progress will also give you a continuous boost to your self-esteem.

50. Shift Your Focus When You Doubt Yourself

When you feel yourself focusing inwards and becoming paralyzed with doubt or fear, switch to focusing outwards at what you can engage and interact with.

I remember one of my writing tutors telling me that when the words stop flowing, it’s time to take a break— preferably a walk in the park. It’s sound advice as it’s very easy to get caught up with our thoughts and emotions and be unable to make progress.

51. Never Beat Yourself up for Failing

Life is guaranteed to not always be a barrel of laughs. Instead, it’s much more like a roller coaster. There will be ups and downs, so ride them out.

The art of living is to know how to handle whatever comes you way. The best way to achieve this is by developing an iron core that is unhindered by the topsy-turvy outside world.

Final Thoughts

Here I’ve given you 51 different ways to start building self-confidence Take action on the ways that you’re drawn to.

It’s not enough to read about them. For them to work, you must adopt them into your daily life. Do this, and you’ll start to feel your confidence soar.

How to Build Self-Confidence

Preparing Yourself for Success

Self-confident people seem at ease with themselves and their work. They invite trust and inspire confidence in others. These are all attractive characteristics to have.

But it’s not always easy to be confident in yourself, particularly if you’re naturally self-critical or if other people put you down. Thankfully, there are steps you can take to increase and maintain your self-confidence.

Click here to view a transcript of this video.

This article explains what self-confidence is and why it matters. We’ll explore how to believe in yourself and how to project this belief to others, so that you can be more effective and happier in your life and work.

What Is Self-Confidence – and Why Is It Important?

Self-confidence means trusting in your own judgment, capacities and abilities. [1] It’s about valuing yourself and feeling worthy, regardless of any imperfections or what others may believe about you.

Self-efficacy and self-esteem are often used interchangeably with self-confidence. But they are subtly different.

We gain a sense of self-efficacy when we see ourselves mastering skills and achieving goals. This encourages us to believe that, if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we’ll succeed. [2] It’s this type of confidence that leads people to accept difficult challenges and keep going in the face of setbacks.

Self-esteem is a more general sense that we can cope with what’s going on in our lives, and that we have a right to be happy.

Also, self-esteem comes, in part, from the feeling that the people around us approve of us. We may or may not be able to control this, and if we experience a lot of criticism or rejection from others, our self-esteem can easily suffer unless we support it in other ways.

Confidence and Behavior

Take a look at the table below, which compares confident behavior with behavior that’s associated with low self-confidence. Which thoughts or actions do you recognize in yourself?

Confident BehaviorBehavior Associated With Low Self-Confidence
Doing what you believe to be right, even if others mock or criticize you for it.Governing your behavior based on what other people think.
Being willing to take risks and to go the extra mile to achieve better things.Staying in your comfort zone, fearing failure, and avoiding risk.
Admitting your mistakes and learning from them.Working hard to cover up mistakes and hoping that you can fix the problem before anyone notices.
Waiting for others to congratulate you on your accomplishments.Extolling your own virtues as often as possible to as many people as possible.
Accepting compliments graciously. «Thanks, I really worked hard on that prospectus. I’m pleased you recognize my efforts.»Dismissing compliments offhandedly. «Oh, that prospectus was nothing, really. Anyone could have done it.»

As these examples show, low self-confidence can be self-destructive, and may manifest itself as negativity.

Self-confident people are generally more positive – they value themselves and trust their judgment. But they also acknowledge their failures and mistakes, and learn from them.

Take our short quiz to find out how self-confident you are right now. You’ll also discover ways to improve your confidence levels by building self-efficacy.

Why Self-Confidence Matters

Self-confidence is vital in almost every aspect of our lives, yet many people struggle to find it. Sadly, this can become a vicious cycle: people who lack self-confidence are less likely to achieve the success that could give them more confidence.

For example, you may not be inclined to back a project that’s pitched by someone who’s visibly nervous, fumbling, or constantly apologizing. On the other hand, you’re persuaded by someone who speaks clearly, holds their head high, and answers questions with assurance.

Confident people inspire confidence in others: their audience, their co-workers, their bosses, their customers, and their friends. And gaining the confidence of others is one of the key ways to succeed. In the following sections, we’ll see how you can do this.

How to Appear More Confident to Others

Picture anyone you know that you think of as highly confident – what characteristics do they have that make you think this? It’s most likely one or more of these things:

You can show self-confidence in your behavior, your body language, and in what you say and how you say it.

Projecting a positive image to others can help you to improve your self-confidence. It’s not simply a matter of «faking it» – if you project with confidence, others are more likely to respond well, and this positive feedback will help you to believe in yourself.

Body Language

If you’re presenting, spreading your hands apart with palms slightly toward your audience shows openness and a willingness to share ideas.

Face-to-Face Communication

People with low self-confidence often find it difficult to make a good first impression – whether they’re meeting a client, addressing a meeting, or giving a presentation. You may be shy or unsure of yourself, but you can take immediate steps to appear more confident.

Engaging with people is important, so maintain eye contact while you talk. This shows that you’re interested in what the other person is saying, and that you’re taking an active part in the conversation. Don’t fidget or look away while the conversation continues, as this can make you appear distracted or anxious.

Build Expert Power

You are likely to appear (and feel) confident when you know what you’re talking about. With a wealth of knowledge on a subject, you’ll be more prepared to answer questions and speak on the spot.

Rebuilding Confidence at Work

Changes to the way they work and long periods away from work negatively impact many people’s confidence. One study found that over a third of people returning to the workplace after a year or more away experience a loss of confidence in their own ability. [3] You might struggle to make your voice heard in meetings, or feel lost or isolated without the company of your colleagues while working from home, for example.

To address dips in confidence, first try to identify the cause of the problem. If you feel that there are tasks you can’t do, it makes sense to improve your skills. Carry out a Personal SWOT Analysis to identify your strengths and weaknesses. Then draw up an action plan to work on the areas where you’re not so strong.

Other people’s attitudes or behavior can contribute to your lack of confidence. You might feel that your co-workers make unfair assumptions about you. Maybe you’re being bullied or are subject to microaggressions. If so, you need to call this behavior out.

You can use the Situation-Behavior-Impact Feedback Tool to make it clear to the person responsible that their behavior is harmful. If you don’t feel safe talking to them, seek help from your line manager. If they’re part of the problem, speak to a team member, HR, or an employee support network if you have one. Workplace bullying or discrimination is never acceptable in any situation.

People with low self-confidence often feel that they don’t deserve to be happy, and that it’s somehow justifiable for others to treat them badly. While the feeling may be very real, the belief is certainly not!

Three Ways to Build Your Confidence

While there are quick fixes to address acute issues with your self-confidence, building confidence in the long term requires making some changes to your lifestyle and forming robust plans. Here are three ways to do that:

1. Build Confident Habits

Working on your personal branding can also help. If you project a positive image of your authentic self, you’ll likely start to receive the positive feedback that’s so important to your self-confidence.

2. Review Past Achievements

Your self-confidence will increase when you’re able to say, «I can do this, and here’s the evidence.» As part of your Personal SWOT Analysis, you’ll have identified things that you’re good at, based on your past achievements.

List the 10 things that you’re most proud of in an «achievement log.» Then use them to make positive affirmations about what you can do. These statements are particularly powerful if you tend to undermine your confidence with negative self-talk.

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3. Set Confidence-Boosting Goals

Setting and achieving goals – and seeing how far you’ve come – are key ways to develop self-confidence.

Use your Personal SWOT Analysis to set goals that play to your strengths, minimize your weaknesses, and take advantage of your opportunities.

When you’ve identified the major goals you want to achieve, clarify the first steps you need to take. Make sure that they’re small steps, taking no longer than an hour to do. This will get the ball rolling and improve your confidence through the achievement of appropriate goals.

Key Points

When you’re self-confident, you trust your own judgment and abilities, and have a strong sense of self-worth and self-belief.

You can take immediate steps to project greater self-confidence and address the factors that dent it. You can then develop these short-term strategies into ways to build and maintain self-confidence in the future.

Developing good habits, reviewing past achievements, and setting yourself targeted goals will improve your self-esteem, and build and maintain your confidence for the long term.

This site teaches you the skills you need for a happy and successful career; and this is just one of many tools and resources that you’ll find here at Mind Tools. Subscribe to our free newsletter, or join the Mind Tools Club and really supercharge your career!

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How to become self confident

How to become self confident

With the presence of thousands of self confidence building methods and millions of confidence building websites its pretty easy for someone who wants to become really confident to become confused.

Should he repeat affirmations or treat himself well?
Should he set goals and achieve them or should he accept himself?
Should he think positively or make real changes to his life?

In order to become self confident you first need to understand why you are not confident. Only then you will have a clue about the right steps you should take.

Self confidence is the default state

Contrary to common beliefs we are all born confident but some of us learned how to not be confident while growing up. The first step you need to do to become self confident is to find out the situations that make you feel uneasy or anxious.

In the Solid Self confidence program i said that self confidence is divided into areas and that building self confidence requires fixing the problematic area.

After all you can be confident about doing one thing but lack self confidence when it comes to doing a different thing.For example, You might feel very confident at work because you are a professional but feel uneasy around people.

Once you determine the situations that make you uneasy you should go through the following check list:

How to become more confident

As you understand your thoughts in the situations that make you feel uncomfortable you will easily be able to alter these thoughts and become more confident.

After you answer the previous questions you should act as follows in order to become more confident:

In short becoming self confident is all about finding the flaws in your thinking process then working on correcting them.

The book The ultimate guide to getting over depression was released by 2knowmself, the book provides a 100% guarantee for feeling better else you will be refunded. 2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor a boring online encyclopedia but rather a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and presented in a simple way that you can understand and apply. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.

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