How to cope with anxiety

How To Deal & Cope With Anxiety

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Last updated October 10, 2020

You should always consider professional help. There are countless skilled therapists and counselors that can train you in new ways to treat you for your stress.

How to Deal With Anxiety

Dealing with anxiety is not easy. One of the benefits of professional help is that it gives you someone to keep you accountable, and provides you with validation that what you’ve done thus far has been working.

It is possible to deal with anxiety on your own. But in order to do so, you have to be able to commit to lifestyle changes, avoid some of the most common anxiety fueling behaviors, and be ready to hold yourself accountable for your changes.

Things to Avoid With Your Anxiety

It starts with what to avoid. Many people don’t realize that they are unintentionally contributing to their own anxiety. Only by avoiding common anxiety mistakes will you be able to cope. Some examples include:

You also need to avoid falling back into your old anxiety habits. Coping with anxiety is about commitment, so assuming you’ve corrected your anxiety problem and getting back to your old habits will harm you as well.

Tools to Help You Cope With Anxiety

One of the most important things to remember about anxiety coping is that coping actually happens inside of you. There are many strategies to help you cope, but what will eventually help you cure your anxiety forever is your own mental strength. Everyone has it, but it often requires taking care of your body and re-training your mind for how you should react to anxiety and stress.

Still, the following will help promote better coping, and give you an opportunity to control some of the issues that lead to anxiety symptoms:

How to Stop Panic Attacks

This is not entirely true, of course. There are effective ways to prevent panic attacks and train yourself to control the severity of these attacks. But the start, you need to learn to do nothing.

That’s because there are many important things you need to understand about panic attacks:

Reducing the severity of your panic attacks will actually help treat the panic attacks, because you’ll start to fear them less. That’s why if you learn to do nothing when you have a panic attack, you’ll actually start coping with your panic attacks better.

The other way to cope with your anxiety attacks is through distractions. Healthy distractions like walking or talking on the phone stop you from focusing too much on your worries, and prevent your anxiety from taking over your thoughts. Any healthy distraction is a good distraction for dealing with panic, and finding one that works for you is a great start.

How To Overcome Social Anxiety In 9 Fundamental Steps

Are you struggling with an intense, irrational fear of social situations?

Do you feel different, awkward, or just plain worthless?

Would you like to finally feel at peace, connect with your friends and live the life you are truly capable of living?

You’ve come to the right place. I know how you feel…

I’ve had an intense, deep feeling of unworthiness ever since I remember and it only got worse over the years.

I became a top expert at running away from my biggest inner struggles, but I learned that one could only run so fast…and so far.

When I couldn’t run any more, my feeling of inferiority caught up on me all at once.

Panic attacks in social situations grew stronger and more frequent. Talking to fellow classmates and authority figures became a nightmare. I was anxious even when I was talking to friends I had known for years.

When I realized that I have social anxiety, all sorts of questions started running through my mind:

“Why is this happening to me, and what is the cause?”

“How can I overcome this crippling, irrational fear of people?”

“How can I prevent trembling and face twitching?”

“How do I overcome this numbing feeling of inferiority and worthlessness?”

All I wanted was to feel loved and accepted.

The truth is, there are many ways to overcome social anxiety and they all have one thing in common: in order to get rid of that paralyzing fear and feeling of unworthiness, you have to change your thoughts and your behavior.

You have to be willing to change and choose to be courageous instead of staying inside of your comfort zone.

You have to be willing to be uncomfortable.

Accept the way you feel right now and accept yourself, despite all your fears.

Then take appropriate action that will lead you towards unshakeable confidence and the social life you want.

Slowly and progressively, what used to be uncomfortable will not only become comfortable; it will become enjoyable. That’s what you should aim for.

Your goal should not be just to overcome social anxiety. Make your goal bigger. Let your goal be to start enjoying social interaction and meeting new people.

I bet you’re still wondering, “Yes, but how do I get there?”

Here are 9 fundamental steps to overcoming social anxiety. They include excerpts from my guide “Bye Bye, Social Anxiety.

1. Accept Your Social Anxiety

Accept the fact that you are feeling inferior to other people and that the feeling of inferiority makes you anxious in social situations. Keep in mind that it’s only a feeling. It does not have to represent the truth, and with some work, you can change that feeling.

Acceptance means that you make peace with the fact that you are experiencing something unpleasant. It means letting go of the internal struggle in order to save your energy for problem solving in a more emotionally detached, productive, and constructive way.

Your biggest struggle is the struggle itself, and wanting to have control over everything.

Let me illustrate this more clearly:

Your first reaction to your internal struggle is to fight it, or to escape from it. This is absolutely normal. Who wants pain and suffering in their life anyway? But by doing so, you increase the inner tension because you create a second, or even a third and fourth struggle, instead of addressing the first one.

Fear of fear is the number one cause of recurring panic attacks.

I used to feel weak, worthless and angry at myself for feeling intense fear in what are supposed to be normal situations. This kind of battle with your own feelings can pretty much escalate as far, and on as many levels, as you can imagine.

A typical example is being afraid of a social situation. Since fear brings numerous unpleasant physical consequences (trembling, blushing, sweating, twitching, etc.) you start fearing the fear because you don’t want others to see that you are anxious.

Unfortunately, this only increases the anxiety and chances that other people will notice it.

I remember how my social anxiety escalated into panic attacks simply because I wanted to control it, and started being afraid of the fear itself.

2. Change The Relationship You Have With Your Thoughts

When you practice acceptance, you change the relationship you have with your thoughts. It’s not the troubles themselves that make you suffer, but your reaction to, and relationship with them.

Acceptance is an antidote to suffering. Consequently, your feelings towards your thoughts and anxiety change as well.

For example, you might be having thoughts like “I’m worthless” or “I’m awkward”, but you don’t have to emotionally attach to them or act in accordance with them. In other words, you don’t have to let other people treat you poorly because you think you are worthless, and you don’t have to isolate yourself from others because you think that you’re awkward.

When you detach from a thought and accept it as it is – just merely a thought – heavy emotions start to dissolve.

There’s a very effective modern therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (in short ACT, always pronounced as the word “act”, not as individual letters) which helps you accept your thoughts and feelings, and teaches you the practice of mindfulness.

Mindfulness means being aware of: the present moment, your thoughts and feelings, and your world surroundings. When you are mindful, you are paying attention without judgment, merely noticing and accepting things as they are. Mindfulness helps you emotionally detach from your thoughts and feelings, and enjoy the present moment.

I personally often find it too hard to stay mindful and focused on the present moment in distressing situations, so if you’re anything like me, you should attack your social anxiety from all sides and also work on changing your thoughts.

3. Change Your Thoughts By Looking At The Bigger Picture

When our feelings are intense, we tend to overgeneralize or see things through a dark filter. We exaggerate the significance of a situation and blame ourselves for everything, or pretend to know what other people think. In other words, when our feelings are strong, our thoughts tend to be quite distorted.

In these intense moments, it can be incredibly helpful to take a step back and analyze your thoughts. Think of a recent unpleasant situation right now. How do you feel about it? What thoughts come to your mind? Can you replace them with more rational ones? Is there a different way of seeing it?

For example, after a social situation that made me feel uncomfortable, I’d usually have thoughts like:

“I looked completely awkward.”

“I’m sure they think bad things of me and laugh behind my back.”

“Nobody likes me.”

But when I take a step back and look at the bigger picture, I can see those past situations in a more balanced way. I can replace those thoughts with rational or even positive ones like:

“It was ok, even if I did seem strange. People don’t really pay as much attention to me as I think.”

“I’m not stupid just because I didn’t react the way I wish I would have. After all, there are many things I can do well.”

“I can’t know what other people think. They probably forgot about the situation the minute after it happened.”

“Some people may not like me, but my friends and family often express their appreciation of me.”

“That situation might have sucked, but life goes on. There are many good people and things in my life for which I am grateful.”

This kind of thought process neutralizes your emotions and redirects your attention to a more constructive stream of thoughts.

Try it right now, and notice how your feelings change along with your thoughts.

Now think about this: all research shows that compared to the conscious mind, the subconscious is far more powerful, and plays a much greater role in the way we perceive the world and make everyday decisions. While working on your conscious mind is very important, because it’s the one you are directly in touch with throughout the day, it would be a true waste of potential to stop here and not use the techniques that open the door to your subconscious.

4. Connect With Your Subconscious Mind

The technique that helps you connect with your subconscious, and was a big game changer for me, is self-hypnosis. Self-hypnosis helps you align with your deepest self and the peace within. It allows you to change your thoughts on a very deep level by communicating directly with your subconscious, without the noise of everyday thoughts standing in the way. This process enables a much stronger effect and quicker results than most other techniques.

All you need is a calm place and to dedicate at least 20 minutes a day for practice. The first results and positive changes in your well-being are usually seen within a month or less of regular practice. Depending on the person, positive effects can even be noticed within the first few days. It is well worth your time and dedication.

Hypnosis and self-hypnosis are very broad topics and I can’t get into details in this article, but I assure you that practicing hypnosis on a regular basis can be a life-changing experience.

5. Learn To Relax

This is definitely one of the most important points. When your body is relaxed, it’s much easier to change your thoughts and behavior because your mind becomes clearer and more focused.

After all, what you truly want to change the way you feel. You want to feel at peace, and relaxation techniques are the very first step to inner peace. It might take some time before you are relaxed in social situations, but by practicing relaxation in the safety of your home, you will at least get a sense of what inner peace feels like in the first place. With time and practice, you will be able to take that feeling with you everywhere you go.

6. Make Peace With Your Fears

It’s natural that we want to avoid unpleasant things as often as we can. Unfortunately, when it comes to fears, avoiding what you fear only works in the short term. In the long run, avoidance makes your anxiety persist, and can even make it grow because it reinforces your brain’s belief that social situations are dangerous.

It’s time to make peace with your fears because in reality, it’s not the fear itself that is stopping you, but your attitude towards it.

See fear as merely a sensation in your body. It might be unpleasant, but it can’t stop you from acting in spite of it.

Every day, people who seek personal growth have to choose to get out of their comfort zone, accept the fear they are feeling, and do whatever they have set out to do – in spite of their fears. You can do it too!

“Real self-confidence is not a lack of fear. It comes from trusting yourself in spite of your fears. See your dreams as bigger than your fears.”

Make peace with fear, and act in spite of it.

7. Consider Two Important Elements When Setting Out To Face Your Fears

Staying in situations that make you anxious is not enough to overcome social phobia. If it was, we’d all be freed from social anxiety while going to school or to work every day. There are two important things you need to consider when you set out to face your fears:

· Face your fears progressively, step by step.

Make a list of all the situations you are afraid of and put them in order from the least scary to the scariest one. Start with facing the least scary situation and soon you will notice that you are feeling more and more comfortable with it. That’s when you move to the next one, until you reach the one that frightens you most.

· Eliminate partial avoidance and safety behaviors.

Partial avoidance and safety behaviors are fancy terms for the strategies that you use in social situations in order to make yourself feel safer and avoid rejection. Here are some of the examples:

´ You keep to yourself and barely talk or say hi to anyone.

´ You zone out, daydream, and get immersed in your thoughts.

´ You drink or take drugs in order to feel more relaxed.

´ You keep yourself busy with your phone, book, or something else.

´ You only speak to people you know well and feel comfortable with.

´ You don’t speak your mind. Instead, you agree with whatever others are saying in order to avoid any kind of conflict or heated discussion.

8. Use These Tips to Help You Get Through the Situation You Fear

· Remember, it’s OK to feel fear, it’s just a feeling. Let it be. Most importantly, do not try to hide it or fight it. Make peace with it. Everyone feels fear sometimes.

· Practice diaphragmatic breathing before or, if circumstances allow it, during the situation. Take a slow, deep breath, and slowly exhale. Make the exhale longer and slower than the inhale. It’s definitely one of the best techniques to get instant relief. It will calm you down and help you (re)focus on the situation.

· Focus on the present situation. Get out of self-consciousness and overthinking. Focus on people’s positive qualities and what you like about them without involving bitterness or jealousy in any way. Be engaged and curious about others. Everyone likes to feel they are an interesting person.

· Another thing that can help you get out of the overthinking state of mind is to observe social interaction and conversations mindfully: Take interactions as they are, without judgment or expectations. Socially confident people don’t really think much about how a conversation will turn out. They are just focusing on the present and enjoying it.

· Do you know that the way your body processes fear or excitement is basically the same? To your nervous system, it doesn’t make much difference. Which one of the two emotions you will experience (fear or excitement) is only a matter of psychological interpretation.

You probably won’t be able to do this immediately when you begin to work on overcoming social anxiety, but give it a try once you feel you’ve made some progress: transform your anxiety into excitement. Power yourself up!

You will feel resistance in the beginning and will have to break out of your comfort zone (remember, there’s no real growth inside your comfort zone!). But once you start talking to people something clicks, and suddenly you find yourself in a much more pleasant, lighter state than when you started.

· After facing your fears, don’t beat yourself up and don’t judge yourself, even if it didn’t go as you wished. Even if you are certain that you said something stupid or acted in an awkward way, it does not matter.

What matters is that you gathered the courage and acted in spite of your fears. Be proud of yourself for taking a step towards reprograming your brain!

9. Be Kind to Your Body

This should go without saying but what you put into your body and how you take care of it makes a huge difference in overcoming social anxiety.

· Exercise at least 30 minutes a day, 3 to 5 times a week. Cardio exercise releases similar chemicals in your brain to the ones used in medication for anxiety and depression. It can also make you more sensitive to these chemicals, which adds to the benefits of the workout. The exercise must make you breath heavily for at least 20 minutes, but not make you lose your breath.

· Get enough sleep. Most people absolutely underrate the importance of sleep. Lack of sleep can trigger anxiety and depression, along with numerous other physical and mental health issues. Think about how moody and agitated you can be when you are sleep deprived, and how good and calming it feels when you’ve had a long, good night’s sleep.

· Eliminate caffeine (it stimulates a similar effect to the fight or flight response, and can even trigger a panic attack), alcohol (enhances anxiety and depression in the long run), and sugar (can cause anxiety, agitation and mood swings).

· Eat foods that are rich with antioxidants like vegetables, seeds and nuts, as they strengthen your immune system and encourage the calming process in your body.

I hope this article helped answer your question on how to overcome social anxiety. Even though it’s a very long and extensive post, I’ve only scratched the surface and there’s a lot more to consider when dealing with social fears!

If you are serious about overcoming your social phobia, I invite you to check out my guide “Bye Bye, Social Anxiety” where I go into much more depth about the mindset you need to adapt and describe many different techniques that are essential to transform the theory into practice effectively and quickly. Only reading about social anxiety, however, will not cure it! You need to take the right actions, and you will learn those steps in my book.

Please leave your comments and questions and let me know if you found this article helpful. I reply to all the questions you share. I’d love to hear what has helped you. What are you struggling with most? Which technique or tip will you try first? Let me know!

How to Deal With Anxiety and Stress

This article was co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating.”

There are 15 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 52,624 times.

Everyone suffers some form of stress or anxiety during their lifetime. The only difference is the frequency and severity of their episodes. If you find that these anxiety episodes are seriously affecting your life to the point of debilitation, seek professional help. If, however, you suffer from more mild to moderate stress and anxiety, you can practice how to cope with a single incident at a time. Adjusting your mindset for a more positive outlook on life will also help combat stress and anxiety, as will maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Anxiety & Worry Explained

Learning Hub

Learn about the symptoms of different mental health conditions and what you can do to tackle them.

What do I do if I feel worried?

Anxiety & Worry Explained

Worry is a normal part of life, and can even be helpful in some instances. We often worry about the things that are important to us, like finances, work, and family, and this worry has the potential to help us make good decisions in these areas.

Sometimes however, worrying can become more of a hindrance than a help. If you’ve been experiencing worries that are excessive, uncontrollable, or irrational, for an extended period of time, you may be suffering from generalised anxiety disorder, or GAD.

If you feel that your worrying is out of your control, and that you need some help understanding and dealing with it, this information on worry and generalised anxiety disorder may help.

What is Anxiety?

There are many different types of anxiety disorders, including generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is the most common and is characterised by persistent, excessive, and uncontrollable worrying about everyday events and activities.

While most people worry about things like family, work, health, and money, this kind of everyday worry doesn’t normally get in the way of everyday life. However, people with GAD find that their worry is excessive (they worry more about things than others do or “blow things out of proportion”), difficult to control, and pervasive (they worry about a lot of different things, a lot of the time). As a result, GAD can impact people’s relationships, sleep, psychological wellbeing, and work performance.

People with GAD also tend to worry a lot about the future and uncertainty and like to feel ‘in control’. Some people with GAD also worry about worrying (e.g., worrying that anxiety is bad for their health), while others believe that worrying helps them be successful, stay safe, or prevent bad things from happening.

There is a 9% chance that a person will develop generalised anxiety disorder at some point in their life, and 3% of the population will be diagnosed with GAD each year. People can develop GAD at any age, but it’s most often diagnosed in young adults who say that they’ve always been worriers. Women are also more likely to be diagnosed with GAD than men.

GAD tends to develop gradually and fluctuate in severity over time. Some people with GAD feel worried nearly all of the time, while others have periods where they feel very worried and times where they feel relatively stress-free.

What You Can Do to Cope With Anxiety

Rachel Goldman, PhD FTOS, is a licensed psychologist, clinical assistant professor, speaker, wellness expert specializing in eating behaviors, stress management, and health behavior change.

Anxiety involves feelings of worry, fear, and apprehension that have cognitive, emotional, and physical effects. It can lead to negative thoughts and cause people to feel out of control. It can also lead to somatic sensations, such as sweating, trembling, or shortness of breath.

These symptoms are common for people who have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. However, they can also affect anyone to varying degrees at different times. Fortunately, there are effective strategies that you can use to help cope with anxiety in both the short and long term.

This article discusses some of the strategies that may be helpful for coping with anxiety including breathing exercises, distraction, and self-care.

If you or a loved one are struggling with anxiety, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

Stop and Breathe

When anxiety flares, take a time-out and think about what it is that is making you feel nervous. Anxiety is typically experienced as worrying about a future or past event.

For example, you may be worried that something bad is going to happen in the future. Perhaps you still feel upset over an event that has already occurred. Regardless of what you are worried about, a big part of the problem is that you are not being mindful of the present moment.

Anxiety loses its grip when you take your focus off of worry and bring your awareness back to the present.

The next time your anxiety starts to take you out of the present, regain control by sitting down and taking a few deep breaths. Taking a moment to stop and breathe can help restore a sense of personal balance and bring you back to the present moment. However, if you have the time, try taking this activity a little further and experiment with a breathing exercise and mantra.

Practice this simple breathing technique:

Breathing exercises are powerful relaxation techniques that can help ease your body and mind of anxiety while turning your attention towards the present.

Press Play for Advice on Managing Anxiety

Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares a strategy to help you cope with anxiety. Click below to listen now.

Figure Out What’s Bothering You

In order to get to the root of your anxiety, you need to figure out what’s bothering you. You can do this by putting some time aside to explore your thoughts and feelings.

Writing in a journal can be a great way to get in touch with your sources of anxiety. If anxious feelings seem to be keeping you up at night, try keeping a journal or notepad next to your bed. Write down all of the things that are bothering you. Talking with a friend can be another way to discover and understand your anxious feelings.

Recap

Exploring your feelings can also be helpful when you are coping with anxiety. Make it a habit to regularly uncover and express your feelings of anxiety.

Focus on What You Can Change

Many times anxiety stems from fearing things that haven’t even happened and may never occur. For example, even though everything is okay, you may still worry about potential issues, such as losing your job, becoming ill, or the safety of your loved ones.

Life can be unpredictable and no matter how hard you try, you can’t always control what happens. However, you can decide how you are going to deal with the unknown. You can turn your anxiety into a source of strength by letting go of fear and focusing on gratitude.

Replace your fears by changing your attitude about them. For example, stop fearing to lose your job and instead focus on how grateful you are to have a job. Come to work determined to do your best. Instead of fearing for your loved one’s safety, spend time with them, or express your appreciation of them. With a little practice, you can learn to pick up a more positive outlook.

At times, anxiety may actually be caused by a real circumstance in your life. Perhaps you’re in a situation where it is realistic to be worried about losing your job due to high company layoffs or talks of downsizing.

In this situation, taking action may be the answer to reducing your anxiety. For example, you may need to update your resume and start job searching.

Recap

Another way to cope with anxiety is to focus on the things you can change. By being more proactive, you can feel like you have more control over your situation.

Distract Yourself

At times, it may be most helpful to simply redirect yourself to focus on something other than your anxiety. You may want to reach out to others, do some work around your home, or engage in an enjoyable activity or hobby. You could:

Recap

When you are feeling anxious, look for ways to take your mind off of your feelings of worry, stress, or anxiety.

Strengthen Your Body and Brain

Lifestyle changes can also be helpful for preventing anxiety and helping you cope with anxiety flares. What you eat, how much you sleep, and your physical activity levels can all have an influence on how you experience anxiety.

Research has found that mood and stress levels can be affected by what you eat. People who consume diets rich in fruits and vegetables, for example, tend to experience lower stress levels.

Research has also found that regular physical activity can be useful for both alleviating and preventing anxiety. One study found that physical exercise had a protective effect against anxiety disorders and significantly reduced symptoms of anxiety.

Sleep can also have a powerful effect on your mental well-being and anxiety levels. Research has found that problems with sleep are one risk factor for developing anxiety disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder. Even short-term disruptions in your sleep may lead to increased levels of stress and anxiety.

Recap

Taking care of your mind and body may also be helpful for preventing and relieving anxiety. To combat anxiety, focus on eating a healthy diet, engage in regular physical exercise, and get enough rest.

A Word From Verywell

Most people are familiar with experiencing some anxiety from time to time. Techniques that you might try include breathing exercises, journaling, practicing gratitude, distracting yourself, and caring for yourself can all be helpful.

When anxiety affects relationships, work performance, and other areas of life, there is potential that these anxious feelings are actually an indication of mental health illness.

If you are experiencing anxiety and panic symptoms, talk with your doctor or a mental health professional. They will be able to address any concerns you have, provide information on diagnosis, and discuss treatment options.

Frequently Asked Questions

Being well-prepared, practicing your presentation, and using deep breathing techniques can help you manage feelings of nervousness and anxiety that you might be feeling. Visualize your success and remember to focus on the information you are presenting instead of the audience.

If your child experiences anxiety, validate what they are feeling, but help them learn to differentiate between real dangers and non-threats. Help them identify negative thoughts that contribute to anxiety and then challenge those thoughts with more positive, encouraging ways of thinking.

Psychotherapy can help relieve anxiety without the use of medication. Other self-help strategies such as deep breathing, guided imagery, mindfulness, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation may also be helpful for relieving symptoms of anxiety.

Practicing good sleep hygiene may be helpful for combating nighttime anxiety. Creating a calming, restful sleep environment. Avoid sources of stress and set aside your phone to prevent anxiety-provoking doomscrolling right before bedtime. Establish a relaxing pre-bedtime routine such as winding down with some yoga poses, reading a book, taking a bath, or writing in a journal.