How to feel better

26 Ways to Instantly Feel Better When You’re Down

Anna is the Editor-in-Chief of Lifehack. She is also a communication expert and shares tips on happiness and relationships. Read full profile

Everyone goes through ups and downs in life. However, some know how to feel better more quickly, as they’ve found unique remedies to negative feelings. If you’re not one of those people and still struggle to get up when you’re feeling down, we have some suggestions to help.

It’s important to recognize and feel negative emotions when they arise, but it’s also imperative that you don’t stay there too long. Use some of the following tips and tricks to overcome negative self-talk and emotions and get back to feeling like the best version of yourself.

1. Listen to Good Music

You know what kind of music makes you feel good. Maybe it’s metal, indie pop, jazz, or rock. When you’re down, do you prefer something calming and relaxing, or something that will get you up and dancing?

You can also listen to the songs you loved when you were in high school or university. This will help you remember good times with past friends.

2. Journal It out

Write down how you feel as a way to express your thoughts if you don’t feel like talking to anyone. This can help you identify the root of your current unhappiness, which will offer a direct way out.

3. Draw or Doodle

If you don’t want to write, try drawing or doodling to help make sense of your emotions. You may be surprised what comes up. Draw anything you want because no one’s going to judge your drawing skills.

4. Read Past Emails, Texts, or Letters

Reading messages sent to you in the past by friends or family can help you remember that there are people who love and care about you. If you’re trying to figure out how to feel better, find some especially uplifting messages when you’re feeling down.

5. Reflect on a Great Day

Silently think of a day or moment which you truly enjoyed, and try to recapture that very first feeling. Close your eyes and try to relive it through your five senses. This will trick the brain into thinking it’s real and may help return some of those positive emotions.

6. Look at Photos

Take out your photo albums and go through photos that make you smile. You can look at an old family vacation album or photos from the day you graduated. Just find photos that bring up positive, happy memories.

7. Cry

You should absolutely cry when you feel like doing so. Cry out all your fear and stress; what’s left after will help you look at your current problems with a fresh perspective.

It’s great to practice being strong, but if you’re feeling especially anxious or stressed, a good cry can go a long way.

8. Sing

Sing loudly like no one can hear you if you want to learn how to feel better. Did you know that in Japan, people always sing karaoke to relieve stress?

9. Cook a Healthy Meal

Cook a nice meal for yourself or for your family. Healthy food naturally makes you feel better by helping to balance hormones in the body. Furthermore, connecting with friends and family over good food will help you lean on your support system if you’re having a bad day.

10. Dress up

This is all about improving your self-image. If you feel better about yourself by changing the clothes you’re wearing, this will cultivate more positive emotions. Maybe, for dinner tonight, put on that nice new shirt you haven’t found a reason to wear yet.

11. Get out of Bed

It’s incredibly tempting to stay in bed and scroll through social media when we’re feeling down, but if you want to know how to feel better, you need to get out into the world. Grab your laptop or a book and go hang out at your favorite coffee place.

12. Take a Walk

Walking in nature and getting fresh air has been proven to reduce stress and anxiety and improve overall well being. If you have access to a nature path, that’s a great option. If not, get out into your neighborhood and begin to notice the trees and birds along the road, and focus on your breathing to improve relaxation.

13. Sweat

If you’re working on how to fee better, getting in some exercise can do wonders. Exercise releases feel-good hormones and naturally relieves stress and anxiety. If you’re having a bad day, go for a jog or find a yoga video on YouTube.

14. Play an Instrument

If you have a guitar or drum set lying around, go play some music! This will help distract you from the challenges of the day.

15. Tidy up

16. Watch Funny Videos

YouTube is full of funny videos for all ages. Find something that makes you laugh out loud to get those good vibes flowing.

17. Eat Something Delicious

Don’t go overboard, but if you need a little pick-me-up, eat a small piece of cake, a scoop of ice cream, or a slice of pie. Let yourself indulge, just don’t empty the gallon of ice cream.

18. Reread a Favorite Book

When you’re feeling down, you probably won’t want to put energy toward reading something new, but you can pick up an old favorite that you know makes you feel good. You can even write down specific quotes or passages you love and hang them on your fridge or near your computer.

19. Watch a New Movie

There are likely tons of movies you’ve always interested in but had no time to watch. If you’re learning how to feel better, now is a great time to watch one of those. Try to pick one that is funny or lighthearted before moving on to the others.

20. Do Something Nice

Do something nice that no one will notice. For example, you can pick up an empty plastic bottle in the street and throw it to a recycling bin. Or you can donate some old clothes to the local homeless shelter. Do something nice without looking for recognition in order to internalize those warm, fuzzy emotions that come from being kind.

21. Call Your Best Friend

Call up a good friend and just talk about whatever you want. If you don’t want to talk about what’s bothering you, focus on other things. Human beings are social animals after all, and connecting with people close to you will make you feel better.

22. Volunteer

As you’re learning how to feel better, this may not help you this very moment, but you can get online and look for places you can volunteer. In the long run, this will help you find a greater sense of purpose and happiness.

23. Let Loose

If you’re feeling bad, have a drink with a friend at home or put on some loud music and dance around the house with your kids. Do something that helps you feel free and alive.

24. Write to a Friend or Family Member

Write up a message to a friend or family member and tell them how much you care about them. Sending good vibes to them will naturally return those same good feelings to you, as you’ll know you made someone feel good.

25. Get out of Your Routine

Get out and meet new friends. Step out of your comfort zone by going to a new restaurant, going on a blind date, or dropping everything to go camping for the weekend. Meeting new people and having new experiences can inspire more positive feelings and help you learn how to feel better.

26. Look in the Mirror and Smile

Smiling releases neuropeptides, which help fight stress. Other feel-good hormones like dopamine and serotonin will follow these, offering you a good dose of positivity. It’s difficult to go on feeling sad if you’re trying to smile!

The Bottom Line

If you’re having a hard time, it can be difficult to focus on learning how to feel better. It’s best to start with something small to get some good energy flowing. From there, you can move on to bigger actions that can bring more positivity into your life day after day.

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” —Epictetus

How to Feel Better Right Now

Kendra Cherry, MS, is an author and educational consultant focused on helping students learn about psychology.

Verywell / Bailey Mariner

Everyone has times when they don’t feel their best. Whether you are struggling with a low mood, anxiety, stress, or just a lack of motivation, it’s tough to feel good when you’re not quite at 100%.

When you are feeling down or stressed, it can be helpful to look for things you can do to make yourself feel better quickly. While there are things that are simply outside of your control, there are lots of actionable steps you can take to seize control and feel better right now.

Take a Break

Sometimes just walking away from something for a few minutes can help when you’re feeling stressed, overworked, burned out, or exhausted. Step away from what you are working on and give yourself some time to think about something else.

Researchers have found that even taking short breaks can help improve your ability to pay attention.

One study compared people who took a short, five-minute break to those who did not get a break. Those who took a break engaged in a variety of activities including listening to music and sitting quietly. The results showed that those who had taken a break performed better on tasks that required sustained attention.  

Go for a Walk

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that adults over the age of 18 get at least 150 minutes of exercise each week. Getting out and moving for a little more than 20 minutes a day is not only good for your physical health and longevity, it’s also a great way to feel better in the here and now.

Physical activity is linked to reductions in depression and improved mood, so a quick walk around the neighborhood can be a good way to start feeling better right away.  

In addition to reaping the benefits of exercise, being outside in nature can also provide mental health benefits as well. One study found that participants who spent time walking in a natural environment reported lower levels of rumination.   So if you want to clear your head and feel better, head for the nearest green space such as a park or nature trail.

Crank Up the Music

Listening to music can be an enjoyable experience, but there is also evidence that music has psychological benefits including having an influence on your moods. One 2013 study found that listening to upbeat songs could improve happiness and boost mood relatively quickly.  

The next time you’re feeling down, break out your favorite playlist of catchy, upbeat, motivational music for a quick mood boost.

Do Something Nice for Someone Else

Helping others, often referred to as prosocial behaviors, can also be a great way to feel better right now. Whether it’s helping out a neighbor, assisting a friend, or volunteering for a local organization, doing good for others can leave you with positive emotions that researchers have dubbed a «warm glow.»

If you are looking for a way to generate some good feelings, think about things that you can do to help you friends, family, neighbors, or community. A few ideas you might want to explore include:

Research even suggests that prosocial behaviors and generosity are linked to a number of mental health benefits including increased happiness   and decreased mortality.  

Talk to a Friend

When you are feeling stuck in a negative mindset, sometimes just spending a few minutes chatting or texting with a good friend is enough to put you in a better state of mind. Social support is a key factor in emotional well-being. Research has found that lack of social support is linked to a number of negative outcomes including increased loneliness and decreased resilience to stress.  

The good news, however, is that social support is more about quality rather than quantity. As long as you feel like you have people you are close to and who will stand by you, then you can reap the rewards of social support.

When you want to feel better fast, reach out to a close friend or loved one who can listen, offer advice, or just share some laughs.

Plan Something

According to one study, researchers found that people who are able to balance living in the here and now with planning for the future are more resistant to negative moods and resilient in the face of stress.   The study looked at two different ways of managing stress: mindfulness and proactive coping.

Mindfulness involves living in the moment, while proactive coping involves planning for things as a way to minimize future stress. The results showed that making plans for the future was helpful for managing daily stress, but it was best used when coupled with living in the present.

Such findings suggest that it’s important to find joy in the moment, but that when you are struggling to cope, thinking about things that you want to do in the future can help you manage difficult feelings and stressful moments.

Simple Ways to Feel Better Fast

Get Advice From The Verywell Mind Podcast

Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares a way to boost your mood when you’re feeling down.

A Word From Verywell

Everyone faces moments when they are feeling stressed, unmotivated, or unhappy. There are many different ways to feel better, but it is important to figure out what works best for you.

Some people might find that a brisk walk around the block is enough to pull them out of a bad mood, while others may be best served by spending some time volunteering to help others or planning something (such as a vacation or event) that they can look forward to.

Bratman GN, Hamilton JP, Hahn KS, Daily GC, Gross JJ. Nature experience reduces rumination and subgenual prefrontal cortex activation. Proc Natl Acad Sci USA. 2015;112(28):8567-8572.

Park SQ, Kahnt T, Dogan A, Strang S, Fehr E, Tobler PN. A neural link between generosity and happiness. Nat Commun. 2017;8(1):15964. doi:10.1038/ncomms15964

Poulin MJ, Brown SL, Dillard AJ, Smith DM. Giving to others and the association between stress and mortality. Am J Public Health. 2013;103(9):1649-1655. doi:10.2105/AJPH.2012.300876

Harandi TF, Taghinasab MM, Nayeri TD. The correlation of social support with mental health: A meta-analysis. Electron Physician. 2017;9(9):5212-5222. doi:10.19082/5212

“I feel better today”: 27 simple things you can do right now

Life is not about what happens to us, but how we react to what is happening to us.

Many people get caught in a negative cycle of thinking that stops them from making progress in their lives. Many more people are focusing on external sources of happiness to improve their lives.

The truth is that change starts from within us. If we can change our thinking, we can change our lives.

There are many ways to shift our thinking away from negative thoughts and focus on the thoughts that make us feel good.

In fact, we can even call upon those positive thoughts whenever we want.

If you are in a place where you just want to feel better, try one of these 27 suggestions to improve your situation right now. You’ll be surprised how easy it is to turn that frown upside down when you know how to do it.

1) Dig out those old CDs and records and listen to your favorite songs. You’ll be instantly transported back to a time in your life when things were likely easier and less stressful. That nostalgia can really help perk you up.

2) Grab a notebook and write down how you are feeling. You’ll be able to see where your negative emotions are coming from and you can write down why you want to feel better.

3) Draw a picture that represents how you are feeling. We’ve all seen children do this and it really helps to get thoughts out of your mind and onto paper. Use colorful markers to bring your thoughts to life.

4) Look through family photo albums and be grateful for all the places you’ve been and people you’ve met throughout the years.

5) Relive a day in which you felt great. What were you wearing? What did you eat? Who did you talk to? Where did you go? Creating a great day, even in your mind, can lift your spirits. It reminds you that the bad doesn’t last forever.

6) Find some old letters or postcards you received from friends and family. Negativity can make you feel alone, so remind yourself that there are people in the world that care about you.

7) Put on some nice clothes. Even if you are spending the day at home watching Netflix, get dressed and do your hair and makeup. It makes a big difference in how you approach the world.

8) Sing your heart out! Drive around the block and sing as loud as you can. Releasing energy like this can help lift your spirits and you might even laugh at yourself a bit, which is always helpful.

9) Cook a healthy meal. Sure, it takes time to prepare a meal, but make the time and you’ll feel alive and invigorated by the process and the delicious food.

10) Read through your diary or journal and remind yourself that you have come through worse situations and you have persevered before.

11) Cry if you need to. There is no shame in letting emotion manifest physically in your body. You’ll feel better and can start to face the negative emotions from a place of purpose.

12) Play an instrument. Even if you have never tried to play a guitar or piano better, trying something new can be great for your disposition and help you feel better.

13) Take a walk outside. Fresh air does wonders for your emotions, thoughts, and skin!

14) Work out the negative feelings with a run or brisk walk. Take to the gym or go to the pool. Movement helps refocus your energy and it’s good for you!

15) Get out of bed first thing in the morning and determine one thing you are going to accomplish that day. Start small, and before you know it, you’ll be checking things off your list and feeling better.

16) Clean. Whether it’s your floors or your desk, tidying up your work can make you instantly feel better and more productive.

17) Watch some funny videos online – cats always entertain. But it’s fun to watch cooking videos, house-hunting shows, and anything where you know the outcome is going to be positive.

18) Eat something delicious – while it’s not good to drown your sorrows in food, sometimes a little ‘pick-me-up’ is in order to help get you through the day.

19) Grab one of your favorite books and find a quiet corner to relive the adventure or advice. You might find that looking at it years later provides a new lens in which to learn from the information in the book and it could change your life.

20) Watch your favorite movie, whether it’s Top Gun or Legally Blonde, do yourself a favor and spoil yourself with your guilty pleasure.

21) Do random acts of kindness in your community – pick up some trash or pay for someone’s coffee in the line behind you. It will provide an instant lift to your day.

22) Call your friend to talk about nothing or everything. Friends are there to help you when you are feeling down so cash in that favor and go to town on your feelings.

23) Volunteer at the library or homeless shelter. Taking your mind off your problems is a good way to put things into perspective.

24) Drink. Sure, it’s not practical advice but sometimes you need to party it up to get over something bad that has happened. When you sober up, you can start to repair that part of your life that caused you to drink in the first place.

25) Send a letter to a long-lost friend. Writing is cathartic and your friend will love a handwritten letter.

26) Meet some new people – if your friends are the ones who are dragging you down, find new ones.

27) Tell yourself today is going to be amazing and it will be. When you look for yellow (negative things) all around, you miss the green. So start looking for green (positive things) and you’ll be surprised by how many positive things are in your life.

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Why We Feel and How to Feel Better

I have a three-year-old. We are in a pandemic. I am trying to make a difference. I work with passionate people on hopefully important things. That means I deal with a lot of big feelings.

I imagine we all do. I hope we all do. Emotions keep things exciting — they color the world and keep us moving forward. They can also be distracting and unpleasant. Because of that, they get a terrible reputation in our culture and especially in our workplaces.

But the fact remains: most of us are emotional creatures. Why? What purpose does emotion serve? What help can it be?

What We Know About Emotion

I am not an expert on emotions. People who are have done a lot of research to figure out why our emotions evolved the way they did and how to deal with them. I have read some research, but I’m not here to tell you what I’ve read.

What I can do is help you understand and use your own emotions in a helpful way. If you start studying emotion, you’ll find conflicting advice, historical context, details about your emotions and others’ emotions and what to do with them.

You will not find simplicity or clarity. I hope I can offer that here.

Emotion, more than anything else, is a complex topic. It exists on a spectrum and our relationship to it varies wildly. Even experts struggle to agree on the details. These facts are just about the only thing I can find consensus around:

For now, let’s talk about what emotions are for.

Why We Feel

Emotions are a natural part of our biology. I don’t know why that is. I’m only interested in their purpose — how we use them. What we choose to do with our emotions may be all the meaning they’ll ever get.

So how do emotions help? Emotions get needs noticed.

Emotions are instinctive reactions to unsatisfied needs. They don’t always do a great job of getting you straight to the real need, but they’re pretty good at making noise. Example:

Brains are so complicated that pure needs often get tangled up in them. Sometimes, we don’t notice until there’s so much emotion on a need that the feeling hits us, and then the feeling hits us hard.

Our brains do this for all sorts of reasons. Maybe we’ve been conditioned not to ask for or react to their needs. Maybe we don’t have words for our needs. We usually don’t even know our real needs and have to trust what we want.

We Got Problems

Sometimes, all we know is that there’s a problem— a gap between what we have and what we want.

That gap can come in two forms.

When we’re the predator, we’re worried about hunger. When we’re the prey, we’re worried about danger. We’re usually both and worried about both.

How we solve problems

Our brains actually have two distinct halves — the instinctive brain and the narrative mind. Experiences come in through our senses, then brains check for emergency situations.

If it’s an emergency, our instincts kick in. Even if it’s not, our instincts color the experience with emotion before it becomes a story our minds can work with. So, emergency or no, our instincts have their say.

We see this in what’s best known as the fight-or-flight reflex, but there are actually four possible instinctive reactions: fight, flight, freeze, and appease.

Before we ever had vast reserves of feeling that we could attach to stories, we had those four instincts. Think of them as the live-in grandparents of our newfangled modern emotions.

I like to use that family resemblance to structure emotions:

Note that I’m claiming that there are really only two types of reaction—endurance or evasion. I say this because the continual passage of time removes neutral options. We’re either dealing with something or we aren’t.

Let’s explore each of these in more detail.

Anger

Anger, maybe more than any of the others, gets a bad reputation. It’s ugly, they say, or even evil. They’ll claim that it is antisocial, or useless, or dangerous.

Society tells this lie for an obvious reason. Anger helps you fight, and those who lead society don’t want you fighting. Anger is unpredictable, and society wants you predictable.

Anger is horsepower. It’s a fire and an engine. And it’s often necessary.

When it isn’t useful to you, I recommend forgiveness. All other times, I recommend leveraging anger to get shit done. Let’s look at some examples.

A saber-toothed tiger is nearby. You have a spear. If you attack, you might kill it before it kills you. If you hold your ground, you might get your spear into it as it pounces. Either way, this is your fight reflex at work. You’ve still got it, but it’s grown up a little bit too.

Someone’s taking credit for your work, and you have evidence. If you do it in this meeting, you might take the wind out of them in the moment. If you do it afterwards, you might have an opportunity to turn the situation to your advantage. If you weren’t mad, you’d let it lie and more people might suffer from the misunderstanding.

Note some commonalities here — you’ve got opposition and opportunity in both these cases. If there’s a threat and something to do about it, anger’s at its most useful. If you’re missing that recipe, your anger’s gonna be a little harder to use.

When your anger is useful, and especially when it’s justified, we like to call it zeal. There is nothing wrong with zeal. There’s a lot out there that needs to be destroyed. Get out there and make some good trouble.

Chemically, fear and anger have a whole lot in common. They also appear in similar circumstances — you’ve got opposition that is risking your wellbeing. You have something you don’t want. Danger.

But there’s a difference here — you have no advantages. Often, the scariest things are those you can’t understand. You’re caught empty-handed and empty-headed. There’s nothing you can do but scream, run, or hide.

But you can still do that. When fear’s at its most useful, the situation is still developing and still needs a reaction.

There’s a saber-toothed tiger nearby. You don’t have a spear, but you’re not dead yet. If it hasn’t seen you, you might survive if you hide. If it has, you might need to call for help or dash to a safer place.

Your employer is struggling, and there might be lay-offs soon. You might lay low and try not to get noticed, or update your resume and start planning your own escape. But there’s nothing you can do to stop the real threat of lay-offs.

Fear doesn’t feel great, and it usually doesn’t help you make the smartest or longest-term decisions. It is the mind-killer, after all. More than any other emotion, it is optimized purely for speed. Sometimes you need speed.

And sometimes you need courage, which you can’t have without fear. Short-circuiting that helpless feeling and making a brave choice is a powerful thing that only fear can teach us.

Sadness

While anger and fear deal with real or imagined danger, sadness deals with hunger — those time that we’re missing a need. This goes far beyond food — our basic needs include belonging and personal growth, and we can suffer hunger for any of those things.

When we can’t satisfy that hunger, we need to deal with it head on. We can’t stab hunger with a spear, but we can face its sad reality, work to acknowledge it, and move on. We mourn all the time in all kinds of small ways.

Sadness feels like giving up, and it should — that’s what it’s for. Sometimes you need to stop. We can’t win every battle.

A saber-toothed tiger ate your dog. Nothing you do will bring your dog back. The tiger is long gone, too — vengeance isn’t an option, and even if it was it would be both pointless and dangerous. All you can do is mourn — you wanted your dog and you don’t have her any more.

Your worst nightmare came true — you lost your job. It’s completely gone. No amount of running or fighting will bring it back. A whole future you might have had is dead and gone, and some of your dreams went with it. Sadness lets you face that reality, mourn it, and deal with it. Without sadness, the pain has nowhere healthy to go.

Living with depression, I have a very difficult relationship with sadness. By default, I feel sad all the time. Sometimes so sad I can’t do anything, and all for no clear reason (or all the reasons). Because of this, it has taken me a long time to realize the value sadness can have.

Don’t get me wrong — depression sucks. Sometimes things just suck. But knowing that and mourning it lets you face and endure that reality. Healthy sadness is a skill I’m still learning, but understanding it this way has helped me a lot.

Happiness

If hunger is wanting what you don’t have and danger is having what you don’t want, happiness is when you have what you want and want what you have. Like the other emotions, it’s a reaction to a gap. The difference is that this is a gap you can close or have closed.

Being a pleasant emotion, happiness rewards us when we take actions that get us closer to our needs. It is not what we need in itself — I’ve said it before; saying happiness is the point of life is like saying Pavlov’s experiment was about feeding dogs.

Happiness’ grandma is the “appease” reaction — when you try to please something so it won’t pose a danger to you.

A saber-toothed tiger is nearby. You throw it a slab of meat so it will like you instead of hurting you. That’s “appease” 101.

But in our world, we work harder to appease our society. Have you heard of emotional labor? Unless you’re an actor, just about the only emotion you’re ever asked to perform is happiness.

After the lay-off, you work at a coffee shop to make ends meet. (After all, our society will happily let you die of starvation or curable diseases if you don’t have money or insurance.) At the coffee shop, you are expected to smile constantly. You’re supposed to be happy to help. You are appeasing constantly.

But happiness is more than just appeasement of potential threats. When we chase what we want, when we follow hope, when we help each other and ourselves, we are appeasing ourselves. We’re trying to get that sweet dopamine.

Hope, like fear and anger, gives us energy. Though it is pleasant, it’s not good or bad. It just helps us get moving, same as anything else.

When Feelings Get Tangled

Our emotional reactions get triggered by our stories and experiences based on the criteria mentioned above, but they don’t always behave quite right. They can get twisted for two major reasons:

Note that neither of these are actually great predictors of whether an emotion is the best reaction to a situation. The emotion that you’re feeling is a data point, but it’s not necessarily to be trusted.

If we always responded completely appropriately to our circumstances, we might follow this flowchart.

But we don’t, do we? It’d be kind of boring if we did. But knowing the core path of our emotions might help us identify which one would genuinely be most helpful in a given situation.

As an example, I’ve recently been dealing with a situation where I’m feeling powerless and it’s making me mad. But is anger actually useful here? Not exactly — there is no actual danger and I am, in fact, completely powerless. By my handy-dandy flowchart, sadness is the more useful reaction. If only I could choose it.

When you get familiar with yourself and your default reactions, you might even start to notice patterns. For instance, I tend to feel sad when I should feel mad because I’m too scared of my anger to use it. I know to be suspicious of my sadness and ask myself if there’s anger under there.

On top of that, it’s rare that we feel just one thing. Any one scenario in life might be colored by a little mad, a little sad, along with a mix of happy fear. And any of those could be results of mis-matched conditioning or chemicals.

But knowing that doesn’t do much good alone. We’re going to feel what we feel, regardless of how well that emotion fits our circumstance. And even when it does fit your circumstance, it still might be more distracting than useful.

But, as with everything, we’ve got options.

How to Change How You Feel

Our emotions are reactions to our reality, and our only access to reality comes through the stories we tell ourselves. If we want to change our own minds, we need to change the way we see the world.

Example: At a job, you’re required to work on a project that you know to be a poor use of company resources. You’ve done your best to convince the powers that be that it’s the wrong choice, and no change has been made. You find yourself acting whiny and irritable.

1. Find Your Feeling — For you, those are symptoms of anger, one of your go-to reactions when something feels like a waste.

2. Feel It — You’re pissed. That’s okay. You rage and swear and stomp somewhere where no one can hear you.

3. Thank It —Thank the rage. There is a problem that it helped you notice.

4. Question It — Why are you mad? Your boss wants you to waste time that he’s paying you for. You know you could help more in a different way. But your job is to do the project you’ve been asked to do.

5. Replace It — There’s no danger here. You’re hungry to help more than you’re able to help, but there’s nothing within reason that you can do. This is a sad story about wasted potential, not malicious misuse of time.

6. Get to Work — Mourn the upcoming waste. Make a plan to get it over with as soon as possible so that you can get back to what you care about.

This process can work for any emotion, and once you get the hang of it you might find that it starts happening quickly and automatically for some of your more frequent mis-matched feelings. All conditioning can be re-conditioned.

Why to Love Feeling

Our feelings can be a headache, but they’re useful — they get needs noticed and motivate us to solve them. Whether fear is speeding you up or sadness is slowing you down, your emotions can help you improve your world.

Even when they get in the way, it’s not because they’re bad. They’re just misaligned, and they can be realigned. We’re taught to be so scared of how we feel that it’s easy to forget that how we feel is important and useful.

And even if it wasn’t? Emotions still color in the world. They light life up, making it complicated and beautiful.

How to feel better – strategies to feel good from the inside out

On 40+style we want you to LOOK good and FEEL good. Lots of articles on this site focus on the outside, this one focuses on the inside, which I believe is even more powerful to feel amazing. If that interests you, read on! It may just change your life.

If not, start here to read one of the many articles that focus on outward appearance.

This article is not meant as medical advice. If you suffer from a mental health condition, always consult a doctor. I’m a certified Life and NLP coach so this article was written from that perspective based on my own experiences and those of clients.

How to feel better?

Most of the time you do the things you do in life because you just want to FEEL HAPPY.

In this article I’ll dive deeper into exactly how to create more of that feeling in your life and how to feel better so you can enjoy your life to the fullest.

Prefer to listen? I’ve recorded a podcast based on this article here.

How can you feel better more of the time?

As you know, I’m a big believer of looking after yourself as a way to feel better.

Paying attention to your appearance and valuing yourself enough to put effort into it can definitely make you feel better. Simple tweaks can make a big difference.

To feel better about yourself and your appearance you can:

All of these will help a lot to make you feel better, but there are many other things you can do.

There are lots of things you can do to feel better

While doing research for this article, I came across quite a few articles on this topic that will give you advice like:

There are literally hundreds of things I can list here to make you feel better.

All of them will work.

But for how long?

Some of the advice given online on how to feel better, I don’t agree with at all, like:

If you’re looking for more than just a temporary fix, how can you consistently feel better and create a life you love?

How to feel better on purpose

Although many of the above suggestions will help, I believe it’s even more powerful to look for ways to make you feel better from the inside-out.

Feeling good then becomes a state of being that will allow you to fulfill your dreams in the process as well.

What I want for you is to feel good on purpose.

To feel good with what you’re doing in life and to feel good with who you are right now.

So let’s go back to basics and discover what it takes to feel good and be happy.

And the good news is, it’s completely within our control.

I believe that all our emotions, including happiness, are created within our mind.

It’s something we can choose at any point within our day and life.

Feeling good is within your control

At this point I may have lost you.

You’ve been taught to believe that what makes you happy is the new house, the new car, new clothes every month, a loving husband, 1 million dollars in the bank.

Something outside of you will make you happy.

Advertisers, television and lots of people will put a lot of effort into persuading you that this is true.

Happiness is something you buy.

Happiness is something external and elusive that we need to chase after.

That new shiny object that they’re selling you on TV or that’s promised to you in an online course is the secret to your happiness.

A youthful face and you being 20 kilos lighter will finally make your feel happy.

I believed it too!

I thought that when I made multiple 6 figures a year, I would be happy all the time.

I thought that when I finally had my own dream house, my life would be perfect.

I thought that when I could travel to my heart’s delight all the time, I would be happy.

I got all those things and they gave me happiness but it was always temporary.

Here’s an important question

Would you rather accomplish the goal (like getting the dream house by the beach) or be happy?

If you HAD TO choose between the 2, what would you pick?

Would you not pick to be happy?

Once you come to realize that it’s not the goal that you really want, but that you want the goal because you think it will make you feel happy, you can choose to feel happy now.

You can choose to feel happy with the house that you’re currently living in!

That doesn’t mean that you can’t still pursue all your goals (in fact I think there are a lot of good reasons to go after them) but you can choose to do that from a place where you are already happy.

With the realization that you don’t NEED TO accomplish the goal to feel good and be happy.

I choose to be happy in my current home

For practical reasons, as my family is in a transition phase, I’m living in a small apartment right now.

It’s a far cry from the beautiful house I lived in just half a year ago.

The furniture is not mine. It’s dark and ugly.

Most of my private belongings are somewhere else.

My workspace is small and far from ideal.

I can hear the noise from cars on the street which is something I do not like.

I choose to feel happy.

That doesn’t mean that I will not move next year and make different choices about where I live, but I realize that the new house I will move into does not make me feel happy.

Only I control how happy I feel.

Do you see the difference?

My happiness is created within my mind.

I can choose to feel happy now, regardless of my situation.

Once you get good at managing your mind that way, you can choose how you want to feel. You can choose to feel better.

What shiny object do you believe will make you feel happy?

Do you believe that when you’re thin you’ll be happy?

Do you believe that when you win the lottery, then you’ll be happy?

Do you believe that when you finally find your soul mate, then you’ll be happy?

A good question to ask is: what will be different when you reach your goal and what will be exactly the same?

Most often it’s the feeling that you expect to get from achieving your goals that will give you the feeling of happiness.

You have access to feeling that. right now.

For example I have a business goal that I’d like to make a million dollars in one year in 3 years time from doing the things I love doing.

In my case that’s teaching women over 40 how they can tap into their truest, highest potential in all areas of life.

What will be different when I reach that goal is that I will have become a million dollar earner. I will have become a different person in pursuit of that goal because I had to think bigger and differently to get there. I may get more invitations to speak and more women may listen to me as I’m an example of what’s possible.

I don’t think that I will be happier or feel more abundant than I am right now. Those feelings are already available to me in this moment. I can already feel abundant as I’ve created a beautiful life for myself with lots of freedom and doing the work I love.

I still have difficult days and don’t always feel great but that’s not going to change either when I earn a million dollars. My problems, challenges and insecurities will simply be of a different kind.

We often think that once we have reached a certain goal, we’ll feel happy all the time. That’s not the case. You will still have your bad days.

Want new things from a place of abundance

Once you know how to tap into the way you want to feel right NOW, then you can pursue all the things you want in life.

And because you’ll be coming from a place where you already feel good, from a place of abundance, achieving all those wonderful shiny objects that are on your bucket list, will become so much easier.

When you can accept or feel happy about your current body, it’s so much easier to stop overeating.

When you already feel that you can be happy with the current amount of money in your bank account, you will find creating additional wealth so much easier.

When you feel happy with yourself and can create a good life as a single person, you will find it so much easier to attract a soul mate into your life.

When you set a new goal for yourself, ask yourself:

Why do I want to achieve this goal?

What do I think I will gain in the having of it?

What is it that I really want to feel?

Why does that feel so elusive now?

Is it really an external thing that can provide that feeling for you or would you be able to feel that way, right now?

Because that IS a possibility. You can think thoughts that will give you the feeling of abundance.

For example, if my main goal is to be happy, rather than thinking that only my 1 million dollar goal can make me happy, I can think:

‘I have everything I need to be happy’

‘My health is my most precious gift. That makes me very grateful and happy’.

A feeling is a vibration in your body

As I explained in my article on how to gain confidence, a feeling is really a vibration in your body. Below is a short video there where I explain that in more detail.

You can learn how to feel and cope with a negative emotion (which is what I discuss in the video), but you can also practice feeling a positive emotion like confidence, excitement or happiness.

Here’s an example

Let’s say you want to feel happy.

1. First describe how that would feel. How does it feel in your body?

For me it feels like I have lots of energy. I have a spring in my step.

I feel light. I have no worries. My body feels solid.

2. Then ask yourself? What would I be thinking when I feel this way?

I like the thought: everything is exactly as it’s supposed to be right now.

It’s possible that you don’t know what you would be thinking.

If that’s the case you can ask yourself: What do I think will make me happy?

Think about something you think would really, truly make you happy.

Maybe your answer is that you want to win the lottery. Imagine for a moment that that is a reality.

How does it feel?

3. Now, tap into that feeling. Describe the feeling.

How does it feel?

What are you thinking when you tap into this feeling of happiness?

What thoughts come up?

Maybe you’re thinking about the amount of money you will have and that you never have to worry ever again.

4. Now tap into one of the thoughts that came up and believe that right now

Are any of the thoughts that came up things that you can believe right now?

Your thought that you never have to worry again can be true right now.

No one says that you need to worry. Worry is really one of those emotions that’s a bit indulgent. It serves no purpose.

How would you feel on a daily basis if you said to yourself more of the time: ‘I never have to worry again’.

Would that make you feel happy more of the time even if you haven’t won the lottery yet?

Or if this thought is not believable to you, what other thought can you have that makes you feel happy more of the time.

Perhaps the thought I use can serve you too: ‘everything is exactly as it’s supposed to be right now’.

That thought brings you right in the current moment. You can’t argue with reality. Why are things supposed to be that way right now? Because they are. I highly recommend reading about embracing the current moment in Eckhardt Tolle’s book: The Power Of Now.

And if you’re going through a crappy period right now, maybe that’s what you need to go through to become a stronger person.

Resisting feelings or situations you don’t like will only make them worse.

Practice makes perfect

It takes practice to do this and the daily self coaching practice I teach will really help with this.

The practice will teach you that you can learn to feel better even if no outside circumstances change.

You can learn to feel better right now so that you’re pursuing your goals from a place from abundance. Or you can just feel better, period.

And, it’s also a great way to cope with negative emotions (yes, these will be part of your life too; it’s part of being human!). It’s important to truly FEEL those too, rather than numb them with food or alcohol or other means.

You manage your feelings by managing your thoughts.

What would you be thinking if you wanted to feel a certain way?

When you get good at this, you will know how to cope with the negative emotions and you can create positive emotions on purpose.

For example, when I’m feeling down about something just thinking about the fact that I have clean running water coming out of my tap every day, makes me feel better.

It makes me feel grateful.

And when I’m grateful, I don’t beat myself up or sulk the whole day.

And my day will be better because of it.

It’s not wishful thinking because it’s true. I believe in the thought and it makes me feel grateful.

Try it out sometimes!

You need to believe the thoughts you’re thinking

Of course just thinking a positive thought that you don’t believe, will not work. If I told you now, that you’ve won the lottery and you know that not to be true it wouldn’t put you in a feeling of happiness.

But imagine that you DID just buy a lottery ticket yesterday and you just got a message from the person running it that you won. Can you imagine how you would feel at that moment?

You don’t have the money yet, so it’s not the actual money that’s making you happy, it’s the thought at that particular moment that creates that feeling of ultimate happiness for you.

Now imagine something that you really, REALLY want. What would make you supremely happy?

What do you need to think and believe to feel that ecstatically happy?

Perhaps your thought is: ‘I want my slim body again’. You can then ask yourself why? And you may answer: ‘because then I’d feel beautiful again’.

That is a thought that you could have right now.

Being slim is not the same as being beautiful. In fact you can be absolutely gorgeous and not be slim. And I also know that quite a few slim women don’t feel beautiful.

Feeling beautiful comes from the thought that you are beautiful. And I know for a fact already that you are, because we all are.

Perhaps you can tap into that feeling sometimes. I know that you have it! That moment that you feel beautiful even though you’re not as slim as you used to be or perhaps would like to be.

Learn how to tap into that feeling.

That’s the secret to feeling happy.

The truth is, you can’t think happy thoughts if you don’t believe them and feel happy, but you can feel happy thoughts and feel happy if you believe those thoughts.

so if you’re not able to tap into the ‘I’m beautiful’ thought on any occasion, you could start with something like “I’m unique” or “I have a healthy body”.

Are all feelings really caused by a thought?

You may be wondering if all feelings are really caused by a thought? How about if a person dies?

The way you feel about something like that is still determined by how you think about that person’s death. If this was someone you cared deeply about, you would feel very sad.

However, if this was a person you didn’t know, your feelings may be very different. Every circumstance in itself is neutral, it’s how you think about that circumstance that creates the feeling.

That doesn’t mean that you always choose happy feelings. When someone very close to you dies, you WANT to feel sad. Your thoughts create that feeling and you’re thinking that on purpose.

The way you feel about anything is determined by your thoughts about it.

For example, if I mentioned the city of New York, some people may say that they love the city and start feeling excited when there is an opportunity to visit it. Others may not like the city at all and the thought of having to visit New York makes them feel anxious.

That doesn’t mean that all our thoughts are intentional

A lot of our thoughts are actually shaped by how we’ve been raised and our experiences in life.

We often think that what we think about something are just the facts, but our thoughts about something are most often a very biased opinion of something neutral.

How you think about all your current circumstances will shape how you feel

Just being aware of this can change everything for you.

You have a choice in how you think about your current life.

If you look at your current life and you decide to feel grateful, abundant, secure, then that will create a very different feeling than when you think that your life is not enough.

The only difference is the way that you think about it.

Your thoughts create feelings, which create your actions which create your results.

In summary, here are the steps to take to feel better

Feeling better more of the time is something you can practice. Here’s how:

Once you are able to do that, you can create anything that you want in your life! You can use this technique to create positive energy for yourself. You can also use it to cope with negative feelings. Once you realize that you can cope with negative feelings (which are simply sensations in your body), you’ll be ready to pursue your goals without fear.

If you are ready to pursue your goals for the year and create the life that you want, I invite you to download my free reinvention and bucket list guides. Let’s make the next year your most AMAZING year ever!

Please note, this article is not meant as medical advice. If you suffer from mental health issues or depression, always seek the help of a doctor.

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Photos taken on a recent visit to Perth. Dress by Zara.

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5 Comments

about 15 years ago, I was feeling dumpy. It was the rehearsal day for my daughter’s wedding and I was dressed for the dinner after rehearsal. Heels and a black sheath. As I was walking towards the church, a husband of a bridesmaid was also walking towards the church. To this day I remember his comment to me, “Mrs. R! You look hot!! Totally, out of character for that person, he did not mean anything wrong by the comment. I still feel beautiful when I remember the comment. I was 60 years old at that time.

I worked for a very difficult boss. He was extremely critical of his employees. One day he blurted out that ‘I can do anything…that I am fabulous.’ I was stunned because that was in front of everyone. I said to myself, “Remember this…never forget this!” It’s been years and I can’t remember the circumstances that caused his comments. But I remember what he said. My point is to remember the great comments you receive. Another way that causes me to feel happy is to frequently receive good comments on my appearance. At an event, if I don’t receive at least 5 compliments on my clothing, I’ve failed that day. Very few women are born truly beautiful…but we can all DO THE NECESSARY WORK to look good! I’m rambling but my two suggestions for sustaining happiness are: 1) Make a point to remember all compliments re your performance and 2) Make a BIG effort to look your very best.

Thanks for your comment Carol. It’s certainly great to remember all compliments and it’s a great tip but I think the biggest approval is the one we give ourselves. When we truly believe in ourself and our own worth, it becomes less important what others say.
That’s why I also believe so strongly in dressing for ourselves first and foremost.
Thanks for reading 40+Style!

First of all, let me say how much I enjoy reading your blog. Your content and presentation is outstanding!

And while I truly appreciated the good intentions of your important and timely article, you have ventured into serious territory here. Therefore, I respectfully suggest that you may want to acknowledge those of us (and there are many) who struggle with depression and/or other mental health issues who would find it extremely difficult—or even impossible—to implement your valid recommendations without professional help.

Thanks very much.

Thanks for your comment and the kind compliment of the blog.

I would always recommend that people with mental health issues or depression seek professional help. I have added that statement to the article and will also do this in future articles.

But I know that the strategies described in this article work for well-functioning women who don’t always feel good or let feelings of discomfort get in the way of their dreams. Which to be honest is most of us, including me. I’m a certified life and NLP coach and have seen major improvements in people’s lives (including myself) from them applying some of the advice and receiving coaching. Unfortunately so many therapists offer very past focused therapy and don’t always help people in the right way (in my opinion) with practical things you can do on a daily basis to improve your life experience. With these articles I just like to offer you a different perspective. That it’s possible to think differently about things and that most of your feelings come from your thoughts about a certain circumstance.

Of course it’s still very beneficial to practice them which is where a coach (or a therapist if your issue is more serious or if that is your preference) can be of great help.

I feel that this work is important enough not to share, as when women truly understand this principle, life can truly change for them.