How to find a girlfriend

How to get a girlfriend: Follow our 10 step guide

While leading the single life is fun for a while, it can become tiring and often leaves singles wanting something more meaningful. If this applies to you and you’re actually seeking a significant relationship, here’s our 10 step guide of how to get a girlfriend. Follow our simple methods and secure the woman of your dreams.

How to get a girlfriend: The 10 steps

Before you actively search for a relationship, you must first be comfortable within yourself. Self assurance and self sufficiency are very attractive qualities in a guy and it is important that you don’t come across as desperate for a girlfriend. Instead, be comfortable in your own skin and content being single. When you reach this point you will be open to finding a relationship and it will subsequently come to you. Women want to feel like you’re choosing to be with them, not that you’re desperately seeking a relationship and can’t live without a girlfriend.

2. How to get a girlfriend: B e confident

Girls love confident men. Fact. Over-thinking everything and being nervous or afraid is not going to make a girl find you attractive. Most likely you’ll get friend-zoned. Be assertive by making plans and being clear in your mind of what you want. This also reverts back to the previous point of being comfortable in your own skin – you don’t have to be the best looking, funniest man in the world but if you’re confident with who you are, you will instantly be ten times more attractive than a really good-looking shy man.

3. How to get a girlfriend: Ask her on a date properly

So a beautiful girl has caught your eye and you’ve been speaking a bit, now is the time to ask her out. As we’ve said, women like confidence and assertiveness so make sure you ask her out properly! Don’t come up with a vague proposal of a plan or give her too many options to choose from so nothing gets established. Simply come up with a good date idea; one where you can speak and get to know each other properly (like a drink or a coffee) and give her a time and a place. Present her with a concrete plan she can’t refuse.

4. How to get a girlfriend: Listen and ask questions

Men are notoriously bad at asking women questions. Women often complain that men speak a lot about themselves on dates and don’t take a lot of interest in what they have to say. Don’t be one of those guys! Take an active interest in the conversation, even if she’s talking about her friends or work or something you wouldn’t usually particularly engage in. Try to focus on what she’s actually saying and ask relevant questions. This will earn you a lot of brownie points. You never know, if you listen properly you might actually find it interesting.

5. How to get a girlfriend: Be ambitious

Perhaps even more so than confidence, ambition in a man is attractive. Women really don’t like lazy men, so someone who is ambitious and motivated to achieve things will instantly catch their attention. There is obviously a fine line; women don’t want a workaholic boyfriend. But it’s really good to be passionate about things (not just work) and if you’re motivated to achieve things, women will instantly find you more attractive and interesting.

6. How to get a girlfriend: The art of flirting

Flirting is certainly an art form and is very important when considering how to get a girlfriend. Flirting differentiates between friendship and love interest; it is playfully showing someone you’re romantically interested in them. The classic techniques of extended eye contact, smiling and compliments work well. Make it clear you’re interested as more than a friend but don’t come on too strong otherwise she won’t think you’re looking for an actual relationship.

7. How to get a girlfriend: Body language flirting

8. How to get a girlfriend: Be funny

When considering how to get a girlfriend most people say ‘be funny’. Girls love guys who can make them laugh; there is that famous saying after all Couples who laugh together, stay together. Obviously it’s not always easy to be hilarious, but showing that you don’t take yourself too seriously and making the conversation light hearted will stand in your favor. Definitely make some jokes as well, you never know – she might have exactly the same sense of humor as you.

9. How to get a girlfriend: Respect her

It was Erasure’s Andy Bell who famously sung “give a little respect to me”. And if you want to get a girlfriend, you should definitely process the UK crooner’s lyrics carefully! Respect shows a woman that you’re serious about forging a relationship with her. This doesn’t mean you have to overdo it on the chivalry front; too much can seem patronizing, Respect in this instance is a much more nuanced affair. Take her preferences on board and make concessions when she’s got her heart set on something. Indeed, learning the art of compromise early on will stand you in good stead further down the line.

10. How to get a girlfriend: Don’t play games, however do maintain an air of mystery

In terms of how to get a girlfriend, game playing won’t get you very far. If you’re not replying to her messages and behaving really distant and disinterested, she will move on from you. She needs to know you’re serious about her and actually want to be in a relationship. Suggest fun dates, discuss exclusivity and eventually ask her to be your girlfriend. It is important though, not to blast her with texts and maintain an air of mystery. In a recent deal breakers survey, 44% of women considered being bombarded with messages from a man a deal breaker. Play it a bit cool guys.

READ MORE: Meeting People Online: The Dos and Don’ts to Keep you Safe

How To Find A Girlfriend: 24 “Real” Tips For Every Single Guy

It is often a guy’s essential dream to find a woman in whom he can find a friend, love interest and confidante. In other words, it is always his quest to find the right girlfriend. For this reason, we have collated the 24 best tips that will come to the rescue of every Indian bachelor for finding his dream girl.

No, “Go to the gym” isn’t on the list, but it helps, and so does brushing your teeth, not wearing the same T-shirt more than three times a week and not letting your nails grow to such an extent that they dig into the palms of the unfortunate soul whose hand you happen to be shaking.

That said, let’s begin.

1. The Grocery Store > Some Random, Dim Bar

How to find a girlfriend, step one – look where you go. Okay, so you’re not going to meet the girl of your dreams at the local supermarket, or maybe you will, and you’ll even have something to say about her particular choice of breakfast cereal and share a joke or two… In any case, it’s much better than yelling something unmemorable like “I can’t hear you!” into her ear at the top of your lungs.

2. Get To Know The Community

3. Know What You’re Looking For

Waif thin and model-like isn’t your type. In fact, you haven’t the foggiest idea as to what your type is, so take a pen and a piece of paper and work that out. What is important to you? Looks! Sure, but what else? “Girlfriend material” means different things to different people, and you need to know what it means to you.

Know that some girls enjoy things others wouldn’t be seen near, some are militant, some meek, some like fancy treatment, some are more relaxed and most are a combination of the above and a million other things – so work out what’s important to you. If you don’t know what you innately like, not just based on superficial requirements, how are you gonna know how to find a girlfriend?

4. Get Yourself Some Standards

Yes, unfortunately you’re going to have to work within a realistic framework. Look at women who match the basic criteria for a rough starting guide. You’re not landing a motivated, 5 kilometre jogging soon-to-be lawyer if going to the fridge in between Friends reruns is your only form of exercise (and ambition).

5. An Interesting Person Is A Date-able Person

Even if all you do is watch Friends reruns, chances are you’re not at all a boring person, you’re just not engaged with much at the moment and perhaps missing something meaningful that fills you with passion; but that still leaves you pondering on how to find a girlfriend. Well, we bet your references to popular culture and incisive political satire are top notch, but you’re never going to get a chance to show it off if everyone thinks you’re that guy who likes to use two spoons at lunch and nothing else.

6. Approach, Approach, Approach

Talk to women, and talk to them a lot. Talk to them when they’re at the park, on the street, waiting in the office with you, standing in front of you at lunch or anything else. Don’t get so close that they freak out, and certainly don’t indulge them with idle chatter, especially when they look like they’d rather eat a dozen Brussels sprouts than engage in small talk at the moment (which ties in nicely with our next point), but definitely approach them. Get used to having conversations with women; its important not just to know how to find a girlfriend, but to know how to get along with people in general.

7. Tough Skin, Can-Do Attitude

You’re a bit worried about approaching women, forget ‘how to find a girlfriend’? Don’t be disheartened if some immediately turn you away because they’re busy, not interested in talking or due to any other reason. Usually, the girl will not mean any offence, and none should be taken. You’re not entitled to having anyone talk to you, and that’s fine. Some may even rather abruptly make an excuse and take leave of you. Maybe you need to work on your conversational skills or maybe it’s just not your day (or hers), but please, for heaven’s sake, don’t let such a triviality stop you from approaching an approachable woman.

8. I Am Me, Slightly Weird And Entirely Real

The next step of this guide on how to find a girlfriend is being you, and being happily you. Give any girl a choice between dating a textbook perfect boyfriend and a rather unusual, slightly strange and all too real man. The difference is that those who choose to talk, go out with, and be with you are doing it for you – and not for the person you’re pretending to be (a task most emotionally draining). And it’s the same with guys, so, quid pro quo.

9. Smile

Getting caught up in not committing faux pas and looking the part, as well as constantly thinking of whose eyes are on you and whether or not they like what they see can get tiring. And it isn’t very enjoyable, meaning that you can seem like a bit of a grouch at worst, and a bit of a serious person at best. Now it’s fine to be those things occasionally, people are, but it’s not so great when you’re not that and only seem like it.

Smile, lighten up and take in the fact that you’re alive, well and will soon have a girlfriend.

10. Practice & Use Genuine Compliments

A very important point about knowing how to find a girlfriend, is what you say to compliment her. “You are beautiful” is the kind of text that isn’t going to make too much of a splash, and the spoken form of such a message is equally useless. Compliment girls who think are compliment-worthy because, well, you admire something about them. Make references to their work, their sense of style, even their long eyelashes or brown eyes if you’re feeling brazen. Compliment them about things that the average Joe might not have noticed, and when you do compliment their beauty, add in a “but that’s not even the thing I find most interesting about you” caveat. Get creative, not corny.

11. Laughter: Free And Unfailing

Laughter is one of the best tools that we have available to us to engage with an audience – whether it’s TV programs like The Daily Show covering significant topics masked in humour, or it’s you establishing a connection with the girl you like. If you make them laugh, your company will be memorable and enjoyable – it’s that simple.

12. Give It Time

Even if you’re a pro at knowing how to find a girlfriend, finding a girlfriend is a bit like finding a job after getting an English literature or political science degree and I’m speaking from experience here. You feel like jumping on the first chance anyone gives you but it’s probably not for the best.

13. Kill The Conversation (No Awkward Silences)

Sometimes you get in the groove and get talking, and the conversation will flow and things will be fun, but soon, especially if you don’t have a lot in common or you’ve just met, you”ll run out of things to say. How to find a girlfriend is not just about knowing when to start, but also about knowing when to stop. Instead of desperately scrambling for things to talk about – including mundane observations like how hot it is in India in May – it’s best to end the conversation and pick it up another day, instead of making sure that you never get another chance.

14. Save The Romance For Later

Maybe a single flower one time for a girl you like – because you passed by them and remembered her mentioning she likes that particular kind (ruling out red roses immediately). That’s fine. No more sweeping romantic acts though, that’s for after you get the girl.

15. Be Fresh: No Recipes, No Formulas

You’ll read a lot about how you’re supposed to act this way and be that way for “women” to like you. That’s a lot of work for either being told to brush your teeth and correct your posture (don’t tell me you didn’t know these things already), or it’s a lot of work for being someone that you aren’t in the hope that some monolithic “woman” creature likes these exact traits. Bottom point to how to find a girlfriend, women have to like you, just like any stranger would. Work on being the best you, around them and in general.

16. Failure ≠ Death Penalty (Except In Your Head)

You’ll get turned down. Sometimes immediately and sometimes after a while. That’s okay. Your thick skin may ensure that you keep trying but there’s a larger picture here – you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to explicitly be with you. There’s nothing wrong with “failing” at your task, just keep learning and think of it as not knowing how to find a girlfriend who’s the one for you, but knowing which ones definitely aren’t.

17. Hang Out With Other Girls

Girls like guys who other girls like, even if (and this is important) those other girls aren’t dating the guy! So hang out with other girls, they might even help you in your cause if they like you enough.

18. Desperation Is Not Sexy

There’s a story of a guy who asked three different women if they’d like a cup of coffee. All three, slightly taken aback, immediately and politely declined. One was at the store, another at the library, and one in class. The boy didn’t throw a fuss and went about his business, checking books out of the library, buying things at the store and going to class. Soon, all three approached him and wondered if he still wanted to hang out. There are many insights and lessons here, but the main one is in the heading: Don’t be desperate.

19. Listen! Like, Really

If you listen, you have something to say and keep the conversation (a major tool) flowing. If you don’t listen and think about what to say next, you’ll fumble by having nothing to say, in which case forget mastering the art of how to find a girlfriend, you have to master the art of eloquent conversation.

20. Confidence Is Like A Pair Of Shoes: They May Not Be The Best, But You’ll Never Get Entry Into A Club Without Them

You need a pair of shoes. They may not be the best, and not appropriate for all occasions, but you need them. Don’t fake anything, just stand up for yourself as being a perfectly reasonable human being, and a product of more years of evolution that you can count in both hands.

21. Be Ready To Commit To A Relationship

If things do happen, you’re going to get a lot of things you coveted, and have to “deal” with a lot of the things you hadn’t thought about. And this isn’t casual misogyny or a lazy characterization of relationships in general – this is a fact. Responsibility, sacrifice, understanding and privacy – these are issues that get a lot more apparent when you’re no longer alone, so to speak.

22. Live Your Life

So you’re talking to a girl and you’re tossing up between going to catch a glimpse of her and wooing her further, or go watch the game with your buddies like you do every Saturday. Sure, if you’ve been invited or have an interest in what the girl’s doing, that’s fine, but don’t look lost in a place you have no familiarity or interest in just because you’re there to “run into” a particular girl you know.

23. Date To Be With Her

When you find yourself growing closer to a girl and you’re thinking of asking her to be your girlfriend, think about it as if you’re doing this because you want to be with her and not because you’re using her to compensate for something else – like status or loneliness. Only when you’re sure, proceed on to…

24. Seal The Deal

And we’re onto the last step on how to find a girlfriend! Girls who want to be with you will let you know, sometimes explicitly, other times by letting off fairly blatant (in hindsight) cues. For example: If a girl is texting you at half past three at night on a whim, who you’re any way meeting on the weekend, which is one day away, then that is a damned good sign. There are countless other scenarios, so do some thinking. And when the time is right, don’t leave her hanging. Make your move. Let her know. Ask the question.

Images Source: Istock

How to Find a Girlfriend

There are some men who always seem to be in a relationship.

A few days after a breakup, you will see them hanging out with someone new… just like that, seems so easy.

On the other hand, there are men who find it difficult to ask a girl out, and who loathe meeting new women and going through that ticklish introductory phase.

If you are one of the latter, you know how frustrating it can be to find the one. In particularly desperate times, you might find yourself asking the question, is there a secret technique regarding how to find a girlfriend that you don’t know about?

The simple answer is no, there is none. But there are things that you can learn so you can up your chances of finding a good woman who may become your girlfriend and possibly even your partner for life.

Over the past three decades, the number of single American men has gradually been increasing compared to the number of married American men.

This is according to the Current Population Survey of the U.S. Census. Consequently, what this means is that the competition is getting tighter. So if you don’t want to remain single forever, it’s about time you learned how to find a girlfriend and put yourself ahead of the competition.

Boyfriend Material

Before you set out on your hunt to find a girlfriend, you first need to take a long, hard look at yourself in conjunction with being a good potential boyfriend.

Are you the best version of you that you can possibly be?

This doesn’t mean that you should give yourself a complete overhaul just to get a girl. It’s important that you be yourself, but you should also play up your strengths.

You should also like yourself.

Because if you don’t, people will notice and it will be doubly hard to make them like you.

The Dating Game

You’ll be surprised at how attracted women are to confident guys. An average-looking guy with just the right amount of confidence will easily beat a handsome but socially awkward man in the dating game.

Sure, an attractive appearance can easily catch a girl’s eye, but in the long run, looks by themselves won’t be enough.

In a study published by the American Psychological Association and conducted by researchers at the University of Florida, researchers found that a person’s attractiveness to others is largely determined by his self-confidence.

The more confident a guy is, the more attractive he comes across to the girl. A man’s confidence is apparent in the way he talks and acts. If you are naturally shy, this might take a bit of practice but just believe in yourself, and you’ll get there.

Do take note that there can be a fine line between confidence and arrogance.

Also, you should be very careful never to cross that line. Confidence is sexy, but over-confidence is a downright turn-off. Be confident, but not cocky!

Looking Good!

Wear nice clothes, but this doesn’t mean they have to be expensive. If you look clean and put together, that will catch the attention of the ladies. If you’re like a lot of men, you are clueless when it comes to fashion.

You can search online for some quick and easy tips to perk up your wardrobe. You will be surprised to see that looking good actually takes very little effort. It’s also vital to pay attention to your hygiene.

Just make sure you are fresh, well groomed, and smell nice.

Unpleasant body odor is the best way to repel women.

In case of emergency, it might be a good idea to carry some mouthwash or deodorant with you in your quest for finding a girlfriend.

Skill Sets

Having something to offer or something that makes you different from other guys is a plus. So if you have a talent like in sports, music, arts, or even cooking or whatever, make sure you recognize it and improve on it.

Trust us, it will be an advantage when it comes to the ladies. Girls like guys who are capable of doing different things. So dig deep and find something that you know or can do.

Don’t ever fake something just to impress girls.

Pretending you can do something that you really can’t will definitely backfire on you sooner rather than later.

Knowing What You Want in a Relationship

You should also figure out what you like in a girl. Make a list of the attributes you prefer, including physical appearances. People often say that idealistically looks are not that important and all that but research has shown otherwise.

In an article published by relationship expert Dr. Madeleine A. Fugere, it shows that there does have to be some level of physical attraction for a relationship to work. So put those physical preferences in your list because they are important.

But of course, do also think about whether you are looking for someone who shares your life philosophies. Or who shares your love for dogs, and such criteria.

Looking for Love

So now that you’ve prepared yourself, the next step on how to find a girlfriend is to put yourself out there and look for that potential match. Easy to say but definitely not that easy to do.

With approximately 70 million single ladies in the country, where do you start looking? Clubs and bars may seem like the obvious answer, and yes, these are great places to find a girl, someone you can hang out with for the night.

But a long-term girlfriend? Yes, still possible, but maybe not very likely. It would be a better idea to look somewhere less random, where at least some of the odds would already be stacked in your favor. Check out the following options.

Where to Meet Women

It’s not like you’re going to these places to stalk unsuspecting females and pounce on the ones you’re interested in. We’re talking about places you normally go to, anyway.

Here are some examples:

But when you go there, you should be more aware of the people around you.

Always be on the lookout for someone of interest who happens to be going to the same places as you.

Of course, you should still focus on what you’re doing but don’t be too caught up in the items you need to buy or the music playing in your earphones if you want to find a single woman looking for love.

Look around you, be friendly, and smile at people. You never know, one of the ladies shopping in the next aisle might turn out to be your next girlfriend.

Find Me a Girlfriend

If you’re having a difficult time finding great single women on your own, then you should ask for a little help from your friends. This sounds too simple and straightforward, but it actually makes a lot of sense.

Your friends know you well, maybe even better than you know yourself., and they would usually have a pretty good idea of what you want in a girl.

So if they know someone that matches your type, they can set you up on a date. You would already have a common interest, and at least one mutual friend.

That’s a good start.

If you have great friends and you trust their judgment, then the blind dates that they set up for you may be promising.

Social Media

If you are not quite ready to try online dating, but you are online a lot of the time, then social media is a good start on how to find a girlfriend. It’s a more discreet method than actually signing up with online dating websites, but could be just as effective.

It’s also easy.

Like on Facebook, just send a friend request to someone you’re interested in. If they accept, get a conversation going, and see if it goes somewhere. If they ignore your request, then the search goes on.

Get Involved

Clubs are formed to unite people with a common interest. There are clubs for practically everything – reading, running, gardening, and so on.

Joining these clubs would be an excellent way to meet people who share the same interests as you. A local club would be even better because there’s a good chance you’ll meet women with the same interests and lives in the same area as well.

Plus you will meet regularly so you can get to know each other better. This will also give you time to figure out whether you want to pursue a relationship with her, based on the things you are finding out about her over time.

Online Dating

There are a lot of websites these days specifically for online dating. They’re not that complicated – you would just have to create a profile, and then you’ll get a list of potential matches.

Depending on the specific setup of the site, you might be able to take your pick from the list, or you may have to wait until a female seeker contacts you. In any case, you’ll eventually find women who are a good match, based on the criteria that you have put in your profile.

You might have to try a few different sites to see which one you like best, but here’s a quick list to get you started.

What Women Want

Regardless of where or how you find a potential girlfriend, once you’ve found her and you’re sure you are definitely interested, the next move is to create a spark.

If you’re lucky and the spark is already there, then all you need to do is fan it and make it grow.

How?

Show her what a great potential boyfriend you can be. Pay attention to her. Not too much that you’re all over her all the time, but just enough to show her you genuinely care.

Always listen attentively when she talks, and ask questions about her. This signals that you are genuinely interested in knowing more about her and that you are a good listener.

Flattery Will Get You Everywhere

Compliment her sincerely and generously, but don’t sound patronizing.

Give her the kind of compliments that show you are paying attention, such as admiring a new haircut or noticing a blouse that she wore for the first time.

You should also compliment her on other things besides physical appearances. Tell her what a terrific presentation she made earlier, or that you appreciate her taste in music, or that she has a great laugh.

Females remember small things like that, especially if you say them with sincerity.

Tickling Her Funny Bone

Show her your sense of humor by cracking witty and timely jokes. In an article published in the Psychology of Interpersonal Perception and Relationships, it is explained that sense of humor is indeed one of the most attractive traits that women consider in potential partners.

Even if you are not naturally a comedian, you can still find topics that you can make jokes about. Stay away from sensitive and possibly offensive subjects.

The safest topic you can joke about is yourself.

This shows that you are confident enough to make fun of yourself and that you have a great sense of humor. If you can get her to laugh even at your corny jokes, then you know you’ve scored some points already.

Just don’t go overboard with the self-deprecating humor.

It has its limits.

Asking Her Out

Even after spending quite a lot of time together, chatting online, and sending text messages, she’s still not actually your girlfriend until you make it official.

This is the last stage of how to find a girlfriend.

But before you pop the question, you first need to see if she’s interested in taking the relationship in that direction.

The best way to do this is by asking her out on an official date.

Friend Zone

If you are very shy or nervous about asking her directly, you can try inviting her discreetly.

Like if Coldplay is having a concert and both of you are fans, then you could casually ask if she wants to go. Or if you are both into running, you can invite her to run a 5k race with you.

It can be any activity with a casual invitation, but it has to be just the two of you.

You should be warned, though, this approach can easily be misconstrued as a friendly gesture. This means that there is a high risk that you might be friend-zoned with this method.

Captain Courageous

The opposite approach is to do it bravely and just ask her if she would like to go on a date with you.

If the sparks are there, she will certainly say yes.

But then there’s also a chance she doesn’t feel the same way you do, so you should be prepared for possible rejection when looking for a girlfriend.

Second Date Ideas

Asking for a second date usually is not as nerve-wracking as asking for a first date, especially if the first date went really well. But there is still the important question of when should you ask her out again.

There are no rules, really.

But in general, you can ask her shortly after the first date has ended if you feel that she likes you. If you are not so sure, you might want to give her a day or two to mull it over before inviting her out again.

Boyfriend and Girlfriend

After a few dates and a lot of time spent together, it would be easy to assume that you are now boyfriend and girlfriend.

But it’s never a good idea to assume, especially when it comes to relationships. You have to ask the question, pretty much like a mini-proposal, of whether she wants to be your girlfriend.

The best way of doing this is face to face, during a special date that you have particularly planned for that purpose.

It used to be considered inappropriate to ask such an important question over the phone or anything not face to face. But for many young couples these days, it is perfectly acceptable to say yes or confirm a relationship over the phone or through chat messages.

Even at this point, there is still the risk of rejection, so you have to be prepared.

Even when you think things are going great, maybe a serious relationship is not what she was looking for after all. If that is the case, then you have to be respectful of her decision, and maybe you can continue being good friends.

But if she accepts your proposal, then there you go, you have just solved the mystery of how to find a girlfriend.

Dating Goals

The ultimate goal of dating for most people is to meet someone to have a meaningful long-term relationship with.

The dating experience is challenging, but it can also be fun.

You get to meet single women and enjoy their company as you see the latest movies, check out new restaurants, and so on. You also discover new things, not just about them but also about yourself.

Try not to get desperate even when things look bleak. Just enjoy the experience and who knows, you might find a girlfriend sooner than you expected.

How to Find a Girlfriend – The Definitive Guide to Finding the Right Girl

Book Excerpt

This post is an excerpt from Stop Doubting, Start Dating: The Shy Guy’s Guide To Building Confidence, Meeting Women, and (Finally!) Getting the Girl. Pick up Stop Doubting, Start Dating today to learn more about how to build confidence, where to meet women, how to get a girlfriend and more.

W hen it comes to finding a girlfriend, those of us who fall on the more introverted or shy end of the spectrum often feel like we’re at a disadvantage.

Because we’re not naturally inclined to chat people up, make small talk with strangers, or “put ourselves out there,” we often feel uncomfortable in large groups or loud clubs.

As a result, we feel like our odds of finding a girlfriend are a lot lower than they are for our more outgoing or gregarious friends.

At least, I know I did. For years I worried that because I was a little shy (and a lot introverted), I was never going to meet someone. Or if I did, I would never be able to truly relax around her, show her my true self, and convince her to become my girlfriend.

But, years later, I’m happy to report that this assumption is completely false. Sure, shy guys are unlikely to walk up to a group of random women in a bar and start chatting them up.

But guess what? There are a lot of other ways to find a girlfriend—and a lot more effective ways, at that.

The problem, I eventually realized, was that I had spent so much time stressing over what I couldn’t do that I ignored my strengths.

But when I stopped stressing about my shyness and instead focused on the things that made me feel comfortable, I was finally able to stop doubting and start dating.

Eventually, I became a lot more confident in the romance department – and a lot more successful.

(Ed. Note: My wife Michelle wants you to know there’s a heavy emphasis on “a lot more successful”.)

And you can build the same kind of confidence. In this post I’ll show you how to find a girlfriend – even if you’re shy – by providing a proven framework for investing in yourself, meeting women, and making conversation when you do.

How to Find a Girlfriend (Even if You’re Shy)

A Proven Five-Part Plan

Part 1: Invest in Yourself

Do you ever listen to those mandatory safety talks they do on a plane before taking off?

Yeah, me neither.

But I forgot to bring my headphones on a recent trip and couldn’t help but overhear the soothing voice of the anonymous woman in the instructional video informing us all what to do in case of emergency.

While I have to admit I would probably have had no idea where to find my flotation device if I had needed it, I was struck by her instructions for what to do with the oxygen masks, should they have dropped down:

You secure yours first, before you assist others.

At first blush this might seem selfish. After all, most of us were raised to believe that putting others’ needs above our own is a man’s duty; selflessness is one of the primary ways a man expresses his nobility.

But while it certainly sounds noble and generous in theory, the problem is it doesn’t work too well in practice—if your plane is going down and you run out of oxygen, you’re not going to be much help to your fellow passengers.

At this point you could be forgiven for wondering what the hell this has to do with the question at hand, which is how to get a girlfriend.

The answer is simple: while it’s not a matter of life or death (though you could certainly be forgiven for sometimes feeling like it is), dating is a lot like the emergency plane situation outlined above.

Just as you can’t help others if you don’t secure yourself first, you simply can’t be a good, attentive, caring partner if you don’t take care of yourself.

That’s why, counterintuitive though it may seem, the first step to finding a girlfriend is to look inward and make sure you’ve got your own shit together first.

While this can take many shapes and forms depending on your individual situation, here are a few fundamental areas to focus on that will help improve the way you feel about yourself, and in turn make you a better – and more attractive – partner.

Strengthen Your Body

I’ve said it (many) times before, and I’ll say it (yet) again: build a better body, build a better you.

I know, I know: it’s cliché, and besides, you already know that women are attracted to guys with good bodies. (What else could possibly explain the appeal of Zac Effron?)

But in addition to helping you look better, a healthy diet and a good workout plan will give you more energy, make you carry yourself with more pride and contribute to a stronger, more confident mindset (more on that later), all of which will make you both a more desirable and more competent partner.

To be even more specific, here are a few things you can focus on to build a healthy body:

Cultivate a Confident Mindset

Think of this project to invest in yourself like building a house.

(This might seem like another analogy that has nothing to do with how to get a gf, but trust me: this is important to understand.)

Your body is the foundation upon which everything else is built, which is why we started there.

But once the foundation is in place, the next thing you need to do is install the right wiring, which is where your mindset comes in.

The good news here is that your mind is much more malleable than you might think.

While we often find it tempting to think that our thoughts accurately reflect reality, the truth is that the lens through which we see the world colors our impression of it.

Fortunately, we have more power than you might expect to shape that lens into one that makes us feel empowered.

There are lots of reasons why we tend to think negatively, but if you’re worried that you’re better at doubting than dating, don’t worry.

Here are a few tactics you can use to develop a more optimistic, abundant and confident mindset.

Power Posing

Somewhat ironically, one of the first and most fundamental ways you can create a more powerful mind is by paying attention to how you use your body.

“Expanding your body language—through posture, movement, and speech—makes you feel more confident and powerful, less anxious and self-absorbed, and generally more positive,” writes Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy in her excellent book Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges.

Cuddy’s research has demonstrated that by holding your body in poses that take up space, you can flood your brain with powerful chemicals that lower stress and increase confidence.

She explains the research and shares her own crazily compelling story in her TED Talk, which has been viewed by 30 million people and ranks as one of the most popular talks of all time.

Visualization

Decades before Cuddy and her colleagues discovered the benefits of power posing, Maxwell Maltz, one of the founders of the modern self-improvement movement, published Pscyho-Cybernetics, and coined that phrase, which means “steering your mind to a productive, useful goal so you can reach the greatest port in the world: peace of mind.”

In the book, Maltz lays out the case for visualization and advocates creating a picture of what you want to achieve – in this case becoming a confident man and excellent boyfriend to a wonderful woman – that’s as detailed as possible.

When you create a vivid picture of your desired outcomes, Maltz argues, your actions tend to move in that direction.

“For imagination sets the goal picture which our automatic mechanism works on,” he says. “We act, or fail to act, not because of will, as is so commonly believed, but because of imagination.”

Sentence Stems

While visualization can be powerful, psychologist Nathaniel Branden has a technique for taking it one step further.

In The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem Branden, considered one of the pioneers in the psychology of self-esteem, suggests using sentence stems to help you make progress toward your goals.

The exercise is simple. Grab a pen and a piece of paper and on the first line write down: “If I devoted just five percent more energy to becoming more dateable, I would…”

On the ensuing lines write down six to 10 answers as quickly as you can, without pausing to think or consider what you’re writing. By jotting down the first things that come to mind you’ll avoid over-thinking and paint a clearer picture of your desired outcomes.

Pulling it All Together

After you use sentence stems to clarify your desired outcomes, you can use visualization to paint a vivid picture of these outcomes, and then power pose while you visualize the future you intend to create.

The combination of these three exercises can have a powerful impact on your mindset and help you cultivate the confidence you need to see yourself as an eligible man and a viable partner.

With your body and mindset in a more confident and attractive place, let’s finish our house analogy by adding one final touch: the right window dressing.

Build More Confidence. Meet More Women. Get More Dates.

Dress for Success

It would be nice to think that the way we dress is only tangentially related to the question of how to get a gf, but the truth is that as human beings, we can’t help but judge a book by its cover, and a person by the way they’re dressed.

A significant portion of this blog is dedicated to sharing men’s style advice that will help you look and feel your best, so I won’t spend too much time elaborating on style here.

But it’s worth noting that once you’re feeling more confident in both your mind and body, the right sense of style can help you project confidence to others.

Now, obviously a real relationship is going to be based on much more than just looks, but it’s undeniable that a strong sense of style helps you make a great first impression, which can open the door to getting to know someone.

I’ve written a lot about how guys can dress their best in the past and laid out plenty of ways you can put your best face forward.

Here are a few references that will help you look your best:

Part 2: Socialize with Strength and Warmth

Want to find a girlfriend? Here’s how to make talking to them (a lot) easier.

One of my favorite movies of the past 10 years is Crazy, Stupid, Love, in which Ryan Gosling plays a young lothario who teaches Steve Carrell’s character how to regain his mojo and become more confident – especially with women – after he learns that his wife had an affair.

After a trip to the mall to get Carrell kitted out in an appropriately confidence-building wardrobe, what’s Gosling’s very next lesson for his pupil? A crash course in how to approach, converse with, listen to, and interact with – in short, to socialize with – women.

Now, I know what you might be thinking, so before we go any further, let me be clear: by no means am I suggesting that you go out and learn a bunch of pick up techniques from self-proclaimed “seduction experts.”

Even if your only goal was to get laid, the success of such tactics is dubious at best. And more to the point, your goal isn’t just to get laid — it’s to forge a bond, and build a relationship.

But while invented pick-up concepts like “negging” and “peacocking” won’t be much help in getting a girlfriend, understanding some basic facts about how human beings interact with each other definitely will be.

The Social Signals Women Look For

I’ve written a lot about the finer points of what to say and even how to stand in order to project confidence, so here I want to explore the two most fundamental elements women – and in fact, all people – look for when they meet a new person.

In their comprehensive book Compelling People, authors and Harvard University guest lecturers John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut explain that people instinctively make a character judgment about every new person they meet, and their impression of whether or not they like and respect that person is based on their perception of two factors: strength and warmth.

“People who project both strength and warmth impress us as knowing what they are doing and having our best interests at heart, so we trust them and find them persuasive,” they write.

Strength and warmth, they explain, have an inverse relationship. Think of them as two pistons in an engine: when one goes up, the other goes down. The trick is knowing when to sacrifice a bit of warmth in order to project strength, and vice versa.

Neffinger and Kohut point out that when it comes to establishing a romantic connection with a woman, you want to project a little more strength than warmth, at least initially.

“Assuming they are at about the same level of attractiveness and status, a big warm smile is a fine overture of friendship, but it is likely to squash any sense of possible romance between [a man and woman meeting for the first time]. In guys, warmth with no strength is not sexy.”

Projecting Strength

The good news for those of us on the more introverted end of the spectrum is that projecting strength is possible even when we feel nervous, anxious or low-energy.

“While we cannot rewire our natural responses completely, we can still create change through brute force of will,” Neffinger and Kohut write.

They go on to explain that projecting social strength can be as simple as being conscious and deliberate in the way you use your body language.

“We project strength through nonverbal cues,” they write, including, “upright posture, controlled gestures, a levelled brow, a focused gaze, a low vocal pitch, minimal filler and no uptalk.”

And, as they go on to remind us: “These are all things we can practice and get better at.”

In addition to these physical cues, keep in mind that in this context strength doesn’t strictly refer to the physical. Confidence – and thus, strength – stems from competence: any time you demonstrate your aptitude at a specific task, you also demonstrate strength.

Therefore, it turns out the great dating sage Napoleon Dynamite was right: girls do indeed like guys with great skills.

Projecting Warmth

While women find strength attractive, it’s important to note that when it comes to getting a girlfriend, strength is only part of the equation.

Neffinger and Kohut cite research showing that when looking for a short-term relationship (read: a hook-up), women are attracted to the archetypical “bad boy” persona. But when it comes to looking for a long-term mate, a certain amount of warmth is also required.

Here Neffinger and Kohut draw a distinction between dominance and prestige. Dominance is the sort of bad-boy arrogance that’s all strength and no warmth: acting like a swaggering jerk who doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Prestige, on the other hand, is “strength with enough warmth to be seen as admirable.”

Anything that suggests that you’re liked, respected or admired by a community of people can help you project prestige. Introducing your potential love interest to friends, colleagues or even family members can help demonstrate that you have an inherent social value, which simultaneously projects both strength and warmth.

An (Aforementioned) Case Study

Ryan Gosling’s character Jacob from the movie I mentioned earlier, Crazy, Stupid, Love, provides a great example of a guy who strikes the right balance between strength and warmth.

He’s fit, handsome, well dressed and successful, all of which naturally project strength.

But we discover that he’s also kind-hearted – as he demonstrates when he takes Steve Carrell under his wing – and in search of a father figure he can look up to and respect, which warms him to both the audience and Emma Stone.

So keep in mind that while getting a girlfriend will require you to project value, warmth is (almost) as important a component as strength when demonstrating this value.

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Know What to Say

Knowing how to project strength and warmth is important, but you may be more concerned about that other key component of socializing and asking yourself:

“So, what the hell do I say once I meet her?”

It’s a fair question, and one that stumps a lot of us when we first start dating. The good news is that starting – and sustaining – good conversations with a new girlfriend or prospect is a lot easier than you might think.

The bad news is that explaining exactly how to do it could easily fill another two or three blog posts.

So instead of bombarding this post with even more information, I’ve broken some of my best relationship-building tips down into an email series.

Over the course of a few emails, you’ll learn:

Just enter your email address in the form below and I’ll show you how to start conversations that lead to relationships.

Part 3: Where to Find a Girlfriend

A) How to Find a Girlfriend in Real Life

I’m an introvert, a book lover and a movie/television junkie, so coming out of my cocoon to interact with other people – even girls who I could potentially date – has never been at the top of my to-do list.

Throughout my 20s I would suck it up most weekends and go to loud bars or packed clubs with my friends and frequently finding myself disappointed. As it turns out, women who share my interest in quiet nights on the couch and deep intellectual conversations aren’t generally tearing up the dance floor on a Friday night—and the ones who are aren’t necessarily looking for a boyfriend (at least, not at that particular moment).

As I got a little older, I realized how misguided this approach was. Bars and clubs are noisy, frenetic and chaotic. They can be a great place to have fun (and maybe even have a one-night stand, if that’s what you’re after) but don’t provide much opportunity for forging a connection with a potential long-term partner.

Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to meet women that don’t require you to sweat it out in some noisy meat market of a bar. Here’s a round up of a few places where you can engage with a potential partner, and maybe (dare I say it) even enjoy yourself while you’re at it.

Classes

If taking a night course to learn a skill like cooking, baking or sewing doesn’t seem like a very manly thing to do, you’re right—and that’s exactly the point.

In most cases, these classes are populated primarily by women, which not only make them a target-rich environment, but also one where experiences can be shared and conversation develops naturally.

And the best part is that many of the classes that are most likely to have a lot of female members are also the ones that teach skills most guys could stand to learn. Do some Googling and see if you can find a class near you that teaches:

Intramural Sports Leagues

If your hobbies lean more toward the athletic side, intramural sports leagues are an awesome way to keep active—and meet a girl who wants to do the same.

Most leagues have an option that lets you sign up as an individual and then assigns you to a team of other people who have done the same. This is your best bet if you want to meet new people, though I know it can also be a little intimidating.

If you don’t want to go it alone, ask around to see if you can get a small group of friends together. The idea here is to make sure your group is not enough for a full team, but enough so that you’ll always know one or two people at each game. Then ask the league to assign you a few random people to fill out the roster.

Most intramural leagues have rules requiring a minimum ratio of guys to girls. So if you gather up a few guy friends to form the base of your team, the league will be more likely to assign you some girls to play.

Since your goal here is to meet women, this strategy works best if you focus on sports that tend to have higher levels of female participation. This could include everything from volleyball and basketball to softball or soccer. If you’re not sure what to sign up for, ask some of your female friends what sports they’re most interested in and would be most likely to play.

Cultural Events

It’s hard to pinpoint when, exactly, everyone started freaking out about farmer’s markets, but it’s definitely a thing. Which works out well, because cultural events that bring people in the community together provide a great way to meet women in an atmosphere that’s usually jovial, congenial and fun.

And much like with classes that teach you a skill you want to learn or sports leagues that revolve around a game you want to play, cultural events usually center around something interesting or artistic that will expand your mind, and possibly your dating horizons.

A few events where you can meet like-minded partners include:

Coffee Shops

Don’t be deterred by the proliferation of headphone-clad women staring into their laptops—you can still strike up conversations in coffee shops.

Your best bet is to find one with a long, shared table where you can set up shop. Leave your headphones and your laptop at home, and instead bring a magazine or newspaper you can shift your attention in and out of easily.

Do a little people watching, and strike up conversations with anyone you think looks interesting—regardless of whether you’re attracted to them. Positioning yourself as an affable guy who’s happy to make small talk will signal to anyone who feels the same that you’re happy to engage with them, and make any potential romantic partner more likely to reciprocate.

Dog Parks

If you have a dog, you have an instant conversation starter. Venture outside of your neighbourhood to take your four-legged friend to a popular dog park and you’ll likely find that conversations start themselves. And if not, you’ll definitely find plenty of people (some of them very attractive) to start conversations with.

B) How to Find a Girlfriend Online

I’ve saved the best for last.

I’m going to make a claim about you that might at first sound absurd, given that I’ve (probably) never met you:

I strongly suspect that online dating sites are the best place for you – that’s right, you personally – to find a girlfriend.

What gives me the audacity to make such a claim, even though I know nothing about you? Simple. I actually do know something about you – one thing, in fact: you’re currently a couple thousand words deep into a post about how to find a girlfriend if you’re shy, which you’re reading on the internet.

This means that either you searched for a a related phrase and found this through Google, or you saw the article posted somewhere else online and chose to click through.

Either way, you’re clearly interested in using the internet to learn how to find a girlfriend, which means you’re probably a good candidate to use the internet to meet a girlfriend as well.

If online dating can help my introverted ass find a girlfriend, it can help you too

My Pro-Online Dating Bias

Before we go any further, I should admit right now to having a considerable amount of bias: I met my beautiful, talented, wonderful (and very-likely-to-read-this) girlfriend Michelle through an online dating site.

And while I know that my experience is only anecdotal and can’t necessarily be extrapolated out to everyone, I think that the benefits of online dating far outweigh the negatives – particularly for guys who are contemplative, introverted or shy (all of which apply to me to one degree or another).

Benefits of Going Online

Let’s say you see an attractive girl at the bar. Even if you can muster up the courage to go and talk to her (which is no small feat), you really don’t know anything about her, other than what’s on the surface.

What are her values? Her interests? Her hobbies? Does she like the same movies as you? Does she even like movies? Wait, what? She doesn’t like movies?? What kind of monster is—sorry, I’m getting off track.

The point is that when you meet a person in public, or on one of the more superficial dating apps like Tinder or Bumble, you’re basically going in blind—you don’t know what you’re going to find.

But with online dating sites, each user creates a profile that gives you clues into their personality. They share some of their interests, answer questions that reveal more about them, and project an image of themselves onto your screen (along with some actual images of themselves).

Is there a foolproof way to know you’re going to like someone based solely on what you see on their dating profile? Of course not. You’ll need to message each other and eventually meet up to determine that.

But the profile can be a great indicator of the likelihood that you’ll like someone – not to mention the likelihood that she’ll like you, too.

So with that endorsement of the medium in mind, let’s look at how you can use online dating sites to find a girlfriend.

1. Select a Site

The Best Places to Find a Girlfriend Online

There are a ton of them out there, but here are the three I recommend most:

OkCupid

This is the only free site on this list, because of all the free dating sites out there, it’s one of the most comprehensive. You create a profile by filling out a brief questionnaire and adding your photos. Then you go through their list of thousands upon thousands of questions and answer them at your leisure.

In addition to answering the questions, you rate how important it is to you. Not fussy about political leanings? You’ll probably rank any political questions as unimportant. Big on movies and television? You’ll probably rate those questions highly, because of course you will, you’re a human being and not some robot who refuses to suspend your disbelief in order to—sorry! I’m doing it again.

Anyway, based on how you both answer and rank your questions, OkCupid’s algorithm automatically calculates how compatible it thinks you’ll be with every user whose profile you look at, giving your compatibility a percentage score (so if you’re very compatible with someone you might see a 95% score, for example).

You can then choose who to message based on what you see in their profile, and the compatibility score you’ve been assigned.

eHarmony

This one works a little differently, and is also a service you have to pay for. When you sign up you fill out the standard profile questionnaire, but unlike OkCupid, where the additional questions are optional, with eHarmony you’re required to answer them right up front.

So after you sign up, they’ll ask you dozens upon dozens of questions (I forget the exact number) that you have to answer before you can even get to your profile.

Every other user has to do the same, and then based on your answers, eHarmony’s algorithm pairs you with other users who it thinks you’ll be compatible with. But unlike OkCupid, where you can see every user and your compatibility score with each person, with eHarmony you can only see the users the site has selected for you.

In theory this means that each user you see is more likely to be a good match for you. But in practice, it often means that you see the same people over and over again, while the majority of users remain hidden because the algorithm doesn’t think you’ll like each other.

Match.com

Another paid site, Match basically splits the difference between OkCupid and eHarmony. It allows you to see all users who have signed up, but it also makes a point of sending you users each day that it’s selected for you based on its algorithm.

The result is a pretty happy middle ground that gives you the best of both worlds: the flexibility to see everyone, with the potentially time-saving recommendations provided by the algorithm.

Deep Dive:

2. Using Online Dating Apps/Sites Effectively

No matter which site you choose, you want to make sure you maximize your chances of connecting with the women whose profiles catch your eye.

This means knowing how to present yourself well, message effectively, and strike up a digital rapport, so let’s look at a few strategies you can use to do all three.

Keep it Funny

It’s a scientifically proven fact: women like funny guys. There are all sorts of reasons for this, and a lot of research has been done establishing the connection between humor and attraction.

But suffice to say that being funny in your profile will help you stand out from the crowd.

The question of how to make your profile funny could fill a whole other post, and in fact, it already has—just not on this website. Here are a few places to turn if you’re not sure how to bring the funny:

Choose Your Photos Carefully

According to OkCupid, which in addition to being one of the world’s most popular online dating websites is also its largest repositories for online dating data, the photos you choose are the single most important factor in predicting your online dating success.

“No matter how much time you spend polishing your profile, honing your IM banter, and perfecting your message introductions, it’s your picture that matters most,” as they explain on their blog.

Make sure you put your best face forward by following the best practices for taking great profile pictures.

Message Broadly

One of the best parts about online dating is that it helps guys get over that first, terrifying hurdle: striking up a conversation (and eventually asking out) a stranger.

Online dating makes all of that much easier. Because most of us grew up using the internet to communicate with our friends and family, it can be a lot easier to message a girl you’re interested in then strike up small talk with her in public.

And since the fear of rejection is minimized – the worst thing that can happen is that she doesn’t reply – you’ll feel a lot more comfortable messaging a wide swath of people than you would bouncing around a bar and trying to strike up a chat with everyone who caught your eye.

But, Don’t Be a Dick

I can’t stress this enough: just because you have more anonymity online doesn’t give you license to be rude, misogynistic or pervy.

While messaging online may free up a little courage you wouldn’t be able to summon in a face-to-face scenario, it’s important to remember that the same basic tenets of gentlemanliness and decorum that apply in real life apply online as well.

So sure, message anyone who catches your eye. But make sure your messages are unique, personalized and (above all) respectful of the person you’re messaging.

Don’t be Disappointed if You Don’t Hear Back

One funny thing about online dating that guys don’t always consider is how different our experience is from the one women have online.

Because all the guys are feeling much more confident and courageous than they otherwise would, women’s inboxes get bombarded with messages. As a result, it can be difficult for them to process and respond to each one in a timely fashion, even if they are interested in the guy who sent it.

Don’t be deterred if you send a lot of messages and don’t hear back from many women. That’s just part of the dynamic online, and nothing to take personally.

The other thing to consider is that some people check their online dating account a lot, while some do it only intermittently.

So you might send a message, get no reply, and assume the girl you messaged wasn’t interested. But a week (or even a month!) later she might get back to you to say that she hasn’t been checking her inbox lately—and when she did, she had to delete a bunch of shitty messages before she came across yours.

Wrapping Up

Some Final Thoughts on How to Get a Girlfriend

Remember that despite how it may sometimes feel, finding a girlfriend who’s right for you isn’t like finding the Holy Grail. I know it may seem like some kind of mythical conquest, but it’s actually much more earthly—and attainable.

In fact, finding a girlfriend – even if you’re shy – is just a goal, and like any other goal it can be accomplished if you educate yourself about the steps you need to take, and then, crucially, execute on those steps.

Reading Stop Doubting, Start Dating is a good start—you now know what steps you can take in order to improve your confidence and find potential prospects.

Now it’s time to execute on the second half of the equation and take action. Invest in yourself. Bolster your strength and warmth. Go where you know like-minded girls will be. Join an online dating site. And message broadly, with humor and heart.

And, as a reminder, if you want an exact script you can use to converse with confidence and create a connection, you can sign up for my free email series below.

More about Mantelligence ‘s Editorial Policy

via: Pexels / Adam Kontor

If there’s one question that has perplexed men throughout history, it’s how to get a girlfriend.

That question, though, can really mean different things to different men.

For some who already have a girl in mind, they want to know how to get the girl. For others, they want to know how to find a girlfriend prospect in the first place. Others still just want to know how to get a girl, any girl, and worry about details later.

To get the girl, whoever she is, can seem impossible to a lot of guys, but it really isn’t as hard as it can seem. If you use the steps and advice below, you’ll be able to stop worrying about how to get a girlfriend forever.

Why is Knowing How To Get A Girlfriend So Important?

via: Unsplash / Alvin Mahmudov

Look, plenty of guys figure out how to get a girlfriend on their own, and you can feel free to work it out on your own, but there’s plenty of reason to get the tips upfront.

First of all, if you know the path to getting a girlfriend, you can stop stressing about what to do next with a girl you like. A lot of potential relationships are ruined by guys stressing out and making the wrong decision.

With these tips, you can relax a bit and let the process move along smoothly.

Another reason to get an answer upfront to how to get the girl is that you have a greater guarantee of success. If there’s a girl you really like, and you really don’t want to screw up your chance, then you should work off these tips to make sure it all goes right.

Finally, there are some guys who just don’t have a good feel for how to approach girls and how to move forward. They just don’t know how to get the practice to get better at getting a girlfriend, and they’re tired of waiting.

For those guys, having tips to get the girl now can be a real life saver.

How To Get A Girlfriend

via: Unsplash / Almos Bechtold

If you’ll sit through this whole list, you’ll know everything you need to know about how to get a girlfriend. With this list, you can go from the loneliest Day One to complete relationship bliss.

While there are a lot of steps here, none of them are beyond your abilities, and none of them are that hard to accomplish. In fact, we make many of them easier with links to lists of advice and potential clever things to say.

So, just follow along and note down what you have to do, step by step, to get that girl, whether she’s the one you’ve been dreaming of for years or you haven’t even met her yet.

Here’s how to get a girlfriend:

1. Make the decision: You want or need a girlfriend

via: Pexels / Chinmay Singh

The first thing you have to do, no matter what else you have in mind, is to commit to this process. 20 steps to do anything suggests a certain level of commitment, and this is no different.

So, sit down, look yourself in the eye in a mirror and say: I need a girlfriend. Own that desire and use it to inspire you to work toward your goal to get the girl.

To really accomplish this, you have to be willing to follow every step and not quit. Don’t get discouraged. You’ll get results. But you have to want this.

2. Decide What the Right Girl Looks Like

via: Unsplash / Court Cook

You’ll never know the answer to this completely. Relationship chemistry is funny like that. You can’t predict exactly who will be perfect for you and vice versa.

But you can still give yourself a bit of head start by knowing what you want in a girlfriend and what you don’t want.

Setting standards help you avoid making dating and relationship mistakes or looking too desperate.

So, what do you want in an ideal girlfriend? Do you want a girl like you or one who will take you out of your comfort zone?

You don’t have to just look for that kind of girl, but answering «who I want to be my girlfriend?» and «why I want a girlfriend?» are just as important as answering «how to get a girlfriend?»

3. Understand Women

via: Pexels / Jorge Fakhouri Filho

The eternal difficulty that we all know we must plunge into: understanding women.

You’ll never answer this completely, but you have to work on finding a few answers if you want to know how to get a girlfriend.

This isn’t actually that hard. Women, just like men, want to be respected. They want to feel attractive but not let that be the only thing someone notices about them. They want to be listened to and encouraged.

Essentially, think of most of your emotional needs and then try to imagine how you would feel receiving the attention you want to give a girl.

4. Know What Women Want In A Man

via: Depositphotos / stockasso

Once you have an idea of how you think women think, consider what women want in a man.

This is a natural extension of the last step. If women want to feel attractive but not let it dominate their personality, and they want to be listened to and respected, they obviously want a man who gives them these feelings.

That means knowing how to compliment women just enough and figuring out how to ask the right kind of questions to stay engaged.

Add a little charm and some humor, and you’ll be doing pretty well for this step.

We’ll cover all of these points in more detail in the steps below.

5. How To Meet Women

via: Depositphotos / Vadymvdrobot

Now you’ve done your prep, it’s time to figure out how to meet women to see if you’ve really learned something.

This is actually a fairly easy step, since you probably know where to meet women because you know where women are (everywhere).

You can easily meet women in class or at work, out at a bar, at a club, at a party through mutual friends, and many other venues.

What you need to decide is the place you feel most comfortable meeting a woman and the way that will make you look your best.

6. How to Approach A Girl

via: Depositphotos / minervastock

This can be tricky for guys who struggle with approach anxiety, but it’s an important part of how to get a girlfriend, so you have to work on it.

Thankfully, figuring out how to approach a girl can be made a lot easier.

Start by scoping out the scene. What is she doing? Is she with friends? Does she look entertained or bored?

Then, pick your moment when she’s on her own or she isn’t in the middle of a conversation, and choose whether to approach alone or with a friend if you are too nervous to go on your own.

Finally, approach, and be as calm as possible. Try to communicate confidence. That’ll go a long way to brushing over any awkwardness.

7. How to Talk to Girls

via: Depositphotos / Maridav

Now we get to a major step in how to get a girlfriend: talking to girls. This is really a huge roadblock for some guys, and the cause of a lot of their nervousness.

However, if you want to know how to talk to girls, all you need to do is find something to say.

Sounds easy, right? It is. Just use these tips to always have a great line to throw out and get a conversation going or how to keep a conversation going.

Tip 1. Start A Conversation With A Girl

Stop struggling with how to start a conversation with a girl and just work from conversation starters. These allow you to throw out a comment or question that really gets a conversation going in the direction you want it to go.

These can be incredibly flexible for your personality and the situation. Go off-the-wall with questions about what someone would do for a living if it were the 1600s, or go deep about what should be free in life but isn’t.

Or, you can go anywhere in-between. It’s all up to you, just have a few options prepared.

Tip 2. Know What To Say To A Girl

Once you’re in the conversation, you have to know what to say to a girl to keep that conversation going.

Well, good news for you: you’re already prepared. You already have things to talk about with a girl.

You’ve scoped out the scene and can use your surroundings. You know a bit about women and can work off her reactions. And, you’ve got conversation starters to move the conversation in a new direction.

Just listen, respond, make observations, and be prepared to change the subject if the conversation is running dry.

Tip 3. Make Her Laugh

Feel like things aren’t clicking yet? Get her giggling and she’ll be eager to keep the conversation going.

But how to make a girl laugh? Well, you can start by have a few funny questions to ask a girl in your pocket.

Like conversation starters these can be extremely adaptable. You can put the pressure on her to be funny by asking her to tell her most embarrassing store, or you can get her laughing up front by asking her if she’d rather live out her life only eating bananas or always smelling like bananas.

Tip 4. Give Her A Compliment

Balance out the funny with some compliments for girls to let her know you’re interested.

Don’t sweat about how to compliment a girl, it’s easy. The trick is to make sure the compliment really speaks to her and is not too obvious.

Tell her she has great taste if she’s describing the kind of music or movies she likes. Or, tell her she’s funny and so easy to talk to, so she knows you’re having a good time.

You can always throw in that she’s beautiful later, but lead with something a little more personality-focused.

Tip 5. Know When to Move On

Whether it’s the end of a conversation or a conversation that just won’t take off, you have to know when to walk away.

If you’re having a great conversation, don’t cling too late. Give an excuse (after using Step 8 below) and get out of there before she’s sick of you.

If you just aren’t clicking, do the exact same, minus Step 8. There’s no shame i just not quite hitting it off. Just go try with another girl.

8. How To Get A Girl’s Number

via: Depositphotos / Syda_Productions

If things have gone well in your conversation and you are feeling like she wants to keep talking, then it’s time to take some action: get her number.

There are plenty of strategies of how to get a girl’s number—from making a joke out of it to trying to get her to hand it out first—but the best approach is to just be direct.

Just ask. If the conversation has been a good one, she’ll be happy to give it. If not, shrug it off and move on.

9. How To Text A Girl

via: Unsplash / Alexandre Boucher

You’ve already worked through one kind of conversation with a girl, now, to really solve how to get a girlfriend, you have to figure out another one. You have to master how to text a girl.

The great thing about texting is that you already have most of the tools to make this work from your experience in Step 7. You just have to adapt them and add a little bit to become a text master.

Tip 6. Start a Text Conversation With a Girl

Tip 6, here is very similar to Tip 1 in Step 7. If you want to know how to start a text conversation with a girl, look no further than text conversation starters.

You can start direct and just tell her you were thinking of your conversation and wanted to chat. Or, go goofy by asking which topping absolutely never belongs on a pizza. You can also go more genuine and just open with a question about what she wants to be doing in five or ten years.

Choose the best option based off your previous conversation, and build from there.

Tip 7. Make Your Texts Work for You

The beauty of text is that you don’t have to rely just on your own wit and clever lines. You can let technology make you amusing.

Let the text tools do some of the hard work for you.

Tip 8. Ask Questions

You’re already asking some questions with conversation starters, but if you really want to know the key to how to get a girlfriend, it’s asking great questions. And text conversations are no different.

Ask her about her day. Ask her opinion about politics, school, work, TV, music. Ask her to tell you something personal that she doesn’t share with anyone else.

To get into a relationship and maintain one, you need great communication, and you can only get that by asking questions and listening to what she has to say.

Tip 9. Know What To Text A Girl

Send her a compliment, just like the kind covered in Step 7. Then, say something sweet, like how you really enjoy texting her.

Finally, when the conversation is winding down, tell her you hope you can text again soon. Don’t leave the conversation until you’ve at least implied you want to do this again, and soon.

10. How To Tell If a Girl Likes You

via: Pexels / Andrea Piacquadio

You are, at this point, at least two conversations in with this girl, so you probably want to know how to tell if a girl likes you or not.

There are definitely signs a girl likes you. First, if she’s taking the initiative. If she’s texting you, or asking to meet up, you know she’s probably interested.

She may also show it by laughing extra hard at your bad jokes or showing a bit of extra nervousness around you.

Watch her body language when you see her as well. Does she lean in towards you? Does she look in your eyes? These are good signs.

Most importantly, if she continues to want to talk without showing any signs of chummy, friendly affection, she probably likes you.

11. How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone

via: Unsplash / Duy Pham

But what if she doesn’t like you? What if you’re stuck in the friend zone?

Well, there are definitely ways how to get out of the friend zone, but you have to decide if you really want to pursue them. Essentially, forcing your way out can ruin a friendship, so decide if you really aren’t happy with that friendship before moving forward.

If you are willing to sacrifice the friendship to gamble on getting closer, then the best way out of the friend zone is being direct.

Tell the girl you like her. Give her romantic compliments. Tell her you want to get closer.

At that point, she may respond in kind, or she may reject the idea. You have no control over that, but at least you’ll have certainty.

12. How to Get A Girl To Like You

via: Unsplash / Valerie Elash

Not every guy who is interested in a girl who isn’t interested in him is stuck in the friend zone. Many just need to get closer to the girl they’re interested in.

In other words, you need to figure out how to get a girl to like you if she doesn’t like you already.

This is really a multi-front strategy, and it’s best to pursue all of them at once.

Start by dressing better and taking more care of your looks.

Then, change how you talk to the girl. Flirt more, throw in more compliments that are both about her mental and physical appeal.

You can also use little physical touches to establish some real contact and add some eye contact to provide more intimacy.

Bring all of these together, and she’ll definitely know you’re interested, all while being more likely to develop an interest herself.

13. How to flirt with a girl

via: Unsplash / sergio souza

In Step 12, I suggested you do a little flirting to get her interested. This makes the next question obvious: how to flirt with a girl?

The best way to think about flirting is as a combination of the skills you’re already working on. It’s amusing, suggestive, and also complimentary.

Use those touches and eye contact to better show your meaning, then really lay into the compliments. Tell her you really love her name or no one can make that boring class you share interesting but her.

You can also flip these around to be more amusing. Tell her you know she only bothers with that class because you’re there. Or that she really must love talking to you if she keeps texting.

Keep it fun and light, and you’ll find your way.

14. How To impress a girl

via: Unsplash / Courtney Cook

If you aren’t good at flirting, or it isn’t getting you as far as you as you want, try a new tactic: impress her.

So, then you just have to discover how to impress a girl, right?

For this, begin by just showing her you’re making an effort. Dress better, be more polite and thoughtful, and show a more confident side.

Then, try to impress her based on her individual tastes. If she loves a certain kind of coffee, for instance, bring her a cup next time you meet up.

Show her you listen and you act on what you hear, and she’s sure to be impressed.

15. How To Ask A Girl Out

via: Unsplash / Jason Briscoe

You’ve gone to a lot of trouble, but she finally likes you. Now, your just have to find out how to ask a girl out.

There’s two equally good tactics here: you can either have some cute ways to ask a girl out, or you can be direct.

You can buy her something cute (a teddy bear, chocolate, that cup of coffee mentioned above) and attach a note. Or, you can come up with some fun clues she has to solve to find out you’re asking.

Or, just look her in the eyes and ask. If you’re brave enough for it, this is probably the best method, although flowers never hurt.

16. How to Make That First Date Stand Out

via: Unsplash / Alex Bertha

This step really depends on the girl. The best way to make a date stand out is to tailor it to the girl’s interests.

Take her to the best ball game you can if she’s a sports fan. Or, walk along the beach and chat if she’s the classic romantic. You could also bike in the mountains if she’s more sporty.

Just make it about her tastes and leave plenty of room for just the two of you to chat and get closer.

17. How to kiss a girl

via: Depositphotos / pressmaster

You’ve gotten to the big date, it’s all set up, and now you realize, you don’t know how to kiss a girl.

There are a ton of kissing tips out there, but you really only need to keep a few things in mind.

Start by not being too aggressive. Don’t go all in with tongue and wide open mouth. Being a little conservative is okay.

Then, follow her lead a bit. Try to feel the way she wants to be kissed.

And finally, don’t linger too long on it. Let the moment last and move on.

And remember, no one loses a relationship because of one bad kiss. Know you’ve got plenty more practice coming if you’re doing everything else right.

18. How To Ask A Girl To Be Your Girlfriend

via: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez

If you’re doing everything right, you’re probably ready to find out how to ask a girl to be your girlfriend.

Here, you are really working from the same playbook as Step 15, but in this case you really want to be both cute and direct.

So, take her out on your best date. Buy her a very personal gift. And then, ask her straightforwardly, as confidently as you can.

Love. It’s one of life’s little mysteries. Actually, it’s not that small. It’s this big thing that takes over your life and makes it so much better. But before you get to the love stage, you need to find a girlfriend. Whether you have a girl in mind or you just want a girlfriend, knowing the best way to get a girlfriend is always an advantage.

From knowing how to approach a girl to finally getting to know her, our guides will help guide you through the maze that is relationships.

So with that in mind, here are some of the best ways to get a girlfriend:

Pro Tip 1. how to make a girl fall in love with you

They say it takes two to tango. But knowing how to make a girl fall in love with you can really help turn like into love. Your actions make a big difference and could be the difference between forever love and a quick breakup.

Firstly, take a breath and relax. Remember, dating is supposed to be fun. The second you start taking things too seriously, your relationship is sure to take a quick nosedive. Staying calm and relaxed is a great way to approach a relationship and life in general.

Once you have calmed your nerves, now you need to do one of the most important things. Listen. By listening to her, you show her that you are interested and that you are dependable. And who doesn’t love that?

Pro Tip. Make Her Want You

Want to know how to make her want you? Here is a pro tip:

Be confident and sincere. By being sincere, you help people to trust you and let’s face it, the best relationships are built on trust.

Pro Tip. Make someone miss you

We all miss the people that make us laugh and people that we love being around. So by being nice, engaging and caring makes knowing how to make someone miss you is super easy!

19. How To Tell A Girl You Love Her

via: Pexels / Porapak Apichodilok

When things are going well, Step 18 is usually fairly easy, since you probably know the answer already. Much harder is saying I love you.

Straining over how to tell a girl you love her can keep a guy up at night for months. So, put yourself out of your misery.

This really has to be an individual step, designed just for her, but in general, find a way to tell her why you love her before you say the words.

Show her through gifts, experiences, and words all the reasons, then say the words in a special place where it is just the two of you.

20. How to See Where Things Are Going Next

via: Unsplash / Nathan Dumlao

At this point, now that you never have to worry about how to get a girlfriend again, you should take a moment to take stock.

Where do you see this relationship going? Is it a relationship for now or is this heading towards something more permanent?

You don’t need to have these answers now, but addressing them honestly to yourself prepares you for the future, so you can always make the best decision for yourself.

More Steps and Tricks on How To Get The Girl

Getting a girlfriend can be a straightforward process, but there are a lot of tips you need to do it right. Use these articles to further build up your game:

In Conclusion

It can seem a lot to take in at once, but once you take a bit of time to follow all of the above steps, you’ll have solved every question you have about how to get a girlfriend.

It’s almost hard to believe, but the truth is that the trick when you want to get the girl is really just knowing how to follow a simple set of rules, all of which appear above in detail (and with links to even more detailed explanations).

Once you master the above 20 steps, you don’t have to stress about how to get the girl of your dreams or how to get a girl, any girl, at all. You’ll know how to go from alone in your room on Friday night to have someone to spend every night with in no time at all.

If you’ve already read everything, then congratulations. Now get out there and use your knew skills to get the girlfriend you’ve been waiting for.