How to not be shy

How to Stop Being Shy: 9 Guaranteed Ways To Overcome Shyness

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Do you struggle with shyness in social situations?

For a shy person, small talk can be agonizing. You become racked with fear thinking of possible ways to answer a simple question about the weather. Some shy folks would rather have a root canal than speak in front of a large crowd or approach a stranger for networking.

Your default move is to keep your distance from others, which people misinterpret as being snobbish. They won’t see the fear you have of not knowing what to say if they start a conversation with you.

If your shyness gets in the way of how you interact with others so that you avoid social situations, it may be that you have a condition called social anxiety. The infographic below shows some facts about social anxiety disorder.

There are different causes of extreme shyness. However, it usually occurs when people have low self-esteem. They become anxious about how others perceive them.

(Side note: Another positive ​way to improve your life is to read and learn something new every day. A great tool to do this is to join over 1 million others and start your day with the latest FREE, informative news from this website.)

What You Will Learn

Shyness: A Definition

Extremely shy individuals tend to hold others at a distance. They isolate themselves, doing their best to avoid social interactions.

In order to cope, some who suffer from extreme cases of shyness resort to alcohol. Being intoxicated lessens our inhibitions. For exceedingly shy people, being drunk is the only way they can interact socially without being overcome by their fears of being judged by other people.

A recent study shows how shyness can affect a person’s well-being and the quality of the romantic relationships they have. Some extremely shy persons develop depression and other emotional and mental issues due to isolation. Because human interaction is such an important part of living a happy and fulfilled life, if this activity is neglected, people are likely to have a lower quality of life.

Having extreme shyness is different from introversion and childhood shyness.

Introversion is a type of personality trait. Introverts tend to focus on what they think and feel within themselves rather than on outside stimuli. Although there are many introverts who are also shy, it does not automatically follow that introverts experience extreme shyness or social anxiety.

Childhood shyness, meanwhile, is a phase some children go through where they seem to be shy around strangers. Children usually outgrow this phase, and it is normal for children to go through it.

Extreme shyness really comes along with a fear of being judged by other people, and physical symptoms when having to interact with people. People with extreme shyness may feel their hearts beat faster when they see someone approaching them, or they may start to sweat or turn red in the face. With extreme shyness, you may have physical symptoms along with your emotional and cognitive symptoms.

In this article, we offer suggestions for how to build confidence to stop being shy.

But first, let’s explore the causes of extreme shyness.

Causes of Extreme Shyness

Genetics

Some of your genes may contribute to how shy you are as a young child or as you grow up. Geneticists have done studies to show which particular genes cause shyness in people. However, the genetic influence on how shy you are is not fixed, meaning that you can change that aspect of yourself. (Typically you cannot change other attributes that you get from your genes.)

We all inherit some traits from our parents, and because shy people tend to marry other shy people, those genetics often surface in their offspring. However, even if their parents are shy, children can still break through this trait and be outgoing.

Prenatal factors and influences

Some medications or treatments that are taken by pregnant women may have an effect on the developing fetus’s character. Additionally, a maternal infection during the prenatal stage—or even the presence of stress, trauma, or exposure to environmental toxins—may influence a baby’s brain and lead to changes in their personality. The nature, severity, and timing of the incident would influence the condition or personality trait that the baby ultimately manifests.

Environmental influences

The most variable factor that could lead to shyness is probably how parents raise their children and the atmosphere in which the children grow up. Often, you will find a shy child with an outgoing and forceful parent.

In fact, parents who are too assertive can overshadow their children to the point that they are unable to develop their own characters or social skills when they are left to their own devices to be social with other people.

A dangerous neighborhood can also be an environment that fosters shyness in a child. In neighborhoods where children don’t leave their homes unless there is something they need, they will not develop relationships with people outside of their family.

But these outside relationships are important for children to have in order to learn how to deal with issues in life. Some parents keep their children close even if there is no danger present, which limits their children’s ability to function in social settings with others.

The amount of warmth that parents exhibit to their children can also impact their levels of shyness. Studies have shown that children who are often praised by their parents and experience warmth have less anxiety and stress and feel less alone than children who do not feel warmth from their parents.

Traumatic social experiences

Some people who are extremely shy may have experienced bullying when they were younger. While other factors may contribute to shyness, one main cause that often leads to shyness is a traumatic experience that perhaps involved ridicule from friends, which made the person withdraw from other people.

A small child may view such a situation as an act of betrayal by friends. This traumatic event probably becomes central to the child’s conscious thoughts for the time being, and then slowly occupies their subconscious.

Because the mind tries to get rid of unwanted thoughts, they end up being stored in the subconscious. This can lead someone to act in a certain way, even if they can’t exactly pinpoint the reason behind it.

Now that you know what may be causing your extreme shyness, let’s look at things that you can do to overcome it.

9 Ways to Overcome Shyness

1. Explore the reasons why you’re shy.

It could be any of the major causes of shyness mentioned above. Pondering the root of your shyness can help you become aware and accept who you truly are.

For example, if you are aware of a traumatic event that happened that caused you to be shy, it may be time to get help with overcoming those circumstances and memories. Once you learn to process what happened in the past, you may be able to move on with your life and get over your feelings of shyness.

If you believe it has to do with your upbringing, examine your relationship with your parents now. Are they still domineering? Alternatively, are they shy themselves? Another thing that may have happened in your childhood that affects you as an adult is being labeled as shy by other people. Often, people are shy when they’re little, and then grow out of it.

Unfortunately, some people latch onto that label and continue to treat others whom they deem as being “shy” with kid gloves, even if their personality has outgrown it. You have to recognize that shyness is something that you can overcome in life. It doesn’t have to be a static feature.

Rhod Gilbert, a standup comedian, created a documentary to confront his own shyness. The documentary runs for 60 minutes, and in it Rhod searches for the reasons why he’s shy and tries to find ways to cope with his shyness.

2. Identify the triggers.

Is it speaking in front of people that gets you running for cover? Is it asking someone out? By identifying the triggers for your shyness, you can plan ahead and create a course of action for when you’re placed in those situations. You can practice what you would do if faced with your triggers and work to overcome them.

Some triggers, like public speaking, are common. However, some triggers are very specific to the individual person. These triggers may be tough to identify, but you can get professional help to figure out what they are for you.

These may be something as small as a smell, a specific location, or even a certain song. Personal triggers are those that either consciously or unconsciously remind you of a bad memory. People who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) often experience triggers from their surrounding environments.

Chances are, you aren’t shy in every situation in your life. You’re probably okay when you are around your close friends or family, right? Being able to recognize that these people are not so much different than strangers is key. The only thing is, you know these people better.

This will help you realize that it is your situation that makes you shy—it isn’t a problem with you. Identifying your personal triggers can take time, but it’s important to do so. Then you can take the necessary steps to overcome them.

3. List down social situations where you feel most anxious, and then conquer them one by one.

Think of these things as your “shyness bucket list.” Participate in small talk with strangers or work up the nerve to introduce yourself or even ask someone out. The more you avoid social situations, the more your anxiety will fester. Act confidently and tell yourself that you have every reason to feel as confident as you can act.

Join a club or a sports team that gets you out in the community and engaging with other people. This will help you meet new people who share your same interests. Also, by practicing new activities, you will be conquering a fear of the unknown, which often comes along with extreme shyness.

It is ok if you have to skip around your list a bit while you are doing the things on it. Just do whatever you feel comfortable doing—as long as you’re pushing yourself.

4. Arm yourself with information.

If you are going to a party on the weekend and dread the small talk, use the time leading up to the occasion to look up info about current topics. It could be the latest viral video, an issue in the government, or a worldwide event. Research the topic and get the gist of it.

This way, you will have an arsenal of things to talk about with people whenever one of those moments of silence hits. If you know what is going on in the world, you can be ready to talk about something with the other person that they likely know something about as well.

Doing this will also help boost your confidence in social situations. If you already don’t feel confident, it will likely get a lot worse if everyone is talking about a current event that you are unfamiliar with. Make sure that you are up to date with what is going on in the world so you can either engage with people who are talking or enlighten someone who isn’t in the know.

Reciting affirmations for self esteem is also a great way to prepare yourself for any social event you feel nervous about. Here are some affirmations to try.

5. Make eye contact.

Get out of your shell by making eye contact. When you make eye contact, you are demonstrating your confidence and making a connection with the other person. If you suffer from eye contact anxiety, this can also be interfering with your everyday social interactions.

Having the ability to maintain eye contact is a critical aspect of any social interaction. People who are able to look other people in the eye are seen as friendly and nurturing. But many people who are either shy or socially anxious have trouble with this aspect of communication.

Looking someone in the eye while you’re talking to them can be uncomfortable if you haven’t practiced doing so, or if you don’t like being in the spotlight.

Immediately follow eye contact with Tip #6 to get the full effect. Other tips for getting out of your comfort zone are found in this post:

6. Smile.

Most shy people are mislabeled as being standoffish. Give strangers a friendly smile and see them reciprocate—it will probably improve both your day and theirs.

Smiling is a nice way to acknowledge another person, and a great way to start a conversation with anyone. You’re showing that you are welcoming, friendly, and willing to engage in conversation.

It is often said that humans are social creatures. Everyone is looking for some kind of interaction with other people. You’re not disturbing them—you are actually making their day better by smiling and talking to someone else.

See tips on how to fake a smile to get started. Natural smiles will come as you get more comfortable.

7. Keep a record of your successes.

Keep track of your successes, even the small ones, overcoming shyness in a journal, and keep it for future reference. List your triggers in your journal along with any successes that you are able to accomplish.

Being able to watch your progress is a great way to stay motivated and keep going. You will be amazed at your progress, which will help you believe that overcoming shyness is definitely possible.

The timeline for making progress with your shyness may be short or it may be long—it is different for everyone. You just have to believe that you will succeed with this goal if you stick with it.

8. Give yourself a reward for every success.

If you’ve just started the habit of becoming more confident, rewarding yourself for every successful outcome, ensures that the habit sticks. This will help teach your brain that whatever you are doing that is challenging is a good thing, and you will get something out of it in addition to the satisfaction of knowing you conquered a fear.

Re-watch your favorite movie that you’ve seen 100 times, or have a little bit of dessert after dinner. Whatever you find to be truly rewarding, allow yourself that indulgence after you have a success—even if it is a small one.

9. Be kind to yourself.

Shyness does not get vanquished overnight. What’s important is that you’re working to make things better for yourself, regardless of your pace. If it seems to be taking a long time, that is certainly okay, because at least you’re making progress. Not only are you constantly working toward your goal, you are also being self-aware enough to realize how well you’re doing, which is an important trait to have.

Don’t beat yourself up if you find this process to be slow. That will only delay your success and possibly tempt you to stop your efforts. Use it as motivation to keep going.

The animated short below is a parody of the well-known story of Frankenstein’s monster, and is for anyone who has ever experienced shyness. In this video, Dr. Frankenstein’s newly created monster is extremely shy, to the point that it can’t frighten anyone. Watch to see what happens.

Final Thoughts on Being Shy

In this post we’ve discussed shyness, its debilitating effects, its possible causes, and some tips on how to stop being shy. Try at least a couple of these suggestions for a week and see the difference they make in your life.

It is my hope that you find the tips provided here valuable in helping you grow into a more confident person. Habits that help you build more confidence can be found here.

Earlier, we also discussed recording your successes in a journal. If you are interested to start the awesome habit of journal writing, head over to this post for some meaningful writing prompts.

Lastly, we’d love to hear about your own journey toward overcoming shyness. Feel free to share your experience in the comments below.

Finally, if you want another positive ​way to improve your life, then read and learn something new every day. A great tool to do this is to join over 1 million others and start your day with the latest FREE, informative news from this website.

How to not be shy: 3 steps to end shyness (for good)

Are you the type of person who desperately wants to improve your social life and make new connections, but just can’t seem to break out of your shell? Let’s talk about how to not be shy.

If you’re familiar with Ramit’s story, then you know he’s been in that exact same place.

Although he may come across as confident and polished now, it wasn’t too long ago that he used to be fearful of putting himself out there and meeting new people.

There’s a story he usually tells to illustrate this.

Ramit was attending a few networking events years ago and didn’t say a word to anyone. He was surrounded by people who were interested in the same things as him, but instead of striking up a conversation, Ramit just stared at his phone the entire time.

Because he was so shy, he missed out on forming relationships with people who could’ve ended up being great friends.

That situation motivated him to learn more about why he was shy and what he could do to overcome it. And what he learned changed everything.

Overcoming shyness has nothing to do with changing yourself as a person. That would be too much work and almost impossible.

The key to overcoming shyness is to change your behavior.

That’s exactly what I’ll show you how to do below.

Step 1: Don’t judge your shyness

The first step to overcoming shyness is to not judge yourself for being shy. This isn’t productive and will only serve to put you in a more negative space, making it harder for you to make the necessary changes.

Instead, I’d advise you to embrace this side of your personality. It could be that you’re just naturally introverted and that’s perfectly fine. Many introverts have made it to the top of just about any industry and it could even help you in certain situations.

I’d recommended reading the article “Caring for your introvert”. It’s an amazing read that will give you more insight on your introverted nature and how to best care for it.

After you read that article, you’ll be armed with more information on how you should live in a way that’s congruent with your nature. More self awareness is always a good thing.

If you happen to be a shy extrovert, you can skip this step and move on to step 2. If you are introverted, read that article to get a better understanding of your nature, and then move on to step 2.

Step 2: Change the way you think about shyness

Listen, you should absolutely read all the articles and books on overcoming shyness. That will go a long way with helping you adapt to social situations. But at the end of the day, we need to turn these tips into reality for you.

The only way to do that is for you to change the way you think about shyness.

A great way to do this is to familiarize yourself with a concept I call invisible scripts. These are the secret narratives in your head that guide your behavior.

For example, some people I’ve talked to have problems connecting with others because they think of small talk as BS. They want to skip the boring stuff and get to the point. Ironically, thinking of small talk in this way is the reason why they fail at building relationships.

While you may think of small talk as pointless, others think of it as building a relationship.

What you may have scripted for yourself is that you want to get straight to the point of the conversation. But what you’ve failed to realize is that small talk is important filler material.

Think about the process of going to a restaurant. Do you just sit down and get your meal immediately? Of course not. The wait staff greets you, gets you drinks, takes your orders, asks you questions.

They slow the process down. This is exactly what you must do in conversations and small talk serves that very purpose.

Step 3: Study other people

Reading tips and hacks on how to overcome shyness has its place, but the most important thing you can do is to study other people.

Think about the friends you have who have vibrant social lives. They’re well liked for a reason. The next time you’re with them, pretend you’re a scientist and observe how they engage other people.

Gathering these observations and modeling them in your own behaviour is the one thing that will totally transform how you interact with people. This will be an important step in you overcoming your shy tendencies.

The goal is to be more socially skilled and making these subtle shifts in your behavior will get you to that end goal.

Step 4: Overcome shyness with the invisibility cloak

Ramit has said that he discovered this tactic when he was younger. Some of his friends put on a Halloween haunted house which required him to wear a mask.

The moment his identity was concealed, something interesting happened.

Ramit started acting crazy. He was running around, scaring people, and doing things that he would never do if it were just him wearing normal clothes.

Because he felt safe behind the mask. What he accidentally learned about wearing the mask is that it gave him the safety and security to try things that he otherwise wouldn’t have. Ramit realized that he didn’t have to change who he was, he just had to change how he acted.

He had to focus on his behavior first, then his attitude would follow.

This is how the concept of the invisibility cloak was born. This is something you can use to cover up yourself, or the part of you that you don’t want others to see.

When you put on the cloak, you can mentally decide who you’re going to be today and what your behavior is going to reflect.

Remember– you’re not changing who you are, you’re just deciding what behavior you want to reflect.

Take all those barriers, anxieties, and nervousness and just cover it up with that cape. It seems like a weird concept, but it works.

The reason why it works is because everyone feels those same anxieties and fears when they walk into a room full of people. But some of us choose to behave differently.

This invisibility cape will help you do just that.

Step 5: Overcome shyness by turning it into a game

One of the best ways to start changing your behavior and stay motivated throughout the process is to gamify it.

I’ve come up with a few games for you to play that will help you start being a more social person.

The 60 second game

The first is called the 60 second game. Within 60 seconds of going into an event, coffee shop, anywhere, you’re going to go up and say hello to someone.

If you decide later you’re done saying hello and would like to use a different phrase, that’s fine. But the point of this game is to beat your anxiety by taking action before it takes root.

Overtime, this game will desensitize you from having any type of approach anxiety and you’ll be able to strike up a conversation with anybody in no time.

The compliments game

The second game is called the compliments game. In this one, you have to go up to three people within 24 hours and give them a compliment.

“I really like your shirt”, or “you have such a nice smile”. That’s it. Three times in 24 hours.

Not only will this game give you more to talk about, but it’ll also brighten someone else’s day!

The phone game

If you see someone using a phone or see someone reading a book you can say, “what kind of phone is that? I’ve been thinking about switching for a long time”. Or you can say, “what book are you reading? I’m looking for something good to read”.

Do that 3 times in 24 hours.

Just like the first game, this will desentize you from having social anxiety. Over time, playing any one of these games (and hopefully all 3) will lead you to becoming that social butterfly that’s been dormant for years.

Step 6: Fake it ‘til you make it.

I want you to think about what type of person you want to be perceived as.

Do you want to be a really friendly guy who’s got everyone roaring and laughing? Do you want to be the quiet thoughtful person who everyone is listening to intently, but you don’t speak that much? Do you want people to feel really emotionally connected to you?

Whatever you decide, I want you to fake it ‘til you make it.

You can try using this technique in a really safe and protected space. For me it was always one on one. I would play this game in places where there was no one I knew around, and probably no one I would ever see again.

Let’s say you want to come across as someone who is really emotionally connected to people.

Maybe you’d say something like, “what made you choose this job over any other job? I’m so curious to learn about people’s lives”.

That will open up a different line of discussion than saying, “Hey, listen to this crazy thing that happened to me two days ago”.

This may seem odd, but I want to show you how much it works. Let’s take a look at someone who started off pretty awkward, but years later not only did their behavior change, but their attitude changed as well.

Take a look at this video of Jimmy Fallon. When he started off, he was pretty awkward, but over 15 years he became much more comfortable.

Take a look below.

Step 7: 3 step rejection

In Ramit’s Gmail account he has a failures tab. He looks at it at the end of every month and if he’s not getting at least 10 failures per month, he knows he’s not trying enough.

A failure could be him reaching out to someone and trying to get a meeting and they coldly turn him down. It could be anything. But the important thing here is he’s not avoiding failure, he’s actively seeking it because it means he’s trying new things.

The same is true for me and you.

We all have these things called self talk. It’s the way you talk to yourself to give meaning to your experiences. You may say things like:

“There’s no way anyone would laugh at these stories, I’m not a good storyteller”.

“They’re not interested in listening to me. Why would anyone want to?”

We talk about ourselves to ourselves, and overtime we start to define ourselves.

The 3x rejection rule states you’re not going to allow self talk to happen until you’ve been rejected three times.

This means you can go up to somebody and say, “Hi, how are you today?” and if they blow you off, that counts as rejection #1. And you keep going until you’ve been rejected 3 times, and slightly change your approach each time.

This isn’t a failure, it’s a test.

What you’ll find is that the next approach may go amazingly well, but you would’ve never given it the chance if you took the first rejection to heart. If you happen to get rejected 3 times, engage in as much self talk as you want!

If you start abiding by the three failure rule, you’ll soon find out that the “failures” you built up in your head weren’t really failures at all.

Stop being shy

Being shy is nothing more than a bad habit. If you follow the steps above, you’ll be well on your way to overcoming that bad habit and turning it into a good one.

How To Not Be Shy Around Your Crush

September 3, 2017 By Kate

Here are a few steps and some expert tips to help you shift past your shyness that is interfering with landing your crush. What you do with it is up to you!

How To Not Be Shy Around Your Crush

Number One – Make sure you understand the difference between low self-esteem and shyness

When you are insecure in yourself, this is going to interfere for sure in the relationship department. And yes, there is a ginormous difference between being shy and insecure.

Shyness is something that you can usually overcome with a little bit of time.

The sooner you jump in, the better!

However, with low self-esteem, you are giving off the message to your crush that you don’t have confidence or belief in yourself and that’s just not a good thing any way you look at it.

Take action to find confidence in yourself and you will overcome the shyness factor pretty quickly.

Number Two – Take action to feel good about yourself

According to experts, a shy person often doesn’t think they look good and this just might be the reason they aren’t feeling good about themselves.

Bottom Line…If you want a seriously strong and stable relationship, you are going to have to believe in you and this means you’re going to have to kick your shyness to the curb for the most part, mind over matter.

There really is somebody for you out there and it’s best that you practice being yourself and don’t try to be someone you are not. Yes, this can be tempting but just don’t go there please.

To step it up a few notches because when you are honest on top of everything else, you’ll naturally increase your attractiveness tenfold.

Dress yourself up nice in what makes you feel comfortable to start. Style your hair the way you like it and keep your look natural if that’s how you like it. Show your date you feel good about yourself and the shyness will dissipate fast.

Number Three – Prepare ahead of time and have something to talk about

This one helps a whole lot, particularly if you are naturally shy and nervous. Take an interest in the person sitting across from you and make sure you do your homework and know what they like beforehand.

A little preparation goes a long way in getting rid of that weird “get-to-know-you” awkwardness.

And when you’ve got something ready to talk about, that shows you have a keen interest in their interest, true or not, that’s only going to help them want to know you better and perhaps even ignore your shyness.

Keep it simple, give them a compliment and use your manners and you’ll conquer shyness once and for all!

Number Four – Brag a tad about a few of your talents

When it comes to shyness or introverted people, most don’t like to talk about their talents or accomplishments for fear of ridicule. You’ve got to step up to the plate and smack this one right out of the park!

When you talk about your talents or skills, you’re showing you have passion and pride in yourself. This is very important if you are looking to capture the attention of that special someone, VIP in fact.

Number Five – Take action toward natural acts

What this means is you need to step back and take an investigative moment to figure out what scenarios make you physically uncomfortable. Figure out how you react and take preventative action.

For instance, if spiders make you freak out, you will naturally try and avoid spiders.

The same sort of thing applies with your shyness.

When someone is nervous, they might sweat profusely, bite their nails, fidget or perhaps stammer.

To each his or her own.

When you recognize your shyness, you can jump full force into acting. Paste a smile on your face and focus on not being shy and showing your habitual nervous actions.

Talk about what you like and share your thoughts. This pointer will help you skip past your shyness and open the door to relationships.

Number Six – Slow it up a little and take your time

Any relationship takes time to build and strengthen. You will lose and gain friends for different reasons. Keep your mind open and don’t push things.

Consciously promise yourself you won’t try and hide or disappear.

Don’t leave your love interest confused or left out.

Number Seven – Step outside your comfort zone and be proud of it

No doubt it’s crazy tough for anyone to step outside their comfort zone and into a new light. Expect that you might get nervous from time to time and don’t let this stop you from moving forward.

The more experience you have, the better in conquering your shyness. Make yourself talk to your crush more and more and soon your shyness will be a laughable factor in the past.

Number Eight – Texting takes away some of the scariness

When you’re texting you are hiding behind false confidence. Many people would never actually say the words they write in texts.

Texting gives you a false sense of security that helps with shyness because it gives you a venue to express yourself in an intimate or open way that might never happen face to face.

You can flirt with texting and break the ice a little so when you are together, you will see there is really no reason to be shy with this person. They want to be with you because of you.

Number Nine – Kiss your nerves good-bye

What’s important here is that you tell yourself that your crush is likely just as nervous as you. It’s totally normal to feel nervous upfront when you don’t know somebody very well and you really like them.

Keep in mind there are oodles of people that are nervous as hell but skilled in hiding it with their fantastic acting.

So, just because the person in front of you is acting cucumber cool does not mean their heart isn’t racing. Keep this in mind please.

Number Ten – Perhaps your crush finds your shyness endearing?

There is no one set attraction for everyone. Some people are attracted to confidence, others may like a good body and others love intelligence. Keep your mind open to the fact your crush just might find your shyness attractive.

It doesn’t hurt to think this, does it?

It’s okay to tell them you feel nervous beaus this opens the door for them to confess the same thing. Talk about an awkward silence breaker.

Nerves are good because this means you care and shyness is just about the same thing.

Just something helpful to think about.

Number Eleven – If it gets awkward flip it light

No doubt when two people are just getting to know each other, there’s going to be a few moments of weirdness, for lack of a better word. Take advantage of this and make it light and funny.

If you happen to spill a drink, make a joke about it, saying you need to be cutoff.

Now if your crush does something embarrassing, make sure they know you are not laughing at them, just with them.

This is important if you are looking to dodge the shyness bullet and win.

Number Twelve – Don’t put your crush up on a pedestal

The more you can treat your crush like a normal person, the better. It’s natural to want to treat this special person super special but you need to tell yourself they are just a regular person and act accordingly.

Make sure you are kind and polite and pretty please make sure you don’t worship the ground they are walking on. I know it’s tempting, but just don’t do it.

Number Thirteen – Play your sweetly natural card

Of course this one is so much easier said than done. If you try and force yourself to act to please, they are going to smell it a mile away and that’s not good news for you.

Breathe deeply and be you.

Trust me, your crush is fretting over the exact same things you are. Chill and kick your shyness in the butt for all the right reasons.

*If you’re serious about overcoming your shyness around your crush, you need to learn now to act like yourself, weird but true!

Number Fourteen – Show them the real you

One of the worst mistakes people make in a new relationship is trying to be someone they are not for all the wrong reasons.

When you open yourself up to show your true passions, wants and needs, this shows your crush that you are comfortable in you and that’s totally attractive. An excellent route to get rid of your shyness.

And pretty please, don’t ever apologize for the person you are. You are you for a reason and there is only one of you. If your crush doesn’t love and appreciate this, then your shyness should get in the way of connecting.

Be smart and true to you please.

Number Fifteen – Take action to build a strong friend relationship with your crush

If you are looking to nip your shyness in the butt and feel more relaxed around your crush, you should be friends first. Take the time to get to know them and from there, you can focus on something more if the signals are right.

Act like you would around your friends when you are with your crush and see how that goes. When you do this, you are showing them the real you and that really is magical.

Number Sixteen – Be totally confident in how you look

This is a like it or lump it moment, seriously. If your crush doesn’t love and appreciate you as you are, then they don’t deserve to be your crush.

Wear the clothes you feel your best in around your crush, and that’s going to bring the best out of you. It will give you the confidence you need to feel good about yourself.

Never forget that showering and shaving is also a good thing. When you have good hygiene habits that will help a lot.

Number Seventeen – Deep but accept you as you

So many studies show the most endearing quality in a person is their ability to love and be confident about who they are. Understand your flaws and accept them. This is going to show straight up to your crush that you are human, you are real.

Be sure to treat yourself kindly and forgive yourself when you screw up. Your crush will think this is super cute.

Number Eighteen – Make time for your crush

This one might sound a little weird, but it’s important that you make more time to be with your crush. Time kills shyness big-time. Why not invite this special someone to hang out with you one on one?

The more time you give them, the better and when you do this, your shyness will disappear.

Number Nineteen – Open ended questions are magical

When you ask the questions that won’t work with a “yes” or “no” answer, you’re opening the door to more. This shows your crush you want to get to know them better, on a deeper level, and that’s magical.

*What music do they love?

*Where’s the favorite place they have traveled to?

*What is their favorite animal?

*Do they like adventure or sitting home to watch movies?

*What hobbies do they have?

Final Words

When you are trying to figure out how to not be shy around your crush, there’s a lot to consider. There is no one right or wrong answer.

What you need to do is ask the right questions of yourself and your crush, and don’t be afraid to take action.

Believe in yourself and who you are and the rest will fall into place.

Kick your shyness in the butt and you will get what you want!

Vlad Vaida

You are sometimes called “mute”.

Everyone thinks you either hate them or just constantly have a bad attitude.

When you said something and spent an entire month thinking about it.

When you’re choking, but you have to hold it in because two coughs had already drawn too much attention.

When the teacher said – “Everyone stand up, take turns, and introduce yourself to the rest of the class”.

If any of these sounds familiar to you, you’ve actually got plenty of company. Almost half of all adults consider themselves shy (40-45% to be precise).

When shy people hear that statistic, they say – “I thought it was just me!”

Most shy people wish they were more confident. Instead, you judge yourself on based of people’s standards and think too much about how to act and react when something happens.

The worst part?

You become afraid of taking action. Because of that fear of rejection, you avoid taking part in even simpler events in life.

What’s even worse?

It becomes a habit. A bad one.

Breaking that habit is essential to overcome fear of rejection and failure.

So, sit tight. I’m going to ease you with 7 tips to not be shy.

1. Look Confident to Not Be Shy & Feel Confident

This first step is essential.

Because it just works.

Here’s what happens:

Most shy people are afraid of going out, so they buy less clothes. They end up wearing nasty and weird clothes.

How cool is that, huh?

For me, when a classy, well-fitted suit covers my body with awesomeness, I feel incredible!

I feel so comfortable due to the fact that I’m wearing something super cool and I know it looks superb.

I’m not saying that you have to wear something expensive every time, but wear good clothes.

Wear well-fitted clothes.

This is so important and huge. It just drives me crazy when I see a good looking guy wearing a baggy outfit. He could have achieved the perfection, man!

Anyway, he couldn’t do that, but you can.

Two things:

Build self confidence – check!

Overcome shyness – check!

Overcome fear of approaching someone because you think you don’t look good – hell yeah!

Processed with Snapseed.

2. Surround Yourself with Confident People

“If you hangout with 4 broke guys, you’re going to be the fifth.”

We can easily replace the word “broke” with “less confident”, right?

If you live with people who smoke, you will eventually start smoking.

You have to decide yourself, if you want to be broke/less confident or a confident person.

Start realizing who is good and who is toxic.

A toxic person is able to suck all of your good energy, like a vampire. They have nothing good to say about anyone and will always talk about irrelevant things.

These are the ones you must avoid. Instead, find good, motivational and people who lifts you up and helps you when you actually need help.

Build self confidence – check!

Overcome shyness – check!

3. Make At Least One Good Friend

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”

Everyone has friends around them with whom they can talk to. But shy people don’t talk much, so they don’t have much friends.

I believe, every shy guy must have a good friend.

I myself was a shy kid back then. I never had a good friend in my early years, until I found someone who I can trust.

Actually, we were friends in our primary classes (kind of) but we didn’t really use to talk much. Life happens.

Anyway, we became good friends when we were seniors (age about 15-16 years) and seriously after that, life changed for me.

We were crazy about competitions. So, we participated in every school event that used to happen. Drama, art, photography, video editing, quizzing, you name it!

Because of all that I was able to overcome a lot of my fears.

Do this: Befriend someone-

Build self confidence – check!

Overcome shyness – check!

4. Attend More Gatherings to Overcome Outdoor Shyness

See, mastering something takes a lot of practice, time and hard work. And, it is obviously not a one-day process.

A painter practices and refines his art to build something great.

A guitarist practices playing a guitar every day to become a great guitarist.

“Repetition is the key to learning.”

And, what woulds be a great way to overcome shyness?

Drum roll please…

Attend more gatherings.

(Ya, ya… I know that wasn’t needed, anyway.)

Say ‘Yes’ to every invitation. Go out and meet more people. Having a friend who can introduce you to new people is great.

You know, I have found meeting new people more frequently is a very effective way to overcome shyness. Because you never know – who turns out to be a great help and change your life.

Build self confidence – check!

Overcome shyness – check!

5. Learn From Your Worst Situations

Don’t worry. You still learned a lot.

It is 100 percent a learning experience.

Keep trying and you will succeed.

Today, I can talk to any stranger, give interviews or give stage performance. All this is because of my continuous effort and desire to not be known as someone who rarely speaks to anyone.

Whenever I failed or messed up, I didn’t stop and tried again.

Be unstoppable. Stay hungry. You might fail 100 times, but you WILL succeed in your next attempt.

Build self confidence – check!

Overcome shyness – check!

6. Learn to Communicate and Speak More

You said something, they heard something and misunderstood what you meant. This happens a lot times.

“It is not what you say, but how you say.”

Fortunately, you can learn to communicate better for more effective and clear conversation.

There are some things that go along with communication…

If any of these lack, the communication will not be much effective.

Here’s what to do:

Be a good listener

Shy people are already good listeners and good observers. Still, you have to focus on speaker, body language, tone and facial expressions. Signals like nodding or saying “hmm…” makes a conversation more deep.

Speak more and ask questions

To keep the conversation engaging, keep asking various questions.

Don’t stress yourself thinking – what should I say next?

There are always so many things to ask. Easiest ones – ask about hobbies, favorite vacation destination, education, sports, family, and so on. Stuff they love doing is the best thing to talk about.

(When you ever get a chance to meet me, just talk about music.)

Use your body

Your body says a lot about how much you are interested in that person.

Avoid cross-arms and pockets. Make eye contact. Don’t look down.

Moving your upper body towards someone, also drives interest.

Build self confidence – check!

Overcome shyness – check!

7. Do Not Copy Anyone and Be Yourself

Shy people often get jealous of the ones who are charismatic and talks to everyone. In other words, they are always in the spotlight.

Some shy people think imitating them will make them more likeable. But, actually it never happens.

Most of the times, they end up looking like a weirdo.

Don’t change yourself in order to look different.

If you are shy, you will remain shy forever. Only the amount of shyness can be changed.

People love you for being you. Don’t disappoint them.

The truth is you are not perfect. So, does everyone. You can only get better at something.

Behave like a child.

Little kids ask a lot of questions, right?

Every single thing, whether small or big or just anything. Just ask, why is that so?

Follow your vision.

Make your own personal mission statement. Most people don’t have it. But, the ones who do actually make a difference in the community.

Decide what you want to achieve when you become and what changes you want to bring into the world.

Remember: It’s not a goal. A vision can also be called as the ultimate goal of life.

You don’t look like a dork – check!

Overcome shyness – check!

Connecting The Dots

Nobody is born shy. People around us and circumstances makes us like that. However, the hunger to be different and to be known special makes us do amazing things in life.

Get started with your wardrobe, make good friends and meet new people regularly. Now…

Here’s what to do next:

Quickly tell me what is your biggest fear and what you think about this post in the comments down below.

I’ll be here to reply (either way, you can always talk about music) 🙂

About the author: Akshay Dhiman is the co-founder of Easique, a men’s lifestyle blog that aims to provide actionable guides and advice on confidence, mindset and style, like this post on building self confidence.

How To Not Be Shy Around Girls

September 6, 2017 By Kate

Shyness most certainly can be cute but it can also be a pain in the rear when you are just too shy to function around girls.

Talk about a thorn in your side!

When it comes to overcoming shyness and learning how to be confident around girls, these specialists will set you on the right track.

FACT – Unfortunately, shyness creates fear and steals the “want” to be social. Perhaps because you might think you’re going to embarrass yourself.

Time for you to build your brain strong and use this step-by-step approach to focus your energy positively on overcoming your shyness so you can attract and engage with the women of your choosing.

Sounds pretty fantastic, doesn’t it?

How To Not Be Shy Around Girls

Research and reflect on what shyness really means

No doubt, the characteristics of shyness show face differently with each person and special circumstance. When you understand what triggers your shyness and what reactions you will have, the battle is half won.

*Afraid to talk in any given social situation

*Talking too quietly, like a mouse

*Steering clear of large groups and social gatherings

*Yapping a mile a minute because of nerves

Know what conditions trigger your shyness

What’s important to note is that everyone becomes somewhat shy from time to time, that’s natural and comforting. This can be used to help you take positive action to kick your shyness in the butt.

When you get your head prepared ahead of time to deal with your shyness, then you’re less likely to have so many issues.

Mind over matter is magical.

Do your homework and get prepared to face your shyness challenges head on and get rid of the scary unknowns.

Rejig your internal talk

What does this really mean?

If you are always thinking and bashing yourself negatively because of your shyness, that’s not going to help you. All that does is make a bigger issue of your shyness than it’s needed.

Studies show if you say positive things and think positive actions, you open your mind to actually make these thoughts and words come true. As hard as this sounds, you’ve got to believe.

You can lie to yourself if you like, to flip your social awkwardness or extreme nervousness, making your brain positive and deterring your shyness symptoms from kicking in.

Time to talk positive to yourself and eventually you will believe it if you stick to it.

*I really am amazing!

*I am going to jump in and meet more people socially!

*I am going to start talking to different people everyday!

*I know I can do it!

Steer clear of reflecting on what people are communicating

So many times a person’s shyness is set up prematurely because they have set beliefs in their brain before they even meet anyone. Talk about setting yourself up to fail!

If you believe everyone and their dog sees you in a particular light, as a shy guy that’s nervous and awkward, then you are starting the race with no running shoes.

More often than not, nobody thinks the negative thoughts in your brain so you need to get rid of it fast please.

Value what people say and not what you speculatively think they might be thinking. Talk about creating false paranoia.

Pay attention only to the people you are actually conversing with

Shy people often get uncomfortable when the center of attention is around them, which makes sense. A way to overcome this is to shift the center of attention to someone else and stop using “me” and “I.”

Trust me, when other people are doing the talking for the most part, you will feel less anxiously shy. That’s just how the cookie crumbles.

Focus on simply having a great time

When you make sure you’re having a good time, you don’t really get the chance to feel very shy. Allow yourself to relax and have fun and this will help you to throw your shy card in the garbage for good.

Sounds pretty fantastic, doesn’t it?

Don’t be afraid to dress to impress the girls

When you are looking to make a fabulous first impression and feel good about yourself, it’s important you dress for the part. What you wear really doesn’t matter too much. More importantly, you need to wear clothing you look good in.

Find the look that makes you feel more secure in you and this will help you kick your shyness out the door.

Become an expert on things you are interested in

When you have strong knowledge in your brain on specific topics, this gives you the confidence you need to hold a great conversation with someone. A wide diversity of knowledge is your best route here.

Open your mind and you will open your ability to talk with many different girls on many different subjects, and that’s magical.

Use this tactic to help vamoose your shyness for good.

Practice eye contact whenever you are talking with someone

When you are looking to connect with someone, it goes so much deeper than just talking. That’s just the tip of the iceberg!

Experts agree what’s often more important is how you say things. When you give the person in front of you visual conversation, you are telling them they matter and you do care.

This will help take the weirdness out of the air and along with that goes your shyness too.

Set yourself up for success with attainable goals

Keep it easy and start all conversations off with “hi” when talking with a girl. This is a small step forward in getting yourself comfortable fast so you can take it to the next level and ignore your shyness tendencies.

And when it comes to expectations, make sure you keep it real.

If you have never spoken to the captain of the basketball team before and think you’re just going to magically say a few words and go out with her, then you’re a nut!

First start by building up your self-confidence talking with a lots of little people and the more you get comfortable in this, the better. Maybe after that you can take a stab at the totally hot captain of the girl’s basketball team.

Practice what you want to see

A mirror is essential if you are looking to overcome your shyness by teaching yourself to look how you want to look when talking with a girl.

Take a look at your facial expressions and adjust accordingly. Maybe you will notice you are fidgety or have a nervous twitch that’s visible. Work to get rid of them!

Learn to smile with confidence so that when you are in the presence of the girl, you already know how magical your smile looks.

Again, mind over matter!

Don’t hide behind your shyness

When you are straight up honest about your shyness with a girl that really can be sweet. Let her know you are shy but really want to talk with her. In my experience, girls seem to favor the shy guys.

Bottom line…Use your shyness as a route to get in the door and not as an obstacle to keep you out.

*Is it okay if we find a quiet place to sit, I’m kind of shy?

*Sorry, I’m really bad at meeting new people because I get a little shy.

Turn your shyness humorous

Make fun of yourself by making a shy joke at your expense. When you can laugh at yourself, you’re going to take the pressure off and your shyness isn’t going to be such an issue. That may seem a little corny but they definitely can’t hurt!

*Wish I could make you smile with a good joke but I never fail to forget the punchline because I’m so bloody shy.

*Do I look little to you? Being shy makes me feel so tiny.

Always have someone flying beside you

For nervous shy people, having a friend beside you when you’re meeting a girl for the first time is a great move. This takes you out of the spotlight a little, when the attention gets divided between three people and not just two.

Take action to live in the now

Stop worrying about what might happen down the road or in future conversations.

Truth – If you are focusing on what’s happening right now, it’s much easier to stay focused and this will squash excess stress and shyness quickly.

It takes courage to put yourself out there for a girl. Rejection is scary but so is never trying.

There are two sides to every coin and when you battle and win against your shyness a whole new world with women awaits.

Accept your shyness as just a part of you

Most guys that are shy around girls get totally frustrated with this. If this is your mindset, then you are contributing to the problem.

Shyness isn’t a disease. It’s just a part of you and the sooner you accept this, the better.

Stop beating yourself up for it and prepare your mind to just deal with it. You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Understand your personal value

Everyone wants to be accepted and loved as they are.

Newsflash! That’s what you deserve, nothing less.

Often people act shy because they feel they just aren’t good enough. So theory has it if you stop thinking you are “less than,” the shyness will become less of an issue.

Find your value and know it. Get to know yourself from the inside out and focus on your strengths, what makes you proud and accomplished.

Do this and your shyness doesn’t stand a chance.

Please stop worshiping the girls

When it comes to shy men, they usually zone in on a girl they like and treat her like a princess. Even with little to nil communication, they still think she is the most amazing person on the planet.

That’s just borderline wrong.

What happens is you create this impossible fake image of her in your mind and that fact alone makes it impossible for you to just be yourself around her.

Just think of how nervous you would feel meeting the queen or Madonna?

No matter how amazing you think a girl is, she does have flaws and she is human. Deal with it realistically and your shyness won’t get in the way.

Know that any encounter with people you don’t know is going to be a little weird

It doesn’t matter who you are because meeting anyone for the first time is going to make you a little nervous in the least.

In other words, you aren’t anything special because you are shy. It’s naturally for worries to arise when any two people meet or you step into a new group of people.

The sooner you accept this, the better because it steels away another reason for you to not approach a girl just because you are shy. That’s just lame.

Practice being a little more positively assertive and bold

Fake that you are bold and strong if you have to, until you actually become this. Play the acting game and pretend you are Mr. Assertive with new people.

This is going to help you build your internal confidence so you actually forget about your shyness when it comes to girls.

Final Words

Learning how to not be shy around girls takes research, time, practice and a strong mind and will.

Use these proven steps and pointers to help you figure out how to nip your shyness in the bud so you can land the girl of your dreams.