Keep your goals to yourself

TED Talks: ‘Keep Your Goals to Yourself’

It could be a TV show, an outing with friends or a three-hour YouTube binge—somehow, instant gratification finds a way to reach us. And when it comes to choosing between getting your work done or doing something even slightly more fun, it’s known to boost procrastination.

But did you know instant gratification can also keep you from getting started on your goals? Like, ever?

In this TED Talk, Derek Sivers, creator of MuckWork, explains why announcing your goals to others causes you to stall out rather than speed ahead—and it has a lot to do with your social circle.

“Imagine their congratulations, and their high image of you,” Sivers says. “Doesn”t it feel good to say it out loud? Don”t you feel one step closer already, like it’s already becoming part of your identity?”

Except that feeling doesn’t push you to attack the goal. When you receive the praise before the work, it actually strips you of the desire to get started, tricking your mind into thinking you’ve already succeeded, he says.

“So if this is true, what can we do? Well, you could resist the temptation to announce your goal. You can delay the gratification that the social acknowledgment brings, and you can understand that your mind mistakes the talking for the doing.”

Or, Sivers also suggests, you could stop the premature praise in its tracks by giving your friends a rundown of all the work you have to do to reach your goal—just to remind yourself that this is only the beginning:

“I really want to run this marathon, so I need to train five times a week, and kick my ass if I don”t, OK?”

Derek Sivers: Keep Your Goals to Yourself (Transcript)

Here is the full transcript of American entrepreneur Derek Sivers’ TED Talk: Keep Your Goals to Yourself.

Derek Sivers – American entrepreneur

Everyone, please think of your biggest personal goal. For real — you can take a second.

You’ve got to feel this to learn it. Take a few seconds and think of your personal biggest goal, okay?

Imagine deciding right now that you’re going to do it. Imagine telling someone that you meet today what you’re going to do. Imagine their congratulations, and their high image of you. Doesn’t it feel good to say it out loud? Don’t you feel one step closer already, like it’s already becoming part of your identity?

Well, bad news: you should have kept your mouth shut, because that good feeling now will make you less likely to do it.

The repeated psychology tests have proven that telling someone your goal makes it less likely to happen. Any time you have a goal, there are some steps that need to be done, some work that needs to be done in order to achieve it.

Ideally you would not be satisfied until you’d actually done the work. But when you tell someone your goal and they acknowledge it, psychologists have found that it’s called a “social reality”. The mind is kind of tricked into feeling that it’s already done.

And then because you’ve felt that satisfaction, you’re less motivated to do the actual hard work necessary. So this goes against conventional wisdom that we should tell our friends our goals, right? So they hold us to it.

So, let’s look at the proof 1926: Kurt Lewin, founder of social psychology, called this “substitution”. 1933: Wera Mahler found when it was acknowledged by others, it felt real in the mind.

1982, Peter Gollwitzer wrote a whole book about this, and in 2009, he did some new tests that were published. It goes like this: 163 people across four separate tests. Everyone wrote down their personal goal. Then half of them announced their commitment to this goal to the room, and half didn’t.

Then everyone was given 45 minutes of work that would directly lead them towards their goal, but they were told that they could stop at any time.

Now, those who kept their mouths shut worked the entire 45 minutes on average, and when asked afterward, said that they felt that they had a long way to go still to achieve their goal. But those who had announced it quit after only 33 minutes, on average, and when asked afterward, said that they felt much closer to achieving their goal.

So if this is true, what can we do? Well, you could resist the temptation to announce your goal. You can delay the gratification that the social acknowledgment brings, and you can understand that your mind mistakes the talking for the doing.

But if you do need to talk about something, you can state it in a way that gives you no satisfaction, such as, “I really want to run this marathon, so I need to train five times a week and kick my ass if I don’t, okay?”

So audience, next time you’re tempted to tell someone your goal, what will you say? (Silence) Exactly! Well done.

Why You Should Keep Your Goals to Yourself

Sharing isn’t always a good idea.

If you’re like most people, when you have a big goal, you’re probably itching to talk about it. Excitement takes over and you want to tell everyone. It’s often done with the noble intention of holding yourself accountable to the hopes and daydreams that would otherwise live silently in your imagination. And, by telling the world, it can feel as though you’re cementing your plans into real action.… Well, it turns out, that’s not true. None of it is.

Keep Your Big Goal a Big Secret

At least for a little bit anyway. It may come as a shock, but goal setting is best done in solitude. And running to tell friends, coworkers, and your mom isn’t such a wise first step in actualizing the things you want to achieve.

Studies show that sharing goals on impulse or prematurely can actually lessen the likelihood that we’ll see them into fruition. In fact, just vocalizing these plans to others triggers a feeling of accomplishment; it tricks your brain into thinking you’ve achieved something. We subconsciously feel like we’ve taken steps toward completing said goal, which is clearly not the case. This false sense of effort then lessens our intrinsic motivation to actually start the real work, and diminishes the likelihood we’ll take further steps toward completing the goal.

Get Some Momentum Before You Drop the News

If you’re serious about a goal, you may want to call off the presses and hold the social posts until you’ve made some real progress with the whole endeavor.

Focus groups have been held since the 1930s proving this theory. Participants who had a goal, but harbored it for a bit, had far more motivation and inner fire to make headway toward completing their intentions. While those who immediately announced their plans before laying any groundwork went on to linger far longer—if not indefinitely—in those critical beginning stages, and in the end, were far less likely to reach their goal.

Naysayers Gonna Naysay

In addition to tricking yourself into thinking you’ve made real progress, there’s another downer to shouting your goals from the rooftops. Sharing your new goal prematurely is like a putting a fragile seedling out in the bright sun too early. You expose your idea to the harsh opinions of the world before it’s ready.

Instead, wait. Protect it. Really get to know it. Understand your goal, why you want it, and how you plan to achieve it. Cultivate it, so that when the time comes to start sharing it with the world, you’re in a good place to take constructive criticism, make improvements, listen to valuable input, and confidently shut down the naysayers. Because there will always be naysayers.

Going, Going, Gone

While it’s important to keep your goals and daydreams just for you, just for a bit, you don’t have to keep your lips zipped forever. When you’re ready, choose a friend, mentor, or partner to confide in. It should be someone whom you trust and whose opinion means a great deal to you. Start to bounce the goal and your ideas off of them. Show them where you’re at and where you want to go. Gut-check everything. See how things are landing outside of your own brain. This is an exciting step! You’re putting things out into the universe. Stuff is happening. Synapses are firing! See how they react. And respond accordingly—tweaking, tinkering, and chugging away at getting closer to your goal.

And, when you’re ready, slowly but surely begin to let the rest of the world in on the news. And smile as you watch your once tiny seedling begin to sprout into something truly beautiful.

Laci Mosier is a copywriter living and loving in Austin, Texas. She and her one-eyed pirate dog live for exploring and discovering life’s magic. She is most inspired by yoga, running, Kundalini meditation, good books, great jams and even better coffee. Getting lost is where she is most often found. Follow her on the Twittersphere or Instagram.

Why You Should Keep Your Dreams To Yourself

October 18, 2021 8:00 AM EST | 6 min read

My father would tell me, “Baboo, keep quiet. Don’t tell people about your dreams. Show them.”

This is coming from a man who came to this country with one suitcase and earned three Master’s degrees in a second language; all before the age of 30. Is he driven—absolutely. Has he taught me about ambition, drive, and developing self-discipline—no doubt about it.

However, the most important thing my father has taught me was to not flaunt your dreams like you have already accomplished them. Instead, work hard, work steady, keep quiet, and show people your results.

After all, he is a results-driven person. As he would say to me as a little girl, “Baboo, this sounds great. I don’t want to hear about it, I want to see it.“

This sounds harsh, but the message my father has instilled in me became evidently clear when I left the corporate world to design my life on my own terms.

At first, I was nervous to tell others about my hopes for the future and dreams that had yet to become clearly defined with an ultimate end goal to reach.

What I soon found out was that when I began sharing my dreams and hopes for the future, I was stone-walled. I was met with indifference, lost friendships, hindered relationships, was criticized, and ultimately felt foolish.

Had I only known what I do now, I would go about pursuing my dreams and hopes for the future in an entirely different way.

Here are 4 reasons you should keep your goals to yourself:

1. Your Dreams are YOURS

When you’re in the first stage of getting clear on your dreams, it’s best to keep your goals to yourself. Why? Because at this point in your life, as you continue to craft and clearly define your dream, it is in its most fragile state.

You need not expose your dreams to outside opinion for support, criticism, encouragement, or indifference. Let your dream unravel deep within you and see what happens.

What you will find is that, when you’re dreaming and crafting your vision, then share your aspirations with others, they may not understand.

When people don’t understand something, they naturally want to ask questions to understand. This happens by picking apart the unknown to see what’s really going on.

Your dreams are yours and when they are at an infancy stage. Should you choose to share them with others, please do it with caution. Be more than certain that when you share your dreams, it is with a supportive, encouraging person.

Your dreams require you to invest in the power of imagination, invest in the power of entertaining the possibilities of life. You need not expose your dreams to negative and critical influences.

2. Your Dreams Are NOT Up For Negotiation

When you dream, and are dreaming big, you make a big shift from within. You entertain the possibilities in life—the “what if’s.” You harbor a mindset that sets you apart.

Most people are complacent with the life they have created for themselves, or they have resigned to their way of life, regardless if they’re happy or not.

Dreaming (and dreaming big) is something that will set you apart from the masses. People get uncomfortable when you break away from societal scripts. Because, in all reality, they may have wished, they have done the same.

You may encounter people in your life that will caution you not to journey down the path less traveled. You may be the target of harsh criticism and negative energy as you begin your journey.

Let this all strengthen you and know that this is part of the process. Therefore, you need to keep your goals to yourself.

Your dreams are yours and are simply not up for negotiation. Your life, your journey, period.

3. People Will Try To Tell You You Can’t

To expand on the point above, people will try to persuade you that you cannot do such a thing. They may tell you, your dreams are unrealistic. Worse yet, they may say your dreams will require hard work and you’re not cut for the job.

If I can be a reminder to anyone that is going through this, I want to say one thing: When people tell you, you can’t, it is only a reflection of their own capabilities.

When you go against the grain and it becomes clear in your own circle, people will try to pull you back down. To remain comfortable and predictable with everyone else. This is when you must resist.

When the noise of others’ opinions becomes so loud, it is best to take a hedgehog approach. Go within, shut out the noise, and stay put.

Keep your goals to yourself, but put in the hard work and let your ambitions manifest into reality.

4. Let Your Results Be The Proof of What’s To Come In The Future

More often than not, people will share their hopes and dreams with one another. What they wish to accomplish, create, and implement into their life. But how often do you see ambition matched with action?

What we most likely see is a majority of people who run their mouths. They speak boldly of their dreams as if they have achieved their end result already. They boast that they are onto something big, and so on.

So, what happens when nothing happens? That person looks like a fool.

I’m not suggesting that we act secretively about our dreams. Instead, I suggest that we first start off by letting our ambition be matched with our actions.

Before you tell people about what you plan on doing, just start doing it. Before you tell people about your vision, start working on it.

The thing with dreams is that they are constantly changing. The ebb and flow of how you will achieve your end-all result is something that must be nurtured with action. Like my father has always said to me:

Keep your goals to yourself and only share them with those who will nurture you along your journey. It’s a sure way to remain focused and resilient in the long run.

Everyday Power ► Articles About Motivation ► Why You Should Keep Your Dreams To Yourself

Keep your goals to yourself | Derek Sivers

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Honestly not telling people, especially family about my goals was kinda hard in the beginning but the best thing I’ve ever learnt. Keep your mouth shut. Keep it to yourself. This is so important, trust me.
People will plant seeds into your mind that might make you question your goals or completely discourage you. Zip it.

@Give Self Definivamente incluso cuando soňamos incluso nuestro propio cerebro «esta muy bien» queda satisfecho y el resultado es la decepción. No pienses, solo haz. 🌿🌺🌈💐🌷🍯🍄🥗

@Brendan Cullen Seguro que lo es 💐🌈🌺🌿

@Give Self How about telling someone who will encourage you, who will respect your privacy, and who will help you hold yourself accountable?

My next goal is to keep my mouth shut about all my other goals.

Unfortunately, you won’t be able to reach your goal because you said it.

I understand what you mean

Mine too, but it’s really hard tho 😂

😂😂😂😂ironic
You just told us

Once I stopped talking about my goals in a way that excited me, I noticed I became a bigger risk taker. Thanks, TED & Derek Sivers

I stopped procrastinating as a way to not fail. For a long time i was in the habit of «you cant fail if you don’t try» and this helped break it a lot.

There is also the point, that when you tell about your plans to people, very many of them do not really want you to succeed. They want you to stay stuck because if you achieve something, it reminds them of their own laziness or inability to make progress in their lives. They give you bad energy, minimize you and there you are!

How about telling someone who will encourage you, who will respect your privacy, and who will help you hold yourself accountable?

Conversely, that leads to my motivation of getting them back.

I always found the opposite more oppressing, I really like when people want me to fail as it keeps me motived. When everyone says you can do it, it makes it hard to try because failing is so much more terrifying with expectations on your shoulders.

This is so true! A lot of people try to diminish your success (college degree, successful business, plans to buy property) just because they know it would take them a lot of time and effort to achieve them. I don’t tell anything to anyone about my plans and goals, except for the closest members of my immediate family. The rest are as strangers to me, I can talk a lot to them, but they are never getting anything from me. It’s funny how people want to know what’s going on with your life, specially when you don’t post every single thing you do on Facebook like a lot of them do.

Reminds me of the saying ‘Work in silence, let success make the noise’

Reminds me: Actions speak louder than words

My family had always found a way to sabotage me. That is why they have no idea what am I about.

This is why if people ask me whats my next step I always say “idk yet” while having 1000 ideas in my head

Sometimes, those people will take your ideas; and even worse they’ll try and discourage you

I told people my goals, and I got support and met people, who helped me with knowledge, advice and motivation. That way I ran marathons, got board games published and started learning Spanish. Do what works for you!

This is so true. It happened to me several times. I thought that by telling others, I was creating a sense of accountability, but then those people didn’t really hold me accountable, and so I ended up just not doing it.

It’s true for me (damn it), and was true in that study. I think the point is that it is generally true and to wake up people like myself who know something but don’t do it. So therefore, it’s been very helpful.

This is why I keep most things to myself until they are already happening. However, I will say that as a coach, I find that many people need the accountability aspect to hold them to what they say they are committed to. A lot of people don’t even know what they actually want, so it’s helpful for them identify their needs and desires. But in the end, it’s about the inner work necessary to uncover limiting beliefs that hold people back.

Monique Amado Life Coach & Artist great

I agree. Amen to that.

If I may add to your point, that accountability issue you mentioned, it comes from practicing self-mastery. It makes you identify your strength and weakness but still can endure with uncertainty even if it is still dark. And tenacity takes you there. Good luck.

I’ve been reading this online and it is so counter-intuitive since I’ve been a blabber mouth/overly intimate my whole life, but I’m really starting to agree. I’m getting alot of power from my not telling folks about moving, getting my manuscript published, developing a new workout. I can celebrate AFTER I accomplish a goal, but keeping it inside fills me with motivation. Love this new practice.

As an extroverted writer (we’re sort of rare), I tried keeping my goals to myself and it went horribly awry. I imploded with self-doubt without the enthusiasm and support of those around me. Once I shared my dream with my friends and family, the support was overwhelming and I’m pursuing my dream of publication. I guess we’ll see if I achieve it, but I’m going to be submitting my manuscript to agents in the near future. If I fail, I’d rather people know, rather than for me to fail in secret.

One of the best TED talk! Concise and to the point! Thanks 😇

When I have ambitious goals that I’m truly committed to I like to tell everyone about them so that they will ask me how my goals are progressing every time I see them which helps keep me motivated.

@Altaaf Football ⚽ or Soccer, not the hand egg 🏈

I have watched dozens of Ted talks. This one is the most interesting and the easiest to put into actual practice.

Science or not, I watched this video about a month ago, and decided to follow his suggestion. It has worked more than I expected it to.

Derek, thank you so much for your excellent video! It’s so true. Although I am quite successful and active, this video will definitely help me to achieve more in my life. Watching your video, I recognized previous myself in the group of people who brag about what they will do, and eventually would not do anything about it in future, only empy words. Now I know the psychological reason of that. And now I know what to do. Thank you! It was one of the best insights in my life during last several years.

While I certainly see merit to this (and am impressed that such valuable advice can be driven home in three minutes), I don’t find myself exactly sticking to my unsung goals either.

it’s valuable information but valueless advice

I thank you TED Talks for the useful and helpful video! The speaker is awesome! It really helps! Keep it up! Merry Christmas, everyone!

this was the same reason i never told my parents i changed my major to neuroscience, or that i wrote a book. i try to tell my friends never to «spill their stories» and just write them. you never want to lose that «fire in the belly»

Exactly! That’s what I’ve been thinking in my whole life. Never said the goals and plans to others including my family! I thought I was weird but damn!

Absolutely agree and I noticed this fact on my 20th and I stopped share my plans wish irrelevant people. the proverb «less words and more actions» works

Since childhood i always felt reluctant to tell anyone my goals, now this explanation has made things quite clear although i feel that people should take into account that whether or not you talk about your goals is irrelevant. You shouldn’t put importance of the discussion of your goals. Only in the action of achieving your goal itself. loool don’t talk the talk, unless your walking the walk

This is 100 percent true. Whenever I said about my goals to others I never worked on them.

I have a vague memory of a talk saying the exact opposite, that telling your goals to other people increases your achievement partly cause once you tell other people you feel the need to stay true to your word, whereas when you don’t tell anyone there is none to disappoint.
I’d like to see a serious peer-reviewed study on the matter.

Interesting research! where could I see the details to the experiment? I figure that there would be error involved in what kind of goals they were (whether or not they were identical goals) but in general I agree too 😀

I agree to some extent. It’s not enough to keep your goals in secret. Sometimes you need somebody to reach your goal (friends). But generaly this idea sounds convenient.

Great video, and straight to the point.

This presentation made me have a different vision of goals and how to manage them

Yeah, man! EXACTLY! That’s what I’ve thought for years! This is why boasters get nowhere and why people say «You should always look out for the quiet ones!», because they are invariably the ones that went off and made something of themselves. And also why people who say «I’m giving up smoking» never actually do! (giving up smoking is actually relatively easy when you want to (yes from experience!))
Just commit to something and f*cking do it! Don’t look to be congratulated every step of the way!

So true it is. because Buddha says «don’t tell everyone about your plan just show them your result».

This is very true. Every time I start talking about my newest big plans, they never happen. It’s aggravating, too, because then you have to go and tell everyone that you gave up/moved on/changed your mind/whatever have you. But hopefully my biggest one which I am nowhere near to making happening at this point will actually be the one to happen since I haven’t told a soul! =P

I agree that it can be helpful to keep goals a secret for most people. However, not all people are the same and it might be easier for someone if he shares a goal with close people. moreover, they can help with advice and action.

Remember that this assumes motivation is key to accomplishing the goal. It’s best to depend on motivation as little as possible, because it’s such a fickle thing.

Obviously I’m using the example of lifting but this applies to any other tangible goal.

Discipline. Once you set a goal, you must have the discipline to do what you aimed to do. You must take the required steps every day. Even if you’re not feeling motivated. Even if you think the goal you set isn’t the best goal or that you should try to achieve something different.
Because those feelings are common in the middle of goal achieving, when the work starts to become too much. That’s the fallacy of motivation, you keep looking at the prize, but sometimes even the prize is no longer enough to keep you pushing forward. «You know what, this is too much, I don’t even want to be that ripped anyway, it won’t bring me happiness, I want to quit. » And that’s why you can’t rely on motivation. You must complete your goals not because you’re feeling motivated at the moment, but because you set the goal in the first place. You must complete that workout set as if it’s your only and sole purpose in life, it must become the center of your universe at that moment. Developing that instinct of «either I do this rep or I die» is what pushes you to a point way beyond motivation alone could get you. IMO you need to be motivated when you set a goal but after that it’s all discipline.

Happiness in what you’re doing is much more powerful than motivation, but you still need motivation