You rarely second guess the choices that you have made

5 Tips to Stop Second Guessing-Yourself (With Examples)

Updated on December 12, 2021

You have made up your mind, but wait! There it is again. It’s that little voice inside your head saying, “Are you sure that was the right choice?”

If you’re like me and have a particular knack for second-guessing yourself, it can be easy to get caught in a second-guessing frenzy over even the simplest of decisions. But there is a big problem with second-guessing yourself. Doubting yourself repeatedly strips you of your sense of control leaving you feeling anxious and insecure. This was the motivation I needed to start figuring out exactly how to stop this habit of second-guessing myself.

In this article, we will explore how you can stop second-guessing yourself and start to trust your decision-making skills again starting today.

Why do you second guess yourself?

Many people will second guess themselves because they lack confidence or feel a sense of anxiety about making “the wrong choice.” And it’s not the choice itself that is the problem, but rather the perceived consequences of that choice.

We play the “what ifs” of a given scenario on repeat in our heads trying to figure out the best option that will lead us to happiness. It’s only natural to want the best outcome and to avoid pain.

And sometimes second-guessing yourself isn’t a bad thing. What do I mean by this? Well, sometimes second-guessing means we are stopping to be more self-aware of the effects of a decision.

You know that moment when your friend is trying on an outfit and you think, “Honestly, the dress does make your butt look big”. Taking a moment to second guess whether you should say this out loud could save your friendship.

The downsides of second guessing yourself

On the flip side of the coin, research studies show that chronically second-guessing yourself may lead you into an emotional trap where you feel anxious and procrastinate.

When you constantly doubt yourself and your decisions, you start to feel like you don’t have control over your life. This is how second-guessing can lead to depression and lower your self-esteem.

And to add insult to injury, a study performed in 2018 found that revising your initial decision makes it less likely for you to have made the accurate choice. So not only does second-guessing cause your mental health to suffer, but it also makes you prone to not making the “best choice”.

5 tips to keep you from second-guessing

After all that bad news, don’t you think it’s time that we talk about something positive? Me, too! The silver lining is there are ways that you can stop yourself from second-guessing starting now.

1. Realize there is often not “one right answer”

We often assume that there is a best option or a “right answer” when it comes to making a choice. And while there are circumstances where this may be true, oftentimes there is more than one choice that will give you the desired outcome.

I remember when I was stuck between choosing one of two jobs. I made a pros and cons list that was a mile long. Every night for a week, I would triumphantly choose one, and then seconds later I would take back my decision.

Then one night my husband said, “Don’t you think either one would be a good option?” My first thought was, “Wow babe, so helpful…”. But much to my chagrin, it hit me that he was right. I could be happy with either position. So why was I wasting so much time going back and forth in my head second-guessing myself?

2. Embrace failure

Yuck! Who likes to embrace failure? Well, unfortunately, it is an inevitable part of existing on planet earth.

But what you do control is your perspective on failure. Every time you fail, you are learning something. Failure is a form of feedback that can help guide your future decisions.

If you can become more comfortable with the potential of failing, you can free yourself from the burden of thinking “what if I fail” when making a decision. So what if you fail or make the “wrong choice”? Then you try again!

The world will not end if you fail to make the best decision. Trust me, I have made my fair share of “not the best” choices. Just ask my husband. Realizing that failure does not define you can empower you to be more confident and comfortable when it comes to making choices.

3. Make sure you really do have enough information to make a decision

Sometimes when we second guess ourselves it’s because we haven’t done our research. This is particularly applicable when it comes to life’s bigger decisions.

I second-guessed my second guesses when I was trying to figure out where to go to college. My eighteen-year-old brain couldn’t fathom that maybe I should use my smartphone to do something other than taking selfies. I had done exactly zero research about what each school had to offer or if my chosen major was even available.

No wonder I kept making up my mind only to change it the next day. Without enough information about your options, it becomes easy to get stuck in a loop of indecision and doubt.

So let’s help you avoid making the same rookie mistake I made. Ask yourself these questions to determine if you have enough information to make a choice:

If you have enough information to make an informed decision, there is no reason you should spend more time second-guessing your choice.

4. Practice the art of “not changing your mind”

Easy enough, right? Now I know I am asking for a lot here, but there are some easy ways to go about practicing this skill.

While making these types of choices may seem insignificant, these seemingly small practices will help you learn how to stick with your decisions. With time and continual practice, you will instill a subconscious ability to take more decisive action when life throws you a more daunting decision.

In other words, you’ll become a more assertive and decisive person by practicing this tip. Here’s an entire article about why it’s good to be more assertive in life.

5. Remember that you are saving yourself time when you decide

Time is one of the most precious resources you have available to you. When you second guess yourself over and over again, you’re wasting your time and energy.

I have spent days making a decision and then un-making that decision. And guess what? Nine out of ten times I end up circling back to my first decision.

I am not perfect at this, trust me. I just spent two hours second-guessing whether I should buy the air-fryer on Amazon with 50,000 five-star reviews or its competitor that promises the best air-fried cookies. I went with my first choice. There went two hours of my life that I could have spent with my dog or been reading my favorite novel.

When you take the time to realize how much time you are wasting by second-guessing yourself, it is rather astounding. Make it a practice to remind yourself of all the fun and more enjoyable things you could be doing with that time you are spending second-guessing yourself.

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Wrapping up

While it’s okay to second guess yourself occasionally, chronic second-guessing will not lead you to happiness. You can stop doubting your decisions by practicing the skill of taking decisive and informed action. And while you will still fail from time to time, you can learn from these mistakes. Who knows, you may even silence that little doubting voice inside your head once and for all.

What do you think? Do you find it hard to stop second-guessing yourself? Or do you want to share another tip with our readers that has helped you personally? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

Ashley Kaiser

Physical therapist, writer, and outdoor enthusiast from Arizona. Self-proclaimed dark chocolate addict and full-time adrenaline junkie. Obsessed with my dog and depending on the day my husband, too.

Here’s how to stop second-guessing yourself all the time

When it comes to foraging sales racks for deals or sharing my opinion when asked, I’m pretty decisive and straightforward — I know what I want and I know what I want to say. But when it comes to ordering dinner or prepping for a confrontation of some sort, I’m always wondering if the decision I made was the right one.

I can’t help but wonder if our digitally-driven culture — where we’re constantly faced with endless options of people to meet, or things to buy, think or do every second of every day — has somehow also facilitated second-guessing as sort of a side-effect. With so much of everything to choose from in every aspect of our lives, it’s hard not to wonder if a better option might be right around the corner.

We live in a culture of distraction. Here’s how to cope with it

Why do we second-guess ourselves?

“People second-guess themselves because they think there are ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ answers or ways of doing things. Since they believe there is the perfect answer to a problem, they get caught in a conundrum of questioning their decisions and wondering if they chose the ‘right’ course,” says Jennifer Guttman, a clinical psychologist based in New York City and Westport, CT and author of “A Path to Sustainable Life Satisfaction.”

Second-guessing can demonstrate a fear of commitment to an outcome. “It’s a form of not owning a decision,” explains Guttman. “Externalizing responsibility for decisions to others undermines our ability to believe in our ability to cope with unexpected outcomes and develop self confidence and self-esteem.”

Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist and faculty member at Columbia University, feels similarly. “Second-guessing oneself is a form of insecurity, anxiety and lack of self-confidence about whether you have made the right decision or not,” says Hafeez, adding that the tendency to second-guess is somewhat pervasive for people who do it. “People who tend to second-guess themselves usually don’t do so in an isolated manner. It tends to permeate much of their life. It can be as trivial as whether you should have bought the shirt in red instead of black, or as serious as whether you should have taken job X instead of job Y, or even if you married the right spouse.”

The urge to second-guess might be inherited, or a byproduct of your upbringing. “Some of it may go back to family-of-origin issues,” Hafeez says. “Did your parents doubt your decision-making abilities? Have your parents belittled you for ‘wrong’ decisions you made in your life? Have you lived with a spouse or partner who constantly tells you that you ‘can’t get anything right?’”

It might also be amplified by a sense of regret. “When people get to be a certain age, they can look back at the choices they made and decide if they were ‘good’ or ‘bad,’” says Hafeez. “People who feel they made unwise, unsafe, foolish or rash choices are more likely to second guess themselves. Those who feel they made sound choices in their lives thus far are more likely to have confidence in their decision-making.”

It gets worrisome when it’s excessive

According to research, chronic second-guessing may indicate a more serious mental health issue. A 2003 study published in the journal «Personality and Individual Differences» found that “those who constantly doubt their own judgment are especially prone to a wide range of psychological problems such as mood swings, lower self-esteem, anxiety and depression.” It also found that “self-doubters might be more susceptible to depression because they often feel life is out of their control.”

Constant or habitual second-guessing can also be a paralyzing form of self-sabotage, disrupting our sense of inner peace and driving us to overanalyze what we say, email, text, choose and communicate, says Hafeez.

Ironically, Guttman says all that worry is usually a wasted effort. “It is a waste of precious mental energy that could be used to cope should the choice you made go awry instead of dithering over what choice was or wasn’t made,” she says.

Some second-guessing isn’t always bad

The upside to second-guessing occasionally is it can indicate that you’re thoughtful or a perfectionist — and that might sometimes serve you well. “Second-guessing can be positive (in moderation) when it prevents impulsive actions,” says Hafeez. “For example, if you’re in the market to buy a home and you see one you love but it’s a bit above your budget, stopping to think about not buying that home can be helpful. Another benefit is that it helps you to pause and weigh pros and cons. It can make us more self-aware and able to learn from our mistakes.”

Related

Do It BETTER Giving (and getting) feedback is hard. Here’s how to get better at it.

3 ways to stop second-guessing yourself

So how can we learn to stop second-guessing ourselves if we do it too much? Here are a few ways to adjust your thought process.

1. Create a list of pros and cons

Hafeez says, when faced with a decision — no matter how small or large — it helps to negate indecision and catastrophic thinking with a list of pros and cons. “Practice with small decisions that won’t impact your life,” she says. “Learn to trust yourself more and go with your gut instinct. Don’t focus on past mistakes where you might have made a poor decision. Realize that most decisions are not irreversible. Nobody is right 100 percent of the time, and you won’t be either.”

2. Remind yourself that there isn’t always a wrong or right answer

Guttman similarly says to remind yourself there is no right or wrong answer to whatever you might be second guessing. “Anyone who acts like there’s a right or wrong answer is only acting that way because they either want to legitimize their position by having someone else do as they do, or because they’re trying to rescue you from a fear they have that you could experience a negative outcome from a decision you make. However, anyone who interferes with a decision you make is undermining your belief in your ability to a) make decisions and b) cope with the outcomes of those decisions. All decisions can be modified if you have the flexibility of thought to problem solve your way through an outcome you don’t like.”

3. Remember, no one has a crystal ball

Above all, and forgive the clichés, but there’s no crystal ball and hindsight is 20/20, so you may as well harbor some faith in your instincts. “You have your own fingerprint and your own DNA, and no one knows the best course of action for you, except you,” says Guttman. “All decisions are based on guessing to the best of our ability with the knowledge we have of ourselves. Anyone who tells you that a large part of decision making isn’t based on guesswork is not being honest with you or themselves.”

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You rarely second guess the choices that you have made

I am always confident of my choices

What are you doing

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Stanko’s Stance

Movies…with a little bit of obscure culture and sports mixed in

Who Am I? Personality Test…One Year and Five Months Later

Last May I took a personality quiz (Who Am I?) during the peak of COVID-19 quarantining and isolation. The results were as I expected, but looking back at the post, […]

Last May I took a personality quiz (Who Am I?) during the peak of COVID-19 quarantining and isolation. The results were as I expected, but looking back at the post, I wanted to see if I have changed at all.

A lot of things have changed since I posted up at my kitchen table last year. There are three major life moments:

MAY 2020 RESULTS

The 16personalities.com quiz said that I was an ISTJ.

Here are some of my more detailed results from my personality test last year.

Now let’s move onto the 2021 version of Jonathan Stanko

2021 Stanko Personality Quiz

You regularly make new friends.

No, not really at all. Unless it is from work.

You spend a lot of your free time exploring various random topics that pique your interest.

I would say neutral? I have my random things I like but it is not extensive.

Seeing other people cry can easily make you feel like you want to cry too.

Yes? No? Neutral again? It depends who is crying.

You often make a backup plan for a backup plan.

For sure agree. I enjoy planning for sure.

You usually stay calm, even under a lot of pressure.

Yes, without a doubt. Needed for my job.

At social events, you rarely try to introduce yourself to new people and mostly talk to the ones you already know.

Yup. That is me. In the corner by myself. If someone introduces someone to me then I will talk to days.

You prefer to completely finish one project before starting another.

I am usually juggling more than one thing at once. Have drafts of blogs, etc.

You are very sentimental.

Nahh, I am pretty good about throwing things away when the time comes.

You like to use organizing tools like schedules

The hardest I could agree with any statement thus far. Absolutely. 100%%%

Even a small mistake can cause you to doubt your overall abilities and knowledge.

STOP ATTACKING ME YOU DICK.

You feel comfortable just walking up to someone you find interesting and striking up a conversation.

Much like the party question, I am never the one to strike up a conversation.

You are not too interested in discussing various interpretations and analyses of creative works.

I am interested in the way things are interpreted. I like hearing the other sides of artistic things because you can learn from them. Politics is a different story because often too many people are cemented in their own beliefs.

You are more inclined to follow your head than your heart.

Yuppers. It is my preference to always do this but I have adapted my behavior over time now being in a relationship, etc.

You usually prefer just doing what you feel like at any given moment instead of planning a particular daily routine.

Nah, need to have a plan in place and plan to do the things that you know you like to do.

You rarely worry about whether you make a good impression on people you meet.

This I think I have improved on. I am more comfortable with who I am. Still petrified of embarrassing myself, but I know that once I get past that stage, then it is just up to people and I did what I could.

You enjoy participating in group activities.

Unless it is sports…nah. Or maybe Jack the Ripper walking tours in London.

You like books and movies that make you come up with your own interpretation of the ending.

OH HELL YES. LEAVE IT UP TO THE AUDIENCE TO MAKE AN EDUCATED GUESS RATHER THAN TREATING THE AUDIENCE LIKE THEY ARE STUPID (this is a pet peeve of mine…)

Your happiness comes more from helping others accomplish things than your own accomplishments.

Going to be honest here…I enjoy my own accomplishments more.

You are interested in so many things that you find it difficult to choose what to try next.

Nope. But this is my girlfriend’s brother for sure. But I know what I like and I stick to it.

You are prone to worrying that things will take a turn for the worse.

This is why we plan!

You avoid leadership roles in group settings.

I avoid volunteering for the leadership roles. If it naturally happens, then totally fine.

You are definitely not an artistic type of person.

I think this is neutral because I am able to interpret art but not great at creating it.

You think the world would be a better place if people relied more on rationality and less on their feelings.

Yup. Yuppers. Yep. A lot more logical thinking would hurt more feelings but would make the gears of like flow better.

You prefer to do your chores before allowing yourself to relax.

You enjoy watching people argue.

I would say yes as long as it doesn’t get too cringe.

You tend to avoid drawing attention to yourself.

Yea, rather let me actions draw attention which I would do regardless of who is in the stands. Really making this an athletic sports one.

Your mood can change very quickly.

Yes it can. Ask my girlfriend.

You lose patience with people who are not as efficient as you.

Jesus these are becoming personal attacks. Just mean and cruel. I know this is a negative trait of mine.

You often end up doing things at the last possible moment.

This is why we make calendars and to-do lists people!

You have always been fascinated by the question of what, if anything, happens after death.

Not really? I am not the religious type.

You usually prefer to be around others rather than on your own.

You know what song I do like? “I’m all alone, there is no one here besides meeeeee”

You become bored or lose interest when the discussion gets highly theoretical.

Is theoretical the same as hypothetical?

You find it easy to empathize with a person whose experiences are very different from yours.

Honest answer is no. I do not. I can try and find common ground with them, but it often takes me thinking after the fact and not in the moment.

You usually postpone finalizing decisions for as long as possible.

Never ever. When I know I like it I just dive in rather than overthinking.

You rarely second-guess the choices that you have made.

There is always an initial second guess but then a “is what it is” mentality.

After a long and exhausting week, a lively social event is just what you need.

It is literally the last thing that I would want to do.

You enjoy going to art museums.

I have not been to one in a minute. I think I would though, but with a finite time in there and not being dragged around past my allotted interest time.

You often have a hard time understanding other people’s feelings.

I think I can understand people’s feelings, but empathizing with them is the more difficult part.

You like to have a to-do list for each day.

You rarely feel insecure.

This test doesn’t know my at all.

You avoid making phone calls.

Online reservations ALL DAY LONGGGGG

You often spend a lot of time trying to understand views that are very different from your own.

I wouldn’t say a lot of time but I would say enough time to get a briefing to be able and compare and contrast.

In your social circle, you are often the one who contacts your friends and initiates activities.

That is what Michael Ritz is for haha

If your plans are interrupted, your top priority is to get back on track as soon as possible.

Once things get off track I am good about getting on the “go with the flow” idea.

You are still bothered by mistakes that you made a long time ago.

-Who is over my shoulder and blowing in my ear and constantly making me uncomfortable.

You rarely contemplate the reasons for human existence or the meaning of life.

-I just keep going in life and we need to do whatever we can with life is fine. Leave an impact people will look fondly on. That is a meaning for life.

Your emotions control you more than you control them.

No, I am the master (maybe apprentice) of my own crutches.

You take great care not to make people look bad, even when it is completely their fault.

This I do agree with. Do not enjoy throwing people under the bus at all.

Your personal work style is closer to spontaneous bursts of energy than organized and consistent efforts.

This is a strictly neutral answer. I can go both ways.

When someone thinks highly of you, you wonder how long it will take them to feel disappointed in you.

-Yes. Absolutely. The more compliments I get, the harder I want to work. I know this sounds stupid and conceded, but it is what I do.

You would love a job that requires you to work alone most of the time.

-Never had a job that had me work totally alone so I think this has to be a disagree.

You believe that pondering abstract philosophical questions is a waste of time.

I love hypothetical stupid questions!

You feel more drawn to places with busy, bustling atmospheres than quiet, intimate places.

-You will not see me in a club for the rest of my life. That is my answer.

You know at first glance how someone is feeling.

-I do think I am good at reading people.

You often feel overwhelmed.

Yes, but I like it.

You complete things methodically without skipping over any steps.

Shortcuts are were mistakes are made!

You are very intrigued by things labeled as controversial.

I think I disagree because controversial takes are often created just to create discussion and not out of actual belief.

You would pass along a good opportunity if you thought someone else needed it more.

-Hmmm, depends in what avenue of life. It it was work, no I would like to do it. If it was personal life, sure they can go on the vacation.

You struggle with deadlines.

Nope. Set them for myself.

You feel confident that things will work out for you.

No, do not settle and have faith in the universe to create something for you when you can do everything you can yourself to make it happen.

NOVEMBER 2021 RESULTS

Here we are…has anything changed in my personality in the last 17 months?

Definition of Turbulent Logistician

The Logistician personality type is thought to be the most abundant, making up around 13% of the population. Their defining characteristics of integrity, practical logic and tireless dedication to duty make Logisticians a vital core to many families, as well as organizations that uphold traditions, rules and standards, such as law offices, regulatory bodies and military. People with the Logistician personality type enjoy taking responsibility for their actions, and take pride in the work they do – when working towards a goal, Logisticians hold back none of their time and energy completing each relevant task with accuracy and patience.

Logisticians don’t make many assumptions, preferring instead to analyze their surroundings, check their facts and arrive at practical courses of action. Logistician personalities are no-nonsense, and when they’ve made a decision, they will relay the facts necessary to achieve their goal, expecting others to grasp the situation immediately and take action. Logisticians have little tolerance for indecisiveness, but lose patience even more quickly if their chosen course is challenged with impractical theories, especially if they ignore key details – if challenges becomes time-consuming debates, Logisticians can become noticeably angry as deadlines tick nearer.

According to 16personalities.com

Definition of Sentinels

Logisticians (ISTJ), Defenders (ISFJ), Executives (ESTJ), and Consuls (ESFJ) – are cooperative, practical, and grounded. They feel comfortable with who they are, and they take pride in their good character and their competence. These personality types seek order, security, and stability, and they tend to work hard to maintain their way of things. This leads to a deserved reputation as the cornerstone of any group or organization, from family to church to the office and the factory floor.

Careful and consistent, Sentinel personalities tend to be self-motivated. This means that they rarely need external inspiration to be productive and focused. They work hard and aim never to let anyone down, and they expect other people to embrace this same ethic as well. Given a choice, these personality types prefer to collaborate within a clear set of rules. Following proven methods makes more sense to them than swanning around in search of innovation. Their motto is, “If it works, don’t break it.”

According to 16personalities.com

Character Traits Of ‘Constant Improvement’

Sensitive Souls
Driven By Doubt
Reality And Romance
The “Right” Career?
The Strength Of Sensitivity

According to 16personalities.com

People With Same Logistician ISTJ-T Sentinel Personality Type

If you have stayed till the end of this, then you really are a trooper. Thank you for your service. I will reward you with the link to this quiz!

Styling Jeanne Yang/The Wall Group; Grooming: Su Naeem/Oribe/Dew Beauty Agency; Tuxedo: Dior; Shoes: Tods; Cufflinks: David Yurman; Lapel pin: Nikos Koulis; Watch: Panerai; Location: H Club Los Angeles; Statuette: Oscar ® Statuette © AMPAS ®

The 95th Academy Awards – Stanko’s Version (Version 8.0)

Now that we have moved past the 94th Annual Academy Awards, let’s look forward to 95th rendition of the awards in 2023! Throughout the course of the year I am going to be updating this list with movies eligible. It is any movies that come out after January 1, 2022. I don’t know when the […]

“Logan Lucky” | It’s A Vibe. Soderbergh Knows When To Deep-Dive And When To Skim

“The Bachelorette”: Episode Five Recap & Power Rankings

This recap is really late, so it is going to be brief. Life got in the way and my girlfriend and I only got to the episode last night. It is fresh in my mind for tonight’s episode. And if we are being honest, it was a fairly boring episode. Alright, let’s get to it. […]

You rarely second guess the choices that you have made

I am always confident of my choices

What are you doing

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