How do you change how you feel

10 ways to change how you feel

Being able to manage and change your feelings is one of the most important things in personal development.

You might have all the logical and rational reasons in the world to do something, but then your emotions can just sweep in and pull everything to a grinding halt. Having your feelings for work you instead of against you can have a massive effect on your life.

There are many ways to change how you feel. Here are 10 ways that don’t include chocolate, pain or alcohol and that actually work.

All of them might not work right away, it’s a bit like learning to ride a bike. You don’t learn it by reading about it and the first times you try you might fall. But remember when you were a kid learning to ride a bike. You just got up of the ground, brushed yourself of and got on that bike again and again and again.

1. Relax.

This one is easy but just remembering that you can relax when you feel all tensed up can work wonders. You might realise that much of that tension was something you just built up in your own mind.

In “A guide to the the Huna way – mastering your hidden self” King Serge Kahili writes this about effort and relaxation:

“When people are trying to change a habit of thought or behaviour, they often complain that it takes too much effort. Others may criticize them for not having a strong enough will. What actually happens is that such people are trying to force a habit to change by using their muscles against it, and this is true whether the habit is physical or mental.

This kind of forceful attempt creates tension that locks up the body’s energy and makes people feel worn out. They end up literally fighting themselves, which is rarely effective. All you really have to do is make your decision by your will, relax your muscles, and direct your attention in the way you want to go, until the new habit is established. If you ever feel that using your will is an effort relax and Start over.”

2. Ask different questions.

We are always asking ourselves questions, but they might be questions that aren’t really that good. Instead of asking yourself: “why must I do this?”, ask yourself “how can I make this more fun for me?” or “how can this help me?”. Don’t ask yourself “will I be able to do this?”, instead ask “how will I do this?”.

Ask better questions that empowers you.

Questions that presupposes that you have the power over your own life.

Questions that directs your focus to solutions and opens your mind to new possibilities instead of questions that just makes you feel trapped and lousy.

3. Smile.

Smiling gives you a boost of happiness. Try forcing yourself to smile for thirty seconds right now. The great feelings that make you smile works in reverse too. By making yourself smile, no matter how you feel, your body will start releasing all those wonderful chemicals that makes you feel happy. Try it right now and feel the difference.

4. Appreciate things.

This is one of the most simple and effective ways to just feel so much better. Just look around yourself. Appreciate the good food you’re eating, the hot woman or man walking past you, the kids playing and just having fun in the mud puddles, all the possibilities in your life, all the great things about your friends and your family, the birds singing. Ok, so perhaps it sounds a bit corny.

But it really works. And it’s great to try to change your mindset to one where you appreciate the things in your everyday life instead of taking them for granted.

5. Interrupt your thought pattern.

You might be feeling down or you are procrastinating. Maybe nothing is working out for you today. You just want to go home and go to bed. Here’s where you might want to interrupt your thought pattern. And you do that simply by doing something unexpected and totally different from what you are doing now.

Some suggestions; take a glass of water, throw it in own your face. Or jump up and down ten times singing the chorus from “We are the champions” by Queen at the top of you lungs. Or imagine your negative inner voice sounding like Goofy. Do something that totally breaks your thought pattern. Something humours is nice because it’s often the opposite to a depressed or anxious state that you would like to break out of. And laughter and smiles breaks tension too.

When you have done that you might not be able to able to find your way back to that previous train of thought. Much like when you have a conversation, someone comes up to you and asks a question and then when you turn around again back to you friend you can’t remember what the two of you were talking about. You feel confused and your state has changed. Make up five things to do that really breaks your pattern and try them out. You may also want to try and find a couple that you can do among other people too without being labelled as crazy.

6. Use an external stateboost.

On one of his audiotapes Tony Robbins mentions that before one of his guest-speakers or coaches goes up on stage they watch videos with Eddie Murphy. It puts them in a great state before performing. As you might have guessed, that tape wasn’t recorded this year or even this century. Eddie’s been in a slump for a while.

This is a great idea and you probably already using it to some degree. Anyways, here are some suggestions. Change and boost your emotional state with some of your favourite music, maybe a couple of YouTube-clips, an episode of the Simpsons (or your favourite sitcom), personal development-cds, – books or websites. Or perhaps Eddie Murphy’s “Delirious” or “Raw”. That’s some side-splittingly funny stand-up.

7. Eat. But not too much. Or too little.

If you feel tired and frustrated maybe you just need to eat to get your energy back and your blood sugar up to a more healthy level. But don’t eat too much or you’ll feel tired and lazy.

Don’t eat to little either or pretty soon you’ll feel just as bad as you did before you ate. Also, it you’re sitting most of the day, take it a bit easy on the carbs and the size of your portions. You may have been raised to eat large and healthy meals, but maybe your father and mother had more physical jobs.

8. Create a physical anchor.

Ok, this one might take a while but it seems to work for many people. Basically you stand up, close your eyes and imagine an emotional state that you want to able to snap into on command. As an example I imagined a time when I felt really powerful and confident. I stood, I breathed and I moved the way I did that one time. Then while I was back in that state both physically and mentally I snapped the fingers of my right hand. Over and over. Over and over and over again. The theory is that you link up that emotion with the physical act of snapping your fingers.

Did it work? Yeah, actually it kinda does. When I snap my fingers I get an emotional boost and go into that state again. However, the effect is not 100%. It doesn’t feel as good as it did that one time. But it’s my first anchor and by practicing more, I think especially by trying to visualize and feel that state even more intensely, the anchors are likely to become more and more accurate.

Anchoring is based on Ivan Pavlov and his experiments with dogs and bells but has been developed by people in the field of NLP (neurolinguistic programming).

9. Open yourself up to other possibilities that are more beneficial to you.

Have some faith that the way you view work, relationships, money, exercise, life and those other things are not the only way to see them. Having the feeling that you are right about something and “know how things work” can feel really good. It’s instant gratification and gives you security and comfort.

But it also limits you by closing your mind to other avenues of thought and personal development. Seek out a couple of experts’ advice in the area that you are having problems with. Use google and amazon, just dive in to the subject for a while to get a basic understanding. Most likely there are things you can do both to remedy the problem and to change you perspective on this trouble area. There are often more solutions than one or two to a problem.

10. Recall your positive experiences and memories.

It’s easy to be overcome by negative internal chatter. “I can’t do this, what if they think I’m incompetent, God I’m gonna fail, I’m gonna fail and this why did I take this shirt, it’s so ugly. And so on.

When preparing for a meeting, a job interview, a presentation, asking someone for a date or anything that makes you really nervous recall your positive memories from similar experiences. Think back to when you were funny and charming in the bar. Remember the times when you were confident and relaxed during previous meetings and interviews. Let a few of your best memories wash over you. Let them drown out your negative thoughts.

This will make you remember the positive and wonderful sides of yourself. The qualities and your inner possibilities that are always there but we often forget about them when we get caught up in a cloud of negative thoughts and feelings. Focusing on these positive experiences instead of those negative ones that always seem to be closer at hand can make a big difference.

Learning to direct you feelings more and more have implications beyond feeling better. By feeling better you will more constantly start to see the world in another way and you will start to see other, more beneficial options. And your feelings will start to work for you instead of stopping you when you want to take action.

And try to use these suggestions from the perspective of yourself when you were a kid trying to learn to ride that bike. If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself of and try again.

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About the Author

Henrik Edberg is the creator of the Positivity Blog and has written weekly articles here since 2006. He has a bachelor’s degree in journalism from the University of Gothenburg and has been featured on Lifehack, The Huffington Post and Paulo Coelho’s blog. Click here to learn more…

Comments on this entry are closed.

I like your website (because it IS a great place to learn how to be positive) and I love the suggestions in this particular post (especially number 5). Keep it up, please!

It’s extremely packed full of goodness chi

No 5 is thy favourite

I think we all love self pity to a certain extent …thats why we have whordes of dirty emo’s.

Gina, I know it is late coming but please get help, also, you are hot. This was very helpful to me. Thanks

Change How You Feel by Changing Your Perspective

“Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.”

While I was a going through what I considered the worst divorce in history, I remember waking up every day thinking throughout the day what a horrible thing divorce was. I wondered how other people had gone through it and come out with their sanity, and not marred with cynicism about love and life.

For a year, all I saw was the negative in everything, including my ex-husband, my life circumstances, and most of all myself.

My husband was fighting for me to pay him alimony, I was supporting three kids on one income, my mother had sided with ex-husband, and I found out my best friend was a heroin addict. I had bills upon bills to pay, was struggling to make ends meet, and it seemed like every check I wrote bounced.

I could not wrap my mind around why all of this was happening at one time, and I felt like giving up on most days because there was no good in the world.

Depression came and wrapped me up, and I could not break free from seeing the worst in every situation and imagining that more of the worst would happen.

Then one day I realized that, as miserable as I was and as much as I wanted my situation to change, it was not going to, at least not in the moment I wanted it to.

I realized that there was only one thing I could change, and that was my perspective and how I looked at everything.

I decided that I could look at my life in one of two ways: either I was destined to be punished eternally and live a miserable life full of pain, hurt, and guilt; or I was going through all of this because the Universe knew I was strong enough to bear it and I would come out stronger, better, and happier than if I did not go through it.

I choose the latter.

When I decided to change my perspective, I felt comforted to know that all that I was going through had a purpose, even if I did not understand it. I found a peace in knowing that I could change my mood in an instant by changing my perspective.

We all go through tough times, but how we view what we are going through is completely up to us.

Even after I realized the importance of perspective, I still had moments when I let the negative invade. When that happened, I thought of the following to shift my mind back to a place of peace.

Nothing lasts forever.

There is no emotion or situation that will last forever. Life ebbs and flows, and the good and bad in life will come and go, eternally.

This world is a dual world.

The physical world and what we see and feel is not all there is. There is a world of spirit and purpose underneath it, and no matter what it looks like on the outside, there is much more going on beneath the circumstances we perceive as negative.

If I can remember that and tap into the deeper meaning behind what I am experiencing, then I can accept what I am going through with greater ease.

We have a choice in how we view things.

Today, I look back on all that I have been through in the past year and instead of feeling angry, bitter, or consumed by it, I feel that so much has come from it.

I started a second job to help with the bills and consequently I have found my passion in teaching, something I have always had a desire to do.

I have built wonderful relationships with the friends that supported me through the tough times and I know that I can go through tough times and not break.

Somewhere along the way, I was able to find the silver lining in my rainbow, and you can too.

Take a look at your life and think of the many tough times you have endured and the many blessings that have arisen from them.

You have a chance to find the bright side to your situation, no matter how tough it seems, by only changing your view and identifying the positive of every experience. There is a lesson in the pain and there is a beautiful rose in your thorn bush.

Remember, changing your perspective is like changing the window through which you view the world. When you change how you view the world, you change how you feel about it.

About Gina Petty

Gina Petty is an insanely candid social worker and educator that believes that genuineness and laughter have the ability to infect humanity and open your spirit to the lighter side of the hard parts of life.

Quiz: How Do You Personally Feel About Change?

Imagine that your boss walks into your office and says, “The company is doing some restructuring and, starting next week, you’re going to report to someone new.” That’s certainly a change!

Some people look at that situation optimistically and think, «That’s great, I can’t wait to see what new opportunities are available!» Others, however, look at that same exact statement from the boss and immediately experience fear and dread. They may think, «Oh great, now my career progress is going to stop.»

By the way, if you’re curious about how your personal reactions to change stack up, you should measure yourself with the online test “How Do You Personally Feel About Change?”

How can two people interpret the same statement in such radically different ways? The key is understanding the FIRE Model. Humans generally evaluate the world around us with a four-step process. We notice some Facts, then we make Interpretations about those facts, then based on our interpretations we experience emotional Reactions, and once we experience those emotions we have some desired Ends. Taken together, Facts, Interpretations, Reactions and Ends form our FIRE acronym.

In our change example, our boss walks into our office and delivers a Fact; they say “the company is doing some restructuring and, starting next week, you’re going to report to someone new.” It is a fact that we’re going to report to someone new. And we know it’s a fact because we could see, hear, and videotape it; facts are objective, provable and verifiable.

But once we observe a Fact, our mind uses our life history, previous experiences, and personality predispositions to interpret the Fact, to put it into a context and to give it meaning. That’s Interpretation, and it’s where change management starts to get messy.

Some people have a worldview that says, «Change is good, even if (or especially if) it means leaving our comfort zone.» In fact, the current research, from the quiz I mentioned above, shows that 38% of people like to leave their comfort zone. When these folks are presented with a change, their histories and personalities tell them, «Hey, this is going to be good.» Those positive interpretations then lead to positive emotional reactions (e.g. happiness and excitement), and those positive reactions lead to upbeat desired ends (e.g. I want to get to know this new boss ASAP).

By contrast, there’s the other 62% of people who either don’t like to leave their comfort zone or do so only occasionally. These folks are more likely to have histories and personalities that skew their interpretation of the change more negatively. The fact is I’m going to have a new boss; my interpretation is, as a result, my career progress is going to stop. Based on that interpretation, my emotional reaction is that now I’m depressed, I’m angry, I feel betrayed, I’m frightened, whatever it may be. And based on that reaction, my desired end may be that now I want to stop working or even find a new job.

I’m simplifying these trains of thought a little, but you can see how these kinds of cognitions typically work and how two people presented with the same exact fact can have such divergent responses.

What if you’ve just been presented with a change and you’re feeling negative or anxious about it? It’s going to happen to every one of us at some point. But there are a few things we can do.

First, ask yourself whether it’s truly a fact that the change is going to be bad. The overwhelming majority of the time, it’s not the change itself, but rather our interpretations of it, that make the situation appear negative. When you start to probe your own mind, really work to separate the facts from the interpretations. Yes, it’s a fact that I’m getting a new boss. But that’s the only fact here; my boss didn’t say everyone is getting fired or that everyone’s new boss is guaranteed to be tyrannical. It’s my interpretation that is negative.

Second, force yourself to interpret the fact of change from a wildly different perspective. For example, put yourself into the shoes of someone who would be excited about hearing that they’re getting a new boss. What’s driving their happiness? What’s happening in their world that might cause them to see this positively rather than negatively? And, do you personally know anyone who is, or would, view this change in a positive way?

When we start to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, especially a more positive person, a funny thing happens—their positivity rubs off on us. As we dig deep into someone else’s mind, and we start looking through their eyes, we experience a melding of us and them (of self and other). We start to see ways that we’re alike, and as that happens, a little bit of their positive thinking worms its way into our brain.

The Quickest Way To Change How You Feel Is To Change How You Think

Science has confirmed, without a doubt, that your brain is shaped by your life. Your experiences, behaviors, thoughts, and feelings literally, physically change the form and function of your brain, a concept known as neuroplasticity, from the day you’re born until the day you die. We all come into this world with the same basic brain structure, but as you go through your life, just doing the stuff you normally do, and repeatedly activate the same circuits in your brain over and over, your brain changes to reflect these patterns.

Mental States Become Wired Into Your Brain

If you stress out about every little thing, your brain is going to forge and strengthen connections, over time, making it reactive and anxious. If you expect the worst in every situation and are a pro at spotting the downside in all cases, you’re reinforcing this kind of negative thinking in your brain every time you engage in it.

One study confirmed that depressed people had more activity in areas of their brains corresponding to pessimistic thinking, meaning that a depressed brain expects the worst, which only increases that brain activity and strengthens those neural connections.

…[F]eeling stressed, worried, irritated, or hurt today makes you more vulnerable to feeling stressed, etc., tomorrow which makes you really vulnerable the day after that. Negativity leads to more negativity in a very vicious cycle.

As long as you keep going about your normal routine, thinking the same old thoughts and doing the same things you’ve always done, you’re supporting those existing patterns in your brain and creating more of the same in your mind and life.

Henry Ford’s famous quote holds true for your brain:

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve alway got.”

Your Brain And Body Are A Feedback Loop

Fundamentally, a depressed, anxious, or pessimistic brain looks just like a happy, positive, joyful brain. The difference exists in which brain circuits are routinely activated in specific sequences resulting in mental traits in that person. The stimulation of particular neurons causes the release of certain neurotransmitters, which control almost all your bodily functions. This then triggers a cascade of physical reactions, like altered heart rate, breathing, muscle tension, and sweating.

The activity in your brain also changes based on what your body is doing. So, as your body changes, your brain changes, and as your brain changes, your body changes. It’s a continual feedback loop that works both ways.

Information coming from your senses not only causes chemical reactions in your brain, it also influences how your brain thinks and feels. Your brain first interprets the input received from the world around it emotionally, and then adds subjective material, made up of beliefs, memories, and experiences, to produce feelings.

Feelings and emotions are two sides of the same coin, but they’re not the same thing. Emotions occur in your mind, and feelings are the language of the body. (See: What’s the Difference Between Feelings And Emotions ) So, if you change what’s happening in your brain, it can alter how you feel, physically and mentally, very quickly. In fact, your thoughts precipitate changes all of the way down to your cells and genes.

Ways To Work With Your Thoughts

Ninety-five percent of who you are by the time you’re 35 years old is a set of memorized behaviors, skills, emotional reactions, beliefs, perceptions, and attitudes that functions like a subconscious computer program.

It’s commonly said that most of the thoughts you have today are the same ones you had yesterday and that the conscious mind’s small capacity is constantly working against this predominant unconscious programming, which is largely made up of wounds, fears, and negative memories and experiences from your past.

To change the automatic, subconscious script playing in your head will feel like trying to swim upstream at first, but with persistence and time, it can be done.

Текст песни Haiti Babii – Change Ya Life

Suh, ah
Ooh, oh

Money, power, and respect (Respect)
Trick, I’m poppin’, and I did it with a check (With a check)
Quit complaining, you a rookie, I’m a vet
DeMarcus Cousins, b*tch, I always got a TEC
Remember Lil Haiti slept with the chop next to the window
If they fonkin’ with my n****s, then they fonkin’ with me too
I got no time to spend it with b*tches f*cking with the crew
In the grass, they try to snake me, I’m f*cking with voodoo
From the streets where young n****s just tryna get paid
Reminiscing the dead homies, sippin’ on cognac
Mama seen me up on TV and she know this won’t stop
Know that Rollie on your wrist got you green, tick tock
Thick b*tch, juicy lips, with some Gucci flip flops
Like if you and I could go out one night
I’ll show you a good time
Promise you I’ll change your mind, just let me fr*ak you
Keep this between me and you (Let me fr*ak your mind)

Don’t go telling all your friends that we in love for real (Girl, you love me, yes, you do)
Don’t go telling all your friends that we in love for real
Baby, get this d*ck that change your life (Tell me how you feel)

Save all that gossip for your mama
He say, she say drama
And I know how you feel
So I gotta keep it real
I can’t stand being alone
So baby, tonight you gotta come through
I’ma slide in a two-seater right behind you
Baby, tell me how you feel, I’ma show you what I do
If this rap sh*t don’t work, I’ma ride with the banger (Banger)
You got my heart and that’s dangerous
But I fell in love with the streets
And I fell asleep with the heat
Tell me, baby, don’t lie to me (Don’t lie)
Was you really finna slide for me? (Was you really finna slide? )
Was you really finna ride for me? (Was you really finna ride? )
Is you really finna die for me? (Is you really finna die? )

Don’t go telling all your friends that we in love for real (Girl, you love me, yes, you do)
Don’t go telling all your friends that we in love for real
Baby, get this d*ck that change your life (Tell me how you feel)

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