How to calm yourself down

How to Calm Yourself During an Anxiety Attack

This article was co-authored by Rebecca Ward, LMFT, SEP, PCC, MA and by wikiHow staff writer, Megaera Lorenz, PhD. Rebecca A. Ward, LMFT, SEP, PCC is the Founder of the Iris Institute, a San Francisco, California-based business focusing on using somatic expertise to teach individuals and groups the skills to deal with dilemmas using interventions, including her own Original Blueprint® method. Ms. Ward specializes in treating stress, anxiety, depression, and trauma. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), a Somatic Experiencing® Practitioner (SEP), and a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF). Rebecca holds an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marymount University and an MA in Organizational Leadership from The George Washington University.

There are 9 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

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Panic attacks are feelings of intense anxiety, often characterized by rapid heartbeat, shaking, breathlessness, nausea, and dizziness. A little anxiety sometimes is normal, but a full-blown panic attack can feel overwhelming. Fortunately, there are many simple calming exercises you can do to get your symptoms under control quickly. Keep reading for a full list of ways to calm yourself during an anxiety attack and prevent more attacks in the future.

9 Quick Ways to Calm Down When You Feel Overwhelmed

Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She’s also a psychotherapist, the author of the bestselling book «13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,» and the host of The Verywell Mind Podcast.

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If you find yourself completely overwhelmed and in need of fast-acting ways to calm down from stress, don’t worry. There are some quick and easy things you can do to cope.

Stress comes in many forms. It can build gradually over time or occur in a moment and then be gone. There is even a beneficial type called eustress, which is actually good for you unless it becomes too intense or chronic. If you’re dealing with chronic stress, it’s important to implement some practices to manage stress over the long term.

Too much of any type of stress can feel overwhelming, and it can often sneak up on us. When you need to relax your mind and body immediately, below are nine easy strategies for how to calm yourself down in the moment so you can deal with whatever situation is at hand.

Take a Short Walk

Exercise can be a great stress reliever because it helps you blow off steam and releases endorphins. Even if you have just 5 or 10 minutes, moving your body for a bit will help. If you have more time or can take your walk outside, even better.

Walking with a good friend can be a nice way to find social support, and walking alone can provide you with some time to think, reframe, and come back to the situation with renewed optimism. You could also listen to music that soothes or energizes you (unless the noise wouldn’t help).

Taking a walk can bring you the benefits of exercise—both short-term and long-term—and as a bonus, it gets you out of the stressful situation temporarily. This can provide you with some perspective so you can return in a new frame of mind.

Breathe Deeply

If you’re not in a position to leave where you are, you can feel better right away by practicing breathing exercises. Getting more oxygen into your body and releasing physical tension are two ways that breathing exercises can benefit you. And you can do them anytime or anywhere, even if your demanding situation isn’t letting up.

To make your deep breathing even more soothing, try closing your eyes and/or pressing your palms together in a prayer position.

Visualize Relief

If you can steal away a few minutes of peace, visualizations and guided imagery are a wonderful way to restore peace of mind. They’re easy to do and can relax you mentally and physically. With practice, you can easily access your «happy place» and quickly feel calmer when stressed.

Reframe Your Situation

Sometimes we intensify our experience of stressful situations by the way we look at them. If you can look at your situation differently, you may be able to put it into a different perspective—one that causes you less stress.

Mental and emotional stress can be caused by pessimism, type A traits, and other self-sabotaging thought patterns. Learn how you can change the way you look at things. It will come in handy when you’re stressed.

Relax Your Muscles

Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) is a technique where you tense and release all of your muscle groups, leaving your body to feel more relaxed afterward. Just about anyone can do PMR, and with practice, you can fully release virtually all the tension you’re feeling in your body in a matter of seconds. This can help you feel calmer and better able to handle the situations in front of you.

Sniff Something Soothing

Aromatherapy is another easy tool that you can use quickly. A 2020 review in the International Journal of Cardiovascular Sciences that looked at five different studies found that aromatherapy use, specifically lavender, was associated with decreased anxiety, depression, stress, and fatigue in patients with cardiovascular disease. You can simply light a candle or diffuser, enjoy the aroma, and see if your stress levels go down.

Write It Down

If you have just a few minutes, you could also benefit from journaling. A 2020 review published in Critical Care Nurse found that journal writing seems to help reduce psychological distress in families with critically ill loved ones. You can write about what’s causing you stress and get your emotions out on the page.

Drink Some Water

In addition to thirsty, dehydration can also make you feel tired and dizzy. So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, try drinking a glass of water. Even better: Brewing a stress-relieving cup of tea can provide a much-needed break to step away from what’s making you stressed—if you have the time.

Chew Gum

Have some gum nearby? Research shows that chewing gum may help reduce stress. If you haven’t tried chewing gum in stressful situations, keep a stash of your favorite flavor on hand to try next time and see if it helps.

Get Advice From The Verywell Mind Podcast

Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares a technique that can help you worry less.

A Word From Verywell

Once you’ve been able to calm down, you should be in a better position to address whatever stressful situations you’re experiencing. It’s also a good idea to adopt a few regular stress relievers and healthy lifestyle habits so that you can reduce your overall stress level. Then you will be less affected by the stressful situations you do encounter in the future.

If you or a loved one are struggling with anxiety, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

Lopes L de S, Bündchen D, Modesto FC, et al. Aromatherapy in patients with cardiovascular diseases: a systematic review. Int J Cardiovasc Sci. 2020;34(1):74-80. doi:10.36660/ijcs.20190086

14 Instant Ways to Calm Yourself Down

Becoming easily overwhelmed or over-aroused is common in highly sensitive people. Here are some tips and tricks I’ve learned to take the edge off.

As a highly sensitive person (as defined by Elaine Aron in her bestseller The Highly Sensitive Person), I’m easily overwhelmed or over-aroused. As such, I am always looking for ways to calm down. Here are some techniques I have compiled over the years. Some of them I picked up in Aron’s book, some as part of the mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) program I participated in, and others in Lauren Brukner’s fantastic book The Kids’ Guide to Staying Awesome and in Control (but they work for adults, too).

1. Get to the Pressure Point With Hand Massage

I learned this one in both the MBSR program and in Brukner’s book. What’s great about it is that you can do it while attending a lecture, listening to your kids fight, or sitting at your desk working. No one will notice. Simply use the thumb of one hand and press around the palm of the other hand. It’s very soothing.

2. Relieve Stress and Ground Yourself With a Palm Push

By pushing your palms together and holding for 5 to 10 seconds, you give your body “proprioceptive input,” according to Brukner, which “lets your body know where it is in space.” I like this one because it reminds me of tree position in yoga, which is the last of the standing series postures in Bikram yoga. The palm push is like a mini, portable tree position I can pull out anytime to calm down.

3. Combat Stressful Situations by Closing Your Eyes

Aron says that 80 percent of sensory stimulation comes in through the eyes, so shutting them every now and then gives your brain a much-needed break. She also says that she has found that highly sensitive persons do better if they can stay in bed with their eyes closed for nine hours. We don’t have to be sleeping. Just lying in bed with our eyes closed allows for some chill time that we need before being bombarded with stimulation.

4. Sigh to Help Yourself Be Fully Present in the Moment

During the MBSR class, we would take a few mindful sighs between transitioning from one person speaking to another. You breathe in to a count of five through your mouth, and then you let out a very loud sigh, the sound you hear your teenager make. I was always amazed at how powerful those small sighs were to adjust my energy level and focus.

5. Do This Monkey Stretch to Release Tension

In this exercise, you bring your hands (arms extended) in front of you, then bring the arms down. Then you bring your arms (still extended) to your side, and then down. Finally you bring your arms all the way past your head and then swoop down, with your head dangling between your knees, and you hang out there for a second. This exercise is extremely effective at releasing the tension we hold in different parts of our body.

6. Give Yourself a 10-Second Hug to Boost Your Mood

Did you know that a 10-second hug a day can change biochemical and physiological forces in your body that can lower the risk of heart disease, combat stress, fight fatigue, boost your immune system, and ease depression? You can begin by giving yourself a hug. By squeezing your belly and back at the same time, you are again giving yourself proprioceptive input (letting your body know where you are in space), says Brukner, which can help stabilize you.

7. Stabilize Yourself With a Five-Second Wall Push

The wall push is especially beneficial for people with sensory integration issues. You simply push against the wall with flat palms and feet planted on the floor for 5 to 10 seconds. If you’ve ever experienced an earthquake, you can appreciate why this gesture is calming — placing the weight of our body against a solid, immobile surface and feeling the pull of gravity is stabilizing, even on a subconscious level.

8. Gain Power and Calm With a Superman Pose

If you do Bikram yoga, the Superman pose is basically the full Locust position (airplane position), except the arms and the hands are stretched out in front of you, not to the sides. You lie on your belly on the floor and extend your arms in front of you. At the same time, you extend your legs behind you and hold them straight out. Hold that pose for 10 seconds. It’s a great exercise if you are groggy, overexcited, distracted, or antsy.

9. Shake It Off and You’ll Free Yourself From Fear

Did you know that animals relieve their stress by shaking? Lots of animals like antelopes shake off their fear after being frozen in panic to escape a predator. In the MBSR program, we practiced shaking for about 15 minutes at a time. I can’t say it looked all that pretty, but neurologically, I do believe it was beneficial.

10. Inhale Deeply for a Relaxing Bubble Breath

My favorite exercise in Brukner’s book is the Bubble Breath, because it is so simple and calming. Here’s how to do it:

11. Pour a Few Drops of Lavender Essential Oil

There are different theories as how and why lavender oil calms you down. Some scientists believe that lavender stimulates the activity of brain cells in the amygdala (fear center) similar to the way some sedatives work. Others think molecules from essential oils interact in the blood with enzymes and hormones. Research backs its soothing results. A study published in the American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Medicine measured the responses of 17 cancer hospice patients to humidified essential lavender oil aromatherapy. Results reflected a positive change in blood pressure and pulse, pain, anxiety, depression, and sense of well-being. I sometimes use lavender oil to sleep better.

12. Hydrate With Water and Meditate on Water

During the workday, I will often walk a block over to a creek and follow the subtle current with my eyes. Maybe it is because as infants we emerged from water that it has the power to soothe. “Water helps in many ways,” writes Aron. “When overaroused, keep drinking it — a big glass of it once an hour. Walk beside some water, look at it, listen to it. Get into some if you can, for a bath or a swim. Hot tubs and hot springs are popular for good reasons.”

13. Music Therapy Heals the Body, Mind, and Soul

From the earliest days of civilization, music has been used to heal the body and soul, and to express what is difficult to articulate in words. Victor Hugo once said, “Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.” Therapists have tapped into the healing power of creative lyrics and the composition of notes to design music therapy programs for persons struggling with depression.

14. Reduce Anxiety With the Four-Square Breathing Exercise

A final breathing exercise to try is the “Four Square,” which I learned years ago to reduce anxiety:

Important: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and not Everyday Health.

How to calm yourself down: 23 ways

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Stress is part of life — but that doesn’t mean we have to like it. Fortunately, we can build resilience by learning how to calm ourselves down when upset. Here are 23 ways to calm yourself down in stressful situations.

Is it normal to feel anxious?

Part of life is learning to manage difficult emotions. As we go through our day to-day lives and interact with other people, we may feel anxious, uneasy, or even angry. That’s normal. Our emotions are simply our reactions to the world around us.

Circumstances outside of our control, however, can take a normal situation to a stressful one. We can feel pressure from our work, our relationships, from parenting, and from thwarted expectations.

As stress piles up, our fuses get shorter and shorter. That’s when we find ourselves anxious or angry more often than we’d like.

If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you may find that this happens often. That’s because HSPs’ sensitivity to input and stimulation can leave them feeling overwhelmed if it’s not managed well. HSPs, introverts, and anyone easily triggered by external stimuli needs a lot of downtime to recharge.

Of course, there isn’t one of us that doesn’t need a break now and then. Not giving yourself adequate time for self-care can wear you out quickly.

Developing wellness habits, like practicing relaxation techniques and progressive muscle relaxation, can help boost your resilience to stress.

Mental health and wellbeing add another level of sensitivity to stress. Managing underlying mental health issues can take up a lot of emotional energy. Depression and anxiety often distort our thoughts, making it difficult to stay calm when under stress.

If we haven’t developed ways to calm ourselves down, we try to push away the negative thoughts — which usually makes them more persistent.

We often think of stress as a negative, external factor. But sometimes it’s our own successes or an exciting new challenge that contributes to stress. Calm is the opposite of stress. Learning how to channel your stress effectively can transform bad stress into good stress.

Here are ways to calm yourself down in the face of some common stressful scenarios:

How to calm yourself down when angry

Anger is probably the most difficult emotion to overcome because it feels the most justified. Our anger is often a reaction to a violation of our values or boundaries. But anger is really a secondary emotion. It is the default emotion we express when we’re trying to actualize another, primary feeling like fear or sadness. Learning how to calm yourself down when angry can help you access the underlying emotion and resolve it.

Vent in a safe place

Find a loved one that is unconnected to the situation and share how you’re feeling. If that’s not possible or you don’t have the time to talk, try writing your feelings out in a journal or an email (don’t hit send!).

Validate your feelings

Anger often stems from feeling misunderstood. There’s a saying that people yell when they don’t feel heard. Even if no one else agrees with you, take the time to validate your own feelings and ideas.

Write down: “I feel angry because I don’t feel _______.” (empowered, confident, listened to, valued, appreciated, etc.)

Get into their shoes

If someone upset you, try talking the situation out from their point of view. You don’t have to agree with them, but doing this as a thought exercise (remember debate club?) can help you depersonalize the exchange.

Meditate

Meditation is a great way to learn to depersonalize your thoughts and separate from the initial angry trigger. Mindfulness allows us to watch the thoughts without attachment and learn what they’re really trying to tell us. You may be able to identify the underlying feeling.

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How to calm yourself down when depressed

When you’re feeling depressed, it can be overwhelming. Depression has a habit of compounding. It steals your energy, making it harder to do the things that you know would make you feel better — which makes you feel more depressed. Having a go-to list of ways to feel better when you’re down can stop depression from gaining momentum.

Exercise

Exercise and physical well-being have a well-documented effect on mood. Increasing your heart rate releases endorphins, the feel-good hormones in the body, and lowers your blood pressure. If you’re feeling depressed, try any physical activity you enjoy. You could take a quick walk, book a fitness class, or even dance to a fun song.

Do something small for yourself

When we’re down, it’s easy to forget to handle the basic necessities. We may not have the energy to tackle these things or might not see the point. Take a shower and eat something small. Even if you don’t feel 100% better, you will feel more accomplished.

Laugh

Ever had a moment where something silly made you laugh, even when you were in a really bad mood? It can be a turning point in your mood. Keep a go-to list of TV shows, comedy specials, or other resources for when you need a good laugh to get out of a bad mood.

Reach out for help

If you’ve been diagnosed with depression (or any other mood disorder) and you’re feeling off, reach out to your therapist. An LCSW or counselor can teach you how to manage your emotional health. Having someone in your corner can make a world of difference.

How to calm yourself down at work

Work can be a major source of stress and anxiety. Unfortunately, when we’re at work, it’s not always possible to just leave and get a massage or go for a run. Developing skills to help you calm yourself at work can improve your communication with your colleagues. It can boost your productivity and your satisfaction with your career.

Take a break

If you work in an office — even if it’s a home office — a change of scenery can do you good. Take a quick walk or run some errands. Breaking from your routine will naturally give you some emotional and physical distance to process why you’re upset.

Do something not work-related

If you find yourself triggered or upset during a meeting (or some other time where you can’t just leave), try doing something else. In virtual meetings, go off-camera, color, draw, or squeeze a stress relief ball. For in-person meetings try massaging the palm of your hands or flexing your toes one by one. You can also practice mindful, deep breathing without anyone noticing.

Set up a soothing workspace

If work is a source of chronic stress, set it up to be anxiety optimized. Declutter your desk, keeping only what makes you feel good or inspires you. Try adding a supportive mantra, an essential oil diffuser, or a small plant to your workspace. Move close to a window if possible.

How to calm yourself down from an anxiety attack

Panic attacks can be debilitating. You may feel like you’re having a heart attack or even dying. Calming yourself during a panic attack can seem impossible. If you experience feelings of anxiety frequently, it can help to have an anxiety relief game plan in place.

Notice what’s happening

The faster you can identify the stress response as a panic attack, the faster you can regain control and manage your symptoms.

Label your thoughts

The act of labeling and describing our thoughts in detail pulls us out of the emotion center of the brain and into the prefrontal cortex. This will help make it easier to reframe your emotions so they’re not so overwhelming.

Get to a safe place

If you’re expending a lot of emotional energy trying to appear okay, leave for a place where you feel safe. Whether that’s the bathroom, an office, your bedroom, or just outside, you’ll feel better if you’re trying if you’re not trying to “look” fine.

Reduce stimuli

Particularly for highly sensitive people, excess stimulation can result in panic attacks. Take steps to reduce the input in your environment. Turn off the radio and the ringer on your cell phone. Put your fan on silent, close the window, and turn off the lights. Take a few moments to bring your attention to your body and a few deep breaths.

Let someone else tell you what to do for a bit

Making decisions in the midst of a panic attack can be hard, to say the least. Try having a go-to meditation video, breathing exercises, or a recording that you can use to calm down when you’re upset. Giving yourself a set of directions to follow in case of an anxiety attack will let you postpone any decisions until you’re in a better frame of mind.

How to calm yourself down when crying

Many feelings can result in tears. There are happy tears, angry tears, tears of frustration, grief, or embarrassment. Even though it’s a universal experience, most people don’t want to cry in front of others. Berating yourself doesn’t make it any better. Here are some self-compassionate ways to manage tears.

Cry it out

Ever try not to cry? It doesn’t feel great. If you can, let yourself cry. It’s often over much more quickly than it would be if you tried to fight it. Sometimes, you just need to feel whatever the feeling is.

Wash your face

Yes, it helps cover up the fact that you’ve been crying. However, it feels really good to wash your face with some cool water when you cry.

Drink something warm

You know that swollen feeling in the throat of trying to “choke back tears?” Drinking something warm can help you relax. It also helps you to slow down. Nothing inspires mindful breathing more than blowing on a hot beverage.

How to calm yourself down when feeling overwhelmed

If you’re feeling irritated, frustrated, or frantic, being overwhelmed might be at the root of it. Recognizing the experience as overload can help you be proactive in managing it.

Get a change of scenery

Take a brief break from the environment that’s overwhelming you. Whether it’s tangible (like a noisy, crowded space) or intangible (like work stress) a break can help. Stepping away from the environment allows you to recenter yourself and prepare to re-enter it.

Reduce input

If you can control the environment, reduce sensory input. Dim the lights, turn off the radio or even shut off the air conditioner. An environment that is physically overwhelming can contribute to a sense of emotional or mental overload.

Make a list

Take a few minutes and do some journaling. Don’t edit — just dump out everything you’re thinking on paper. Write down everything that’s troubling you and everything you feel you have to accomplish. This will free up mental space and allows you to begin prioritizing, delegating, and scheduling any must-dos on your to-do list.

Ask for help

Find a way to hand off at least one obligation on your plate. Whether you ask a friend or colleague for help or outsource it to a professional, this can help you feel like you’re not alone. Getting help often makes the rest of your to-do list look significantly more manageable.

How to help calm other people

It can be hard to know how to help your friends and colleagues when they’re upset. And you likely know (from experience) how frustrating “Just calm down” can be. Here are some ways you can help calm other people down when they’re upset:

A listening ear is surprisingly hard to find. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone who’s upset is providing a safe, non-judgemental space. Avoid giving them advice or interjecting with your experience. Just let them get it out.

Ask questions

Instead of telling them what they should do, ask questions about their experience. Aim to understand where they’re coming from. Validate them and their feelings. Statements like “I can’t imagine how frustrated you must be” can help them feel heard without adding fuel to the fire.

Encourage them to get out of their head

When dealing with emotions, the physical sensations can be just as overwhelming as the emotional ones. Utilize the brain-body connection and do something physical. Depending on what they’re feeling, you can have them push against a wall, stretch, do jumping jacks, or just exhale slowly.

Help them change their scenery

If it’s possible, take them on a walk or get them into a different space. This can be especially helpful when the location they’re in (for example, an office) is contributing to their stress. Grab a cup of coffee or visit a nearby park. If that’s not possible, see if you can grab an open conference room or other, neutral space.

Smile

Before you let them go, try to leave the person in a more empowered space. Ask them how they’re feeling or to brainstorm a constructive way to move forward. Thank them for sharing with you, and offer them a reassuring smile. You’ll help them feel more connected and at ease.

When you notice yourself stressing out, it’s tempting to avoid dealing with situations that look like they’re going south. But you’ll get better results by tackling them earlier instead of later. Learning how to calm yourself down helps build mental fitness, and you’ll feel more confident and in control.

How to Calm Down When You’re Stressed and Anxious

Performance Psychologist for Business and Entrepreneurship, Sport and Personal Development Read full profile

Overwhelmed with work, family responsibilities, financial challenges and health issues are common culprits which catalyze stress and anxiety symptoms that show up differently in each and every one of us.

Whilst many of us are becoming much better at identifying what can trigger us to feel these, we’re not always that great at recognizing our individual thresholds; we don’t know exactly how to calm down when the mental, emotional storms erupt.

We can almost see you eye-rolling upon hearing commonly recommended stress antidotes such as taking a bath, lighting candles or going for a walk. Let’s face it. These simply aren’t practical things you can do when you’re on a red-eye flight at 5:30am to run a full day of training interstate and then fly back the same evening not to mention juggling a young family.

You want to know your triggers, predict the impact of them and have your own suite of tools up your sleeve to calm down that impact for the long-term.

Doing a little ground work to gain a strong self-awareness of your likely reactions puts you smack bang in the pilot seat to develop a robust mental and emotional toolkit that will work wonders for you.

A few simple but well-practiced techniques may be all you need to simmer down the cyclonic intensity of emotions, and disparaging thoughts pecking away at your self-esteem and confidence. However, it’s important you do this self-reflective groundwork first to gain maximum impact for long-term effect.

1. Strengthen Familiarity with What Triggers You

When you have arguments with your loved one, do you stop and look to see if there are certain things you fight about? Are there certain behaviors they display that drive you bananas?

Take your focus off them and ask yourself: “What is my usual response?”

Perhaps you feel the anger welling up inside your chest and you then spurt out that you’ve told him or her ten times before to not leave their underwear lying across the bedroom floor.

Think a little deeper. Ask yourself what values, standards and expectations you have that are not being met here. You’ll likely be attached to certain ways you believe things should play out. Are there assumptions and expectations as to how you believe people should conduct themselves and principles about how you feel you should be treated?

Having a strong attachment to these for yourself is one thing. Expecting others to have the same attachment is often what can make the hot water start simmering.

It is often when people behave in ways inconsistent with our belief systems and events unfold in discord with what we expect and are prepared for that we feel the most stress and anxiety.

Make a list of the common circumstances in different areas of your life that cause you to become anxious and stressed. Against each of these, describe your stress response:

What happens? What do you feel?

Now think about the values, principles and expectations you have attached to these. You’ll see you have a few options:

Reviewing how you react when you’re stressed and anxious, and identifying which of these three options above is going to best serve you, can greatly increase your ability to feel and be in control of calming your reaction.

You move closer to being able to choose how you want to respond as opposed to feeling helpless and the world is spiralling out of control.

2. Have Coping Statements on Hand

When you have a washing machine of chaotic thoughts churning in your mind, trying to implant thoughts that are the complete opposite of what you’re thinking and feeling can be pretty hard.

Not being able to do it can also add another layer of us feeling disappointment in ourselves. We feel we’re failing.

Having coping statements that you can literally latch on to to help you calm down in those stressful and anxious moments, can be particularly helpful.

Look at creating palm cards and just have three to five of these you can have in your pocket or in your purse. Here are 6 examples:

Choose words and dialogue that feel true and accurate for you. Read the statements out to yourself and test how fitting they are for you. What feels more assuring, calming and right for you?

Make these statements your own. The aim is of these statements is to de-escalate the intensity of what you feel when you’re anxious and stressed.

Remember, you want to refrain from having blunt statements which feel or sound like they’re self-reprimanding because they won’t be pacifying in a positive way.

If you are unsure as to how to come up with statements that fit for you, look to work with a psychologist or licensed therapist to give you a strong start.

3. Identify and Develop Physical Anchors

You actually have within you resources to provide some of the most effective ways to calm yourself down in heightened moments you feel stressed and anxious. Renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Peter Levine and expert in treating stress and trauma, teaches us how techniques which do this, such as Somatic Experiencing® [1] can significantly help us calm down.

By learning to be fully present and applying touch to certain areas of your body (e.g. forehead and heart space), you increase your capacity to self-regulate. You also learn how to attend to and release your unique symptoms that your body has been containing in a way you have not been able to before.

Here’s one technique example:

You might feel a change in energy flow, a change in temperature or different, less intense sensations. Just keep your hands in place until you feel some kind of shift, even if gradual.

It might take you even 5 to 10 minutes but, riding this wave will help you to process what discomfort your body is containing. It will greatly help to release it so you gradually become calmer.

Purely cognitive exercises can be tough at the outset. Learning somatic experience techniques is particularly helpful because you’re engaging in exercises where you physically can feel the difference. Feeling the changes helps you increase confidence you can control and reduce the discomfort you’re feeling. You’ll be motivated to keep practicing and improving this skill you can take anywhere, anytime.

4. Move and Get Physical

If you’re not one to exercise, you’re robbing yourself of some very easy ways which help you calm down and reduce stress and anxiety responses. Many neuro chemical changes take place when you engage in exercise.

At certain levels of physical exertion, your brain’s pituitary gland releases neurotransmitter endorphins. When they bind with certain opiate receptors in your brain, signals are transmuted throughout your nervous system to reduce feelings of pain and trigger feelings of euphoria. You might have heard the term ‘runner’s high’.

For the last 20 years, University of Missouri-Columbia’s Professor Richard Cox has conducted research showing that high intensity interval training (HIIT) is more effective at reducing anxiety and stress levels than other forms of aerobic exercise. [2] However, if you would rather slay dragons than turn up an F45 class, it’s essential you still find something that will physically shift you and alter your current mental and emotional state of mind, even just a fraction to start with. It’s 100% ok if this is not your cup of tea.

So in a day full of back of back-to-back meetings, what can you do?

If you’re sitting, stand. Change your posture and open your body up. Have a suite of discrete stretches you can do regularly as you deepen and engage in diaphragmatic breathing.

If you’re looking down at your desk at work and feeling increasingly stressed, look up and change what you’re looking at. Give yourself more than a few moments to decompress.

The main thing is to change your disposition from the one you’re in when you are experiencing anxiety and stress symptoms. You’re shaking it up to calm it down.

5. Transform Your Unhelpful Inner Dialogue and Its Energy

Learning cognitive restructuring techniques can truly work wonders in helping you recognize and re-frame unhelpful dialogue and negative critical thinking patterns. This involves a little preparation being transparent with yourself about what exaggerated perspectives you might ascribe to what’s happening when you’re feeling stressed and anxious.

When you open your email inbox and see a flood of requests which require more time and energy you have for that day, dread starts to settle in and the following comes to mind: “This is impossible. How can they expect me to be able to do all this? It’s completely unreasonable!”

Instantly, many other thoughts that reinforce this line of thinking as well as the emotional energy of your first conscious thought start unravelling. A 4-step process you can engage to calm the eruption is:

Notice the language in step 4 is tentative, supportive, soft and not resistant nor defiant of what your original thought was. You accept your original thought, but gradually you become stronger at pivoting it. [3] You’re expanding your growth mindset language.

It’s definitely worth working with a coach or trained therapist to learn how to tailor re-framing statements which can truly help you calm down.

Final Thoughts

We know, in our minds what we should do. When we’re in the thick of experiencing mental and emotional turmoil, it’s actually harder to implement what we know. In those moments, you’re unlikely to have capacity to think about what you need to do, let alone do it effectively to help you feel calmer.

The key is to practice so that when the storm is brewing, your toolkit and supplies are in easy access. You already know your safety drill well.

Knowing you have strategies and prepared processes up your sleeves helps you not only become better at calming yourself in amongst currently stressful situations. You have more confidence now to face more anxiety-provoking stressors because you have developed the resources to handle it.

How you invest time and energy into getting to know your triggers and thresholds will influence how effective these strategies will work for you. We’re not denying relaxing baths or regular massages are helpful, however these band-aid-like solutions don’t really confront the root causes.

If you truly want to turn your experience of your stress and anxiety symptoms around, dig deeper, do the groundwork and that which rattled your cage will quickly become a thing of the past.