How to deal with depression

How to Help Someone With Depression

Nancy Schimelpfening, MS is the administrator for the non-profit depression support group Depression Sanctuary. Nancy has a lifetime of experience with depression, experiencing firsthand how devastating this illness can be.

Steven Gans, MD is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital.

FatCamera / Getty Images

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), around 21 million adults in the U.S. have depression. Because it is one of the most common mental health conditions, chances are good that you or someone you know has experienced at least one episode of depression in their life.

If someone you love has depression, you may wonder how you can help. You may even experience a range of difficult feelings of your own, such as worry, disappointment, and anger.

This article discusses how to support someone with depression. It focuses on strategies you can use to offer support and encourage your loved one to seek treatment for their condition.

If you or a loved one are struggling with depression, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

Overview

If you live with someone who is depressed and see their day-to-day life, you may be confused and even afraid at times. And if you have never been depressed yourself, you might have a hard time imagining what it feels like. You may not know much about the causes of depression, how it’s diagnosed, or what treatment options are available.

It can be helpful to know that it is normal to feel confused, overwhelmed, or unsure about what you can do to help. Instead of allowing these fears to keep you from lending a hand, utilize your concern to learn more about the condition and to guide your search for ways you can lend a hand.

Social support can play an important role in mental well-being, including having a protective role against depression. Letting your friend know that you care and that you want to help can be an important first step.

There are many steps you can take to educate yourself about your loved one’s experience with depression, but you also need to take care of your own mental health and well-being.

How to Help Someone With Depression

While every person’s experience with depression is unique (as is the experience of supporting someone who is depressed) here are a few ideas to start with. Learning more about how to support someone with depression can help you feel more empowered and ready to lend a hand.

Take Care of Yourself

You won’t be able to support someone else if you are feeling overwhelmed and depleted yourself. Periodically take some time to step back from the situation and recharge your batteries.

While you can’t «catch» depression the way you would a cold or the flu, the shared genetic and environmental influences may make it more likely that people who live together or are members of the same family will become depressed.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Depression can be demanding both for the person experiencing it and those who care about them. Remember that your feelings are a valid response to what can be, at times, a challenging situation to navigate.

You may find it helpful to find a caretaker support group, talk with a close friend, or see a counselor. The important thing is to vent your frustrations rather than allowing them to build up.

Get the Facts on Depression

There are trusted resources on the internet that provide facts about depression, including symptoms and treatment. Reading up on what depression can feel like as well as the myths, misconceptions, and stigma around mental illness, can help you better understand your loved one’s experience.

Research Your Rights

You should also learn about the other aspects of living with depression, such as informed consent and the legal rights of people seeking treatment. You may also want to inform yourself and your loved one about the relevant disability laws in your state for people who have a mental illness.

Be Supportive

Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can offer to someone going through a hard time is your presence. Just providing a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on can be very comforting. Be patient and let your loved one know you are there for them.

You may decide to share what you’ve learned about depression in your research, but the most important thing you can tell them is that you understand depression is not their fault and that they are not lazy, weak, or worthless.

It’s Not Personal

Depression can impair a person’s social skills as well as make them feel less like being around others. They may become withdrawn, shy, sullen, and angry. 

While it can be hard to be on the receiving end of an outburst, when someone who is depressed lashes out in anger, keep in mind that it may not be related to you at all—you might have just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Avoid Judgment and Blame

If someone you love is depressed and no longer able to do the activities they used to, including working or helping around the house, you may feel like they are lazy. When you get frustrated, try to remember that someone who is depressed isn’t lazy—they’re ill.

Everyday activities like cleaning the house, paying bills, or feeding the dog may seem overwhelming, if not impossible, to someone who is depressed. If your loved one’s responsibilities around the house are piling up, you may not be able to take them on yourself.

In addition to resisting the urge to blame your loved one, try not to blame yourself either. Know that it’s OK if you need to ask for help.

Understand Medications

Many people with depression take medication, if not several. One practical way you can help them is by educating yourself on how the medication works, what the side effects are, and knowing signs to look for that would indicate the treatment is not working or that your loved one has stopped taking a medication (i.e., withdrawal symptoms).

You can also help them remember to refill prescriptions, keep their pills organized, make sure they are taking their medication as prescribed, and reassure them that they are not «crazy» for needing to take it.

Learn About Therapy

In addition to learning about the medication options that are available, spend some time researching the therapy options that are available to treat depression. Types of therapy that may be helpful for your loved one:

Find a Support Group

Support groups can be a beneficial resource for people who have depression as well as their friends and family. Talking to other people who share your experience can be a great way to find encouragement and support. Other members can also offer advice, tips, and information about resources that you might find helpful.

In addition to in-person support groups that might be available in your community, there are also online groups and depression chat rooms where you can discuss your experiences and share what you are feeling.

Offer Hope

Offer your loved one hope in whatever form they are able to accept it. It may be a faith in God or another kind of higher power, their children or pets, or anything in their life that makes them want to keep living.

Know what matters to your loved one and find ways to remind them of it when they feel down and hopeless. Be sure to remind yourself of these things, too.

If someone with depression is showing signs of suicidal ideation, self-harming, or you are worried they are planning to attempt suicide, they need immediate help.

For your loved one’s safety, know the warning signs that could indicate they are suicidal, such as:

Love Them Unconditionally

People who are depressed often feel a deep sense of guilt. They may believe that they are a burden to those around them. Sometimes, they even begin to feel that their loved ones would be «better off» with them.

One of the ways you can combat these feelings is by regularly showing and telling them that you love them unconditionally. When you become discouraged or angry, it’s important to reassure them that you are frustrated with their illness, not them.

Links and Resources

In addition to learning more about how to support the person you care about, it can also be helpful to explore links to some of the best depression resources that can offer more tools, information, and support.

Some resources that can help include:

A Word From Verywell

When you care about someone with depression and are trying to find the best way to help, it’s essential that you have some support yourself. Whether it comes from other people in your life or a support group for caregivers, taking care of yourself not only strengthens your ability to help your loved one but also sets a positive example of good self-care.

Ways to Overcome Depression

Margaret Seide, MS, MD, is a board-certified psychiatrist who specializes in the treatment of depression, addiction, and eating disorders.

Akeem Marsh, MD, is a board-certified child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist who has dedicated his career to working with medically underserved communities.

Carolina Conte / Getty Images

The first thing you should know about overcoming depression is that it is possible. Your choices matter and can make an impact on the course of your illness.

Fortunately, lots of research has been done on some of the lifestyle choices and treatment options that can potentially shorten a depressive episode or decrease the likelihood of a relapse.

Depression is such a complicated illness and effects each individual differently. It makes sense then that there isn’t one silver bullet for recovery from depression. Successful management of depression is typically achieved using a multi-pronged or the ‘come at it from all angles’ approach.

Here is some of what we know about what you can do to help overcome depression.

Press Play for Advice On Mental Strength

Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares 10 lessons about building mental strength. Click below to listen now.

Lifestyle Changes

Sometimes, making some changes to your lifestyle can help to improve your depression.

Exercise

There is some evidence that exercise can lead to improvement in mild to moderate depression. 

However, you should know that some studies are inconclusive about the benefits of exercise on depression or show that the benefits are not long lasting. But don’t put away your sneakers just yet.

Physical activity can still be a constructive coping mechanism, provide temporary relief or distraction from negative emotions and be an integral part of self-care, all of which contribute to the management of depressive symptoms.

Limit Your Alcohol Intake

Watching your alcohol intake is another important step in the battle against depression.

In the short term, alcohol can feel great, alleviate boredom and lessen anxiety. For these reasons, alcohol can be a bit too appealing to the depressed individual. It can feel like a quick fix and easily become an inappropriate way of self-soothing.

Frequent alcohol use can lead to unwanted consequences such as dependence, sleep disturbances and may actually worsen your mood. 

This is not to vilify your glass of wine with dinner, but alcohol is a mood-altering substance that should be approached with caution if you are prone to depressive episodes.

Alcohol added to a festive celebration is quite different from alcohol added to the sadness and anxiety that comes with depression.

Keeping your relationship with alcohol in check can be crucial to keeping your depression in check. Taking a step back with periods of abstinence can help you evaluate the role alcohol is playing in your life.

Make Time For Fun

When was the last time you had fun or had one of those belly laughs that feels like an ab workout? Making time for pleasurable activities and nurturing, quality relationships that bring you joy is an integral part of defeating depression. 

Although depression isn’t always a direct result of your present life circumstances, it is a factor. Your day should include some amount of fun.

Simple acts like connecting with a loved one, a bubble bath or watching a comedy can help you connect to happiness, even if it’s briefly.

Sometimes good times just happen, but you are not alone if you find yourself having to mindfully pursue and make time for a bit of bliss. In other words, take fun seriously.

Medication

The catch about lifestyle changes that help with depression is that, sometimes, you can be too depressed to set those positive changes in motion.

For those individuals who are stuck in that thick, immobilizing mud of depression that makes brushing your teeth or making your bed feel insurmountable, starting an exercise program may not be realistic.

Antidepressants

Medication can be used to diminish your symptoms enough to get started with healthier habits.   Medication; however, is not a replacement for healthier habits.

Antidepressants sometimes get a bad rap, but they are shown to be safe, effective and can significantly shorten the duration of a depressive episode. 

Find a prescriber who can discuss your options with you and who makes time to listen to all of your questions and concerns. You should feel heard and that you have a clear understanding of what you can reasonably expect regarding side effects and benefits.

Many people often wait too long to try medication and view it as a last resort option. While it may not be the best option for everyone, it’s possible that it may work well for you.

When Medication Might Be a Good Option

The standard used in medicine is that the effects of an illness have to be worse than the side effects of treatment for that illness. In other words, if your depression symptoms are more debilitating than the potential side effects of medication, then taking an antidepressant it might be a good choice for you.

If you’re considering medication, speak with your doctor or therapist; they can help you determine whether it’s a good option for you.

Procedures

The following procedures may be used for treatment-resistant depression, or when a patient is not responding to treatment:

Talk Therapy

Psychotherapy can be a great outlet and an opportunity to view your life through a more objective lens. A therapist’s job essentially is to hold space for you to talk through your issues without fear of judgment.

As common as depression is, it can still be an extremely isolating experience. Therapy can help you feel less alone.

The helplessness and hopelessness of depression can obscure a path to meaningful change. A good therapist can help you with this and contribute to lasting recovery from a depressive episode. 

Maintain a Long-Term Relationship With Your Therapist

The truth about depression is that for some, it is a re-occurring illness and many can go on to have several bouts over the course of their lifetime. This makes having a sustained relationship with a mental health professional a good idea.

Depending on what you need at a given time, you can increase or decrease the frequency of the appointments, while maintaining a therapeutic relationship with someone whose approach to therapy works for you and who knows your story.

This is particularly important because the process of finding a therapist or psychiatrist that has time for you, takes your insurance and with whom you connect with is a daunting task for someone in the midst of a depressive episode.

Alternative Treatments

Some people report benefits from the following treatment modalities despite the lack of direct evidence:

Positive Self-Talk

Many people understand that consistent exercise can change your body but some don’t accept that you can apply that same approach to changing the way you think.

Tune in to the tone and content of your inner chatter and work on changing it if it isn’t positive.

Many of us say things to ourselves that we would never dare say to another person. Do you call yourself an idiot when you spill a cup of coffee or can’t immediately master a task at work?

If so, you would benefit from working on changing that. Carve out time every day to speak lovingly and gently to yourself. Try doing it while you shower or just before bed.

Setting the intention to diminish negative inner chatter is an important mental shift that can help with overcoming depression.

A Word From Verywell

Dealing with depression can be daunting but knowing that there are things you can do to manage your mood can be empowering. Your daily habits can help or hinder you on the road to recovery from depression.

If you or a loved one are struggling with depression, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

Helping Someone with Depression

Your support and encouragement can play an important role in your loved one’s recovery. Here’s how to make a difference.

How can I help someone with depression?

Depression is a serious but treatable disorder that affects millions of people, from young to old and from all walks of life. It gets in the way of everyday life, causing tremendous pain, hurting not just those suffering from it but also impacting everyone around them.

If someone you love is depressed, you may be experiencing any number of difficult emotions, including helplessness, frustration, anger, fear, guilt, and sadness. These feelings are all normal. It’s not easy dealing with a friend or family member’s depression. And if you neglect your own health, it can become overwhelming.

That said, your companionship and support can be crucial to your loved one’s recovery. You can help them to cope with depression symptoms, overcome negative thoughts, and regain their energy, optimism, and enjoyment of life. Start by learning all you can about depression and how to best talk about it with your friend or family member. But as you reach out, don’t forget to look after your own emotional health—you’ll need it to provide the full support your loved one needs.

Understanding depression in a friend or family member

Depression is a serious condition. Don’t underestimate the seriousness of depression. Depression drains a person’s energy, optimism, and motivation. Your depressed loved one can’t just “snap out of it” by sheer force of will.

The symptoms of depression aren’t personal. Depression makes it difficult for a person to connect on a deep emotional level with anyone, even the people they love the most. It’s also common for depressed people to say hurtful things and lash out in anger. Remember that this is the depression talking, not your loved one, so try not to take it personally.

Hiding the problem won’t make it go away. It doesn’t help anyone involved if you try making excuses, covering up the problem, or lying for a friend or family member who is depressed. In fact, this may keep the depressed person from seeking treatment.

Your loved one isn’t lazy or unmotivated. When you’re suffering from depression, just thinking about doing the things that may help you to feel better can seem exhausting or impossible to put into action. Have patience as you encourage your loved one to take the first small steps to recovery.

You can’t “fix” someone else’s depression. As much as you may want to, you can’t rescue someone from depression nor fix the problem for them. You’re not to blame for your loved one’s depression or responsible for their happiness (or lack thereof). While you can offer love and support, ultimately recovery is in the hands of the depressed person.

Recognizing depression symptoms in a loved one

Family and friends are often the first line of defense in the fight against depression. That’s why it’s important to understand the signs and symptoms of depression. You may notice the problem in a depressed loved one before they do, and your influence and concern can motivate them to seek help.

Be concerned if your loved one:

Expresses a bleak or negative outlook on life. Is uncharacteristically sad, irritable, short-tempered, critical, or moody; talks about feeling “helpless” or “hopeless.”

Frequently complains of aches and pains such as headaches, stomach problems, and back pain. Or complains of feeling tired and drained all the time.

Sleeps less than usual or oversleeps. Has become indecisive, forgetful, disorganized, and “out of it.”

Eats more or less than usual, and has recently gained or lost weight.

Drinks more or abuses drugs, including prescription sleeping pills and painkillers, as a way to self-medicate how they’re feeling.

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How to talk to someone about depression

Sometimes it is hard to know what to say when speaking to someone about depression. You might fear that if you bring up your worries the person will get angry, feel insulted, or ignore your concerns. You may be unsure what questions to ask or how to be supportive.

If you don’t know where to start, the following suggestions may help. But remember that being a compassionate listener is much more important than giving advice. You don’t have to try to “fix” your friend or family member; you just have to be a good listener. Often, the simple act of talking face to face can be an enormous help to someone suffering from depression. Encourage the depressed person to talk about their feelings, and be willing to listen without judgment.

Don’t expect a single conversation to be the end of it. Depressed people tend to withdraw from others and isolate themselves. You may need to express your concern and willingness to listen over and over again. Be gentle, yet persistent.

Starting the conversation

Finding a way to start a conversation about depression with your loved one is always the hardest part. You could try saying:

Once you’re talking, you can ask questions such as:

Remember, being supportive involves offering encouragement and hope. Very often, this is a matter of talking to the person in language that they will understand and can respond to while in a depressed state of mind.

The risk of suicide is real

What to do in a crisis situation

If you believe your loved one is at an immediate risk for suicide, do NOT leave them alone.

In the U.S., dial 911 or call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.

In other countries, call your country’s emergency services number or visit IASP to find a suicide prevention helpline.

It may be hard to believe that the person you know and love would ever consider something as drastic as suicide, but a depressed person may not see any other way out. Depression clouds judgment and distorts thinking, causing a normally rational person to believe that death is the only way to end the pain they’re feeling.

Since suicide is a very real danger when someone is depressed, it’s important to know the warning signs:

If you think a friend or family member might be considering suicide, don’t wait, talk to them about your concerns. Many people feel uncomfortable bringing up the topic but it is one of the best things you can do for someone who is thinking about suicide. Talking openly about suicidal thoughts and feelings can save a person’s life, so speak up if you’re concerned and seek professional help immediately!

Encouraging the person to get help

While you can’t control someone else’s recovery from depression, you can start by encouraging the depressed person to seek help. Getting a depressed person into treatment can be difficult. Depression saps energy and motivation, so even the act of making an appointment or finding a doctor can seem daunting to your loved one. Depression also involves negative ways of thinking. The depressed person may believe that the situation is hopeless and treatment pointless.

Because of these obstacles, getting your loved one to admit to the problem—and helping them see that it can be solved—is an essential step in depression recovery.

If your friend or family member resists getting help:

Suggest a general check-up with a physician. Your loved one may be less anxious about seeing a family doctor than a mental health professional. A regular doctor’s visit is actually a great option, since the doctor can rule out medical causes of depression. If the doctor diagnoses depression, they can refer your loved one to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Sometimes, this “professional” opinion makes all the difference.

Offer to help the depressed person find a doctor or therapist and go with them on the first visit. Finding the right treatment provider can be difficult, and is often a trial-and-error process. For a depressed person already low on energy, it is a huge help to have assistance making calls and looking into the options.

Encourage your loved one to make a thorough list of symptoms and ailments to discuss with the doctor. You can even bring up things that you have noticed as an outside observer, such as, “You seem to feel much worse in the mornings,” or “You always get stomach pains before work.”

Supporting your loved one’s treatment

One of the most important things you can do to help a friend or relative with depression is to give your unconditional love and support throughout the treatment process. This involves being compassionate and patient, which is not always easy when dealing with the negativity, hostility, and moodiness that go hand in hand with depression.

Provide whatever assistance the person needs (and is willing to accept). Help your loved one make and keep appointments, research treatment options, and stay on schedule with any treatment prescribed.

Have realistic expectations. It can be frustrating to watch a depressed friend or family member struggle, especially if progress is slow or stalled. Having patience is important. Even with optimal treatment, recovery from depression doesn’t happen overnight.

Lead by example. Encourage the person to lead a healthier, mood-boosting lifestyle by doing it yourself: maintain a positive outlook, eat better, avoid alcohol and drugs, exercise, and lean on others for support.

Encourage activity. Invite your loved one to join you in uplifting activities, like going to a funny movie or having dinner at a favorite restaurant. Exercise is especially helpful, so try to get your depressed loved one moving. Going on walks together is one of the easiest options. Be gently and lovingly persistent—don’t get discouraged or stop asking.

Pitch in when possible. Seemingly small tasks can be very hard for someone with depression to manage. Offer to help out with household responsibilities or chores, but only do what you can without getting burned out yourself!

Taking care of yourself

There’s a natural impulse to want to fix the problems of people we care about, but you can’t control someone else’s depression. You can, however, control how well you take care of yourself. It’s just as important for you to stay healthy as it is for the depressed person to get treatment, so make your own well-being a priority.

Remember the advice of airline flight attendants: put on your own oxygen mask before you assist anyone else. In other words, make sure your own health and happiness are solid before you try to help someone who is depressed. You won’t do your friend or family member any good if you collapse under the pressure of trying to help. When your own needs are taken care of, you’ll have the energy you need to lend a helping hand.

Speak up for yourself. You may be hesitant to speak out when the depressed person in your life upsets you or lets you down. However, honest communication will actually help the relationship in the long run. If you’re suffering in silence and letting resentment build, your loved one will pick up on these negative emotions and feel even worse. Gently talk about how you’re feeling before pent-up emotions make it too hard to communicate with sensitivity.

Set boundaries. Of course you want to help, but you can only do so much. Your own health will suffer if you let your life be controlled by your loved one’s depression. You can’t be a caretaker round the clock without paying a psychological price. To avoid burnout and resentment, set clear limits on what you are willing and able to do. You are not your loved one’s therapist, so don’t take on that responsibility.

Stay on track with your own life. While some changes in your daily routine may be unavoidable while caring for your friend or relative, do your best to keep appointments and plans with friends. If your depressed loved one is unable to go on an outing or trip you had planned, ask a friend to join you instead.

Seek support. You are NOT betraying your depressed relative or friend by turning to others for support. Joining a support group, talking to a counselor or clergyman, or confiding in a trusted friend will help you get through this tough time. You don’t need to go into detail about your loved one’s depression or betray confidences; instead focus on your emotions and what you are feeling. Make sure you can be totally honest with the person you turn to—choose someone who will listen without interruption and without judging you.

Authors: Melinda Smith, M.A., Lawrence Robinson, and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.

Last updated: October 2021

How to help in an emotional crisis. (n.d.). https://www.apa.org. Retrieved July 23, 2021, from https://www.apa.org/topics/mental-health/help-emotional-crisis

Gariépy, G., Honkaniemi, H., & Quesnel-Vallée, A. (2016). Social support and protection from depression: Systematic review of current findings in Western countries. The British Journal of Psychiatry, 209(4), 284–293. https://doi.org/10.1192/bjp.bp.115.169094

Belmaker, R. H., & Agam, G. (2008). Major Depressive Disorder. New England Journal of Medicine, 358(1), 55–68. https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJMra073096

Lee, S. L., Pearce, E., Ajnakina, O., Johnson, S., Lewis, G., Mann, F., Pitman, A., Solmi, F., Sommerlad, A., Steptoe, A., Tymoszuk, U., & Lewis, G. (2021). The association between loneliness and depressive symptoms among adults aged 50 years and older: A 12-year population-based cohort study. The Lancet Psychiatry, 8(1), 48–57. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2215-0366(20)30383-7

Elmer, T., & Stadtfeld, C. (2020). Depressive symptoms are associated with social isolation in face-to-face interaction networks. Scientific Reports, 10(1), 1444. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-020-58297-9

Get more help

Helping Someone Receive Treatment – What to do (and not to do) when trying to help a loved one get help for depression. (Families for Depression Awareness)

Helping a Friend or Family Member with Depression or Bipolar Disorder – Downloadable brochure with tips for helping your loved one while also taking care of yourself. (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance)

What is the role of the family caregiver? – Tips on how families can work together to manage depression treatment. (Families for Depression Awareness)

How to Help Someone in Crisis – Advice on how to deal with a depression crisis, including situations where hospitalization is necessary. (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance)

Depression hotlines, suicide prevention help

Depression hotlines

In the U.S.: Find DBSA Chapters/Support Groups or call the NAMI Helpline for support and referrals at 1-800-950-6264

UK: Find Depression support groups in-person and online or call the Mind Infoline at 0300 123 3393

Australia: Find Support Groups and regional resources or call the SANE Help Centre at 1800 18 7263

India: Call the Vandrevala Foundation Helpline (India) at 1860 2662 345 or 1800 2333 330

Suicide prevention help

In the U.S.: Call 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988

UK and Ireland: Call Samaritans UK at 116 123

Australia: Call Lifeline Australia at 13 11 14

Canada: Find Crisis Centers Across Canada by province.

Other countries: Visit IASP or International Suicide Hotlines to find a helpline near you

Self-help for depression

Self-help for depression can be effective for improving mood and managing symptoms. If you’re wondering how to deal with depression, there are simple things you can do on your own.

This can help if:

What are ‘self-help strategies’?

In addition to seeking help from someone you trust or a mental health professional, there are other ways to self help for depression. You might not notice a difference straight away, but practising these skills each day can help you to overcome the ‘cycle’ of depression, where feeling bad about yourself leads you to doing less and feeling worse.

Challenge negative thoughts

Writing down your thoughts is a good way to identify those that are making you feel down and depressed. Just because we think something, it doesn’t mean it’s true; so, learning how to challenge negative thinking can help your overall mood and self-esteem.

For example, if you find yourself thinking: ‘Nobody cares about me’, you can challenge this thought by asking yourself if there are any exceptions to that idea, and coming up with an alternative thought, such as ‘My sister cares about me.’

If your mood is really low and you’re having difficulty challenging your thoughts, avoid writing them down on your own and instead seek help from a mental health professional.

Doing this is a key part of ‘Cognitive Behavioral Therapy’ or CBT, a methodology used widely by psychologists to treat depression. To learn more about ACT, click here.

Avoid using alcohol and drugs

If you’re using alcohol and drugs to cope, you could actually be making your symptoms worse. Sometimes, drugs and alcohol make us feel worse straight away; other times, they might make us feel better initially but later can bring our mood down even lower over time. Get some tips on how you can reduce your alcohol or drug usage.

Stay active

Exercise can make a difference to your energy levels and help stimulate hormones (such as endorphins) that help you to feel better about yourself. Make a realistic goal to increase your level of activity.

For example, if you’ve found it difficult even to get out of bed for the past few days, an achievable goal might be just to leave your room and walk around your home. After that, you could start thinking bigger: set a goal of walking down the street or doing five minutes of yoga at home. Starting small will help make it more manageable and keep your expectations realistic.

Do things you enjoy

When you’re down, it can be hard to get motivated to do the things that make you feel good. It can also seem impossible to enjoy doing something if you’re experiencing depression. Even so, each day, try to make yourself do one thing you used to enjoy doing, to give yourself a sense of achievement.

The activity could be super-simple, such as reading five pages of a book, dancing to a song you like, watching a documentary or spending five minutes drawing.

Talk to someone

It’s common to withdraw when you’re feeling depressed, but this can make you feel worse. Try to reconnect with friends.

Again, make your goal realistic: if you’ve been avoiding your friends altogether, a starting point might be to send a text or to send a reply that you’ve been putting off.

If you don’t feel like talking to someone you know, you could try connecting with others on the ReachOut Online Community.

Get outside

When you interact with nature, including pets, plants, gardens and parks, it reduces stress and boosts your mood. Sunlight also helps to regulate your mood. Try standing for a few minutes outside in the fresh air, or if you can manage it, go for a walk around the block.

If you like spending time outside, you could even try spending an hour a day at your local park reading, drawing or writing.

Try out some changes to the food you eat

The term ‘healthy diet’ means lots of different things to lots of different people. But the truth is, a healthy diet just means eating food which is convenient, comfortable, and gives you all the nutrients you need. However, some research has demonstrated that some nutrients may be super helpful for dealing with depression:

Make sure to check in with your GP before making big changes to your diet.

Practise relaxation

Relaxation is great for reducing stress. Write down a list of things that help you to unwind and keep it handy for when you’ve got some spare time. It doesn’t matter whether you’re playing with dogs in the park, taking a bubble bath or kicking a footy around – as long as it helps you to chill out and recharge. If you’re stuck for ideas, we’ve got a bunch of ways to chill for cheap here.

Think about your media consumption

By now, you’ve probably experienced some of the positive things social media can do for us, and also heard about some of the studies linking social media usage with depression and other mental health challenges. The same thing can also be said of lots of different types of media we consume, from TV shows to movies and games.

One thing you can do is write down all the things you see in the media you consume which makes you feel sad, anxious, or drained. Then, write down everything that makes you feel inspired, connected, and informed. Finally, think about how you can see less of the things in the first list and more of the things on the second list.

For more tips on managing your social media usage, click here.

I’m feeling a bit better and I can do more…what can I do next?

Talk to someone you trust

Depression can feel lonely. Talk with a family member or a close friend about how you’re feeling. They can also provide an outsider’s opinion on what’s going on. If you don’t feel like leaving the house, you could ask them to come and hang out with you at home.

Join a support group

It can be helpful to talk with people who’ve gone through a similar experience. Check out key services for help with depression for more information. You could also chat with someone from a support service, over the phone or online.

Learn positive coping strategies

Things can feel overwhelming when your mood is low, and it can be difficult to know how to cope. We have some strategies here to help build better coping skills.

Set small goals

Don’t aim too high; it could make you feel worse if you can’t meet your expectations. Set yourself small goals and take things one step at a time. See our goal-setting factsheet for more tips.

Learn something new

Developing new skills and achieving things can lift your mood. Write a list of things you would like to try, and pick one to start with. For example, you could sign up to an online course and learn to speak a language or how to code, or you could go on YouTube and learn how to garden, to play an instrument or how to bake.

Get creative

For many people, being creative is a way to think through hard feelings and experiences, and many people find this helpful on the path to recovery. For example, you could write stories or music, draw or paint, or play an instrument.

Develop a healthy sleep routine

Sleep has a huge effect on our physical and emotional health. It’s likely that your previous sleep routine has gotten out of whack, which may affect everything from being able to go to school or work, to having the energy to see your friends. Get some tips to help you get into a sleeping routine.

We know it can be tough to take on any of these tips when you’re feeling really bad. When it comes to self-help, strategies for feeling better are very individual – different things work for different people. Not everyone will want to start doing yoga, for example, so keep trying different ideas if the first thing you try doesn’t help.

Remember: it takes time to get better. Doing something for five minutes every day might feel useless at the time, but you could find that a few weeks later, your mood has improved a bit. Baby steps. You’ve taken the first step in coming here, now keep it up.

What do I do if self-help isn’t working?

If you’ve tried the depression self-help strategies above but your symptoms are still overwhelming, go and see your GP or a mental health professional for additional depression help.

Your GP will have suggestions for alternative things you can try to help manage your depression from day to day, and will be able to assess what to do next. Treatments such as psychological therapy and medication, and having a good relationship with a GP, psychologist and/or psychiatrist, can be effective in treating depression and improving mood.

What can I do now?

Explore other topics

It’s not always easy to find the right place to start. Our ‘What’s on your mind?’ tool can help you explore what’s right for you.

How To Deal With Depression And Get Help

We all must cope with periods of sadness from time to time, whether it’s an after-effect of our own anxieties, during an overly stressful time in our lives, or more. If you are experiencing symptoms of depression that have gone on for a two weeks or longer without getting better, you could be clinically depressed. There are several ways to learn how to deal with depression and back to achieving the happiest version of your life.

One of the most vital aspects to remember when you’re depressed is to take action – no matter how small. It can be challenging to motivate yourself to act when you are depressed, but here are some ways you can deal with depression:

Talk with someone.

Get out of the house. Have lunch with a friend or schedule a work meeting. Give your significant other a phone call. Go to a movie with your sibling. When you’re feeling depressed, you want to withdraw and stay in bed all day. Try to not isolate yourself from others and neglect your relationships and responsibilities. It may not seem like it now, but when you talk with someone, get outside or do something outside of your current comfort zone, your mood will drastically increase.

Spend time with your pet.

Our pets love us unconditionally, even when we are depressed. They can be our own furry renditions of therapy. So, take your dog for a walk. Get a stuffed mouse and play with your cat. Even if you are at home and feel depressed, your pet could allow you to feel needed and less depressed. (Most) pets are naturally affectionate, and it can be therapeutic to pet or snuggle with your favorite animal when you are feeling down.

Do something you love.

Pick up on a hobby that you enjoy – or used to enjoy. When you’re feeling depressed, it can be hard to have fun and engage in activities you usually enjoy. Even if you don’t feel like it, spend some time on some self-love. Write in your journal, plant some new flowers in your garden, play your favorite sport, or go on a hike. Go outside and get a dose of some Vitamin D. Sunlight and fresh air will do you a world of good. You don’t need to do something momentous to be kind to yourself, even taking a moment to drink your favorite kind of tea can make a difference. Many people find listening to music helpful. Try experimenting with how you feel when listening to music that reflects your mood, then music that is opposite of your mood (think, something upbeat); both could feel good to you at different times.

Eat a well-balanced diet.

Changes in appetite can also occur during periods of depression, commonly people experience a loss of appetite, and some experience episodes of eating more than usual (often as a way of trying to cope with emotional suffering). Know that the food you eat is brain-fuel, and your brain needs nutrients in order to start to feel better. It can be hard to find the motivation to cook something good for yourself, but try not to grab for just the quick and easy salty and sugary snacks. There are some foods that are even mood-boosting foods such as foods high in omega-3-fatty acids, and it is not a bad idea to incorporate these healthy foods into your diet.

Ask for help.

It cannot be difficult at times for some people to admit that something is wrong and that they could use support. The important people in your life care about you whether you are feeling depressed or if you are on cloud-nine, and most people actually get enjoyment out of helping out others. If depression is causing you to not be able to keep up with normal tasks, errands, or chores, try accepting some help for a period of time. A family member could throw in a load of laundry for you or a friend could pick up your groceries. When you are feeling back to your usual self again, you can extend a favor in return.

Move your body.

Exercise is a natural stress reliever and releases healthy chemicals called endorphins that can help to improve mood. You don’t have to be an Olympian in training or even go to a gym to get a small amount of exercise (about 30 minutes) a day. Take a brisk walk or ride a bike, jump in a pool, or if the weather is bad try some stretches, aerobics, or yoga. There are many free resources these days on the internet for exercising in doors at home.

Get enough rest.

When we’re depressed, our sleep patterns tend to be out of whack. Try to get at least seven hours of sleep every night. Take a natural supplement like melatonin and try to get up at the same time every day. At the same token, try to go to bed at the same time every night. Be attuned to your body and its needs. On the flip side, do not allow yourself to stay in bed all day, even if depression is trying to keep you there.

Recognize depressive thinking.

The depressed brain generates thoughts about yourself and about the world that are often unrealistic and skewed to the negative. Checking them out with another person can give you a healthy dose of reality. Remember that just because you are having a depressed thought about yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to buy into it.

Practice mindfulness.

Mindfulness exercises are meant to focus attention on what it is happening in the present moment, rather than get stuck in thoughts about the past or the future. They often involve doing breath-work too, which can help you to lessen tension in your body. Depression can impact your ability to focus, concentrate, and make decisions. Practicing mindfulness can help you learn to better focus your attention and not allow your thoughts to run away with you. Mindfulness can also just help to provide a break from a mind that feels too busy.

Attend therapy sessions to learn how to deal with depression.

Find a licensed mental health professional near you or an online therapist so you can talk about what makes you depressed and how to break the cycle. A professional will have solutions to even out your most pressing depression problems.

A therapist can also recommend some good books or other materials to help you cope and conquer depression between therapy sessions.

Read advice columns and all you can about depression and its remedies. These items, as well as hundreds of others, will help you as you cope with depression. On-line support groups also exist, and it can feel nice to know that you are not alone in struggling with this debilitating illness. Try to find a support group with a professional moderator in order to be sure that you are getting the most beneficial support and information.

Commonly Asked Questions On This Topic:

What are 3 ways people deal with depression?
How do you fight the depression?
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How can I be happy?
How do you feel happy?
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How do you get rid of depression and overthinking?
How do you get rid of stress and depression?
What is the most serious form of depression?
What would a depression look like?

Frequently Asked Questions

What are general methods used to treat depression?

Depression is a mental illness that can be helped by a variety of treatments. If you have depression symptoms, talk to a mental health professional to discuss what to do next. Often, doctors recommend a combination of treatment methods, such as medication combined with psychotherapy. Some of the treatment options include:

How do you stop depression?

First, learn to recognize the warning signs of depression, so you can seek help for this mental illness as soon as possible. But how do you find a mental health provider? Start right away to begin your search. Search for health care options in your local community, Search for online therapy platforms, such as BetterHelp. Read reviews and check each therapist’s credentials. Then, choose the therapist that seems right for you. If you start therapy and discover that a therapist isn’t a good fit for you, try again. There is a therapist out there who can help you deal with this mental illness.

During therapy, you’ll work on changing self-defeating negative thoughts and self-destructive behaviors. You’ll learn about managing your depression symptoms and dealing with depression until your mental wellbeing improves. Your therapist will also work with you to improve your resilience so that you can avoid mental illness even after you overcome depression.

Also, you may need to talk to a psychiatrist about starting an antidepressant. Sometimes, people with certainmood disorders need to take mood stabilizers rather than antidepressants. For instance, an antidepressant may cause a manic episode for some people with bipolar disorder. Rely on your psychiatrist for recommendations of evidence-based treatments.

There are also things you can do for yourself to relieve your depression symptoms.

Get help immediately, especially if you’re concerned about suicide prevention. No matter what your mental condition, suicide prevention is always a top priority. That’s because nothing else you do for your mental wellbeing will help you if you don’t take care of suicide prevention whenever those thoughts come up.

How can I lift my mood?

Dealing with depression isn’t easy, but there are some ways to lift a depressed mood. Here are some ideas that might help you with this mental illness when you’re depressed.

What can reduce pain and depression?

While depression is a mental illness, it can also make physical ailments feel worse. And medical problems like pain can increase your symptoms of depression as well. Because the same neurotransmitters and nerves are affected by both depression and pain, what makes one worse often does the same for the other. Fortunately, it also means what helps one helps the other, too.

Antidepressants, for example, can help both depression and pain at the same time. Although tricyclic antidepressants have been proven helpful, they aren’t prescribed much anymore due to side effects. However, serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) can help both chronic pain and the mental illness of depression with very few side effects.

Exercise can also be extremely helpful in reducing depression and chronic pain. You might be hesitant to go to the gym or take a walk because you fear increased pain. But what actually happens for many people is the brain chemicals that are released during exercise make them feel better, both physically and mentally.

Talking to a counselor is another way to manage pain, depression, and any other mental illness you might have. During therapy, you can change negative thoughts about the pain. When your thoughts are more positive and realistic, you might find that the pain isn’t so distressing. And at the same time, you can reduce your depression to improve your mental health and feel better all the way around.

Can painkillers help with depression?

Not necessarily. Sometimes, painkillers can make mental illness worse.

If you’re depressed and in pain, dealing with your mental illness is as important as relieving your physical symptoms. And it might seem natural to assume that a pain reliever would help you if you’re depressed. In some cases, they can. Painkillers can make you feel more comfortable and less focused on your pain. Then, you can put more effort into avoiding negative thinking and managing symptoms of depression.

But there are two problems that can come up when you’re depressed and take painkillers. The two issues are substance abuse and the interaction of painkillers with antidepressants.

People who take opioids and certain other types of painkillers can develop substance abuse problems. Even though these medications are prescribed, taking them too often is a form of substance abuse called prescription drug abuse. And substance abuse nearly always makes depression worse. In addition, the strongest pain medications can depress your central nervous system, so they can cause depression even if you don’t abuse them.

Also, for many people, the combined mental and physical pain of comorbid depression and chronic pain becomes unbearable. For those people, having opioids or other strong painkillers on hand may be especially dangerous. Many doctors consider suicide prevention a good reason to avoid giving patients with depression the strongest pain medications.

So, you might be thinking you’ll be fine if you stick to over-the-counter pain meds. However, if you are taking antidepressants for mental illness, that might not be the best idea. Taking an OTC NSAID might help you if you don’t have depression. But if you’re taking an SSRI antidepressant, research has shown that certain NSAIDs, such as ibuprofen and acetaminophen, as well as aspirin, can prevent the SSRI from providing its full benefit.

Can depression make you gain weight?

Yes. This mental illness can make you gain weight, and it can also cause you to lose weight, depending on the symptoms you have. Suppose one of your symptoms is having a bigger than usual appetite and eating more than you usually do. This combination could cause you to put on weight very rapidly.

You might also stop going out and exercising because you feel too little energy to get out of bed. You’re burning fewer calories, so you’ll naturally tend to add pounds. If you’re too depressed to care what others think of you or too self-critical to believe you can ever look fit and trim, that can also decrease your motivation to stick to healthy eating and exercise. Finally, people who don’t sleep the right number of hours every night tend to gain weight.

Anyone with eating disorders should be especially mindful of their eating habits during depression. But even if the only mental illness you have is depression, it’s a good idea to discuss your eating and sleeping habits with your therapist. If you’re not sure what healthy eating and exercise look like, ask your physician for health information on these topics. Support groups are also helpful for dealing with the weight gain of depression.

Is overeating a symptom of depression?

Yes, it can be. Overeating is one symptom of depression. Some related symptoms are increased appetite and significant weight gain.

But don’t assume that you don’t have depression if you aren’t overeating. Depression can also cause loss of appetite, eating too little, and weight loss.

What is a stressed belly?

Stress belly is a common term that refers to an increase in belly size due to stress. It’s another way a mental illness affects your physical wellbeing. A combination of the effects of the fight-or-flight response and increased cortisol causes you to put on fat around your middle. This happens when you’re under a lot of stress for a long time. And if you have depression, your stress belly might get bigger because of the other effects of that mental illness.

Does depression give you memory loss?

It can, in some cases. One study found that the hippocampus reduced in size after people had major depression. Because the hippocampus is a brain structure that is important in both mood and memory, they both can be affected. They found that this is more likely to happen in people with late-onset depression. But it also happens to a lesser degree for people with early-onset depression.And it happens most often when people are chronically depressed for a long time. Long-term traumatic stress can be especially harmful. Also, people who have been clinically depressed are more likely to develop dementia later in their lives.

Another factor is substance abuse. Many people respond to depression by getting involved in drug abuse. Rather than seek treatment, they self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. Since drugs and alcohol can impair memory, substance abuse is an indirect effect of depression on memory.

What happens to the brain during depression?

Here are several things that happen:

Fortunately, getting the right treatment as early as possible can reverse or minimize these changes. To get more health information about the effects of depression on your brain, talk to your psychiatrist or therapist.

How can I improve my memory?

First, avoid the damage that can happen if you’re depressed too long. Get help from a therapist or psychiatrist and ask about treatments like antidepressants and psychotherapy. Take some time to gather health information on depression and its effects on memory. Also, get depression support from your family members, who know you and share some of your memories.

If traumatic stress has affected your memory of certain events that you want to remember, therapy is a good way to get those memories back.

If substance abuse has been an issue for you, get help right away. Substance abuse will impair your memory but stopping now will end its damage sooner. And after your substance abuse problem is over, your brain will have the chance to repair itself as much as possible.

Sometimes the best approach to memory problems is to acknowledge them and be ready when they happen.For example, if you’re concerned that you won’t remember the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, write it on a card and keep it in your wallet. Suicide prevention is something you just can’t afford to leave to chance.

How can I exercise my brain?

Harvard Health offers some interesting suggestions for exercising your brain and improving your memory. Here are some things they suggest.

Other things you can do include:

How can I make my brain think faster?

Computer and video games designed to improve memory and brain function are a great way to speed up your brain. You have to think and react quickly to make progress in the games. When you succeed, the sights and sounds light up the reward system in your brain, which encourages you to keep going.

Should you always speak your mind?

No, not always. While it is good to speak out about your thoughts and feelings when you can, there are other times when doing so will make matters worse for you or someone else.

Consider what would happen if someone you knew was considering suicide. Maybe you feel impatient with them. You want to tell them to grow up and quit complaining. That could make them feel so much worse that they even make a plan to commit suicide. When it comes to suicide prevention, you need to think very carefully about what to say before you say the first thing that pops into your mind.

Or think about what would happen if you shouted at someone who is dealing with the traumatic stressof spousal abuse. Maybe you only want them to get out of a bad situation. But your angry words might cause them to fear coming to you with problems they desperately need to solve.

Here’s another example of how the wrong words can have a bad effect. If someone is struggling with substance abuse, telling them they’ll never quit using might cause them to give up trying. Your negative thinking may derail their efforts to get clean and sober.

Speaking your mind can be freeing. It can allow you to express your feelings in a healthy way. But you need to be mindful of how your words will affect others you don’t want to hurt. And you need to remember that saying what you think can sometimes make your life harder, too. You might say things you’ll regret later – things that could damage your relationships or ruin your reputation.

So, whether you’re worried about suicide prevention, trying to protect your reputation, or just attempting to get along with someone better, think before you speak. Choose the most appropriate times to vent. The rest of the time, be more thoughtful about your words.