How to make your own vagina

How to Wash Your Vagina

This article was co-authored by wikiHow staff writer, Megaera Lorenz, PhD. Megaera Lorenz is an Egyptologist and Writer with over 20 years of experience in public education. In 2017, she graduated with her PhD in Egyptology from The University of Chicago, where she served for several years as a content advisor and program facilitator for the Oriental Institute Museum’s Public Education office. She has also developed and taught Egyptology courses at The University of Chicago and Loyola University Chicago.

There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

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Your vagina is a delicate part of the body that needs proper care to stay clean and healthy. The vagina itself (the internal opening that leads to your cervix) is self-cleaning and doesn’t need to be washed. However, it’s important to wash your vulva (the outer part of your genitals) and the area around your anus to help prevent infections and irritation in the vagina. Establish a daily washing routine to keep the area around your vagina clean. You can also keep clean by adopting good hygiene habits, such as wearing breathable cotton underwear and wiping front to back when you use the bathroom.

How to Make Breakfast With Your Vagina

The idea first came up while a friend and I were discussing the vagina’s probiotic properties. «Why is there a whole cookbook of cum-based recipes and not a SINGLE THING on Google about culturing jazz juice?» she wrote in a message to me and a few of our friends.

So, as the disapproving ghost of Julia Child looked on, she grabbed a spoon, a pan, and a candy thermometer, and set out to create yogurt from her vagina—the ultimate in locally-sourced cuisine.

Cecilia Westbrook is a friend of mine, and an MD/PhD student at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. We had joked before about making yogurt from vaginal secretions—predictable jokes about the dietary benefit of eating pussy, about naming the product ‘Queeffer’—but then a Google search was performed and: nothing. Not even in medical literature. Curiosity piqued, Westbrook began to research in earnest. What choice did she have but to try it herself?

Every vagina is home to hundreds of different types of bacteria and organisms. These organisms—collectively known as the vaginal community—produce lactic acid, hydrogen peroxide, and other substances that keep the vagina healthy. The dominant bacteria is called lactobacillus, which also happens to be what people sometimes use to culture milk, cheese, and yogurt.

But Westbrook didn’t make her yogurt just for the sake of some amazing jokes. And she certainly didn’t make it because she was hungry. She knew enough about the chemistry of the vagina to think that eating a batch of yogurt made from her ladyjuices would be good for her. Seriously.

Her first batch of yogurt tasted sour, tangy, and almost tingly on the tongue. She compared it to Indian yogurt, and ate it with some blueberries.

The reason was probiotics—friendly bacteria that, when ingested, are believed to help in keeping our intestines healthy. You’ve surely seen the ads for probiotic yogurts for your gut. But there are vagina-specific probiotics for sale too, which claim to to keep your vagina healthy by making sure there are more of your particular «good» bacteria down there than the bad.

«You can take a probiotic orally and have the bacteria end up in the vagina,» said Larry Forney, a microbiologist at the University of Idaho. «So the whole idea of eating yogurt to treat your vagina, you stop and think about it a moment and go ‘Wait, isn’t there a problem here with the plumbing?’ But somehow it works.»

In theory, anyhow. And what could be healthier than taking healthy bacteria from her vagina, Westbrook reasoned, and culturing more of it to later ingest?

The «collection method» was done with a wooden spoon. She set up a positive control (made with actual yogurt as the starter culture) and a negative control (plain milk with nothing added), and combined her own home-made ingredient to the third batch of yogurt. Left overnight, the magic of biology created a respectably-sized bowl.

Her first batch of yogurt tasted sour, tangy, and almost tingly on the tongue. She compared it to Indian yogurt, and ate it with some blueberries.

This is not, it turns out, a very good idea at all.

According to Forney, «When you take vaginal secretions, you’re not just taking the lactobacilli. You’re taking everything.» And it’s possible that, from day to day, or woman to woman, «what you’re using in your yogurt is no longer dominated by lactobacilli but other bacteria, some of which could be pathogenic,» he explained.

Sometimes this imbalance can cause yeast infections and other unpleasant nether times. You wouldn’t want those organisms ending up in your breakfast. Even a healthy vagina hosts organisms that could be bad news if cultured, too.

«It’s a bad idea in general,» Forney said. «But there is an element of it that has some appeal: she’s using bacteria from her own vagina.»

Since every woman has a different balance of bacteria and lactobacilli, vaginal probiotics can be of questionable usefulness. But if a company or university developed probiotics that were customized to a woman’s own vaginal microbial flora, it would be far more effective than what’s at the grocery store today, Forney explained.

The health benefits of eating her personal probiotics might not have been as straight-forward as Westbrook had hoped, but there was at least some merit to Westbrook’s plan. «I like what she’s doing in principle, but it’s risky, because she doesn’t know what else she’s doing and she could end up with a bad batch,» Forney said.

The US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) agreed. According to Theresa Eisenman, press officer at the agency’s Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition, «vaginal secretions are not considered ‘food’, and they may transmit human disease, a food product that contains vaginal secretions or other bodily fluids is considered adulterated.»

In other words, like raw milk and certain kinds of stinky cheese, you’re not going to find «Ceci’s Yonigurt» for sale on a store shelf anytime soon.

Westbrook had already made a second batch by the time I learned that making yogurt from one’s vagina was not a thing that anyone should do. But despite the discouragement of everyone from Forney to the FDA, she’s feeling fine. And she won’t be culturing any more.

«In a way, it’s so obvious. Like, of course you can make yogurt out of your natural flora. But who would think to do it?» said Westbrook. «And of course the feminist in me wants to say something about how there’s a beauty in connecting your body to your food and exploring the power that your vagina has. Part of that is kind of a mystical hippie thing, but part of it is also just getting comfortable with your own body, especially in a culture that is so uncomfortable with women’s bodies.»

For what it’s worth, Westbrook said her second batch tasted even more tart, like slightly-spoiled milk—proof that sadly, eating yogurt made from vaginal secretions isn’t quite the same as eating actual pussy.

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ZeitClites

You probably already know that every year I perform in a charity production of Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues, and every year I make a few dozen vagina cupcakes to sell in the lobby before the show. Because who doesn’t want to eat a vagina cupcake, amiright?

Hell, my cupcakes even appeared in the first edition of Karen Alpert’s book “I Heart My Little A-Holes.” (I say first edition, because when HarperCollins picked it up for publication, they cut my chapter, saying it was too risque. Vagina motherfuckers.)

My pussycakes are in a book!

But I can hear you out there, thinking to yourself, “If only I knew how to make these myself at home. They’d be terrific at the school band bake sale!”

So as part of my contribution to mankind, I thought it was about time I clued everyone in on how to make these at home. It’s pretty easy, you guys! Just follow these simple steps I’ve outlined below. And if you want to see how I learned, then check out Chaos Bakery’s video “How To Make a Vagina Cupcake” on YouTube.

For real, there’s videos out there about this.

Step 1 – Have a reason to make vagina cupcakes, such as you’re doing The Vagina Monologues (duh), you want to make a graphic impression at a baby shower, or you want to explain anatomy in a relatable way to a high school biology class.

Step 2 – Bake cupcakes. I did mine from a box. Because, honestly, noone really even notices the flavor when they are biting into an anatomically correct vagina cupcake. I added a little food coloring to give them a more “fleshy” appearance.

Step 3 – Frost lightly. Again, I added a little food coloring to aid in the flesh-coloring. Add more or less to make it the flesh color you desire. We all know there are an infinite number of flesh colors out there.

Step 4 – Make some fondant (you can do this ahead of time). Here is the recipe I used. It’s pretty easy to make your own, I would discourage buying it pre-made because it’s kind of gross.

Step 5 – Fashion the outer lips (the labia majora if scientific terms turn you on) with your fondant. I cut out circles of fondant using a glass and cut each circle in half. Then you fold up the straight side a little bit to make the lips. The frosting on the top of the cupcake holds the fondant in place.

Feed me, Seymour!

Step 6 – Add a clitoris. You can use fondant, as Chaos Bakery does, or get creative. This year, I used strawberry-flavored tic-tacs and Starburst jelly beans because it’s Easter. Why not?

They look excited…

Step 7 – Fashion the inner lips (labia minora) with little scraps of fondant. Mine are kind of wild and crazy. Make ’em long, make ’em short, whatever. They come in all sizes.

Step 8 – Spread a little frosting around the outside. You will now attach the “pubic hair” to that. I used toasted coconut, chocolate sprinkles, and gold sugar and pressed it into the frosting. Shake off the excess. Or go without!

Don’t get the hair stuck in your teeth.

Step 9 – The final step is to use a little food coloring to color the inner lips to give them dimension. I used red gel and purple gel food coloring, depending on the color of the cupcake.

Voila! There you have it. Vagina cupcakes you can make at home. Here are some pictures of all the different kinds I made – a total of 60. So many vaginas, so little time!

And here is the video from Chaos Bakery. Chef Bev does an excellent job walking you through all the steps.

IN VAG WE TRUST! GO FORTH AND MAKE VAGINA CUPCAKES, YOU VAGINA WARRIORS, YOU!

How To Make Your Vagina Smell Better

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OK gals, have you ever asked yourself “How do I make my vagina smell good?” Time for a topic that is a bit edgy, but one that many of us struggle with in silence due to its embarrassing connotations. Given how the female sexual organs are composed, it so happens that the most enjoyable sexual act that can be performed on many of us is the very titillating act of cunnilingus.

The sheer density of nerve endings packed into the clitoris and the first third of the vagina mean that partners with a skilled tongue can send you to untold heights of erotic ecstasy.

However, some women suffer from a particularly troublesome issue: their lady parts, for whatever reason … smell. The first thing you need to know on this is that you are far from the only girl dealing with this biochemical problem.

7 Easy Steps To A Better Smelling & Tasting Vagina

Everything you eat has the potential to positively or negatively affect the way your bodily secretions, including sexual fluids, smell and taste. That’s right: the aspects behind the fetid smells emanating from down there can be fixed through changing the foods you eat and by cleaning them in more effective manner. So with you’re ready to turn your vagina from a landfill to a fragrant bed of flowers, pay attention and take notes!

How To Make Your Vagina Smell Better – Tip #1: Use Soap and water

Think you’re fine ignoring your lady parts? Clearly by now, you realize the answer is no. You need to wash your vagina not once, but TWICE a day in order to properly remove any vaginal odor. Make sure you use a soap that is not aggressively alkaline (like Ivory), nor should you use the fancy scented soaps, despite what you might think (1).

Additionally, there are intimate body washes that will clean your insides and clitoris without risking the irritation that can sometimes occur with mass market soap bars.

While they are a bit pricey, their pH is specially formulated to prevent the burning that can dissuade you from doing the through cleaning you ought to be pursuing on a daily basis.

If you’re constantly sweating down below, try carrying baby wipes with you everywhere you go. Every time you use the bathroom, take one and give your parts a quick wipe down (2).

Aside from upkeeping your vaginal cleanliness, this practice can also reduce infections in your vagina and in your urinary tract, making it a worthwhile habit to adopt.

What underpants are you currently rocking? If they are made of synthetic threads, they have the unfortunate tendency of letting less air pass through than materials such as cotton. This allows humidity to build up down there, thus creating the perfect environment for bacteria to thrive (3).

Cotton panties are much better at this task, so root out those unnatural undies from your dresser drawer and replace them with ones that will let your vagina breathe easier. Follow this rule and no more worrying about how to keep your vagina smelling fresh.

3. How To Make Your Vagina Smell Better – Tip #3: Check the label on your laundry detergent for added dyes and fragrances

The composition of your underwear isn’t the only concern when it comes combating the effects of external forces on the scent of your privates. Something as innocuous sounding as your favorite brand of laundry soap can also create a conflict that can effect its smell.

Check to see if your laundry detergent contains fragrances or dyes, as these added chemicals can have unintended side effects as it relates to your scent. Switching to a brand that is unscented and contains no added dyes should help eliminate vaginal smells (4).

Since we are avoiding scents in our laundry detergents and soaps, it also makes sense to stop doing what you may have already been doing to mask the smell that has been plaguing your undercarriage.

Many try to spray perfume on their vagina to make it smell better for their partners, but the ingredients in these products actually mix with the bacteria that is causing the problem to make the putrid scent even worse.

4. How To Make Your Vagina Smell Better – Tip #4: Trimming the hedge: reducing the effect of pubic hair on feminine odor

While the biochemical signatures are at the core of your scent problem, your pubic hair acts as a wick to magnify the scent that your lady parts produce (5).

From an evolutionary standpoint, this has attracted mates in the past history of our species, but since our social behaviors have shifted so much since then, having excessive hair tends to be less of a help these days and more of a hindrance.

By removing your excess pubic hair, you take away the transmission mechanism that turns the olfactory volume of your privates down from a 9/10 to more like a 2 or a 3. Besides, many partners prefer trimmed or completely removed pubes these days, so give it a try! Grab the razor and stoping fretting over how to make your vagina smell good.

5. How To Make Your Vagina Smell Better – Tip #5: Make sure a yeast infection is not the cause of your problem

You’ve scrubbed and been militant about hygiene and the products you use for cleaning, but your foul stench still persists. Another cause of bad smells coming from one’s vagina is a yeast infection (6).

After getting properly diagnosed by a doctor, be sure to obtain a medicinal cream such as Vagisil. It is readily available at most pharmacies, and with proper use, it can eliminate the itchiness and terrible odor that defines a yeast infection.

6. How To Make Your Vagina Smell Better – Tip #6: Avoid hot baths and hot tubs

Exposing your vagina to overly hot water can kill a lot of your body’s natural bacteria which preserves the delicate balance of your vagina.

7. How To Make Your Vagina Smell Better – Tip #7: Eat the right foods: what you eat = how you smell

Alcohol, asparagus, red meat, garlic, dairy and broccoli are some of the foods that tend to cause unpleasant odors, while citrusy fruits like pineapple can actually improve the way we smell and taste.

The foods we consume are digested by the body and carried through the bloodstream to various glands and tissues, including sweat glands, the prostate and seminal vesicle (where seminal fluid is created) and the Skene’s glands and vaginal wall (where vaginal lubrication is created.)

The smell and taste of food molecules we ingest can be released through the secretions produced by these glands and tissues, resulting in a noticeable difference in our body fragrance and flavor.

Diet modifications may improve the taste and smell of your secretions, but you would probably have to give up some of your favorite foods–like garlic and red meat–and ingest unrealistic amounts of foods that may make you smell and taste better, like pineapple and vanilla, in order to see a positive result.

While we all love a juicy steak or a battered drumstick of fried chicken, going too heavy on the meat can negatively effect your scent, no matter how much you wipe or clean your lady parts (7). In order to improve your overall scent, you’ll need to increase your consumption of fruits and vegetables.

Nuts like almonds and dairy products like Greek yogurt also work well in your efforts to achieve a sweet taste and the flowery smell you want to greet your partner with when they go diving into your South Seas.

While certain diets that you may be on can effect the quantities of fruits you can consume in a day (the Keto Diet certainly comes to mind), one can cut back on proteins from animal sources for a time, and consume measured amounts of fruits like berries, watermelon and grapes, while vegetables like celery will work well within the bounds of ones diet.

When it comes to food that you should limit or avoid in your quest for a pleasant smelling private area, call to mind the meals that smell or make your other bodily secretions (urine and feces) smell bad.

This includes such foods as asparagus, garlic and onions, as well as coffee, alcohol, and even the tropical treat known as durian (7). This doesn’t mean you have to strike them from your diet forever, but if you think you might have a chance at getting lucky in the near future, it pays to limit these food, and to gorge on the flowery foods mentioned previously.

Those on the Paleo Diet will have an easier go of things when it comes to eating foods that will make their vagina smell and taste better, as they can consume up to 50 grams of carbs a day without violating the terms of this regimen, but be on your guard if you are adhering to Keto, as anything more than 20 grams will take you out of the ketogenic state that you need to make this diet work. You can eat for optimal lubrication, to reduce cramps, and to ward off UTIs. The food we consume has a significant impact on the odors we secret. Next time you go to the fridge to grab a snack, you now know what to eat and how to make your vagina not smell.

8 foods that make your vagina smell good:

1. Vanilla

Mayan and Aztec civilizations have known about the properties of vanilla for ages. They would grind fresh pods to create medicinal elixirs and use it as royal drinks. Vanilla has been found to be a powerful antimicrobial with properties that can help against the growth of three different yeasts.

2. Cranberries

If you’ve ever had a UTI, then you’ve probably made a midnight dash to the corner store for cranberry juice. Researchers believe that cranberries contain substances that prevent infection-causing bacteria from sticking to the urinary tract walls. However, store-bought cranberry juice is typically all sugar, which will only feed the bacteria and further irritate a UTI. So make sure to stick with straight cranberries.

3. Dark leafy greens

Feeling a little dry down there? Dark leafy greens such as spinach, kale, and sea vegetables are naturally blood-purifying, which means they enhance circulation, which in turn speeds up stimulation. The darker the leaf, the better.

4. Soy

I know soy gets a bad name, but it’s actually full of phytoestrogens (a synthetic form of estrogens) that keep our vaginas well-lubricated. And we all like our vaginas well-lubricated. Aim for organic, unprocessed soy, like edamame.

5. Pineapple

Pineapples are loaded with vitamins and minerals including vitamin A, vitamin C, calcium, phosphorus, and potassium. If you chow down on pineapple, or better yet, add more citrus into your diet, you will likely smell and taste slightly sweeter than usual, and be getting a good amount of vitamin C.

6. Kimchi & Miso

Beyond its important live cultures, miso is extremely nutrient-dense and believed to alkalinize the body and stop the effects of carcinogens in the system. Besides beneficial bacteria, kimchi is also a great source of beta-carotene, calcium, iron and vitamins A, C, B1 and B2. Both kimchi and miso are full of probiotics which balance our pH level and ward off yeast infections and UTIs.

7. Avocados

Avocado is a healthy food for women when eaten in moderation. Avocados are full of vitamins and beneficial fat that boosts your overall health. The healthy fats in avocados support healthy vaginal walls, and the B6 and potassium levels found in the fruit are thought to boost our libidos.

8. Zinc

Zinc is an essential mineral that women require on a daily basis to stay healthy. Although zinc is needed in small amounts, a zinc deficiency can cause some serious problems like hair loss. Zinc also helps combat dryness, itching, and regulates the menstrual cycle. If you want a zinc boost, try eating almonds or pumpkin seeds.

References

Fertility Chef

Fertility Chef provides online PCOS diet & nutrition resources for women. Learn what a PCOS diet is & how it works.

How to Douche for Feminine Hygiene

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Although douching was once a common practice, it has fallen out of popular use in recent years. Studies show that douching can cause bacterial infections and problems during pregnancy, making it a less-than-perfect cleaning method. [1] X Research source If, however, your doctor has suggested that you douche, follow the steps below to do it correctly and safely.

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About This Article

To douche for feminine hygiene, first prepare a douching solution by mixing 1 part vinegar and 3 parts water. Alternatively, purchase a douching kit from your drug store if you don’t want to make your own solution. Pour the solution into a squeeze bottle before getting into the shower or bath tub. Then, place the tip of the bottle inside your vagina and squeeze the solution out. After you’ve finished cleaning inside your vagina, wash the outside with a mild soap and water. Finish by cleaning the douche bottle and the bath tub if you spilt any of the solution while douching. For tips on how to know when it’s a good time to douche, keep reading!