How to stop comparing yourself to others
How to stop comparing yourself to others
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others – A Helpful Guide
Written by joshua becker · 253 Comments
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” —Theodore Roosevelt
I’ve struggled with it most of my life. Typically, I blame it on having a twin brother who is five inches taller with much broader shoulders. But if I was being truly honest, more likely, it is simply a character flaw hidden somewhere deep in my heart.
I’ve lived most of my life comparing myself to others. At first, it was school and sports. But as I got older, I began comparing other metrics: job title, income level, house size, and worldly successes.
I have discovered there is an infinite number of categories upon which we can compare ourselves and an almost infinite number of people to compare ourselves to. And with how flooded we are by social media, it’s easier than ever to constantly find someone “better” to compare ourselves to, which only serves to make us feel bad about ourselves.
Once we begin down that road, we never find an end.
The tendency to compare ourselves to others is as human as any other emotion. Certainly, I’m not alone in my experience. But it is a decision that only steals joy from our lives. And it is a habit with numerous shortcomings:
Indeed, the negative effects of comparisons are wide and far-reaching. Likely, you have experienced (or are experiencing) many of them first-hand in your life as well.
How then, might we break free from this habit of comparison?
Tips on How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
How do you stop constantly comparing yourself to others? Here are some useful tips that have worked really well:
With so many negative effects inherent in comparison, it is a shame we ever take part in it. But the struggle is real for most of us. Fortunately, it does not need to be. And the freedom found in comparing less is entirely worth the effort.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else’s highlight reels.
Further Reading
If you’re interested in reading the study yourself, you can find it here. But be aware that the study itself isn’t accessible for free (while the USA Today article is free to read).
Stop comparing yourself to others: do these 10 things instead
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Even though most of us try not to, we’re all guilty of comparing ourselves to others. We can make comparisons like, “I wish I dressed like so-and-so,” or, “I wish I were as rich as them.”
This is often unconscious, but it’s important to try to train ourselves to stop. While it may motivate us to better ourselves, constantly comparing ourselves to others can lead to negative thoughts.
Why do I compare myself to others?
Human beings are social creatures, and comparison is common throughout our entire history.
Social media platforms like Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook bombard us with posts about what we lack. These apps are comparison traps that encourage us to question aspects of our own lives.
It’s easy to forget that social media is a highlight reel of other people’s lives. We see their best moments, but don’t usually witness their struggles.
How does comparison affect my life?
Too much comparison leads to unhappiness and low self-esteem. We become frustrated with ourselves for «not being good enough,» or angry with others.
Some real-life examples of comparisons are:
Feelings of jealousy, frustration, and hopelessness emerge if comparisons continue. If left unaddressed, chronic anxiety and depression can stem from such behavior.
To avoid comparisons, people may look for others’ faults to make themselves feel better. This is just as unhealthy as tearing yourself apart for what you don’t have or don’t look like.
I want to stop comparing myself to others: what do I do?
To halt the comparison habit, focus on bettering yourself and boosting your confidence. Try to train your mind to step away from unfavorable comparisons. Seek instead to embrace kindness and a positive attitude. It’s hard work, but it pays off.
Here are some things you can do to take the initiative to stop comparing yourself to others.
1. Be aware of your triggers and avoid them
Is there someone in your life who often puts you down? Or maybe you feel inadequate when a colleague brags. Perhaps there’s a specific place that makes you feel bad, like wandering through an expensive store at the mall.
Once you are aware of situations that make you likely to engage in comparisons, you can take action to avoid them.
2. Limit your time on social media
Social media keeps us up to date on our family and friends, current events, and raises awareness. But like most things, it’s best in moderation. Over scrolling on social media, especially when consuming lifestyle and beauty content, can have negative effects on our self-worth.
Unfollow accounts that cause you to compare yourself to others. Turn off your phone after a certain time of day and don’t respond to every message or comment you receive.
Ask yourself if you could spend your time on social media more constructively instead. Could you read a book? Go for a walk? Call a friend?
3. Avoid comparing other peoples’ «outsides» to your own «insides»
No one truly knows what’s happening behind the scenes in someone else’s life. Everyone is facing their own struggles.
4. Remind yourself that «money doesn’t buy happiness»
5. Count your blessings
6. Use comparison as motivation
Comparisons can be a great catalyst for change, so long as it’s healthy. Instead of feeling envious of other people’s accomplishments, think about how they were able to achieve them. Then, see how you can replicate them.
Being inspired by someone you know to be kinder or more open-minded can lead you to be a better person.
7. Focus on your strengths
It’s okay to be humble, but you should also be proud of what you’ve accomplished. Too much humility is just as harmful as too much self-confidence.
Make a list of what you like about yourself. Writing things down can help us recognize and accept the truth instead of speaking it aloud. You can be as general or as specific as you like, and let this list serve as a reminder of your strengths.
8. Celebrate other people too
We must be our biggest supporters, but self-advocacy can coexist with supporting others. Spread positivity by cheering on your friends and coworkers for their milestones.
9. Remember that insecurities are universal
It’s normal for you to compare yourself to others. We all experience self-doubts and fears that get the best of us now and then. Even the most confident people feel insecure sometimes.
10. Use your past self as a benchmark of comparison
The only real competition you have is who you were yesterday, who you were last month, or who you were a year ago. You’ll be able to see real growth through retrospection and be proud of your growth.
Inspiring quotations to defeat comparisons
Here are some wise words from others that are sure to help spark that urge to stop comparing your life to others and appreciate your amazing self just a little bit more.
The bottom line
The only person you should be comparing yourself to is yourself. Your efforts should focus on growing from within, being kinder, more resilient, working hard, and being more open instead of whether or not your hair is long enough or you’re as strong as someone else.
BetterUp was created to help us understand ourselves and take charge of our own lives. Clarity, purpose, and passion, and the tools to go after what matters to you.
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others Right Now!
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A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.
Let me save you thousands of hours of therapy and the time it takes to read dozens of self-help books.
Stop comparing yourself with others.
I am sure the idea of not comparing yourself with others is not entirely new to you. Likely you have heard it dozens or even hundreds of times.
Not comparing yourself to others has become a platitude. But it is a platitude because it is so true and so important.
(Side note: Another positive way to improve your life is to read and learn something new every day. A great tool to do this is to join over 1 million others and start your day with the latest FREE, informative news from this website.)
What You Will Learn
Why is it bad to compare yourself with others?
Comparing yourself to others is one of the easiest ways to feel bad about yourself. You see what others are doing on social media, at work, and on television, and compare yourself unfavorably with these folks.
Everyone seems more accomplished and better looking, has a better job title and a nicer home, is more physically fit and wealthier, or just seems to be having a better time in their lives.
These negative comparisons are the path to unhappiness. They make you feel jealous, inadequate, and inferior. They cause you to make poor decisions. They cause you to feel greater stress, anxiety, and depression.
In short, making comparisons with others just sets you up for failure.
Here at DGH, we are all about making changes in your life, and replacing all your bad habits with good habits. But these habit changes should be something that YOU need for YOU, not what you perceive you need from watching others.
Where Comparisons Fail
Before we take a detailed look at how to stop comparing yourself to others, let’s take a look at why comparing yourself to others sucks.
1. You see the result, not the effort.
When you look at someone else’s success, you only see the result. You may be looking at years of effort, comparing your beginnings to their end. To achieve the success you desire, you need to walk the road to success. It never helps to jump to the end and make comparisons to those who have arrived.
2. You are not them.
Comparing yourself to others means you compare what you see in others to what you know about yourself. Things always look better from the outside than they do from the inside. People often put up a good front, making themselves look better to the world than they feel inside. You have no real idea about how they feel inside.
3. You are unique.
You are not the person you compare yourself to. Everyone has different strengths and different weaknesses. We are all special in our unique ways. By comparing yourself to others, you are trying to take the things that make you special and unique and strip them away, comparing yourself to some mythical “norm.”
4. You waste time.
Comparing yourself to others takes time. Our time is limited. There are only so many hours in a day. Why worry about what others have or have done when you can be taking action to make improvements to yourself?
5. Life isn’t graded on a curve.
What others have done makes no difference in what you have, can, or will achieve. Your goal is not to be in the top 75% of some skill, but simply to be the best you can be.
6. Comparison kills the joy of achievement.
When you attempt new things, like habit changes, there is a joy that comes from your accomplishments. Let’s say you start a walking habit. You may get a lot of joy from the first time you take 10,000 steps in a single day. Then you may take joy from 20,000 steps. Then you may start jogging and get achievement from running a mile, then a 5k, and eventually 5 miles. The list goes on….
But if you initially compare yourself negatively to someone who runs marathons, you will always be behind, and get no joy from the very important milestones and achievements you could be making.
7. Comparison puts focus on the wrong person.
When you compare yourself to others, you focus on the other person—what they have done, what they have achieved, and what they do. But you have no control over this other person. All you can control is you. And the only person you should be comparing yourself to is who you were previously. If you are improving, that is all that matters.
Hopefully, these seven reasons above drive home the message loud and clear: Don’t compare yourself to others.
But some things are easier said than done.
It is human nature to look at the lush greens of your neighbor’s beautifully manicured lawn and feel a twinge of jealousy when comparing it to your own weedy and dying lawn. We may know intellectually that the “grass is always greener” next door, but that knowledge doesn’t always stop us from making these negative comparisons.
In this next section, we will dig in the weeds and see what we can learn about how to stop comparing ourselves to others.
Be a Unique Flower – How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
So you want to quit the jealousy, stress, anxiety, and unhappiness that come from comparing yourself unfavorably to other people—but maybe you don’t know how to do it. Here are some ideas to help you stop this negative habit.
Change Idealizing to Humanizing
It is easy to see that your boss, who is years younger than you, has a lot of money and a great career trajectory. Or you might see that your friend Kathy is a stunning beauty and that your friend Greg has an insane level of physical fitness.
It is easy to become jealous of these idealized versions of others. But these versions are never the complete picture. You need to take the complete picture and humanize these idealizations.
By doing this, you may realize that your boss is a workaholic. Your boss is constantly stressed and constantly working. He has no social life to speak of. Burgeoning health issues.
He may be successful but he is not happy.
By humanizing your friend Kathy, you may see that she is a bundle of anxiety. She is beautiful but has low self-esteem. Her entire sense of self-being is locked up in the perception of her beauty.
Finally, you may humanize your friend, Greg. With a bit of analysis, you may see that yes, Greg is extremely fit and healthy, but the only thing that matters to him is his fitness. He has little drive to succeed, and his relationships are mostly shallow and meaningless.
Humanizing others is not about knocking them down, but about trying to get the complete picture. It is about seeing a balanced view of others, not the “perfect” view that may drive you mad with jealousy.
Realize others are human beings, and that they, like you, have strengths and weaknesses.
Accept Your Position
Before you can make any real change, you need to accept where you are, and move on at your pace. Don’t try to live some ideal of where you “should be.” Let’s give an example:
Maybe you had an exercise buddy five years previously. Due to “life,” you quit working out, but he kept going. Five years and 20 pounds later, you look at his physique and athletic attributes and feel jealous.
But this is unfair. Your old exercise buddy has worked hard for five years and is ahead of you. You can catch up, but you can only do so if you start over again from the position of a beginner—not from someone who has been working at it for five years.
Accept where you are, and only compare yourself to who you were last week.
Live Intentionally
In two of my recent books,10-Minute Mindfulness and Declutter Your Mind (both books co-authored by the inestimable Barrie Davenport), I talk extensively about the idea of intentional living.
In case you have not heard of intentional living, let me give you a brief description of the basics of this concept.
Intentional living is about making a conscious decision to live your life in alignment with your values, goals, dreams, and ethics. Intentional living is a roadmap to get to where you want to go in your life. A step-by-step guide is steering you from who you are to who you want to be.
People who live intentionally value life immensely—so much so that they don’t want life to just “happen.” They want to steer it with a purpose so that they can minimize mistakes and regrets and maximize the joys that life brings.
Sounds good, doesn’t it? It does to me, too!
One of the core concepts of intentional living is often “living in the moment”—enjoying what you have and can do right now, rather than putting things off.
This concept is incompatible with the idea of comparing yourself to others. You simply cannot enjoy living in the moment while you are also comparing yourself to others. It is impossible.
So next time you find yourself beginning to feel jealous of others, instead of making unfair comparisons, take the time and do something positive to yourself. Enjoy the moment and the success you have had instead.
Express Gratitude
Gratitude is an important concept that many people unfortunately overlook.
When you are grateful for the things you have achieved, you also acknowledge your successes.
Gratitude does double duty. It allows you to revel in your successes without being vain or self-centered, and it also allows you to give credit and gratitude to all the people who helped you along the way—because no one truly achieves anything of significant value without the support of others.
One of the best ways to express gratitude is by keeping a daily journal. (Check out our review of the Six Best Gratitude Journals HERE.) At the beginning or end of every day, spend time thinking about your accomplishments. What are you proud about from the previous day? Who and what are you grateful for?
Taking this moment of reflection has shown to be one of the best tools for mental health, mental clarity, and happiness. It is hard to be depressed when you keep reminding yourself of all the good things you have in your life.
Realize Life Is not a Competition
Life is not something you can “win.” It is something to be enjoyed and savored. Many who are super successful in one aspect of life may be complete failures in other aspects.
Since life is not a game, you should stop competing. (This said, it’s important to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy competition.) Don’t worry about how far ahead or behind others may be. Learn to work with others in harmony so that everyone gets what they desire from life.
If You Must Compare, Compare With Yourself
Comparing yourself to yourself is the only fair comparison you can make—and even this comparison has limits.
For example, it is unfair to compare yourself physically at 50 with yourself at 20, just like it would be unfair to compare the wisdom of your 20-year-old self with the wisdom of your 50-year-old self.
If you do compare yourself, only compare apples to apples—comparing yourself to a baseline version of yourself before you began trying to improve a specific habit.
The idea here is to never belittle yourself, but to instead use the baseline version of yourself as a metric to measure against to ensure that you are improving and not staying static.
For example, compare yourself from a time before starting an exercise routine to a version of yourself after steadily exercising for six months. Have you lost weight? Do you have more energy? Do you accomplish more? Are you happier? These are all fair comparisons that focus on things that are measurable.
Hopefully, this post has given you a few tools to help you get a better grasp on how to stop comparing yourself to others.
It is a natural human response to see the faces others present to the world and have some jealousy. But it is important to remember that the different faces people present are often not true. You do not know what they have gone through. You are not a party to their internal monologue, which may be full of doubts and fears.
These comparisons are not only unfair, they are also unhealthy. Perhaps even more importantly, they do nothing to help you improve yourself and make important self-improvement changes in your life.
The only thing comparing yourself to others does is fill you full of doubt and insecurity. So stop it.
Finally, if you want another positive way to improve your life, then read and learn something new every day. A great tool to do this is to join over 1 million others and start your day with the latest FREE, informative news from this website.
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
12 Min Read | Apr 13, 2022
It’s really hard to be on social media and not compare yourself to others. Your body isn’t good enough, your wardrobe isn’t trendy enough, and your house isn’t Pottery-Barn enough. It might even make you feel like you aren’t enough.
I’m talking to myself too. I’m totally fascinated and intrigued by how these beautiful, successful people live their lives. If I’m not careful, I can wind up spending hours a week scrolling through the lives of these people I may or may not even know, and it leaves me feeling not so great about myself.
So, several years ago, I made a goal to stop comparing myself to others. And let me tell you: It hasn’t been easy. With 24/7 access to view the best parts of everyone else’s lives right on my phone, I know exactly how I measure up against every other mom, wife and speaker with a social media account.
Comparisons steal our joy, our paychecks and our sanity. If we don’t stop comparing ourselves to others, we will constantly spend money and mental energy just trying to keep up! We need to break the comparison cycle because it’s a game we’ll never win.
The Root of Comparison
There’s actually a biological reason we’re prone to comparing ourselves to others. Our brain uses comparison to figure out how we measure up to other people.
Your mental health matters. Order Own Your Past, Change Your Future today!
Thomas Mussweiler, a professor of organizational behavior, describes comparison this way: «It’s one of the most basic ways we develop an understanding of who we are, what we’re good at, and what we’re not so good at.”
Most of the time, this calculation is made in a split second in the background, and we don’t even realize it. But when we dwell on the highlights of other people’s lives, it can quickly become toxic. We’re wired for connection and belonging, but if we constantly compare ourselves to others, we’re putting our happiness, confidence and mental health at risk.
Real-Life Effects of Comparing Yourself to Others
There are so many negative effects of the comparison trap, and I’m sure you’ve felt them before. Here are a few that I’ve seen time and time again:
Study after study has shown that people feel worse about themselves after spending time on social media. And all that negativity is taking its toll on our mental health and our bank accounts.
A recent study found that keeping up with the Joneses causes financial distress. And they discovered that, in neighborhoods where someone won the lottery, their neighbors were more likely to make large, visible purchases and—this is crazy to me—go bankrupt! 2
You guys, these bankruptcies were 100% avoidable. This isn’t a money issue—it’s a heart issue. Those people saw their neighbors get an upgrade in lifestyle and, all of a sudden, they thought they needed one too—even though they couldn’t afford it.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a little luxury as long as it fits in your budget. However, when you pile up a bunch of stuff and go neck-deep into debt to buy it all just to impress your neighbor (in person or on Instagram), you don’t even really own your stuff—it owns you. The debt takes over and steals all your income, and you suddenly become a servant to the things you thought would make you happy.
I don’t want you to form decisions out of comparing yourself to others. So, if you’re ready to put the blinders on, stop comparing yourself to everyone else, and focus on your life, I want to show you how.
8 Practical Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
This is something I’m still working on myself. However, I can share with you some specific steps I’ve taken and principles I’ve applied to my own life to help me take my eyes off of other people and put them back on creating a life I love.
1. Practice gratitude.
This one habit changed everything for me. Several years ago, I opened the Notes app on my phone and typed out three things I could be grateful for right then and there. I wrote:
Early, quiet mornings before anyone is awake. My health. Coffee.
Those were the first three things that came to mind. I didn’t spend much time analyzing or dwelling on the goodness of my life. And I certainly didn’t shed a tear. This was not a Hallmark-movie moment! I’m not sure I even felt much change at the time.
But now? That Notes app is my lifeline.
What started as a simple gratitude experiment has grown to encompass every kind of joy—both big and small—that floods my life. I add to the list each morning, and I revisit the list whenever I need a reminder of God’s care and blessings in my life.
2. Unlock the power of contentment.
Gratitude leads to contentment, which allows you to be in a state of joy and satisfaction no matter what your circumstances. You’re happy with where you are in life and aren’t worried about what other people are doing.
That doesn’t mean you don’t have goals for the future or that you aren’t working toward being a better person tomorrow than you are today. And it definitely doesn’t mean that you’re stagnant or that you’re choosing to sit around and do nothing new, exciting and challenging with your life. It just means that you develop a peace about your life and a sincere enjoyment about what you have today without basing all your happiness on what you hope to achieve tomorrow.
3. Don’t compare your life to everyone else’s highlight reel.
Are you ready for my most shocking observation yet? Social media doesn’t always reflect reality. Boom. (I know you know this, but have you ever really thought about it?)
It’s usually not the complete picture of someone’s life—it’s just the highlight reel.
We’re spending all this money and emotional energy just to keep up with a life we think everyone else is living and we’re missing out on. And that is ruining not only our mental health, but our financial security as well.
Once you take your focus off of them and put it back on your own life, you can start to turn things around with your life and money.
4. Focus on your strengths.
You can be humble and still recognize your strengths, talents and accomplishments. You don’t have to beat yourself up to be humble. In fact, that’s a pretty unhealthy approach, and it’s one of the biggest dangers of comparison living. The more we compare ourselves to others, the worse we feel about ourselves. That’s a dangerous trap we’ve got to avoid.
Try writing down three things you really like about yourself—things you can identify as strengths. Don’t just write “good people skills” like you’d put on a boring resume. Make them personal! Here are three of mine:
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5. Celebrate other people.
Constantly comparing ourselves to others leads to us not cheering on the people who are working hard to get somewhere. And it makes it hard to celebrate with the ones who’ve accomplished something!
So, here’s my challenge to you: When a friend tells you about her new job, be happy for her. If someone buys a new house, take part in their enthusiasm. If someone shares some great news with you, keep the focus on them instead of turning it back to yourself. Find big and small ways to celebrate other people’s accomplishments!
The Bible says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice” (Romans 12:15, NIV). Don’t feel like you’re losing just because someone else is winning. Their success has nothing to do with you, so celebrate their success sincerely while you keep working toward your own success.
6. Learn to compete with yourself instead of others.
Instead of focusing on where you are compared to others, focus on your own goals. Where are you compared to where you were at this time last year? Or five years ago?
One of the reasons I journal is because it does wonderful things for my sanity. It gives me clarity and perspective about God’s blessings in my life. Plus, it’s just a lot of fun to go back and thumb through the pages of old journals to see how much I’ve grown.
In the past year, you’ve learned, stretched, improved, accomplished and created. Think about how much of that you’ve done in your lifetime! If you’re like me and you’ve kept journals, go back through them. If you haven’t, there’s no better time to start journaling than today.
7. Have boundaries around how much time you spend on social media.
As we’ve been talking about, comparison through social media can have a massive effect on our mental well-being. Here are some boundaries you can put in place to protect yourself:
8. Take a social media fast.
I can tell you this from experience: It’s almost impossible to be satisfied with your own life if you’re constantly looking at what someone else has.
If you’re struggling to appreciate the blessings in your life, and if you’re constantly distracted by the #blessings of other people, it may be time to put some serious blinders on for a little while.
So, here’s my biggest challenge for you: Shut off all the social networks. And while you’re at it, unsubscribe from all those email newsletters that show you how much you’re “missing.”
Spend that time and energy focusing on how much you truly have. Look at your family, your friends, your home, your job, and all the things in your life that really matter. Find things in your own life that someone else may be jealous of. Remember, if we’re all looking at each other, that means plenty of people are comparing themselves to everything you have. Figure out what those blessings are and rejoice in all you have.
Does Comparison Affect My Daily Life?
Here are some questions to help you figure out if comparing yourself to others is a problem for you:
If you answered yes to a bunch of these, no shame here! I’m just as prone to falling into the comparison trap as anyone. I’m guilty of worrying what other people think about me too.
But you and I were made for more than that. We were made for more than stressing and spending and feeling like we’re failing! I want us all to live life on our own terms.
Don’t Compare Yourself to Others Anymore
Focus on the quality of your life, not the quantity of your likes.
Keeping up with the Joneses shouldn’t be the motivation behind why you do anything—on social media or otherwise. Stressing over likes will cause you to spend time, effort and money for approval you don’t need.In Isaiah 43:1, the Lord promised us: «I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.»I know comparison will always be a struggle—for me just as much as anyone! But we don’t belong to other people who like our pictures. I belong to a God who loves me, and so do you.
If you’re ready to fight back against comparison, try journaling. Yes, I’m serious. This is how you put the steps I talked about above into practice every day! My Contentment Journal will help you focus on your own life and become a happier person in just 90 days. I guarantee this journal will help you adjust your whole outlook so you avoid the comparisons and experience lasting contentment.
Quit the Comparisons in Just 90 Days!
Through personal stories and daily writing prompts, my Contentment Journal will help you focus on your life like never before.
About the author
Rachel Cruze is a #1 New York Times bestselling author, financial expert, and host of The Rachel Cruze Show. Rachel writes and speaks on personal finances, budgeting, investing and money trends. As a co-host of The Ramsey Show, America’s second-largest talk radio show, Rachel reaches 18 million weekly listeners with her personal finance advice. She has appeared on Good Morning America and Fox News and has been featured in publications such as Time Magazine, Real Simple Magazine and Women’s Health Magazine. Through her shows, books, syndicated columns and speaking events, Rachel shares fun, practical ways to take control of your money and create a life you love. Learn More.
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How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others (to Discover Your Worth)
Amanda might be more experienced than you. Chris might be stronger than you. Tina might be smarter than you. And Corey more handsome. But if you think for a second that you can’t hold your own in other ways, you’re only doing yourself a disservice. Not only will we teach you how to stop comparing yourself to others, we’ll also dive into what you should be doing instead.
The most important thing to remember in life is that everyone is facing a battle of some kind. You might not see it in your interactions with them, but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t happening. What the world needs most from you is your kindness. So let’s stop comparing yourself.
Why Comparison is Destructive
Allowing yourself to fall into the comparison game and comparing your world to other people’s lives is counter-productive and destructive. That being said, using people as role models and trying to live up to ideals from other people’s accomplishments can be helpful. In this article however, we’re talking about the comparison trap that leads to negative thoughts, low self confidence, low self worth, and just a massive hit to one’s self esteem.
Comparison is the thief of joy. – Unknown
We all can use comparison to be a better person. It takes a lot of energy to look at one’s own life and say “I could be doing better” compared to role models. That being said, if you’re beating yourself up, or comparison comes packed with envy, jealousy, inferiority, this is the wrong kind of comparison.
Personal growth comes from comparing yourself to the person you were yesterday. It’s a constant competition against yourself to improve and become a better person. Your past self is the only person that can give you practical ways to improve your life and personal growth.
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to His or Her Ex
We’ve all done it: comparing yourself to his ex or even new flame. While you’re in the midst of dating people (aka before you find the one) both men and women have an air of desperation to them. I know because I remember it happening to myself very vividly. You think all your failed relationships are a sign that something’s wrong with you. You start getting jealous of exes or new partners wondering if they’re all better and you’re just the butt of the joke. But one day when you do finally find Mr. or Mrs. Right, you’ll understand how all those relationships broke down. You’ll see what makes your right relationship work well.
If you find yourself jealous of other people, you’re only hurting yourself of building the right relationship with your current partner. To build a great foundation, you need to be taking care of yourself: physically, mentally, spiritually. And you need to have enough self-love in you to pass enough of it onto someone else to make the relationship work. When you’re in the right relationship, you won’t compare yourself to others. You’ll be too busy loving yourself, your partner, and everyone around you.
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others Physically
The whole point of going to the gym is to take care of your physical body. Get in shape. But when you first join, you look nothing like those around you. You might feel like a little blobby thing. While the guy or lady next to you has the body you wish to have. And so either you spend the entire time in your head worrying what people think of you. Or you leave and never come back. There’s always going to be someone who’s more in shape than you or maybe you feel is better looking than you. And playing that comparison game is going to drive you mad!
All you need to really focus on is being better than the person you were yesterday. When you look at someone who has the body you want, the best thing to do is ask them for advice. Imagine how much you can learn from someone if you were curious about them rather than intimidated by them. If you asked them, “how often do you workout? What type of workouts do you do? What type of food do you eat? How do you stop cravings? How do you keep yourself motivated?” You can learn a heck of a lot from them.
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others Academically
You’re really going to hate this answer. But the real issue here is… you. By comparing yourself to others academically instead of putting your head down and studying, you’re taking yourself further away from achieving success. Imagine if you spent enough time to get out of your head just and channeled that energy into your studies. Re-read a book for a test a second time. Spent an hour on YouTube watching a tutorial on the topic. Hung out with a classmate or two for a couple hours to share ideas and notes to gain other perspectives to draw your own.
Competition can fuel you to make you want to study harder. But it can also deteriorate you, lower your self-esteem, and distract you from what you actually want. Another thing to keep in mind, academics are so short-term. Once you get out in the real world, you forget more than half of what you learned in school. If you’re an average student but you focus on learning as many skills as you can so you can succeed in your career, you can still be successful. Academic success doesn’t guarantee long-term future success. Focus on learning instead of winning… and you’ll win.
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
1. Give Yourself Credit
There are billions of people on this planet. Some will go on to do great things. And maybe that someone will be you. You can’t change the past. And some things will be out of your control (like that DNA you’ve been given). But you have your whole present and future ahead of you. You can help those in need. You can smile at strangers. You can spend more time with your friends and family. You have the power to change people’s lives for the better. Heck, you have the power to change your life for the better. If you compare yourself to others, you can work at developing those little quirks you think you lack to level yourself up.
2. Accept Yourself As You Are
That said, you still want to accept yourself as you are. I went to university for neuroscience. By second year, I had failed a mandatory class that I knew there was no chance of me mastering. I studied my butt off in that class and was nowhere near a passing grade. It was devastating. However, that failure led to my current path. And I’m much happier doing this. Maybe you’ll never be a world-class violinist or as great at physics as Einstein, but you can still contribute to society in a meaningful way. And you’re still an important part of the world. Your actions make a difference in the world, even if they don’t seem like they do. When you feel inferior, remember acceptance as an important virtue.
3. Compliment Others
Our insecurities cause us to do and say stupid things. When comparing yourself to others, you begin to feel smaller. More insecure. More fragile and sad. The best way to prevent yourself getting sucked into a negative vortex is to focus your energies on complimenting others. When you see something admirable in a person, tell them. It’ll help you create an identity as a kind person. And with time people will begin to notice the positive traits about you too.
By being kind first, people will likely warm up to you overtime. Eventually, you’ll start hearing positive things about you being echoed to you by colleagues. And it’ll help you understand what your own worth and impact is. So instead of comparing yourself to others, compliment them and focus on being a good person.
4. Focus on Self-Improvement
If you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to others, it’s time to focus on self-improvement. You’ll never succeed if your entire mindset or mental health revolves around everyone else’s success. Take some time to read some books. No, they don’t have to be self-help books. Maybe you read something to learn a new skill. Or you read a book about a topic you know nothing about. You never know when those reads will come in handy.
Self-improvement can also include finding time to meditate, exercise, and mindful eating. Focus on being better than the person you were yesterday. No need to compete with co-workers, classmates, siblings, or anyone else. Their success is out of your control. What you can control is your own success. How far you go. How much you push. What effort you put in. And how long you persevere. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on making yourself better than you’ve ever been. Become the person you aspire to be rather than some knock-off of another person.
5. Express Gratitude for What You Have
There’s so many things you have that people might envy you. If you have legs that work, there are people out there rolling around in their wheelchairs, taking the longest path in the world to the damn elevator who wished they could get places as fast as you. If you can dance awkwardly, there’s literally someone at that party staring at you jealous of how free you can be around other people. If you have access to clean water, there are people in the world who are using complicated systems to clean their urine so they can stay hydrated. Why on earth are you comparing yourself to others?
Life’s not always easy. But man, you probably have a ton of things going for you that make others compare themselves to you. Try the Loving Kindness for Gratitude meditation to express gratitude to someone who’s helped you or inspired you. And to be grateful for what you already have. Don’t take those little things for granted. And trust me, you’ve got a lot of things going for you.
6. Don’t Give In to Fear
You probably compare yourself to others when you’re scared. You’re scared of losing everything you’ve worked hard for, you’re scared of failing, and you’re scared of realizing that you don’t have what it takes. Or that you aren’t special. Someone else’s success isn’t a negative reflection of you. It’s a positive reflection of their talents, hard work, and perseverance. You’ve got all those things too.
You want to be successful? No problem. But you must put the work in to be better. You’ve got to be kinder to others, you’ve got to work longer hours, and you’ve got to build stronger relationships. Read more books. Meditate more often. Don’t slip down because your fears are taking over your brain. You’ve got what it takes– you just have to push a little bit longer.
7. Believe in Yourself
It’s time to stop comparing yourself and start believing in yourself. Imagine how big of an impact you could have if you believe in yourself. When you compare yourself to others, what you’re really saying is ‘everyone else is better than me.’ That’s not true. You’re not better or worse than anyone else. You’re just different. And different is good. Different allows for new ideas. It helps others solve problems and it completes the world. You’ve got to stop putting yourself down.
By believing in yourself, you can live life having an amazing impact. You can create a legacy that lasts for generations. You can be the success you wish to be. But if you let those negative thoughts cloud your thinking, you’ll never see the world for what it could be. You’ll be too busy hiding behind your “arch-rivals” success. Focus on being part of a team. Help others win and you’ll win too. Support other people’s successes and you’ll grow on your own. All it takes is for you to know that you’re unstoppable and can achieve anything to make the world a better place. So, you’ve got to at least try.
8. Compare Yourself to Yourself
In the real world, it’s not you against the world. Like we said earlier, it’s you against yourself. Rather than trying to be better than your family or your best friend or your coworker, try to be better than yesterday you. Heck, try to be better than two hours ago you. Maybe you’ve been feeling angry or jealous of someone and it’s taking more away from you than it gains you. Do you really want to keep living that way? Isn’t it time to get what you deserve.
Take the time to read books about a topic that interests you. Find time each day to meditate and let things go. Put an emphasis on your health by eating nutritious food and exercising each day. Spend time on a hobby to distract you from any distress, mental challenges, or difficulties you’re encountering. By shifting your focus, it’ll help you stop comparing yourself to others. Put the focus on something you can control: your actions, your thoughts, and your words.
Your turn
Please stop comparing yourself to others. You shine bright in your own way. You don’t have to try to be like or beat everyone else. Focus on being better than you were yesterday. Take small steps to beat yesterday you. Smile more. Help others. Study longer. Work smarter. Strengthen relationships. Be the person you aspire to be instead of the clone of who you think someone else is.